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#12292 - 11/16/11 03:19 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: SonOfaPsychopath]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Absolutely. My father calls/called himself 'God'.

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#12294 - 11/16/11 04:04 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
absolutely 100% true.
When the mask cracks, when their ID is scratched, you can literally see their face go into some kind of question-fear-grimase. And within seconds you can read from their faces this incredible power of denial, and afterwards you will feel the greatest force with which they'll crush you. I remember that happening a lot.
When I told my Psychopath that what he was saying was a lie or in a ny way confronted him - he'd go like this for a moment (a moment in which I raised all the hope that he understands, that he gets what Im saying) and then just do anything, literally anything to stop it. I think those were moments where he saw things for what they really were. Not felt like a human but saw how all this is wrong. Because I think Psychopaths believe their own lies.

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#12295 - 11/16/11 06:08 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
They have to try to believe their own lies. Because what is at the core of their soul is just a black pit of hatred and bile and nothing good at all.

Of course, that hatred and bile is really all about themselves, how they feel about themselves. But they direct it outwards and spew it out over other people.

And yet, I think they also know that their lies are just that. They tell them because they just can't bear the truth. They can't bear themselves.

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#12298 - 11/16/11 09:28 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: starry]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
This part fades for me because I am no longer around ex h but.. I used to remind myself that for a mentally retarded person one wouldn't expect the same things from them as someone that is not.. & in so many ways it is true for the psychopath. BUT what is so different is that they walk a life along side everyone else, so often in leadership or when close then they do their thing, hurt, twist, lie, their sense is non sensical.. & it's a constant. For those that are healthy or working towards a healthy life, this tripping up is crazy but for them it's normal.. as is said here.. & I guess too it just doesn't make any sense how they can go about the world/ doing as they do.. for themselves, in regards to others.. it seemed so crazy.
I so loved ex h too.. & I am very aware at the end of it all that he would not change/ he is grounded in his unstable world. It feels so much like a spiritual battle dealing with them..
Like the darkness /dark forces emerge & Light/Dark are at the surface & one is exposed...
If one could adjust to their ways, for their sakes (the Psychopaths) but they would change the scenes..

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#12300 - 11/16/11 10:14 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: SonOfaPsychopath]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Originally Posted By: SonOfaPsychopath
Anyone who dares to question my fatherís grandiose visions has to be very careful. When the delusion starts to crack he may do just about anything to re-establish it as a reality in his own mind.
. . .
Does this ring true to anyone else?


Yes!

Many years before I put together the whole picture, this has bothered me about my mother-in-law (MIL). She grew up in an extremely small rural place, in a shabby little house, with a mother who ran a little roadside diner, and a father who had to travel for his work and was rarely there. Poorly educated because she had a learning disability. Naive and ignorant (and socially clueless -- to this day).

However, she vowed somewhere back there that she was going to be seen as wealthy and powerful, so when she got the chance, she bought the biggest house in her home town. I mean huge. Three families probably could have lived in it comfortably. The house had belonged to the family of her best friend when she was small, and she always wanted it. She once told the story of how her friend's parents were ruined in the Great Depression and lost that house. And somehow in her mind, by buying it some forty years later, she had finally succeeded in taking what her friend had. That's how it sounded.

She hired "servants" and always lamented that she could not find anyone good enough to be a "butler." Way out there on the edge of the wilderness, and she wanted a butler! She and father-in-law were members at a country club, and it just killed me to go with them. It was like Granny Clampett in a silk dress -- absolutely tasteless. But she behaved like the Queen of Sheba, all smiles and charm, and behaving with the assumption that everyone loved her. And I always cringed at the ridiculous hats she wore there.

I have NEVER seen her do any of her own work. Not housework, not paperwork, not shopping, not cooking, nothing. She tells everyone else what to do and how to do it. A real micro-manager. She made a career of that with a large company (we'll call it a utility company). She will hire a whole handful of help who are desperate, and she takes advantage of it by paying them a pittance. Often less than minimum wage. Then she complains about the lousy help. If she would stop and think about it, and spend decent money on one or two good people, she would come out ahead. But no, she has to have lots of help, to make her look wealthy.

It's how she covers her woeful ignorance and lack of love. "The Queen" doesn't have to know anything, right? If you ever catch her not knowing or understanding something, ohh, do you get "the look." But first you'll see the blank "uh-oh" panic look, then she recovers and stammer-stutters to misdirect you away from that. If you persist, you pay.

It's also why she took back a large sum of money that my husband's Dad had loaned him, then given him (explained in other postings). It was a source of money, hey. Looking at it this way, I don't know that it was personal, it's just that we're the ones who had it, and she wanted it. It didn't matter how she got it, or how absolutely crushed and infuriated we were.

Yes. Makes a lot of sense looking at this. Even near her last breath now, and the veneer has completely worn away in some places because she doesn't have the mental stamina to keep up the mask, she is still trying to put it over on everyone. And she has trained her youngest daughter to take over the mantle when she is gone. Pitiful.

blue heron

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#12304 - 11/17/11 05:31 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: blueheron]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Wow, I'm back to say that I read my entry (above) to my husband, and we think we've finally hit the nail on the head.

