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#3215 - 08/21/04 11:11 AM General Discussion - Part Three
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Part Two is getting quite loaded. If you don't find a thread already open and have a general question or comment, please post here.

If you have a topic that you feel is necessay to have it's own "thread" please do so. This is a good spot to communicate about general ideas.

Thanks much,

Di


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#3216 - 08/25/04 06:58 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Dianne E.]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi, I`m new here and I`m so glad to have found this group. I`ve been reading the posts here for months and its helped me like nothing else!

I`ve had 2 dangerous men in my life and after reading excerpts and reviews of Dr. Hare's book, Without Conscience and The Mask of Sanity, and other articles on the subject I believe both of them are psychopaths . These 2 come and go in my life, eerily at he same time too!!... again and again... after many years!.... And most `definately` not at my request... No!! In spite of my efforts to keep them away.... Then they leave again... But not after doing major damage. And like a bad storm they leave devastation and ruin in my life. And what`s worse, they affect my children too, and they don`t know or care what pain they cause.

My story is life-long and multi-layered, hard to tell in a few words, But I`d like to try and share it with you hoping you might help me to know if they really are P`s, The books and your stories have helped me understand that they probably are. I hope to learn more, and I hope I can help someone too.

I`ll start with something I wrote in my journal 3 days before he dumped me the last time. I was keeping a journal throughout the whole 8 months I was seeing him (P#1), it was 21 years since the last time I`d fallen under his spell. I`ll share it with you all if you`d like, as it tells a story of how I was wooed, used and then dumped, again!!!


“The Game”

2/12/04

The game, is a game of hearts. The “Heartbreaker” is the “Master” of this game. He leaves broken hearts everywhere. He`s a manipulator. A strong persuader. Uses feelings and words. Not gifts and tangible things. He uses his eyes first to catch you, they focus on you, and you feel captured, unable to escape their intense gaze. Then he uses his words. His words are subtle, but they make the point he`s trying to get across to you. His point is that you are in his sights and there is nothing you can do about it. Then he uses this kiss. It`s so focused on your heart and your emotions that he takes your breath away and you fall madly in love with him, just because he leaves you no choice. You feel like a captured bird that cannot free itself. He has you under his magical spell and you`re left reeling, wondering how it happened so fast.

(His name) is “The Master” at this game. After all, I should know. He`s done it to me three times now. Even though I tried my best to avoid him, he managed to get to me, again. Nothing worked till he said, “I want to hold you (My name)”. I couldn`t resist him when he put it in words like that. And then I let him come over and he stared at me till I told him it made me uncomfortable. And then... He Kissed me... And Oh!... That was “all she wrote”, I started falling right back in love with him. My heart was trapped again, just like a bird in a cage.

“The Game” worked. After all those years, he`s still a Player. A “Master of the Heartbreakers”, and he`s gonna break my heart again.... I know it!

---------------------------------

I wrote this before I read about psychopaths. I was writing about how my boyfriend made me feel. Recently I read from this site something a psychopath wrote in prison about psychopaths. He`s saying almost the same thing I was feeling . VERY SCARY!

It says:

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he WILL be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and pride. You will be left much sadder but not alot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong.

I will write more of my story later.

Thank you All
_________________________
Sarah

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#3217 - 08/26/04 07:52 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
sylvie25 Offline
member

Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325
Hi Sarah,

Welcome to the board. I am a fairly new member - joined a couple of weeks ago. Even in that short time I have found it helpful to post here. As we all know, being in these relationships is upsetting and hearing other perspectives from posters who have had similar experiences and can relate, really makes a difference.

I will respond to you in more detail on the weekend.

Take care,

Sylvie



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#3218 - 08/26/04 10:48 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Hi Sarah,

Welcome to the forum. I notice that Sylvie beat me to it and I am glad she did.

I have read your story and I can easily understand the pain and the distress of what you are going through.

I must apologise. I would normally reply to your post at length, but one of my adult children are very ill and besides work and other things, I don't have as much free time as I normally do. I hope that you can hang on until the weekend when I anticipate having more time.

Till then,

Take care,

Nan

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#3219 - 08/28/04 04:14 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Nan]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Glad to get your supportive responses Sylvie & Nan, Thanks so much!

