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#11380 - 07/16/11 08:38 AM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: skybluepaint]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
That's exactly it. Everyone in this world has a vulnerability. Everyone.

And psychopaths are highly skilled at spotting that and working on it, because they spend their lives doing it, and because their lives depend on it.

Again, the responsibility isn't that of the 'victim', but the that of the psychopath.

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#11397 - 07/18/11 06:49 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: skybluepaint]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hello to all I offended: didn't mean to offend anyone, but I still believe I'm right in what I said as far as "the kid from hell" is concerned. He amassed a fortune and found someone greedy for his money - I'm sorry, but this to me is glaringly obvious, but obviously NOT true for you.
I'm NOT judging anyone here; as we all have different experiences.
I'm sorry you took this so personally.
_________________________
Sayit

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#11398 - 07/18/11 07:00 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: starry]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
No, I think it's a shared responsibility.
Before I marry and have children with someone, I make darn well sure I know who my future husband really is.
Of course, this is easy to say now, well into my middle years 'cause when I was young and stupid, I married a psychopath - would've married anyone just to get out of my parents' home.

When one is 37 with lots of family support, "young and stupid" is not an excuse.
In my case, I find it offensive and hurtful they never thought enough of me to contact me 'cause I was the missing link.
I would've said: PLS DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY - HE'S A PSYCHOPATH!
_________________________
Sayit

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#11400 - 07/18/11 07:50 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hello!

What's so infuriating about psychopaths is their uncanny ability to do god-awful things without feeling anything - and because of that, they live long and happy lives.
I gave birth to the kid from hell - this is what i'll call him from now on 'cause "son" is inappropriate.
He's successful and rich, as I said - and everything seems to be going his way - he's got all the trappings of success and bragging about it nonstop on the net.
THIS INFURIATES ME !

He's been disparaging me behind my back for 20 plus yrs, telling people I abandoned him and am a crybaby 'cause I used to cry a lot after losing my father and dealing with this incorrigible kid. And while it's true I shipped him off to his father and new wife, this fledgling 8 yr old psychopath couldn't know about "abandonment", for he never bonded with me or anyone else.
The REAL reason the kid from hell couldn't care less about me is the fact HE HAS NO USE FOR ME - that's how psychopaths operate - and the glaring reality he's alive thanx to me is of no relevance to this scoundrel.
MONEY, SEX, POWER - that's the name of the game.
_________________________
Sayit

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#11401 - 07/18/11 08:21 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hi, Diane:

I feel concerned I won't be able to get the support I need here 'cause you're opposed to vengeance.
Psychopaths do whatever they see fit to do to our lives with impunity - and we, the ones on the receiving end are supposed to take the abuse and move on with our lives - this makes no sense to me!

Evolutionary psychologists tell us that revenge is normal - an eye for an eye......
Barak Obama announced "America has killed Osama bin Laden" - and Americans cheered, me included.

I think whether one needs to exact revenge is a personal decision and I would be in favor to support people choosing to do that. However, only if the avenger's safety is assured - otherwise, NO!

I think getting even with the psychopath would mitigate the damage done to some extent - I'm sure - just as long as one is not found out or end up in jail.

Look, I may never have the nerve to do anything retaliatory, but if I do, do not wish to be seen in a negative light because of it.
Meanwhile, I was hoping for an answer to my question SHOULD I OR SHOULDN'T I?
Maybe I should've said WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN MY PLACE?
Maybe, just maybe, said phonecall would settle things for me.

Sincerely, Sayit
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Sayit

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#11402 - 07/18/11 08:45 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Sayit]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Sayit, you are welcome to be here to get support. Please let's stick with your subject about your "kid from hell", you need to leave out your thoughts about why or how his wife got involved, she is a victim. You are a victim of your son and we will help you with that but I must ask that you not bring his wife into the conversation in a negative manner.

I will be back later and give you the link that is here talking about revenge. The short and simple to your question is that my personal opinion that revenge of any form including a phone call can be dangerous when dealing with a Psychopath. It will only draw you into his evil radar.

I'll get that link in a bit.

Di

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#11403 - 07/19/11 01:46 AM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
What would I do? Walk away. Walk in the opposite direction, keep walking, and don't look back.

Psychopaths want more than anything to elicit some kind of reaction from you. Any kind of reaction.

Once they have a reaction, they have your attention. And they'll use that, and keep using that, they'll up the stakes further and further, draw you closer and closer, demand more and more of your attention, drain more and more of your energy, until your every waking minute is about them, until your whole being is consumed with them, until you can't function because of them.

They'll never give you want you want (whatever it is) because it's not in their interest. Only you have the capacity to give yourself what you want.

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#11404 - 07/19/11 08:00 AM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: starry]
concerned Offline
member

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 47
Hi Sayit

The psychopath in my life is married to my daughter and is the father of my granddaughter. Believe me, I would LOVE revenge. I've even tried it a few times, and it always backfired and he was able to work it to his advantage.

