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#13338 - 05/26/12 04:30 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: worried female]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Hi worried female

Have you tried talking things over with a domestic abuse helpline, if you have access to one? They're really very good, and will absolutely believe you. They won't tell you what to do, but will give you lots of support in working out what you want to do, and in following it through.

I understand how clever these people are, how manipulative and how convincing they can be. I also understand how it feels to know about the children they have in access to.

You're welcome to share more of your story, but if you feel to afraid to, or don't want it, it's OK.

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#13346 - 05/27/12 07:04 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: starry]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
thank you so much starry for understanding what i am going through , i just feel so ashamed that unknowing i had such a dangerous man in my life and also my own child life, i have not been able to sleep and just feel so sick in my stomach about all this, i feel violated to the core ,and what makes it worse is knowing that this man has no regrets of the way he has treated others all his life he has caused so much harm to so many people, of ripping money from people, to having sex with thousands of people,to battering so many women and also fathering 9 children that he only get to look after one child

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#13348 - 05/27/12 11:46 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: worried female]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
hi starry just to let you know i contacted the domestic abuse helpline and they where terrible to me said it was not my problem and said they where surprised that social services hadnt did anything i was trying to explain that the man is a psychopath and that he even fools even professional people the woman on the domestic abuse helpline said that they are going to terminate the call and it had nothing to do with me regarding the safety of these other women or child,

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#13349 - 05/28/12 12:31 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: worried female]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
I'm sorry you had a hard time calling the helpline.

In a sense, his actions, what he chooses to do, are not your responsibility. I remember my counsellor telling me this during a session, and it did really shock me when she said it.

But I can see what she was trying to get at now. It was like my own identity had become so merged with his, so subsumed into his, that I had also taken on the guilt and responsibility for everything had had done to other women (and children) and was continuing to do. I somehow felt it was up to me to try and stop him. And knowing there were other people in danger was a real torment for me, and it took over my entire life. It's all I thought about for quite a long time.

I understand now that the only person I can be responsible for is myself. But it's taken a lot of work over a number of years to be able to have and feel this separation.

Perhaps this is what the woman on the helpline was getting at?

I also remember feeling very judged by some of my counsellors, and feeling that they really didn't get it, when now I think that was to do with putting in place some very basic boundaries (related to the paragraph above, about separation). It was almost like I was clawing at everything and everyone in my desperation to try and convince them by who he was and what he was capable of doing.

Now, I don't use the psychopath word if I'm talking about it, unless I am more than 100% sure that the other person will understand what that word really means. I usually wait for them to say the word to me, and have been pleasantly suprised at the people that have used that word to describe him. I usually say that he's extremely manipulative and can be very charming when he wants to (your evidence for that is that he spent a year essentially grooming you to get your trust, before seeing his chance and doing what he did to you).

I don't know if any of that makes any sense, or helps you much?

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#13353 - 05/28/12 03:38 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: starry]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
starry you made me cry there, as this is what im going through,i cant sleep as my mind is racing and i do blame myself feeling responsible if anything more happens to these women, because his son phoned me on friday night crying for help from me and in the back ground i could hear him shouting and screaming and things getting thrown in his house and the woman screaming in the background that he had been hitting her and that he held her against her will in his house, and finding out from his sister that the other woman he had beaten up so many times a month ago her body and face looks like a car crash victim ,these women he did this to where women he had cheated on me with

i feel as if i have let his wee boy down and thats why i had to phone yesterday the domestic abuse helpline as i didnt know what else to do ,and they just said it was not my problem it was up to these women to get out of the relationship and didnt believe that a man like him could fool profs like police and social services,which he has done ,as he is 50 years old and he has been able to do this his whole life without getting caught by profs they think he is a lovely man ,how wrong they are,

i spoke to his sibbling today about what has just happened and all his family have nothing to do with him for over 35 years as they are very aware of what he is like,his sibbling told me today that he has strangled women,he has punched and kicked a woman carrying his child, and that in the space of less than a year he had sex with a thousand women,his sibbling said that he preys on women ,women that are disabled,women that have drugs or drink problems, or women that have had domestic abuse in the past,he would come out with statements saying to me " he doesnt believe in the word sorry or the word thank you" he doesnt do sorry or thankyou, he did not like it when i began to see through his lies ,like for example he would say he was great at making anything creative like wood work ect,