It`s good to know there are people who understand and who do not automatically assume that you must have done something to make these so-called good men leave you so suddenly! People will ask you, "What did you do to make him end it so quickly"? They say "People don`t do that for no reason, it must be you"! (they think HE is normal)

But these scary seducers are far from normal. They are predators, and when they need someone to use again, they will come back to the ones they remember were easy, and if you live alone with your kids, they imagine you are lonely and therefore venerable. They have no doubt that you will fall for their charm, (since you did before).

So they expect you will be more than "thrilled" to be in their presence to fill this `temporary` need in their life, then afterward, they will be done with you. And If you don`t comply, they will waste no time in finding someone who will, leaving you wondering what happened and even blaming yourself for it!

----------------

P#1, I`ll call him a P, cause I believe he has no conscience whatsoever! Just a deep concern for himself and a "what`s in it for me", "who cares about you" type of attitude, and has probably been that way most of his life.

I`ll have to go "Way Back" to when I first met him to give you a idea what kind of man this is.

I was new to the town that he grew up in and I had already met his sister. But, the first time I met him, he was 19 (almost 20) and I was only 12. Sitting in a small town cafe, I noticed he was watching me, staring at me. I was nervous and couldn`t believe it, but I was thrilled that an older guy noticed me. Then he came over and told me his name and I told him mine and he asked me if I wanted to go outside and sit in his car to listen to music. I was afraid, but I went, not knowing anything would happen, I just thought we`d listen to music, but he kissed me. And it was NOT just a little kiss, but a REAL kiss.

My first kiss at age 12 was not suppossed to be by a grown man:( It was suppossed to be by a guy my age and it was suppossed to be a kiss on the cheek if at all! But, of course I thought I must look older and seem mature, if this older guy liked me!

BUT, He knew better than to take advantage of a young girl (it was a crime and he should have went to jail), but I fell madly in love with him and a few months later he sneaked me off to a drive inn movie, then to a dark place and there he stole my innocence:( ...And of course, I kept it a secret.

He joined the army soon afterward and left me grieving for him, and longing for him and worrying about him too. But he had another girl when he left, one closer to his age and she was the one that got to see him off and he wrote to her. I had to hear the letters he wrote to her, since she read them aloud to his sister and me. I went off and cried... First love hurts, and if the first love is man and your a girl, it`s also abuse! But I didn`t know.

Don`t want to dwell on ancient history, but it`s crucial to the rest of my story, cause he is the man who took my innocence, fathered my child (much later) Didn`t take any responsibilty for her, at all and he recently came back telling me things he knew I needed to hear, like he said, I was always "The One", and he told me, "I remember everything, every moment we were together, especially the night we made our daughter", etc.,etc.,etc.

And all because he needed someone to raise his kids (so he wouldn`t have to pay child support,of course) when he succeeded in taking them away from their mother.(he made her spend all of her money fighting him in court for years, while he has a lawyer on a retainer basis) He used to beat their mother and HE got the kids!!! He managed to turn them against their mom.

But, his mother who WAS keeping them when he got custody, was very ill and he had to have a babysitter to replace her and guess what? I was the target. My daughter never got ANYTHING from him, not even a little bit of his time, much less any child support. But that doesn`t matter to him. He just needed me to raise his kids from another woman!!! AMAZINGLY CRUEL,... Don`t You Think??

This is really the nicer side of him, haven`t gotten to the REAL monster that he is, yet. Or the P#2, who was extremely violent and Sadistic and is the cause of my PTSD...

Will continue my story as soon as I can.

Thanks for this wonderful group,

_________________________
Sarah

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#3220 - 08/28/04 04:44 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Adding this to my story:

P#1 had been trying to get me to go out with him for a couple of years and I said NO, for a couple of years... Then in the summer of 2003... He kept on asking me to see him again and again and I turned him down again and again. Then like a fool.... I went out with him, even though I NEVER thought I would again! I had to literally talk myself into seeing him. And I couldn`t believe that he started having the same affect on me!

