Thanks Ali, Dianne, Nan and Recovery. Your input is much appreciated (and reread several times!). It is hard to appreciate that their is nothing i could say to my mother and brother and sister that would make any of them be kind and normal. Very hard to fathom. But there is not much else to say, other than I must focus on the good in life. And thanks for this forum -- its a real credit to all who help make it happen.

Hi Rocksolid

I guess you need to look at your mother, your brother and your sister as three separate instances. Even if it turns out that your mother is a P, your brother and sister may or may not be. 'Mirroring' of the P's behaviour by their children is not uncommon - my own daughter went through a brief stage of it at one point, and there is no-one less P-like than she is. But if they are truly P's the only thing you can do, unless there is a breakthrrough in medical science, is walk away from it and live your own life, sad as it seems.

Hi Rocksolid

Just a quick dip in to say I agree with Ali, Di and Nan's comments. Keep up your research too.

AS you may have seen we are trying to start lobbying for changes to the system to protect children of Ps. My view is that a child is harmed under the care of a P, and even unsupervised contact with the Parent P could do damage. As a child brought up by a disturbed parent, what do you think - do you think blood rules or would you maybe have been better brought up away from the (possible) P. i know it is a difficult question but i would appreciate any thoughts you would like to share.

Thanks

Recovery

Thank you both Ali and Recovery. I will keep reading on the topic. Also, now that I have contact with extended family I can begin to ask questions about her background. I know there are secrets.

One of the secrets is that my parents had a child before me which they adopted out. I have only just found this out and am currently going through the court system to get information so that I can locate him. I am very happy about it, but am trying not to have any expectations. But in answer to your question Recovery, I wish I had been adopted out too. Of course then I would have had questions about my parents, and my new parents would not have been as alike in some ways. But I honestly wonder whether any pain could be worse than a whole family like this -- most people have no idea, even though though they are sure they do. From my mother there does not seem to have been a day in my life when her spite has not been there. Adoption has had a bad rap.

Hi Rocksolid

Thanks for being so open. I hope you stay around the forum. I am so sorry you had such a bad time as a child - you're right in that the rest of us can't imagine the sadness felt. I hope you might even support our lobby group too.

It would be great for you to find your brother to - good luck with the search.

Best of luck

Recovery

Hey Recovery, you Old Timer you . Thank you so much for all your careful thoughts and empathy -- they matter. I am off overseas tomorrow for 4 weeks but when I get back I hope to have the information about my brother (assuming the courts agree to give out the information; it can be difficult when vetoes are placed on contact here).

I do not live in the US, and for that reason wonder how i could support your cause. I guess I might ordinarily best help with lobbying or submissions, but officials would be unwise to give much weight to random foreigners.

How can people best help protect others from Ps and the like, particularly children? i have often thought I would like to help someone like me -- but it is very hard to interfere. Or to really help.

What do you think we can do to help?

Hi Rocksolid

I hope you have a great trip! i don't live in the US either - I'm in the UK. But this is hopefully where our strength will come from - we live all over the world but all have shared the P experience and recognise the need to try and change things. No doubt it will be slow, maybe we won't make an instant impact - but if we keep trying and can help to change things then I want to try.

If you look at the raising awareness thread you'll see some of the ideas we are putting together. - your thoughts will be welcome.

byee

Recovery

Hi Rocksolid

I'm so pleased to read of your interest in the lobby group which Recovery mentioned.

At the moment, our fledgling group consists only of parents whose children have been affected by psychopaths. Someone like yourself could add so much to our knowledge, since you have actually experienced what we are fighting against.

Incidentally, our group has something of a 'world flavour', since our three members live on three different continents. Don't know where you live, but wherever it is, you would fit right in!

Hope you have a great trip, and I really hope it works out well with your brother. It would be wonderful for you to find a caring person who is your very own family.

All the best

hello, I read your posts and felt empathy for you. My boyfriends mother is a socipath and very very very emotionally unstable and all the above that you mentioned. Also, acts and talks as if she is the most religious woman around. It is difficult in your circumstances because I can see how your views of "Christian" may be tainted due to your mother. Im sure you love her because its your mom but her actions dont have to ruin you as a person. God loves you more than anything. He created you for a reason and there is purpose for everything. You may not have the earthly love that you need here but God is perfect and he is always there. His love never fails. You DO Need jesus because without him you will never find healing. I promise. I am a strong Christian and I have struggled to find forgiveness for a long time to my bfs mother, but I have prayed and prayed about it and relied on Christ knowing that my purpose on earth was to glorify him and not let one person consume my life and mind and ruin me, since I have been able to do that, my heart hs changed and God has given me a heart of compassion for her. Its been an on going journey and she still drives me nuts. But I am learning to rely on God for my strength. Hope you find peace through God.. hes the only true peace you will find. Get involved in church and go talk to a pastor..

I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you here. But glad you are able to find a way through though.

'You DO Need jesus because without him you will never find healing. I promise.'

From what I've seen, everyone finds their own healing path on this journey, in their own way.

For one person to say that you 'will never find healing' if you don't do xyz, 'I promise' is quite prescriptive. If it works for you, then that's really great. But please don't assume it's going to work for other people.