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#11160 - 05/28/11 05:08 PM Re: General Discussion [Re: ABsfostermom]
veronique Offline
member

Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 14
yes the emotional roller coaster is how it felt living with my Mom. I always feel guilty that if I am wrong about her then I will be judged as a bad person for turning her away but it never ends. The insanity just repeats and sucks the life from you more. An emotional vampire.

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#11353 - 07/11/11 06:43 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
My son was a fledgling psychopath from the time he was 4 --- his behavior was totally incorrigible and unafraid of punishment.
I could never take him anywhere, for he really got off embarrassing me.

This is a long story --- he's now a fully grown man, super rich, super successful and screwing people over left, right and centre, I'm sure.

I haven't seen the psychopath for 23 yrs, even tho we live in the same city.
I know he speaks badly about me behind my back --- and I'm sure if I was bleeding to death, he wouldn't lift a finger to help me.

After not thinking about this rotten human being --- I do not wish to call him my son --- it makes me too angry -- I'll from now on refer to him as the "kid from hell". Anyway, after all these yrs, I came across his Facebook profile, which really made me very, very angry.
He is, as I said, rich and successful --- and it turns out, married with twin boys.
I mean, HOW DARE THIS CREEP HAVE SOOOOO MUCH GOING FOR HIM!!!!!

I'm alone and hurting, and this psychopath has a successful life --- it's too much to bear.
He deserves to be in the gutter!

I've just finished reading SNAKES IN SUITS for the second time --- and could find him thru the pages of this book.

Ok, here is why I came here: I'm thinking about wanting to do harm to this creep and need to get support for that.

Feedback much appreciated!
_________________________
Sayit

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#11355 - 07/12/11 07:27 AM Re: General Discussion [Re: Anonymous]
lisondesalpes Offline
member

Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 2
What is "interesting" about psychopathic persons is that when they reach an old age they do not seem to acquire sensitivity to others, as we could expect from some other brutal individuals.
I am 61 and I've waited a whole lifetime to diagnose my mother, because her absence of affect and sheer brutality has left me in so much pain that it has always been difficult to make an objective assessment of the whole situation. In retrospect, i began my young adulthood with feelings of terror. I ended up emigrating to the us where I was diagnosed with "extensive damage". Psychopaths hit people at a time when they expect it the least, when off guard etc.
I believe there's a huge taboo about psychopathic disease in society, especially there's an appalling lack of literature concerning the impact of being raised by a psychopath. Thank you for this forum

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#11356 - 07/12/11 09:44 AM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Sayit]
skybluepaint Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100

Probably most people who have come into contact with a psychopath have had fantasies of getting back at them. But it is really more than that... you want them to actually FEEL the pain they have put you in. You want them to have empathy. You want to bang on their chests and say, "Look at me. You hurt me. See how I am struggling. Feel my pain. Feel something!!" They never will. They can't feel. It isn't even necessarily intentional. They are totally oblivious, clueless, can't understand why other people have pain.

Having empathy requires having a concept of future and others. You have to be able to put yourself in their shoes. In other words, he would have to be able to imagine being a mother who loved her son and whose son disappointed her, who was getting older, alone and hurting. He SHOULD be able to imagine this even more once he is a parent, seeing how much he likes being a part of his children's lives and recognizing that connection, but he can't

This video is a really good illustration of how empathy evolved in human society. It helps explain how non-psychopaths relate to the world and what psychopaths are missing.
http://www.wimp.com/empathyevolution/

You will never be able to hurt him the way he has hurt you. The best you can do is work on improving your own life and care about yourself, do some self-nurturing. I am in the midst of that struggle myself, trying to pick up the pieces. There will always be times you remember the psychopath and their negative influence on your life, but it is a part of your life history and the further we move away from it, to close that chapter in history, the better.

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#11358 - 07/12/11 06:40 PM Re: General Discussion [Re: lisondesalpes]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hi, I'm sorry, but I had to correct you about "psychopathic disease" --- it's NOT a disease --- it's faulty brain-wiring due to genetics and environmental influences.
As far as I know, Psychopathy is not listed in the Psychiatry books.
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Sayit

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#11359 - 07/12/11 06:49 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: skybluepaint]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Thanx for your reply.

I know they can't feel and don't care about that. Well, I care, but know the futility of it.

What I really wanna do is deactivate the brakes in his brand-new Mercedes --- he'd surely feel THAT!
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Sayit

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#11360 - 07/12/11 07:23 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hi, Diane:

My question is SHOULD I OR SHOULDN'T I??????

I have a psychopathic son I haven't seen in 23 yrs - he's successful and rich, and married w 2yr old twin boys.
I've never met the wife, but want to phone her and say:"I'm so'n so and need to tell you that you must never leave your husband alone w the kids 'cause you married a psychopath and thus are not safe w him - and neither are you, 'cause my ex is a misogynist and wife-beater - and in your shoes, Id take the kids and run."

I saw the boys w cuts and bruises in a dream last weekend.

SHOULD I MAKE THIS CALL ???????
_________________________
Sayit

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#11361 - 07/12/11 10:13 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Sayit]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Sayit, welcome to our community.

Would you like to have your own thread so we can help you through this. Revenge never works with a Psychopath, but helping your process the anger may help you.

Your dream probably is based on reality is my take on it. If you read about those that were married to these monsters, none of them are in a winning position. We have many members who were raised by Psychopaths and I have yet to hear anyone describe their childhood as anywhere near happy. It is very complex for the children. His wife is trapped along with the kids more than likely. It is hard to imagine that she would stay with him but she may not have put together the pieces together and many times breaking away from a Psychopath is something hard for anyone on the outside to understand. She could still be under his spell or lost without anyone who would believe her if she tried to reach out for help.

I think we can help you process this horrible pain.

It must feel unbearable to see him so successful. Before you do decide what to do, how about if we have a chat about it? Clearly we can't decide for you but maybe in perspective it might help relieve some of the horrible pain you must be in.

He was born that way and there was nothing you could have done to have stopped him.

It would help you and others to understand how you discovered what he was and came to be able to say it. Most parents deal with a great deal of pain with these "kids from hell". Likely he has told people things about you, that is how they operate, he has to have some pathetic reason why he doesn't have his mother in his life so in order to pass it off, he has to be the victim.

Let me know if you would like to have a thread of your own because I think it would be best for you to talk this over and not let your anger drive you into a bad situation. They always win so revenge is never a good course, however in the end that will be your choice but I think sharing and having us to support you might help you work through this.

Di

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#11362 - 07/13/11 02:08 AM Re: General Discussion [Re: lisondesalpes]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi lisondesalpe, welcome to our community.

There is a thread here with members who had mothers who were Psychopaths.

My Mother

If you are comfortable sharing your story we will look forward to reading it and offering any support we can.

Di

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#11363 - 07/13/11 02:23 AM Re: General Discussion [Re: Sayit]
lisondesalpes Offline
member

Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 2
Thanks for correcting me. I should have used the term syndrome instead. But i think i should be allowed to used terms however vague and incorrect to talk about something that is a taboo still and this, even in America. It is so much easier to correct someone on the form than dealing with the subject matter. Besides, putting words to what I've been through is the first step to my recovery if any.
The fact that I am calling my mother and elder brother ill is also a coping strategy that i do need to survive.
I don't care whether Ted Bundy's wiring was faulty or my mother's, all I know is that if you're around these people, and needless to say there's no escape when you're a child or ado, the impact is devastating and the risk is to become emotionally numb/inoperational or live in denial the rest of your life.

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