I took myself back to 1969 to remember what how he made me feel the first time, which wasn`t easy, believe me! It was the third time in my life that he targeted me. I didn`t know what a P was, but as I read the stuff from my journal, it is clear that this man had the traits even when he was in his teens,

-------------------------------

In August of 2003 I wrote;



When I was young, "P`s Name" was like the best thing that I had ever seen in my whole life. He was so special, you could just feel it around him. It was his presence that I noticed. He had something I can`t name. I don`t know what it is, he just had it. When he came into a room, everyone saw him, he stood out from the crowd even though he was quiet and kinda shy. And it wasn`t just me that noticed, he could have any girl he wanted and he dated some of the prettiest girls around there. His brothers and sisters treated him like he was some kind of hero. They went on about him even when he wasn`t around and they wanted to impress him when he was. He brought that out in them. I just wanted to be around him all the time...

I wanted to watch him do everything. He was so cute and I couldn`t believe it when he noticed me! I was just a girl. When he turned his attention to me, whether it was right or wrong, I fell in love with him. I fell so hard that I was sick! He did that to me. I guess it`s silly but I thought "P`s Name" was greater than any movie star I`d ever had a crush on. And he was living right across the road from me! And for just a little while... I had him!

I couldn`t help myself when he planned on sneaking me off to the Drive Inn, I was so scared, but I went. I just had to go because he wanted me to and I would have done anything he wanted me to do back then.

I doubt if he ever knew the effect he had on me. He was too busy with other things and I was just a girl that hung around. And I hung around him as much as I could. I`m sure I was annoying cause I never went home! I was crazy about him. I remember how I felt when he left his house to go somewhere. He`d get dressed up to go and when he`d leave I`d get this horrible sinking feeling and there was nothing I could do, but wait. I figured he had a date and I was just so jealous! When he`d get back home I`d feel relieved. So when he got me to go out with him, I was very, very willing and way, way too young.

It`s likely that he took advantage of me back then, and that`s okay, but why does he still come around? Why does he want to see me now? I don`t know. But I do know that since he`s back around, I`m thrilled just like before to have his attention!

----------------------------------

This Man Always has the Same Effect on Me!!! And All He Wants to do is USE ME!!!

The NO CONTACT RULE is truely the ONLY WAY to deal with P`s
_________________________
Sarah

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#3221 - 08/28/04 05:08 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Hiya Sarah,

I have copied and pasted your two posts into Word. I will look at it later and try to get a reply back to you sometime today. please don't hold your breath though. If not today, I promise you a reply by tomorrow. I am in Europe and the time difference may make it seem as through it will be tomorrow when I say today <smile>.

Hugs,

Nan

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#3222 - 08/28/04 09:33 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Sarah

So glad you've found this forum. I hope it helps you as much as it has me.

Your post brings my own P experience vividly to life. The way he had of being 'larger than life', more special than anyone else I'd ever met. I can't explain why - he wasn't good looking, but just was more 'alive' than anyone I knew.

Also I've read from other posts, and identify with it, that P's have an amazing ability to tune in to their victims, and to appear to be exactly the one individual who can fulfill all the victims needs.

It takes so much disillusionment, so much heartache, such a long weary road in order to realise that this man will never give you anything, never fulfill any of your dreams or desires, never be relied on.

As you have said, no contact is the only hope!

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#3223 - 08/29/04 03:17 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Dear Sarah,

Your description of yourself as a little 12-year-old girl, with stars in her eyes, is so heart breaking. It was such a long time ago, but everything that happened to you then has continued to haunt you like the bad dream it actually is. My mother died when I was 12 and a large part of me can so easily understand this twelve-year-old girl and her need for love, understanding and admiration. In my case, a much older Uncle, a family member, fulfilled my desire for love, understanding and admiration. Luckily, he never went as far as did the young man you described, but had he wanted more than what he took, I cannot say how I would have reacted. I was lucky that he exercised some restraint.

There is no doubt in my mind that this young man abused you. A twelve-year-old child is NOT capable of informed consent.

A twelve-year-old girl, nor withstanding that she plays up to adult males in the family, notably her father, does so with the firm conviction that she will be protected against herself and her budding sexuality. A twelve-year-old girl does NOT know what she is doing. She has no idea of what constitutes consent for she does not understand what her mind is asking, nor what her body is doing to her. She is simply trying out limits, while in a very innocent way, looking to explore the woman she will one day become.

