Page 3 of 9 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >
Topic Options
#3693 - 09/20/05 10:27 AM Re: What motivates the P ? [Re: JustAMan]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
I am posting this email I received from a long ago poster and current reader who is finding this conversation interesting:

Dear Dianne,

I have been following with interest this exchange between Justaman and morecautious now and others. The sense of a “spell” and “ energy draining”. My own experience with ex wife and son has reflected exactly those things to a stunning degree. I don’t think there’s anything metaphysical about it- they are simply the result of what happens when you either love an antisocial tremendously, like a son, or are tied to someone, like a wife who, for whatever reason, you do not leave.

My dear ex-wife tired me out, to death. Her actions were deliberate and designed to achieve exactly what it did for us- eventual social isolation. My friends, most of the good ones, remained my friends, but they would go the other way round the world to avoid her, and she knew very well that my sense of loyalty was stronger than my irritation. So in that sense, I did lose my friends for a long time, and even the regard of my own family. That’s the draining, that leaves you afterwards with such a sense of loss for all the many many years, and the sense of wastage of all your efforts to be happy. It was never going to happen.

The spell. Some people are charismatic to some other people. You like them a lot, and want them to like you. And often there is a period when you are “best friends”. But what you don’t know is that you are in fact serving a purpose for someone who feels himself in some way dependent on you, which might never occur to you. But when he thinks he doesn’t need you any more, then the abuse starts, in cunning and “clever” ways. But you don’t understand. It’s not possible that he cannot like you. It takes a long and humiliatingly bitter time before you figure out that for whatever reason- he hates you. Then, finally, it’s over. The spell is broken. He didn’t care what he cost you in any terms, money, stress related illnesses, sadness, and thrown away love. A normal life for him was never going to happen.

I personally rescued my life, or rather it got rescued for me. But I would rather not have known that there was a limit beyond which I would not pass to protect and safeguard my son. And that knowledge will stay for always. I didn’t want to know that.

And yet, life somehow dealt him a full hand of antisocial cards. And you’re left thinking-how, and why?

Top
#3694 - 01/03/06 12:28 AM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: MoreCautiousNow]
nonat Offline
member

Registered: 01/03/06
Posts: 4
I felt the energy drain for years. I started to observe and figured it out. When everyone get settled, the Psychopath is saying, "time to go." when everyone is working on project talks everyone into taking a break. Yes the sadism thing I'm not sure about. Psychopaths certainly do horrible hurtful stuff to people. Stuff which we generally label as 'sadistic'. Whether what actually motivates the Psychopath to do this stuff is sadism or something else is what I'm unsure about.

Psychopaths certainly do horrible hurtful stuff to people. Stuff which we generally label as 'sadistic'. Whether what actually motivates the Psychopath to do this stuff is sadism or something else is what I'm unsure about.

No matter what you are currently doing, the Psychopath is always trying to get you to switch gears. They can't sit for too long and they need to be constantly entertained. Just keeping up with a Psychopath is very tiring. If they can't be on the go, then they are constantly talking about what they are going to do next. We just spent hours packing up to go to the beach. We walk a long way carring things from car to beach. We unpack everything. Get unbrella up, get ice chest out. The kids just start having fun. Right when you finally get to sit down, the Psychopath says, "I'm bored and ready to go." After all that work, you need to rest and make it worth the arduous, tote-carrying trip! Another trip to the beach, Psychopath was trying to get everyone to go swimming. I knew that once I got in and started enjoying myself, Psychopath would announce it was time to leave. I never got in, but others did. Everyone was covered with sand and wet. Psychopath said, let's go out to eat at nice restaurant. Can everyone be ready in 15 minutes. It is non-stop! We found a nice place in shade. Psychopath didn't like it.

We had nice motel room with view of ocean. Psychopath insisted we change rooms as soon as Psychopath saw how much we loved the room. Psychopath complained that 5-star hotel was terrible. Psychopath looked for everything wrong. Kids wanted to swim in nice pool but Psychopath spent all the time trying to prevent kids from swiming and made them dress up while everyone else was walking around in swimsuits (with covers of course). Psychopath had to make everyone miserable. period.

Psychopath didn't listen to what people really wanted to do, but insisted on a tightly packed agenda for vacation. Psychopath seems to want to always go in opposite direction and I guess the thrill is to see just how much power Psychopath has just forcing people all the time into doing things they don't want to do, and denying them the things that would truly make them happy. psychopath complains and whines. Psychopath wants drink, food, and immediate comforts.

Psychopath can't stand material chair is made of, so we all have to get up and go find a new place to sit. Psychopath doesn't like the waitress and demand a refund. Psychopath is exhausting. Psychopath is always spinning wheels but never going anyway, but exhausting everyone that Psychopath forces to keep up with him. Psychopath just likes to control, be in charge. Psychopath won't stop the car for bathroom breaks and a few minutes later asks if everyone is having fun.

