We were just discussing in another thread why they keep coming back - and today I got a phone message from my ex who I haven't seen or heard from for nearly 4 years. Who knows where he got my phone number from. Says he wants to get back in touch and still loves me - what a load of B! Just when I thought I'd got rid of him for good.

Am going to change my phone number - the last thing I need is to wonder whether it is him every time the phone rings.

Hi Ali,

"...I got a phone message from my ex who I haven't seen or heard from for nearly 4 years."

Gee whiz....It's sure was a good thing that you weren't there to answer the phone.

"Just when I thought I'd got rid of him for good."

You HAVE got rid of him for good. He just doesn't know it.


"Am going to change my phone number - "

Better still: get an UNLISTED number. I know it's expensive, but that way there's NO way that he can get your number via the net or the phone directory.

I don't want to scare you more than you probably already are, but if he has your ph. nr. he likely has your address as well. Please consider changing the locks on ALL the doors if there's a change that he has a key. I know that you must have thought of all this already, but please play it safe, Ali, even if it means spending more money than you want to spend.

You sound tough (in a good way) and very capable. Show him who's the BOSS.

Nan

Hi, Ali -

I'm sorry to hear that P is attempting contact after so long. I read a post on another forum that suggested getting a second line for your friends and family to call you on - and keep the other one just for P (never answer, but keep all messages for that line). If he gets threatening, you have evidence for the police...

Good luck!

Lynnie

Hi Ali

Just a quick check to see if everything is OK with you - it must have thrown you to receive the call - just thinking of it happening to me makes my stomach churn.
I hope you manage to focus on the ex part and keep from being dragged back. I liked the other advice, from Nan etc too.

Keep in touch

Recovery

Hi Lynnie, Nan and Recovery

Thanks so much for your messages of support. It was a huge shock and knocked me sideways for a bit - it was so unexpected! But I'm feeling better about it now. I think I've found out where he got my number from - someone who doesn't know the situation well enough not to give it to him - and fortunately that person doesn't have my daughter's number - I was seriously worried that he would try to contact her as well, and she doesn't need that in her life! P left the country in a huge panic, and I'm hoping that whatever he was running from still exists, so that he can't physically come back. I changed my phone no as I don't really fancy wondering whether its him every time the phone rings. But having got used to the idea, I know that if he does manage to get in contact, I am a lot stronger from all I have learned here, and am not likely to be dragged back into his games.

I really appreciate your support!

Hey Everyone,

I haven't posted in a while. Recently I came to my one year anniversary of absolutely no contact with my P nor his family. It only gets better and better with time. So if anyone out there is spiraling in the wake of dealing with a P please know that there are much better days ahead. I rarely even think of my P any more, and when I do it never really makes much of a difference.

Rick

Hi, Rick -

It's great to hear you're doing so well. At 8 months of "no response", I'm doing pretty well myself.

I had a bit of a setback right after the holidays, but I think it served me well because I feel stronger than I have in a long time. P initiated contact again (in addition to bringing his latest target to my weekly league), but I continue to ignore. The latest baiting email confirmed that he's stuck in a world I don't want any part of. I feel sorry for the new girl who seems smitten - I'm sure she'll be devastated when she discovers that she is just one of his many toys.

This has been a heck of a journey of self discovery. I know I'm still a work in progress, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter every day!

Lynnie

Lynnie,

Glad to hear that you are able to keep things in perspective and doing well. Fortunately, I haven't had any unexpected e-mails, telephone calls nor run-ins. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep my composure should one of these occur.

Rick

Hi Lynnie,

Glad to hear that you are doing so well. Isn't it pathetic how your ex has dragged his latest victim to "your" league night. You know that he no interest in the league other than to try and get some response from you - give him nothing, show no interest. Once he realises that you have absolutely no interest in him or his new "friend", he will give up and go in search other playthings.

Good luck to you - you are doing the right thing, Stay on track. You deserve so much better and you will find it. You are over the worst now and it can only get better. Time to start enjoying life again among real people.

Mark

Hi Rick.

I also have not posted in a very long time. It took me well over a year (after the "incident") to finally realize that P#2 REALLY, REALLY never, ever cared about me. I'm ONLY NOW able to accept that without pain.

I'm now beginning to rebuild my life. Oh. . . how far this took me down. When I began my relationship (for lack of a better word) with P#2, I was just short a few thousand dollars or earning a six figure income. Now I'm doing housework and a part time job at $7.50 an hour. I am an educated, professional but because of the extreme devaluation of P#2, I fell to a level of such low self esteem. I am making progress but is has been a long, slow and painful process.

These "p's" are like vampires, sucking the very life from us. They seem to have no satisfaction until they feel they have sucked the very life force from us.

P#2 may have succeded for a time. . .but. . .I am on the upswing. What I have been through has made me a better person regardless. . . I have not lost my capacity to love and feel compassion. I am not bitter. . .but. . . I am wiser. A "P' will not be able to penetrate into my heart EVER again!

I'm so glad you are doing well Rick. I miss my forum friends. . .Betterway. . .Hopeful. . . where are you? Check in. . you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

love
-finished

Hi -

Rick and Mark, thanks for the support. Life is definitely improving with time - brain is clearing, resolve for "no response" is completely intact. I even noticed that I'm wearing brighter colors again. During the aftermath, I subdued my look to avoid his attention. Now that I'm feeling safe, I just don't give a damn and have decided to let me be me again.

Rick - you'd do great if you ran into P. After the initial physical reaction, the brain kicks in as do all the survival instincts - he'd probably run away from your position of strength!

Take care...Lynnie

Never seeing or hearing from them again is truely the best way to go. However, if the person insists on showing up at places where you go, then there are some things you can do. First, tell the new target about your experience with the P, when he's not around. Maybe not. You can be sure that if you do, he'll try to discredit your information by telling her you're bitter or crazy, etc. However, I couldn't in good conscience allow someone else to walk blindly into that if there was anything I could do to stop it.

Another thing is that most Ps are addicts of some sort. If he's around and you notice he's buzzed, then get his vehicle description and license plate and let the cops do the rest! This is a big reason why we keep running into them. The law hasn't processed them enough to keep them behind bars. Do everything you can to give him the record he deserves. Or not...if he thinks you're doing that, then maybe he'll freak on you.

After reading and experiencing, I have been forced to the conclusion that the only effective way to rid your life of him once and for all is totally illegal! So, I play it the lame legal way and he keeps doing what he does best without missing a beat. New legislation is an answer.

Don't change too much because of him. Keep your heart red, but know that it can still happen again, no matter how much you think you've learned. Some are just too good at it.

Ken