Gosh, its been almost a year since I have initiated contact with the P. I have done alot of growing, hurting, PTSD, changing and learning. I know to come here whenever I need a refresher course in why I do NOT want to call the P. Sometimes things happen in my life that remind me of the so called "good" times. I sometimes want to call him just to see what is going on. But I know that to call the P. is to open a door to lots of pain and confusion. I have been doing really good many days not even thinking of P. I have been free of alot of the obsession and getting better after living in the P. world has been a long long process. I can't afford to go backwards in my recovery. The only way I can win against the P. is to never have contact. He can't play the games with me (for the most part) if I have no contact. Although the lingering affects of that cult like friendship still effect me today I can say that a year of no contact has saved my life. To play in the P. world even if just for a second is very dangerous. I have to remember the pain but not relive the pain. I want to stay P. free, it is the only way to go for me. Because of my career situation there are time where I catch a glimpse of his world and see how the pattern continues. He is doing to others what he did to me. How sad!! I hope all my old forum friends and all the new members have a Great P. free Easter. Finished, check in and let me know how you are. I often think of you and hope you are doing well.

betterway

Betterway

I am so glad you posted. Like Ali, when I first started to post here, you were one of the main posters and I often wonder what happened to the you and the others who were posting more frequently at that time. I hope it is because you have all found a good life after P.

Good luck

Recovery

Betterway and Recovery....

Glad to see both of you posting! When I find myself thinking of the experiences and memories of my times with my P it's as if I'm watching a movie.... only my character seems so utterly stupid, foolish and gullible! However, I can see how easy it is to get wrapped up into the entire scene. After all, the packaging is so attractive. It's just that their isn't any substance.
I have been free of P #1 and have had no contact with him for more than one year. Another one has crossed my path within that time and, thank god, I had the presence of mind to question my own motives, desires and weaknesses. When you don't fall into their trap they move on pretty quickly!

Rick

O how do i need this message again and again
i have been doing good at not wanting to see him
but the last few days it has been big time temptation
he showed up at the club saturday night
where he is not wanted
he wanted to talk
he looked really bad his cheek was swollen and bruise
he says it is an abcess, it looks more like a punch
i was talking to a long time goer like me to the club
he was telling me about p how in year 2000 he had stopped him from harrassing a woman
and look who shows up p
so he told p to leave me alone the same way he did with the other lady
he came in the club and the bartender reminded him that he was not allowed to come in
i got a call from him last night and wanting me to see him play tonight and i am so tempted but i know by the converstion alone it is the same old thing
everybody else is evil and crazy but him
i just want to soak your words of wisdom into my veins
my life is peaceful without him
why would i want to go back to that
and on the phone conversation it was hell on earth
betterway i just want to soak your words of wisdom into the chore of my soul

freedom

Freedom...

Nice to see you posting.

"...my life is peaceful without him.... why would i want to go back to that"

Exactly. Has this man ever had anything substantive to offer you... of his own free will? From your prior postings, over the last year, I can remember many episodes of disappointment, pain, emptiness. Take a step back and remove yourself from the situation emotionally.... imagine that it is a dear friend of yours involved in this circus. What advice would you give this friend?
Ignore him. Don't speak with him on the phone. Get caller ID if you don't have it. If he approaches in the club say "hello"... then walk away to another group of friends. No contact is the only way to be P-free and to start feeling better, whole, loving, trusting and optimistic.

Rick

yes Rick that is what i keep remembering
all the foolishness i went through and the violence and the money spent on him
tonight i got busy transplanting petunia in a bigger pot
i am too tired to run to see how good he is with his guitar
i am too tired to keep arguing about every move, every thought, every what'you looking at
my temptation was just a remnant of some sort of testing
thank God i am too weak to be with p
at 51
i want to do the right thing for the rest of my life
what is left of it
i have wasted enough time and money on him
what he does to all the women is
he tells us he needs about a month or two to get back on his feet
then you realize he is a con artist with a great talent
in music
he'd rather hurt people than be a good person himself
he was going to be in a movie to be the main character but did not show up to sign the contract
he had a gig in Europe which he went before but now he just act like a fool his agent is tired of fooling with him
i almost went on a trip with him and all the musicians were telling me no way he will get me in trouble a lot of club do not want him there
i have a great family and great friends
and i do not want to loose them to be with him one more time
which could be life threatening

freedom

>>>Finished, check in and let me know how you are. I often think of you and hope you are doing well.<<<

Oh (((Betterway)))I just caught you on another thread and responded. . .I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! I was thinking of you too. I log in rarely anymore and when I do I scan through the posts looking for my "old friends". There was a bond formed here that will remain in my heart forever! I am SOOOOOOO excited to hear from you!!!!

Oh girl. . .I so hope all is going well for you. I so relate to the pain fo that deceit. . .and at times it is STILL hard for me to accept.

I have just had to put it behind me and know that there is no future in the past. One day at a time Betterway. He really was my "drug of choice".

Gosh Girl!!! It is so good to see your posts!!!

:-)
xxxooo
- SO finished

OH Freedom Girl!!!!!!

There you are!!!

>>>>>>my life is peaceful without him
why would i want to go back to that <<<<<<

LISTEN TO YOURSELF FREEDOM GIRL! Those are YOUR words.

>>>>>>>my life is peaceful without him
why would i want to go back to that <<<<<<<<<<

your sister friend. . .

xxxooo
-so finished!

Hi Rick!!

>>When I find myself thinking of the experiences and memories of my times with my P it's as if I'm watching a movie.... <<<

I can't believe it . . .I just posted the same thoughts on another thread this evening. I am having that exact same experience.

>>>>only my character seems so utterly stupid, foolish and gullible! <<<<

Don't go there!!! Did you KNOW there were people that did not posess a conscience???? You character was true to his heart. . .not so with P. P had an agenda from the beginning. You were the victim.

No recriminations on yourself!!! NOT ALLOWED!!!

Fin :-)

Finished,

Yes, great to see you and some of the other posters that have not been on in a while.

All of you helped me in so many, many ways. It was a really rough time for a while. Funny how we are cycling through this at a similar pace. At this point we both look back on the experience with different eyes. I know I have grown immensely from the experience and am a better, more aware person as a result.

I still log on to read the postings from time to time though. It helps me to remember just what I went through. I am so thankful that the thoughts of my P, trying to figure it out, arranging it all in an orderly fashion in my mind... none of these dominate my mind any longer.

Whether it is your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, sister, brother, parent, co-worker or even just an aquaintance.... the P experience can turn your world upside down. A big THANK YOU to everyone on the forum, Di included, for helping me through a horrific period with so much support, caring, understanding, tenderness and love.

And for you new posters and those that are logging on to read.... it will get better.

Rick