Most of the time, her father will lovingly compliment her on her looks, her hairstyle or what not. He will hug her gently, appropriately, when she, with a winning smile, comes tripping over to sit on his lap. Unconsciously, she wants to know that she is desirable, and by telling her that she is pretty, and by holding her softly and appropriately, while stroking her still rounded and downy cheek and reassuring her how pretty she is, her father is giving her the support that she wants and the confidence she needs to grow into self-assured woman.

When an adult male takes advantage of a young girl, he is in effect robbing her of her innocence. Not only that, he also contributes to her arrested development, i.e., she will often remain as if fast frozen in a 12 year old girl’s mindset. The adult woman may continue to have the unfulfilled needs of a 12 year old.

You write:

“It`s likely that he took advantage of me back then,…”

NO! He DID take advantage of you.

“… and that`s okay,…”

Believe me, it is NOT okay. It’s child abuse. There is no other name for it.

“… but why does he still come around?”

Because he can. Because you let him. Because you are available.

“ Why does he want to see me now? I don`t know..”

Because he realises that you are still hooked in to him. Because he knows that he can manipulate you. Because he knows that when no one is available, you will be available.

“ But I do know that since he`s back around, I`m thrilled just like before to have his attention! “

Yes! Unfortunately! But since you are now aware of this, you finally have the power to change it. You have finally discovered how truly unhealthy this relationship is to you and therein you will find the redeeming feature that will enable you to say no to this man.

Sarah, if you have not considered it before, may I suggest that you seek the help of a qualified and registered therapist. You really need to discuss all this with a therapist, who will be able to help you understand what happened to you when you were a young girl. Childhood traumas can continue to haunts us all through our adult lives, but it need not be this way. A good therapist or a psychologist can make a real wonderful difference to our worldview. You deserve, in all ways, to be the loving adult woman that you were meant to be.

Warm regards,

Nan



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#3224 - 08/30/04 06:11 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Nan]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Nan,

Thank you so much Nan for your kind and thoughtful comments, and I`m very sorry to hear about your mother. I can`t imagine how painful that must have been for you. But I can see that you too were vunerable at that age and I`m glad that your uncle did exercise some restraint for your sake!

The man who took advantage of me knew how old I was and shouldn`t have paid any attention to me. I was very shy and didn`t talk much anyway and I would have never talked to a 19 year old guy, much less flirt with him!!! The "stars in my eyes" had to be put there by him because he made the decision to put the move on me. I didn`t even know what the move was, since I had no past reference to go by. He seduced me as if I were a woman, though I was only a child with the experiences of a child.... He knew that I had no male role model to speak of, my mother and father were divorced long before and I had no brothers, only two married sisters. I had a step father but my mother wouldn`t allow him to act in a fatherly role. He didn`t seem to have wisdom with my sisters before, so he was basically just her husband. She was the boss in the house.

And yes, I have had therapy (in the mid 1990`s), and I agree with you, it did help me to realize that I`ve been very effected by my experience of early sexual abuse. I also think I need to go back into therapy, because I allowed this to man cross my bounderies again. I do know that before therapy, my bounderies were far too easily crossed and I have suffered so much pain in my life because of it. I did, however learn to feel when someone was crossing my comfort zone and learning this has helped me very much and I knew this man was crossing my bounderies. My body told me he was invading my space, I was nauseated the whole time I was seeing him! I was literally heaving all the time! But this time he used new tactics...

I did not want to see him again, EVER! He is not a good person! I never would talk to him, never would agree to see him whenever he`d ask me out. I told him NO!, everytime he called. He`d been using my grandmother to get messages to me for a couple of years, she was telling me more and more of how much he asked about me. I told her "Yeah, he calls me and I don`t want anything to do with him". Eventually, MY WHOLE FAMILY, was involved! Telling me I, "better not mess this one up", "he`s a good catch", "he`s the top guy in his field", "he can take good care of you", "a chance like this may not come along again"....stuff like that...On and On it went... He really stepped up his whole campaign he had going with my family, and I thought "This can`t be the same person they are telling me about!! The one who never had anything to do with his daughter! They were acting like he was just a great guy and I wasn`t being fair not giving him a chance to prove it!!! He had actually put me in a place where I was forced to prove to my family who he REALLY was!!!...And I DID show them the Low Life Scum that he really is!!!, (I`ll get around to telling that part)... in the end... it`s my kids and I who`ve had to suffer, not anyone else!

