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#9372 - 03/06/10 02:34 AM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: Sahmera]
Jan
Unregistered


Hi Sahmera

Itís surprising how much these kids have in common. Just like you, my mind is jogged when you write about your experiences. The kid was such a convincing liar as well as capable Oscar quality acting that we got him enrolled in acting lessons with the local theatre company. We thought that may be a way to lead him towards a career in the future. He was supposed to be so keen but was soon kicked out for his bad behaviour as well as for refusing to take part.
My partner didnít even have to raise his hand for the kid to throw himself out of the way. In public he often raised his hands to cover his head as though he was used to being beaten and we would look around to see who had threatened him.

His father had never even smacked him once and I certainly wouldnít hit someone elseís child, especially him. If I had started to hit him I wouldnít have been able to stop. We didnít have serious physical aggression from the kid, he was covert and did things behind the scenes. I did see him once bullying another kid at a vending machine. He was trying to make the boy buy him something from the machine and when he saw me approaching he immediately changed and turned on the charm. He did once physically try to stop me opening a drawer in his room but he was not very strong and couldn't stop me and got very angry.

He was often sent home for being spiteful to the little girl next door, he seemed to pick on small children. He was very small for his age so all his peer group towered over him.
The worst thing he was caught doing was trying to tip my baby niece out of her buggy onto the road. He wanted to push her but ran off ahead to try to do it out of sight. We thought his one saving grace was his interest in this little one but now I feel that it was an unhealthy interest, almost a fascination. Iím not implying he would become a paedophile but it did cross my mind.

That is crazy that your boy has clearly stated his doesnít get on with his counsellor and no-one listensÖ.for whose benefit is this? Itís more like being for the counsellorís. Does he really believe he can change someoneís sexuality? He must have some divine qualities that no-one else has. Does he think he can also influence how tall someone is going to be Öor change their eye colour? Surely his job is to support the boy, not oppose him. My friendís son used to cross dress in his sisterís clothes at home and we all accepted it and didnít even notice. He didnít do it anywhere else so he was never in a position for other kids to make fun of him. He turned out to be a lovely young man and I havenít a clue whether he still does it and I really donít care. He was never frustrated by people trying to change him so his personality developed as it should.

Do you think you will have any success getting the boy a counsellor who can support him?

Regards
Jan

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#9376 - 03/06/10 10:32 AM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: ]
Sahmera Offline
member

Registered: 02/01/10
Posts: 15
We are currently working o getting him a new counselor but they are coming from a new angle. Of course they are. . .If he can't tell his counselor he doesn't him what makes you think he wants to stay living with you until he goes home maybe he doesn't want to live there and is afraid to tell you. I told them to ask him, this is for him and if he is uncomfortable in my home then he needs to leave. He wouldn't be the first nor the last to say he wants to live somewhere else. I don't have a problem with it we are temporary parents to support the child's needs and wishes.
My daughter also liked younger children so she boss them around. She would prefer to play with toddlers a the age of ten. I didn't allow it. There was one incident at a day care where she changed the infants diapers and the infant was very excited. I know my daughter and she is very inquisitive so I am sure she probably did something. The daycare provider simply said no more changing diapers not that she had permission anyway. My daughter is she wants to do something will find an innocent victim to try things out or get away things not normally tolerated by her parents. Trust me she will do everything she says she asks to do after being told no. I think what amazes me is she keeps a running tab of things I have said no to and will eventually do all of them but not in my presence. I also find it a little comical when others discover her other side, the one they deny because of her charm. It's then I get the no thanks I don't want her around anymore or will try again with her eventually leading to we can't watch her like she need to be watched or supervised.
I know when my daughter wants an argument or is going to become physically aggressive. She will position herself in a corner. She has done this since the day she walked into our home. She changed it up for a little time where she attacked wherever. But it wasn't wherever. It was when one parent was home and in a hallway. She also likes to strike from the back. It doesn't matter that I know all of her moves she is going to do what she has committed herself to doing. I may be able to postpone her aggression or oppositional defiance but she will hold onto it for weeks, months, because she is going to get back. That's why people are surprised when she overreacts to a situation she doesn't overreact she is taking advantage of the situation to complete her cycle of revenge.
My daughter is a good liar but since I know her and know when she is telling the lie she is horrible. When she tells the truth she repeats the same story no additives. The lies develop into more people, more situations, etc. She also cries when she is telling the truth because she becomes upset that I don't believe her. The cry is different from her other crying jags.
Another interesting thing about her that you reminded of is that she used to bully others. It was fascinating to watch. I could see it all before anyone. If another child had something she wanted and was refused permission by that child she would stalk them. The personal space, the "what can I say to get this kid to give me what I want look", I would eventually be the one at fault because I would interrupt her flow. She would of course take it out on me in aggression and defiance. She never would forget and when she would see the person again she would be right back there in the same situation no matter how time had passed. The kid would of course have moved onto other things not my daughter she remembers everything and takes copious notes in her head.