so when i began to question him and say hunni why dont you make table ect he would go of in black rages with me, i found out from his sibbling today he has never been creative at all it was all lies, also i found out he had also had sex with his younger sibbling and she has serious mental health problems , i feel sick inside and so messed up inside that i had such a dangerous man in my life and that he had done all this abuse and a trail of destruction and he has NO REMORSE he still blames everyone and says he is the victim to everything ,he even said to the police that he was the victim of domestic abuse regarding the women that they attacked him and he is a weak man and that he was trying to defend himself and said to the police that the woman had pulled out what he thought was a knife and was trying to stab him so he defend himself, he even posted all over a social site over the internet pictures he took of himself of tiny marks and he made out to everyone on this social site that he was attacked by the women and he had to defend himself , but do you know something starry my gut is telling me he had made the marks on himself to try and get away with these terrible crimes to women

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#13354 - 05/28/12 05:11 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: worried female]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Your story is so similar to mine, it's quite eerie. I could have written a lot of what you have written yourself.

What this man has done to other women, and what he is choosing to do in this present moment are not your responsibility. His actions are a result of the choices he is making. He knows what he is doing and he is consciously making those choices every time.

You don't deserve to carry the responsibility for those choices, because you are not the one who is responsible far making those choices. You also don't deserve to carry the guilt for those choices either, because none of the guilt is yours, all of the guilt is his. And just because he feels none (he feels no remorse) it doesn't mean that you should feel his guilt for him.

In trying to foist the responsibility and guilt onto you, he is tying you to him, shackling you to him, catching you in his web.

The only person you bear a responsibility towards is yourself. You are the only one who is responsible for your physical and psychological wellbeing.

Does it make sense what I'm trying to get at? I'm not trying to be hard nosed and callous about it. I had a pretty awful breakdown in piecing everything together, understanding what he had done to other people (and I do, truly, believe there were women who didn't make it) and trying to protect a couple of people from him. In the end, and with a lot of help, I realised that I couldn't help them, I understood the only person I could be responsible to was myself.

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#13356 - 05/28/12 09:14 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: starry]
worried female Offline
member

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
starry the man that i was involved with also was a high priest in wicca (occult ) because he has still a lot of my own clothes ect i feel inside me that he had put a spell over me when it was all happing it was a strange hold he had over me, i cant even put it in to words to be honest with you , he would phone me up in the middle of the night about 3am in morning to say he couldnt cope as he had no money to pay for his bills and that he couldnt keep his son & at times when i couldnt send money straight away he and telling me to phone the emergency hosp number to tell them he had taken a overdose to kill himself i would ended up paniking and he would then switch his phone of to me and the emergency hosp nurses then they sent out ambulance and then me getting call from hosp a few hours later to say he had signed himself out of hosp, other times he would say to me oh it is okay for me that i have more money than him and his friends put together and making me feel guilty, he would also withdraw any form of effection to me which would leave me feeling confused my family said that they found him jakle & hyde towards me

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#13357 - 05/29/12 12:38 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: worried female]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
My dad had been in a cult. Knowing now what I now about mind control, I understand that he used a lot of the techniques he had learned in the cult on me (and his other victims).

Messing with someone's sleep cycle is a really effective way to break someone. My dad used to call me at 3.00am as well, but he would ramble on about rubbish for an hour.

It might help you to read up about mind control and psychological torture. For me, a lot of stuff started to make sense when I started finding out about mind control techniques. Some of the stuff he did was very blatent, some of it was very subtle.

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#13374 - 05/30/12 07:30 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Dianne E.]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
My Psychopath would phone at 3am as he would be drunk and bored by himself at that time, and he knew I would be off by guard and muzzy-minded, having been asleep.

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#13392 - 06/04/12 11:28 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Smokey]
GF of ppaths Father Offline
member

Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 13

This is an interesting article in a Canadian newspaper. What is evil?

http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/06/01/...rs-of-humanity/

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