Well, I have been here twice before with him, but this third time he wasn`t going away so easily. (like I said, my story is very hard to tell, it`s long and multi-layered)

Going back to the second time he waltzed into my world, and took advantage of my vunerability ...this is the next part of my story.

The 2nd part of my story starts with P#2:


I was 20 when I met him, he was a very violent man, but of course he was nice at first. I thought he loved me when he chased away my dates, falsely claiming that I was his girl. I let him take control of me, never asking myself if I loved him. All of a sudden I was this guy`s possession! Well..., and my mother did literally push him off on me. In her eyes though, it was my fault when he started hitting me. (P#2 hit me in the face with his fist the first time.... for waking him from his long nap to eat a piece of my homemade pie). But my mother didn`t care WHY he hit me, “I had made my bed so now I had to lie in it”, that is the way she thinks. But P#2, with my mothers help... had shoved me into that bed... and as far as I knew, I had no choice but to lie in.

You see, I had been working and dating and renting a place (from my mother) when P#2 got his leg hurt and lost his job. I came home from work one day and my mother had actually moved him in with me!. She said that she could do whatever she wanted to, it was “her property”. I was stunned! But what could I do?, I didn`t make enough money to move out and I had tried to find a roomate, with no luck.

Well, P#2 proceeded to eliminate the male competition and tear down my self esteem, and not long after that he beat me up bad. Then P#2 moved me to a big city, all alone and without a car. Thats when he really went crazy with his abuse, P#2 locked me out of the apartment whenever he felt he wasn`t pleased with me, or because I made him sick, I was so stupid and ugly and he didn`t want me and no one else would want me either. Then I had to walk without shoes or money, he threw me out with nothing. And he did it often. People tried to pick me up to give me a ride... and I had to get a ride.... I tried to only get in the car with nice people, but once they ended up being cruel and dropping me off in a dangerous neighborhood, laughing as they drove away. It was Pure Hell! Then I`d get to my mothers and she would ask me what I did and never ask him anything... She`d tell me I better go back and P#2 would come crying telling me he was sorry. So I had to go back... I had bruises and black eyes.

But..., In my mind, I was making a plan to get away. I didn`t have a real plan, just knew I had to leave or maybe die, cause P#2 said many times he would kill me. Choked me, kicked me in the ribs and head when he knocked me down, like I was not important enough to treat like a human being. P#2 would lock me in the dark closet till he was ready to let me out too.

But everyone either blamed me or didn`t want to know about it. The police (of course) said “why don`t you just leave him”. I ended up blocking out the worst of it, don`t remember and so I suffer from PTSD, and Major Depression thanks to P#2. Anyway, I was with him for a couple of years, when he beat me and brutally raped me. The police accepted the assault charge against him, but told me that my husband couldn`t rape me... I just broke down right there, and cried.... I thought rape was rape, and this was a violent rape commited by someone who said he loves me! I felt like I was all alone in the world that this guy was gonna be allowed to kill me, like that was OK, cause I was I his and he could do whatever he wanted to me, cause he WAS doing whatever he wanted to me. And when I filed for a divorce, P just got worse. I stayed with my sister and he was stalking me, throwing bricks, phoning me in the middle of the night, making my sister and her husband miserable, coming to my job acting like a crazed lunatic!..

Meantime, my other sister told P#1 that I was seperated and he started coming to visit me. I was so afraid of P#2 and here comes my first love, P#1 and he was so willing to hold me. Looking back I know I gave into him because I was so vunerable and I thought I needed someone... but he did not make me feel safe... and he did not appreciate the real danger I was in... He asked me to "run off" with him, (Yeah Right?) and he didn`t say I love you, just said will you run off with me? Well, I was going through hell at the time and he didn`t even see it. I was 24 years old then and of course as things go, I got pregnant, (I`ll add that having my daughter and later my son is the best thing that ever happened to me...) I got pregnant by P#1...but by the time I found out, he had already moved on. Then, P#2 heard I was pregnant (I wish I knew who told him) and he begged me to come back to him, saying he would love the child like his own. He wore me down, almost got me fired from my job always hanging around and I could see I had no way to escape him, and I went back to him and dropped the divorce... He wasn`t home much when I was pregnant, which was a good thing. Meanwhile, P#1 heard about the pregnancy (probably my other sister told him) and he saw me in my car one day, pulled me over to the side of the road and told me that the baby was his and I just told him that I hoped not.

