Page 22 of 24 < 1 2 ... 20 21 22 23 24 >
Topic Options
#3425 - 03/29/07 04:18 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: denfox]
sealistener Offline
member

Registered: 03/27/07
Posts: 11
Hi denfox,

thank you for your good advice.

Over the years I was in Canada, I was thinking of not opening my sister's letters, and maybe ask my older son who is more easy going, to read it instead and then only tell me if anything of importance was there.

Our human problem and gift at the same time is that we forget over the time the seriousness of a particular situation. The abuse is a cycle. After a problem, I would plan these precautions. Then she would send only postcards for a while and I would drop my guard again and be more open with her. Then her letters would get longer and the mean gossiping would sneak in again. She would lecture me on life - that we are old and should not do anything. She would disagree on my happiness with people in Canada by saying they were not sincere because they talked in a positive way.
And more of such a mean nonsense.

And now I have a furious feeling that I am already completely alergic to her. It is like a post traumatic stress disorder when I hear her nonsense again. The older I am getting the more peace I need. Only then I feel healthy and strong.
I like to contribute to society, be kind to people, give comfort to people who need it. I like to be something like a caretaker. I like my house cleaning jobs for seniors.

Even I tried, I cannot be a caretaker of people who don't like peace, who like to stir the pot at whatever cost.
They need lots of stimulation and weird excitement - arguments, that is their nature. And in some ways they seem not willing to work towards some nice stimulation. It is much easier to drink, quarrel. That is a sad kind of stimulation if an introvert is chosen as a partner, I think. They have to find a bird of the same feather, right?
But it is more easy for them to abuse nice people as they don't fight back so readily.
With me, it takes so much to get me angry, but then I am finished with them if it happens - if I learn from the situation enough and don't come back for more again.

Now I am getting more secure in Canada, and it seems that I don't attract the abusers so much as before. And also in Canada, there is so many nice people to be around instead.

It is so easy to live positively here. I am getting better all the time.

Thank you all,
Cheers, sealistener.


Edited by sealistener (03/31/07 08:42 PM)

Top
#3426 - 03/29/07 10:27 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: denfox]
sealistener Offline
member

Registered: 03/27/07
Posts: 11
Hi denfox,

I still wanted to thank you for your very nice words.

It must have been a very tough experience for you with your boss. One must be in work every day, how would it be possible to stand it for too long?

My son is hanging on after he got a new boss, after three years in his job. This boss is repeating everything, and dealing with everybody like with kids, etc. Some people already left, and I know how the stress must build up day after day.

I think that you must be doing well in your life, making progress all the years you were talking about. Although life doesn't go in a strait line and sometimes it could feel like we are back in the ditch. It is not true, it is only one more hole in the road.
It is good to read that somebody else considered their own family also as not well functioning.
I don't mind to have a bad relationship with my sister, it is not that unusual when you consider a sibling's rivalry must have played a role also.
However, it is quite bad when people miss opportunities to make it up with parents. Then it could be too late, and the parents are gone. It is always the quality of the relationship, not the quantity, isn't it?
As for me, my mom and my sister lived in a very close approximity. It almost seems like the closer we lived the less we tried to patch up things, like if we would take us for granted. Sometimes the parents die unexpectedly, and there is no time to say nice things. That happened with my mom. We had good moments, but the culture in the society and especially in my family was to talk about the negative stuff, and be quiet if there was something good to talk about, like praising.

As for your nice saying about me as a writer, the fact is that I don't have all the gifts together, needed for a good writer. I am just a mixed up person, that's all. I am thankful that I can write something here and even more to read about views and opinions of others.

I hope that my granchildren will already have regular classes on psychology and sociology, and will understand life in its full, without me telling them about my bad experience in my life.

I wish you also that you will feel your best in this spring and summer, and that such a good feeling will stay with you through not that nice weather also, through out the whole year.

Cheers, Sealistener.


Edited by sealistener (04/01/07 06:54 PM)

Top
#3427 - 03/30/07 11:28 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sealistener]
denfox Offline
member

Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 82
Dear sealistener,

Regarding your son's new boss, I have very little patience left for these kind of managers. Ever since my experience with the psychopath boss, I look at these kind of control freaks and think, could they be a psychopath too?

I won't recount my entire experience here, you can read my past posts in this forum to get a pretty good idea of what happened. I think we judge psychopaths by their behavior, but it is not their behavior alone that makes them a psychopath. Many people are criminals, control freaks, manipulators, liars and cheaters but not necessarily psychopaths. Every once in a while,in my not-so-humble opinion, you can recognize a psychopath when that mask falls and you glimpse that cold, dead look in their eye or that I despise you and everyone else expression on their face. You and I, we feel true empathy, we feel guilt, we feel compassion and love. The psychopath only mimics these. In them, faking emotions is merely another means to manipulate others.