Yeah about as much fun as possible considering all effort is in trying not to go in pants cause Psychopath can't stop the car. Oh love those speed bumps,,,woo hoo yippiee fun. Psychopath is terrible with time but acts like he's the only one aware of it. He incorrectly exaggerates a 3 minute stop into 30 minutes. (if a Psychopath has to wasychopathit for 1 minute, they say they waited an hour.) I know, I use actual time and clocked it. If Psychopath sees everyone enjoying movie, Psychopath announces he is sick and everyone has to go home before end of movie. Psychopath is vindictive over little things he thinks took place (his perceptions are that everyone is trying to sabatage him). He gets revenge by really sabataging the people he "thinks" are sabataging him.

Psychopath's will spit in your drink when you are not looking. They will do some really disgusting things, and dunk your toothbrush in the toilet. They are just inhuman, evil aliens (can't call them human).

Top
#3695 - 01/03/06 05:41 AM Re: What motivates the psychopath [Re: Sunshine]
Diane1969 Offline
member

Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 147
How about immense barely-repressed agression? This seems to underly an awful lot of a Psychopath's behaviors that don't make sense in any other context. And what they do seems to be at about the emotional maturity level of a three year old. It's like watching an angry three year old in an adult's body who has to hide the fact that he is actually three, and pretend he is an aduld

Diane1969

Top
#3696 - 01/04/06 04:16 AM Re: What motivates the P ? [Re: JustAMan]
the_watchman Offline
member

Registered: 12/20/05
Posts: 2
Loc: Hertfordshire
Loosely following on from the “revenge” aspect of what motivates a psychopath, does anyone think that being bullied at school may be a factor?

Perhaps the psychopath wants to get back at the (now adult) world because the people he really has issues with have long since left his life?

Top
#3697 - 01/04/06 06:18 AM Re: What motivates the psychopath [Re: the_watchman]
Diane1969 Offline
member

Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 147
No, I don't think so. But you can bet he will use this excuse if he thinks it will work with you.



Psychopath's are much more likely to BE the bullies at school.



Diane1969

Top
#3698 - 10/08/07 05:08 AM Re: What motivates the Psychopath ? [Re: Sunshine]
James Offline
member

Registered: 10/04/07
Posts: 134
I agree with you sunshine.
My Psychopath's primary characteristic, in my opinion is sadism.
So, Psychopath's enjoy it, it keeps them going. If you try crying, explaining it to them, they enjoy it...

Top
#7420 - 09/29/08 09:40 AM Re: What motivates the Psychopath ? [Re: James]
Matty Offline
member

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 12
This thread raises some interesting issues, a couple of which I'd like to share my thoughts on.

Are psychopaths sadistic? In my opinion, only a minority are. Sadism is a separate disorder from psychopathy, and involves getting pleasure (often sexual) from causing pain and suffering in someone else.

On the other hand all Psychopath's are capable of causing pain and suffering in others, usually because of lack of empathy. This means suffering is not (usually) the goal of the Psychopath, but can be a side-effect of selfish behaviour that doesn't bother the Psychopath in the slightest.

However I do think that Psychopath's sometimes appear to be sadistic in the same way that cats do when they torture a mouse. Cats are not actually sadistic, as from their point of view they're only playing. I think Psychopath's sometimes play games with their victims too, but what they're really after is to see them run around and pay the Psychopath lots of attention. The pain is once again a side-effect.

Another part of the discussion suggested that Psychopath's drain energy from their victims, which provoked some scepticism from some members who thought it a bit too mystical. Thinking about it, you don't need to be a mystic to recognise that mutual love between two people is enormously energising for both parties. When two people love each other, neither is bleeding energy off the other, but the beneficial psychological effects on both are indisputible. Certainly, when you feel loved you feel an energy boost.

I think the energy drain may relate to unrequited love. If you love a Psychopath, then it is bound to be unrequited, since Psychopath's cannot love. The difference with 'normal' unrequited love is that a Psychopath may intentionally fool you that he loves you, when in fact he doesn't. The partner of a Psychopath often believes intellectually that she is loved by the Psychopath, even though emotional alarm bells may be ringing. If you realise someone doesn't return your love, you're less surprised if you feel your energy being drained. But if he is playing with your mind, it must confuse the hell out of your psyche. Meanwhile, the Psychopath is getting all the attention he craves.

I don't believe in any 'energy transfer' to the Psychopath. All they gain is instant gratification every time they 'win' a situation, which soon wears off. The victim is the one who feels a long term energy drain. Every relationship with a Psychopath has a net negative effect (neutral on the Psychopath, negative on the victim), and are intrinically destructive. Loving relationships have a net positive effect on both parties, and so are intrinsically constructive.