And when my daughter was just 6 months old P#2 started beating me again.

But I finally got away from P#2 before my daughter turned two, and like Julia Roberts did in "Sleeping With The Enemy", I didn`t tell anyone, and I haven`t seen him since 1984, he moved to another state, but he still lets me know he`s out there, he recently bought my daughter a new car with her not letting me know he was in touch with her...

But all was not bad,for a little while anyway. I finally met a good man who loved me and made me trust again, and I loved him very much and we were going to get married and he was going to adopt my daughter after the divorce from P#2. But before we had the money saved for the court costs (we didn`t have alot of money), I got pregnant with our son (his Dad worked 2 jobs to pay the doctor and hospital bills), and it looked like happiness was finally in reach for our little family..., or so it seemed. But he was killed on his job when our son was barely two... I`ve had to raise my two children alone, although without psychopaths and without violence..but also sadly, without a good man in their lives. My son`s father is sorely missed today :-( .... This is the reason I finally went into therapy.

Many years later when my daughter was a Senior in high school. P#2 had his daughter send my daughter a cell phone so she could call... And I didn`t Even Know It!!! When I found out about it... It seemed like the whole world I had created for my children was now being turned upside down... Now that he made contact with her, he tried to make it seem that I was the mean mother depriving her daughter of her Dad... and he was the good parent buying her things that I couldn`t afford..., (cause neither P was about claim to be her father during all those child support years) and (I didn`t want P`s around her anyway... including my mother... if she`s P).

Well... I am sure that P#2`s money didn`t come from working, because he doesn`t work!!! He got it from whatever easy and illegal thing he had to do to get money, it`s dirty money!!. He was in prison part of the time, and he wrote some strange letters to me from there and I saved them in case I ever needed them for any reason... Anyway, he made her think he was her Dad, even though she had always known who her father was and had met him. (he had visited her several times, but only when he was seperated from his wife, he says). I could not get a divorce from P#2 though, because they would have given him visitation rights and there was no way I was going to risk letting this Sadist get visitation rights. DNA wasn`t being used to prove paternity yet. And when it did begin to be used, I was filling out papers to divorce P#2.... when I realized that P#1 would now get to take her and I knew he was just as bad for her, if not worse than P#2... I stopped filling out the papers and I didn`t go through with it.

My daughter is now 21, married to a good man and they have a beautiful baby boy, she is very well adjusted, in her third year of college... and now in the last few years both P`s have come into our lives again and at the same time!, it`s like the plague I guess... Maybe it`s a dry season for P`s and they are really reaching back far to old victims, seeing who`s vunerable and of course they are gonna see me alone and think I`m easy, unprotected prey. So P#2 starts stalking me, calling my sister telling her that when he was in town recently, he sat out in front of my house for hours and wanted to knock on my door and tell me he still loved me!!! Needless to say, I have PTSD and that threw me into having full blown panic attacks in front of my teenage son. This was not good. He bought my daughter a new car after she got married, he even visited her home, Oh how I cringe at the thought!!!

(OMG!!! ...Now that they don`t have to worry about paying child support or facing my daughter with answers to her questions, they came back for Me ... THIS JUST OCCURED TO ME!!! OH GOD..., HELP ME!!)

Nan you said: >Because he realises that you are still hooked in to him. Because he knows that he can manipulate you. Because he knows that when no one is available, you will be available.<

This is the sickening truth about what he`s trying to do, what both of them are trying to do! This is how their minds work... Oh, Thank you so much Nan!

I`m so glad to have this place to tell my story... It all seems like a horror story to me when I go back and read it, and it`s hard to read, cause it`s much worse than I thought when I got it all put together...that`s why it`s not believable to people.

There is more to my story about P#1

I`ll continue it later.. And will also try to post more notes I wrote in the journal I kept while I was seeing P#1

Thank you for being here!
_________________________
Sarah

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