Hi Nan,

I have considered re-location several times but it's not an option (at least anytime soon) for a number of reasons that I will expand upon in my email.

I'd like to qualify some of the points you made:

1. It's not my whole family that's harassing me by any means. It's a relative and her husband. However, like many in my position, I have found myself feeling somewhat frustrated and annoyed that other family members seem either indifferent or in denial about what's been going on. While some have at times acknowledged it, they have never really taken a public stand in my support. I'm not even sure if it is reasonable to expect it but I sure would have like them to have done something like that.

2. The harassment doesn't come from the whole community, far from it. It's just at social events I attend, some individuals will makes comments or ask questions that are clearly driven by slander they've heard. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if they asked directly since that would give me a chance to respond, however most people don't have the guts to do that. In fact, there are some in the community who seem to make a concerted effort to be friendly towards me, I believe because they disapprove of or are even disgusted by the character assassination that it is. Some people are just decent and well-bred.

3. Yes my former employer is in the same city in fact. However, I do not believe that that in itself has any negative implications for me. They caused enough shareholders to lose money, broke laws and offended still others that they have made many enemies. I, on the other hand, had excellent relationships with all our common business associates (shareholders included) and was well regarded. In fact they expressed displeasure to management about my departure so even P boss was partially muzzled. Felt good! I believe he did try to badmouth me within the department but since he had repeated problems with people in that position, those with their heads screwed on right knew who the common denominator was. Really the main problem I see from having worked there (on top of significant financial losses) is any taint from my affiliation with them. Sort of like anyone who worked at finance in Enron, Worldcom etc.

4. Will elucidate self-employment in the email.

5. As far as staying at home, it is in large part because I'm watching my finances and probably because I'm cocooning as well. Once my financial situation improves, I'm on the first flight out to the "mostest funnest" place I can think of, preferably one with a good beach and a supply of mojitos (and I hardly drink). Ha!

6. Thank you profusely for #6. Some days I think that and other days I feel like a wimp. I'm sure this is typical. So it's good to have the re-inforcement.

7. Yes, I believe that too, even more because I am just thirsting to have a clear head and to just LIVE, attend to relationships that I feel I've neglected, and pursue my dreams. I suspect that's something many posters can relate to.

8. Thanks again, that's means a lot. It isn't a co-incidence that the places I think of going are all scenic and wild. I am by nature, fairly free-spirited so I haven't reacted well to feeling confined by financial or other constraints. The good news is that people in my profession are well compensated so if I can get it together, I can be self reliant and live well. I feel grateful for that.

A couple more comments. I do not feel that I am driven by revenge even though it has entered my mind. I've had many opportunities to be vengeful both on the personal and professional front, but have not acted on them. I am definitely angry though and try to curb it through exercise etc. I don't think I was clear when I mentioned "looking toothless". I don't care about it from an ego standpoint, but more in terms of inviting escalating harassment if I'm perceived to be weak or ineffectual. Not just by the relative but by others who have seen it as an opportunity. Really, just self preservation. What I know for sure is, I don't want to live a victimized life, where I am constantly rocked back on my heels and having to defend and rebuild. I see it as teaching them how to treat me.

Yes, I agree, better to be happy than right. Your comment about Custer made me chuckle.

Apologize if I've rehashed anything and thanks for taking the time.

Regards,
Sylvie

Hi Nan,

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply to you. I had intended to respond this morning but now it seems that they have changed something on that email system and my inbox is at "0", as in all my emails have disappeared. Not sure what's going on - I'm going to have to look into it. Perhaps it's something that can be easily addressed. Hopefully so!

Bye for now,
Sylvie

Hi Sylvie,

No problem.

Would it help you if I resend?

In any case, do not worry.

Take care,

Nan

Hi there Nan,

Apparently they are switching to a new platform and new site. I don't think the inbox is receiving messages right now because the site is in transition. I guess I missed the PM on all of this since I don't use it regularly. So I will send Diane a new email address once I get set up - probably should anyway so she can update my registration info.

There were a couple of questions I was going to ask you on here anyway.

You said:

"You seem to be spending a great deal of your available energy on a pointless enterprise."

Curious what led you to that conclusion - is it that I've posted about it several times?

Also, I've been meaning to ask you about the following quote in particular.

You said (a while back):

"I believe that on a very profound spiritual level we are responsible for everything that happens to us. BUT....and that's a BIG but, it's not always helpful to be told that we are ultimately respondsible for our own suffering."

I was wondering what you meant by that (the first part of it)?

Regards

Sylvie

Hi Sylvie,

You write:

"There were a couple of questions I was going to ask you on here anyway. "

No problem!

"You said:"

"You seem to be spending a great deal of your available energy on a pointless enterprise."

Curious what led you to that conclusion - is it that I've posted about it several times?"

Guaranteed not! But to properly answer your question, I would have to go back and check all our posts, and I don't have time right now. My question is taken out of its context for I would never say such a thing just because you,or anyone, post about the same thing.

"Also, I've been meaning to ask you about the following quote in particular.

You said (a while back):

"I believe that on a very profound spiritual level we are responsible for everything that happens to us. BUT....and that's a BIG but, it's not always helpful to be told that we are ultimately respondsible for our own suffering."

I was wondering what you meant by that (the first part of it)?"

Just what I said! I cannot explain it any better. I lean towards the teachings of the Dalai Lama, if that information can help you better understand what I meant.

Take care,

Nan

Hi Nan,

"Guaranteed not! But to properly answer your question, I would have to go back and check all our posts, and I don't have time right now. My question is taken out of its context for I would never say such a thing just because you,or anyone, post about the same thing."

Fair enough, there's no rush. It wasn't apparent to me what led you to think that. I guess when someone posts about a situation repeatedly, it could suggest that they are very bothered by it and therefore expending a lot of time and energy on that particular issue.

About the Dalai Lama, I have some knowledge of his Buddhist philosophies so it does clarify it somewhat. It's a profound statement, even more so on a board like this (I know you acknowledged that).

Regards,
Sylvie

Dear Sylvie,

I am an intensely private person and because I am deaf, I live in a world of silence.

In this silence there exists another kind of music than the one most people hear. So, I hear.....with my heart, not with my ears.

Without actually understanding, or knowing why or how, you appeared to have understood this.

Somehow you lost heart, and I cannot say that I blame you.

Nan

Hi Nan,

I know what you mean in terms of being intensely private. I'm that way too. Posting such personal issues on this board is a big deal for me. In fact, for my part, I think it has been to my detriment to be private by nature since I have internalized a lot.

I'm not sure what you mean by the following:

"Somehow you lost heart, and I cannot say that I blame you."

Lost heart in what way? Do you mean in general?

Regards,
Sylvie

Sylvie,

Re: being private. I have learned to post about my experience with the P, but I am not interested in posting about my life in general. I do not want to discuss religion or philosophy, or otherwise reveal too much about myself. My last post to you, short as is was, revealed more about me than what I have written in 175 posts.

"Lost heart in what way? Do you mean in general?"

No! In relation to what you appeared to have understood.

Good thoughts,

Nan

Hi again Nan,

No I'm not particularly interested in long discussions about religious beliefs either - the subject matter here is heavy enough as it is.

I still don't understand the other part of what you said, about what I appear to have understood and about losing heart. I'm not going to ask again though, I don't want to be tedious : ).

Take care
Sylvie