More later
Thank you

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#9377 - 03/06/10 09:31 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: Sahmera]
Sahmera Offline
member

Registered: 02/01/10
Posts: 15
My partner went to see my daughter in the hospital today because I am tired of the hospital and scene and needed a break. Anyway, another reason they want to call her retarded.
Each time we visit my daughter she has to take the name tag off and play with it as if it were the first time she saw one. She will beg for it until we give it up or not.
Did I tell she gave away one of her outfits. She grew very short and frustrated with my partner's visitation with her because my partner is confrontational with her as am I. She takes more offense to her though. My partner described a game of "trouble" where my partner called herself a name and my daughter attempted to use the phrase plus added on bad mother. Wrong Answer for her. My partner told her in no uncertain terms that she was not a bad mother that if she was a bad mother she would be in foster care right now not in a hospital. The visit was horrible she doesn't have anything to say as usual she would be perfectly fine is dropped off a little goody bag and left. The usual forced conversations and "play" activities such as board games ensues with her OCD kicking in high gear to ensure all pieces are lined up. The other odd thing is she got away with stealing someone else s playing cards. She claims the boy gave them to her right before he left. Such a liar. She took them. Here's the issue. We had an older boy in our home last year for a few months until he aged out. He was into some magic cards. So of course for rewards or whatever we bought him a collectors book because otherwise he was carrying them around in a wooden box. He would organized them, traded up, and went to tournaments. If you see where I am going with this. My daughter is imitating this boys behavior to the inth degree. She again asks for items the same day she has an episode of aggression and defiance. Asking for allowance and cards, etc. I come to play a game of giving her little treats when I visit her. My partner gave her a few pieces of candy it seems to satisfy her craving to get something for a little while. Her hugs are so void of any love or feeling. So I started giving her back what she gives me. She did notice but didn't seem to care.
I don't know it is just so crazy. Anyway thanks for listening.

More Later

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#9773 - 04/13/10 06:51 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: Sahmera]
again Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/10
Posts: 7
we went to get coulsling for 3 of our childern 2 of them we know our oldest daughter molested but the 3rd one we are trying to find out if anything happened,when we talked to the counslor and explaned what our oldest daughter has done she set up a meeting just to figure out what to do with her(the psychopath) and said that she is a rad child???she is not my bilocial daughter and i did not come into the picture until she was 2 years old.

my wife lived with her mother and step father who WAS a child molester until i met her then we started our family because my wife and her baby daughter lived with a child molester the coulnser thinks that the molester got to her when she was liveing there but that was only for 18 mounths and my wife says there were never any seign of abuse also our daughters bilocial father is a diganosed psychopath and our daughter has all the traights of psychopathy

seinse they cannot diganose psychopathy until the age of 18 are they just putting this rad diganoss so they can digoness her with something???

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#9774 - 04/13/10 07:02 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: again]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Again, I have a couple of questions, how many years ago did you marry your wife and are you still married? Did you adopt any of these childen? Is your wife or X still in contact with her family or does she make excuses for their behaviour?

What brought you to the conclusion the father is a Psychopath - was he diagnosed and how? Does he seem to hold down a steady job? and is he still with the mother of your wife?

Did the counselor just have one visit to come to this conclusion? imo unless your wife was watching the child 24/7 how can she come to this conclusiong?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Di

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#16802 - 09/07/16 09:17 AM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: Dianne E.]
fostermom Offline
member

Registered: 09/07/16
Posts: 1
Looking for guidance with a foster daughter with RAD, PTSD, CU ,probable FASD.I am the twelfth placement and have exceeded all expectations and made it through a whole year.Threats and violence and predatory behaviors with younger children increasing,considerable unresolved "borrowing" and some minor fire starting,constant use of pornography and illicit access to the internet.