My psychopath boss went way over the line, persecuting those with disabilities, pursuing personal vendettas, destroying people and their careers even after they left, falsifying official documents, brow-beating others into doing harm to co-workers, and only after she is gone does the true extent of the damage become apparent. I am left with many of her hand-picked minions who are exactly the kind of managers that are making your son's job so miserable. I can't afford to keep those kind of managers around here, they will either have to learn or be replaced. It's hard to retrain them, but I am determined.

Talk about control freaks, here is one I just learned about yesterday. A building of over 400 people, and my psychopath former boss had given orders to the building management company to provide no more than two rolls of toilet paper (one for the men's and one for the ladies) per day! I have rectified that arrangement and now all stalls will be stocked with at least two full rolls every day. Being a guy, I never noticed; but, imagine the ladies room. Apparently, they never had any paper in there.

Cheers,
denfox

Top
#3429 - 03/30/07 02:34 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sealistener]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi sealistener, don't ever worry about space, the contract I have for our site has literally tons of space;)

Writing along with reading can be so good to get things out of our system and help us understand things in a fresh light.

Di

Top
#3430 - 03/30/07 11:40 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sealistener]
denfox Offline
member

Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 82
Hi sealistener,

I just want to thank you for your posts... I'm not sure what to say... for some reason, your last post has affected me deeply in a way I cannot express or understand. I just want you to know, after I sort a few things out, I may post again to you.

I don't know yet what I am equipped for. I guess, I'm just like everyone else and trying to sort things out.

I went back and reread my own posts... this experience has profoundly changed me. I thought that I was prepared to handle the aftermath... maybe I am, maybe I'm not. It has thrown me into an emotional tailspin that is going to take me some effort to recover. I am not yet scarred because the wounds are still fresh. I think a trip to the bookstore is long overdue... I need to do more research.

I hope things work out for your son. There are a few things he can do to try and cope; but, after having seen what I have seen... he should try to lay low and consider his options including another job if necessary. People should have the right to a happy work environment.

You are a very special person. I'm thankful that our paths have crossed. I've been very lucky to find a lot of special people here.

Warm wishes,
denfox

Top
#3431 - 04/01/07 08:04 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: denfox]
sealistener Offline
member

Registered: 03/27/07
Posts: 11
Hi Denfox,

I would like to wish you a sure recovery.

I think that I understand very well how you feel right now.

I was feeling exhausted mentally, etc., quite a few times in my life, after being exposed for too long to a bad stuff.

The only thing that would ever and for sure help was to get a long break from the negative stimulators.

It always worked miracles. I started to feel like a new again, doing well, my anxieties were gone, I was feeling healthy and strong again. I was strong enough to do more and join activities of positive people and then thrive even more.

I wish you that you will be able to get your break soon!

It often takes time and needs a bit of luck also.
You will do it!

Good luck, best wishes,
sealistener

Top
#3432 - 04/02/07 03:11 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sealistener]
denfox Offline
member

Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 82
Thanks sealistener,

I never made it out to the bookstore like I hoped, but I did get some much needed rest and some physical activity too. Both are good for the soul.

I feel better today and the problems don't seem so large.

As you say, some time and a bit of luck. I used to consider myself the luckiest person in the world. Perhaps, some of that luck will return soon.

Thanks for the encouragement. I think that when we're feeling down, there's nothing better we can do than reach out to try to help someone else.

I feel a little better today. It helps to understand that dealing with the aftermath is part of a natural process of recovery.

Warmest Regards,
-denfox

Top
#3433 - 04/02/07 03:29 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: denfox]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi all, this is where I buy my books since I don't live near any decent bookstores (unless you think WalMart is a good location, ha.)

They give you all the best prices from all the locations and let you know the shipping.

I call it armchair book shopping; )

http://www.cheapestbookprice.com/

Top
#3435 - 05/27/07 12:02 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: ]
sylvie25 Offline
member

Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325
I was watching an interview with a woman whose young daughter was raped and murdered many years ago. The perp had previously raped two young women, was convicted and eventually paroled.

Her mother talked about the experience in the context of forgiveness and said she hoped that the perp would be able to forgive himself. The piece did mention that he never showed any remorse for the crime. (He probably wouldn't even feel the need to forgive himself for something he felt entitled to do). I thought the contrast was striking.

I can understand that it's her personal (and gracious) way of coping with a heinous tragedy but in a more general sense, its probably that frequent inability to grasp how unredeemable these Ps are that leave society more vulnerable. That reaction is amplified when Ps are relatives and in corporations.

Not a newsflash but wanted to note it down.

Sylvie

Top
#3436 - 05/27/07 12:48 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: ]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi freetobeme,

I will send you an email in a bit.

You can click on the Contact Us at the bottom of the page and it bounces to my email at home. Or anyone is welcome to email me directly at: dianne77@msn.com

Thanks,

Di

Top
Page 22 of 24 < 1 2 ... 20 21 22 23 24 >

Moderator:  Dianne E.