Anything, ANYTHING to maintain that delusion of grandeur, and it doesn't matter who gets in the way or who accidentally threatens it -- family or not -- they pay dearly.

One of the things that made it click for me was when I said, "'The Queen' doesn't have to know anything..." There it is! Now I need to search my memory for a bit. It would probably take quite a while to write up the pitifully humorous times when she didn't know something and tried so hard to cover it.

Now I am wondering just how much she doesn't know! It may be way worse than I ever guessed.

Thanks for this thread. This has helped me more than anything!

blue heron

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#12307 - 11/18/11 02:02 AM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: blueheron]
mpath
Unregistered


I am new here, and reading the experiences others have had has been so helpful and healing. I want to say how grateful I am to you all. I'm not comfortable to share my own story as it is in my opinion too bizarre and unsafe to discuss in a public area. But regardless of that, the nuts and bolts of the Psychopath seem to be nearly identical, don't they, no matter what.

It's taken me so long to speak up here. It feels very freeing and empowering, as if a part of me has returned. Thank you for this safe space.

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#12310 - 11/19/11 08:36 AM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: ]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Welcome mpath.

Blueheron,

For most normal people they want to bond with others but they maintain their own identity, & the, "path," which, mpath's name reminds me of.. the psychopath's path.. is one of self.

They keep directing it back to themselves. THAT is what is so difficult for me to get my head around & once one knows them well it becomes rather the key to removing from their frenzy.

The con fusion to me is that noone has taken my life & turned it upside down with such lies & intent of something completely different. He said all sorts of things/promises for us of which he had to convince me of, it's not other way around that I was working on him in the initial stages.. but his energy commited to GOD & this cause for, "us," & I was concerned of what I was leaving behind & pushing towards but he said, "oh I will take care of you/us & not to worry." The knight, "in shining armor," becomes the dark night.

As I have said, I reaized it was NOT the type of relationship I was used to but such work to get me to bond with him... & not until every shred of my life was changed did he leave & then me in HUGE debt of which even by court order he did not pay on.. so as a disabled person & vulnerable.. to start over at this age is just crazy.. It's been so difficult.

My supposed other half? What is that? I will tell you I would NOT want to be him when it comes to judgement day.

YES, this QUEEN/KING ship of theirs that they HAVE TO draw the attention to self..
it's this elaborated/concocted/confused infant syndrome / the psycho's path..
the babble is beyond what I have heard prior or likely will again..
I think I have recognized the types on occassion & steared far away from them.. even hence there is a gal that reminds me a tad of him, & I ran far from her because I see patterns, substance abuse & the bonding of which they seek to quickly do.. then the put downs begin.. once they entrap.
I do not attest to being perfect & I have my own dreads in life or things that are not easy for me to do..
They walk one up a mountain & the view is immense / then when one is in a relaxed state of being & taking in the fresh air, feeling accomplished by their side, they coyly shove one off the mountain top & watch as they fall.. is how it feels to me.
I think that no matter if he could hurt me again, the infant self/psychopath.. would.
It's about his needs & I am invisible & in the way.. he needs.. he needs .. he needs..
YES, blueherron, they are needy souls but don't have a clue what it is they need because they never grasp their own hole that is their own. IF they could see the gaping vat & do any of the work to stop the wound, it would thus free others/ that do love them & do/did care, to be by their side & not under their feet.

My life PRIOR to ex h Psychopath was one of building, slowly & purposed & most certainly I never had all the answers nor do I still. But it was on solid ground. Ex h's time in my life has not only shaken my life to the core but the foundation it is on.
They cannot steal our soul & I'm not sure what else would be left for him to take frankly.

I don't mean to sound melodramatic but all along & each time he would escape as he would act as if he was inprisoned by reality.. I would say, "why would you want to come back?" He said he would change, he was sorry. It never changed, he would leave disgusted again at my presence.

It makes me mad that I could have married someone else, had another man in my life as I wanted to marry one time & he knew that.. My work & dreams came crashing down, thanks to him.

If he could lash more hurt my way I think he would.. the hole is too big & his to fill..
I wash my hands of it.

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#12328 - 11/21/11 06:05 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: ]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi mpath, welcome to our community.

I don't think you would say anything that would shock us, we always encourage members to change the names and locations. We are a private forum open to anyone who enters our doors but we have security that ensures that our members are safe.

Di

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#12331 - 11/21/11 09:06 PM Re: What motivates the psychopath ? [Re: Dianne E.]
mpath
Unregistered


Hi Dianne,

The reason for not discussing my experience publicly is for my own safety. Even changing names and locations wouldn't be sufficient. Apparently one of your members thinks that I am a Psychopath so I will take leave here. I have been through enough, thank you. If you will please unregister me. I wish you all well.

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