I was a new and unaware foster parent who was saddled with a notorious child and told to provide unconditional love,personal safety and lots of academic and social support.Previous foster placements,residential homes, and four adoption placements never lasted more than a few months,all ending in bizarre sudden returns to DCF,generating abandonment, and abuse charges,both sexual against male family members and physical and emotional against the primary maternal care givers.Unfortunately, the agencies, both lead agencies from the group home,the secondary fostercare agency,DCF and the clinical care staff,psychiatrist and mental health worker and therapists pursue a policy of not telling the new foster parent about the actual diagnoses,past history,and poor prognosis.Lack of understanding about how to work with a RAD child ,resulted in letting most everything go,excusing behaviors as impulsiveness,normal argumentativeness in pre-teens ,idle threats of killing me some time,covetousness and jealousy stealing, and worst sexual predatory behaviors with younger girls.

Why do they not tell you what has happened in the past placements and try to form a treatment plan to minimize further predatory behaviors and protect and advise the care givers.Had what I was told was the best year in this childs life,academic success,social success at lots of nurturing churches, camps, trips activities, learning to ride and handle horses at a very advanced level,outdoor freedom on our farm,biking,playing with dogs,visiting neighbors, anything she wanted to eat......But puberty and sexual opportunity and violence came on hard this summer resulting in running away to the neighbors,horrible stories of unfair discipline and finally stalking me at night and constantly provoking fights. Like all the previous care givers I am facing 51A investigations from mandated reporters,who the RAD child has consistently used all year to make bizzare and manipulative accusations through.

The agencies want to prove that I have done abusive things to the RAD child and justify another foster care placement or continued adoption efforts. Honestly, I know she will never succeed in an adoption and home care is tricky at best. Should I ask to get her back and continue to try to keep her safe from herself, give in to the charges and live with the danger she puts me and my friends children in?Should I try to continue working as a foster parent?

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#16803 - 09/07/16 01:24 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: fostermom]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Fostermom, Welcome to our community. I am very sorry to read your story. There is a conversation with a member called DadofRad on this thread Adopted and RAD

If you are interested to read more of another members stories then just click on their name and you can view their posts to read their back story.

I am sure he will be around in a couple of days.

Best Regards,

Di

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#16804 - 09/07/16 01:27 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
I am sure DadofRad and Notmyfault can weigh in on what to do. I think if you are putting your own family at risk that is a strong consideration. It is my experience but only with adult psychopaths that they seek out the nice and caring people to manipulate and I suspect that would describe you by your question (and clearly there is nothing wrong with being nice and caring). I think only you can find the answer so I will step aside and let one of them talk from their own personal experience which I lack.

Di

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#16812 - 10/02/16 01:22 PM Re: RAD or Fledgling Psychopaths? [Re: fostermom]
DadofRad Offline
member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 129
When I read your post, I immediately thought of my son and wondered if he would be like that in a few years. I recently faced charges of abandonment to get my son in the foster care system in order to protect myself and my family from his continued dangerous behaviors. His first foster placement was disastrous in that another child sexually propositioned him the first night and he gave in and then reported it. The second, like you, the foster parents were told very little about him regarding his history and even recent Hospitalization. They found out about him by accident and by me pursuing visitation with him. At first they didn't see the problems and advised me not to give up on him because they saw such good in him (master manipulator). Now, their other foster children who are even older feel threatened by him, as he continually instigates fights, hits and assaults them. My son is only 13, but his foster brother is 16. The poor older child has to share a room with him and has no safe place to turn to get refuge from his continual provocation.

Not every child like this is a psychopath, but yours sure sounds like it. Of course there will be no such diagnosis until she is 18. If she is a psychopath, all the good intentions and good environment you have cannot really change her. You may be able to shelter her, but there is only so much a normal parent can do in that there will always be unsupervised moments when you have to take care of yourself. A child like this really needs to be institutionalized with 24 hour care, but the system does not want to pay for that without a court order. My wife put it well: some people are just toxic and you have to get them out of your life before they cause irreparable harm (or distance yourself as much as possible). You are a foster parent, and you can always say I'm done and send the child back. It has been much harder for us.

Dadofrad

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