How can a person ever be safe if they are in contact with a Psychopath? They are capable of every evil thing a person can think of. No remorse, no regrets. I am sure the fear of prison is the only thing that keeps most of them from murdering someone. Also keep in mind that most murdered folks are killed by someone they know.

Playing with fire is the best thing that comes to my mind, but in this case it can be truly playing with your own life.

This reply is for everyone that wrote back.
I know you're right, all of you. As a matter of fact, he's hurting me as I write this. I called him (as he requested) to set up a time to meet with him tomorrow. He said he was getting an incoming call from his boss (some Mafia type guy), and would call me right back. That was 45 min. ago.
The reason I called him in the first place is that I'm so damned miserable and bored. At least with him life had some drama! However, I see that this is not good drama. He wants to use me somehow, I'm sure. He's already asked me to get a place with him and I said, no way! I know he would run around and I don't want to see it.
Unfortunately, we both know the same people where I'm going to be working. I have to play it cool if I want to get out of this.
He could jeopardize my situation there. God, why did I call him!
Thank you all for your support.

Joni

Joni and everyone else: I completely understand what you are going through. I too went through hell and back and thought that I had finally gotten over my p. He started calling me in May and was very persistant throughout June. I've kind of told the story before so I won't go into it too much now. I was bored to tears and thought I could handle him in small doses since we don't live in the same state any more. He came to see me a couple of times and then he moved back to his home city in July. I haven't seen him since. He called me everyday though until maybe two weeks ago. He said he was being switched to night work for a couple of weeks and called a couple of times in the wee hours of the morning from work. I work in the day, so I asked him to call in the hours before most people go to bed. I havn't heard from him since. My question to everyone else at this point is... It's absolutely killing me to not talk to him! He told me he would have more time during the day to get plane tickets for me to come up to his place or for him to come here, but he never has. I'm really trying hard not to call him and to try to forget about him, as I'm certain that he has found someone else and is too busy making her life (and maybe more than one) as impossible as he can. The thought of him being with someone else makes me so unhappy, but I just can't seem to mentally cut him off. I know that I'm better off in the long run, but it's constantly on my mind. If it wasn't for this site I know I would have spent money I don't have on a plane ticket so I could go to be with him (if not move up to be with him). My question is... How do you get away? How do you make yourself GET OVER them? It's so mind boggleing. It's like literally having two separate people in the same body - one dying to "talk to him, be with him, whatever" and the other saying" no, he's seeing gawd knows how many other people as we speak and even if we could be together, he'd be making impossible demands and just being a jerk in general". So, is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Or do we just have to consistantly talk to ourselves? Or am I really that crazy? Just wondering... Confused

It's now 8:47 p.m. and he has still not called me back.
Jerk! Maybe he's doing me a favor.

Joni

Blondie,
I feel sorry for you that you have had to go through this. I should know better. I've broken up with him at least 5 times because of his insensitivity to my feelings.
He hasn't called me back tonight. He wanted to hurt me already.

Joni

I found it interesting that you said mafia type boss...My P had the same connections.
wouldnt it be interesting if they knew each other...

Whisper, could your p possibly be in Ft. Lauderdale? Maybe we have the same p!!!

Joni

I know. It's like a magnet pulling you in a direction you know you shouldn't go. God help us.
I rue the day I met that man and his ex-wife. Did I ever tell you guys that they both lied to me and made me believe (in the beginning of the relationship) that they were cousins? Being naive, I believed them. You see, even his ex still loves him. She and I "bonded" for a while, but the whole time she was trying to scare me away from him. She has never stopped loving him and is devastated (I'm told) that he doesn't want to sleep with her anymore. I have cut off contact with her although she's invited me (through a mutual friend) for breakfast, ect.

I have a question to pose to all:

Do your p's have a "nice" time frame and a "not nice" time frame? His Jekyl and Hyde personality seems to be on a schedule. 3 days on and 3 days off. Anybody notice this with their p's??

Joni

So this has come across from a post on the "Red Flags" thread.

…

I’m going to post the comments you made regarding leaving Ps to another thread:

“If if was so easy to get out from under an abusive relationship (of any kind) there would be no need for the many Domestic Abuse trained police officers, and certainly no need for the many Women Centres for abused women. Many of these women are aware that they are being abused, for the abuse is so up front, still they are caught in an endless cycle of needs versus wants - of needing to be loved and wanting to be be free of the man. Financial security is also a huge issue especially if there are children involved.”

I didn’t say leaving Ps was easy. The bottom line is that Ps do not change. If you don’t want to be abused by them you have to spot them and stay away from them. Once you are involved with one, its better that you get out at the first sign of abuse (when your relationships start to deteriorate) and don’t wait through the abuse incubation period until things really erupt, as it gets increasingly difficult to leave. I think deteriorating relationships commences sometime very soon after the point where the “too good to be true” shift happens which I think marks the end of the “respite / honeymoon” phase and beginning of the critical / walking on eggshells stage.

I don’t think these cycle’s are as simple as a needs verses wants struggle, as I understand and have experienced it it’s a subconscious primitive psychological defence going on between both parties involving transference. When hate and love are both present, and goodness and badness are being polarised and transferred I can understand how suicide and homicide are entirely possible and come when the one who is carrying the bad decides to leave… the one who has assumed the position of virtue can’t reconcile why the bad one will leave when they are so virtuous… this leads to abandonment rage which can result in homicidal instincts (I hate you / kill the bad), and in suicidal instincts (don’t leave me / I can’t live without you).

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

Kind regards

KT