Top
#9099 - 01/28/10 07:37 AM Re: What motivates the Psychopath ? [Re: Matty]
stunned again Offline
member

Registered: 01/27/10
Posts: 10
Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum and I have been reading for a while. I have been on other blogs/forums for other PDs but nothing rang as true as your stories. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and as I read I kept nodding my head in agreement and it is very clear to me that my ex is a Psychopath. Its kind of a scary revelation but everything makes sense now.

I am posting on this thread as the sadism really rings true - I was constantly amazed at how cruel she could be, how she seemd to derive pleasure from my pain and during some of my most painful moments, she would turn her back on me and berate me through text messaging. She rarely called, only communicated through her BlackBerry, so much happened that I couldn't possibly tell it all.

Her capacity to hurt me continues and I now realize that she gets pleasure from it, from hurting "the love of her life". Right. Manipulation and words and she strung me along for 3 years and then has been harassing me for the last year with her games. Is this familiar to anyone?

Stunned again.

Top
#9100 - 01/28/10 12:01 PM Re: What motivates the Psychopath ? [Re: stunned again]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi stunned again, glad you found us. Yes, it is common once people find us that they are amazed how similar the stories are. When you are ready would you mind telling us more of your story. Telling your story not only helps you but others like yourself who read before posting.

I hope you are keeping good notes.

We don't get many women Psychopath stories so will be looking forward to hearing how you met and when you started seeing the red flags.

Keep in mind it is usually always, kind, caring and loving people who they go after and nothing you could have done would have changed things. It is quite common for the "love of my life" or "soulmate" that they use as a hook.

Di

Top
#9101 - 01/28/10 03:53 PM Re: What motivates the Psychopath ? [Re: Dianne E.]
stunned again Offline
member

Registered: 01/27/10
Posts: 10
Hi Di,

I have noticed that not many stories are posted about potential female psychopaths...my story is long and very painful. I am also concerned about putting it out on the net but I will do it in stages – even I can’t believe most of it.

I met her February 2006 on a dating site (I am lesbian) while I was in another relationship. I am not proud of this fact but I was having difficulties in that relationship and I though I could have a sexual relationship on the side to fill the void of what was missing in my relationship. WRONG. I met her, we started “dating” for lack of a better phrase and I should mention that she was (is) married to a woman at the time (and still is). I fell hard for her…she was beautiful and seemed to be able to ready my mind in what I needed sexually.

It wasn’t long (2 months) before I found myself falling in love with her and I left my relationship as I was emotionally divided and I couldn’t stand hurting my then partner or myself any longer. I hated cheating and lying and to be honest, my then partner knew. I moved out and stared this “affair” in earnest. As soon as I was free she backed off and told me to tell her about sleeping with others. I said I wasn’t as I was in love with her and I was.

Long story short, time went on and she did not leave her wife. She kept telling me how much in love with me she was but she just couldn’t leave her wife. Of course, I asked “why” and she would say “I love her”. I would say fine then stay with her and work it out. She would “I can’t I am in love with you”.

The red flags…the first one I was sitting on the end of my bed (she’s an alcoholic by the way) and I jokingly said “hey what’s this” as I pinched the back of her arm. I shouldn’t have done that but she went “off” – I was on my hands and knees begging her forgiveness and that’s when she got a sense of her real power over me. I went into a total panic that she would leave and it took over an hour of apologizing to get her to calm down and listen. I NEVER made that mistake again.

I am going to fast forward but suffice to say that for the next year she continued to tell me she loved me, she couldn’t leave her wife, she text me 100 times a day, always on the computer messaging me and sending email to me at work. She wanted to be in my every thought and she was very successful at it. We worked a few blocks apart and she would meet me for lunch, degrade me by having sex with me in the washroom, whenever I was hurt or missing her she didn’t care and would only say “I know babe”. As time went on I would fall asleep every night knowing where she was and I was alone in my condo.

Every weekend I was alone in my condo and she would text me about the fun she was having, she was at the cottage, she was on a patio, she was with friends the whole time knowing I was alone in my condo waiting for the next text from her. She would never talk on the phone and would call my voicemail at the office and then text me that I had a message waiting for me there. Of course, those messages would be dripping with how she desired me, how she loved me, how she was longing for me. I bought every word.

Things were rocky to say the least and I should state that she eventually had a key to my condo. The first time it all fell apart I was raped one night and ended up pregnant as a result. I had a termination but I couldn’t tell her until a few days before I had to go to the hospital as I was too afraid. At any point prior to this if I got too close to her life she threatened to cut me off and always told me I was disgusting, sick, etc. When I told her about what had happened, she raged for hours calling me every name under the sun and I cowered an cried. She ended up taking me to the hospital and wrote me a goodbye letter while she waited. When we walked into the door of my condo she spit at me, called me names and turned on her heel and walked out. I didn’t see her for months.

Then she returned…that is part two.

Stunned again

Top
Page 3 of 9 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >

Moderator:  Dianne E.