The experts on Psychopaths say - No Contact - that is how to deal with a Psychopath. Because I have a close relationship with my granddaughter, and I have read on here what kind of trauma these children go through, I choose to have limited contact for her sake. But, over the last 5 years I've learned, with the help of God, many friends, and the kind people here, that I can't beat him at his game because I am not like him.

Your anger is understandable. Your pain is understandable. No one can tell you how to feel. You asked if you should or shouldn't and you asked what would I do?

I'm speaking from my heart when I say that I would beat him at his game if that was possible. I'm speaking from experience and from my mind when I now say that I would not. To seek revenge would allow him to consume my life and my thoughts. I would have to become more like him to try to beat him. The rest of my life is better spent on the people and things that are kind and positive and happy.

Starry said it very well.

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#11405 - 07/19/11 12:53 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Sayit]
skybluepaint Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100
Sayit,

Don't worry, I didn't take your previous comments personally. I had just wanted to point out that you don't have to be naive, lacking in life experiences, needy, etc. in order to fall for a psychopath and that often the psychopath themselves will act out those very characteristics which makes you feel sorry for them and get lured in.

The man my psychopath left me for was significantly older than her and she had never been with a man (I'm a woman),so I initially believed she was naive and had fallen prey to this smooth older guy who gave her a bunch of bad advice as her new "counselor". I saw her as the victim, just as she wanted me to believe. In the end, it was the older guy who called her a psychopath and said she "shouldn't be having sex with her counselor." From hearing his words through her, and knowing she had done the same thing with me, lured me in as her counselor, I began to research psychopaths and realize who she was.

Just as I attributed lots of bad qualities to the man who got involved with my psychopath, you seem to attribute many bad qualities to your son from hell's wife. Some of them may be true. We really can't say without actually knowing them. Very likely your boy from hell's wife is a victim to his carefully crafted words, lies, flattery, gifts, etc., all of which seem extremely genuine at the time, but ultimately are not. If you were to meet her, she might be a very nice person. If you tried to warn her who the boy from hell really is, in case his mask hasn't slipped yet, you might end up enraging him and he would retaliate against her.

Whether you try to warn the family who he really is for the sake of the wife and kids or you try to seek revenge directly against him, you run the risk of enraging him putting them and yourself in greater danger. You also will end up hurting yourself, because you will most likely not get the revenge you seek and will dig yourself further down a hole of anger, hurt, depression, and seeking more revenge. The best thing you can do is get far, far away from him, try to put him out of your mind and move on. When my psychopath wrote the words, "Do not write, call, or come to see me," I wish I had made DAMN sure that she couldn't write, call, or come to see me, changing my email, phone number, and moving apartments. As a good friend advised me, "When someone puts a mile between us, I put ten between us." THAT would've been the best revenge, for her to believe that I just didn't care, that she was worthless, meaningless in my life. Instead, I went into shock, trying to figure it out, and desperately make contact. I created 20 new email accounts trying to get through to her as she'd block my texts one by one. I'd call and she'd talk happily sometimes. Other times she wouldn't answer or would scream at me. I got horribly hurt by the betrayal, was accused of verbal abuse and then listened to all of my faults and 'wrongdoings' from a 4yr relationship listed to me one by one. I became an alcoholic, gained 30 lbs, and actually became verbally abusive (they love it when you turn into who they want you to be). I invited her on two vacations from hell in hopes of reconciliation (both times she physically abused me and cried a copious amount of fake tears to draw me back in). I became depressed, passively suicidal, and lost my job. It was the absolute worst 15 months of my life. In the last two months, I have gone through rehab, counseling, meditation, moved back home and am now with the help of myself, this forum, and my family, trying to put my life back together and start over.

So, I'm sorry to go into this whole lengthy detail of my crazy, pathetic life,and it would probably be better for me to vent on my own thread, but the point I want to make is.... Who looks like the crazy one? The person who calmly, cooly walked away without any feeling at all, they just slipped quietly away or the person who desperately wants to right a wrong, prove a point, get back or realize something that was probably never there in the first place. I am sad that I let this person have that power over me, to drag my dignity and self-respect into the ground, but I did. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't believe it, because when you are the object of the psychopath's desire, the one thing they are intently focused on devouring at the time, it feels incredibly powerful. If his wife is under his spell, there is most certainly not any way you can get help from her or convince her of anything.

The best thing, I'd agree with the others, is to beat him at his game. Run far, far away.

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#11412 - 07/20/11 05:25 PM Re: General Discussion - Part 1 [Re: Dianne E.]
Sayit Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/11
Posts: 25
Hi, thanx 4 ur reply.
Pls let me know later on how to connect 2 aforementioned link - S
_________________________
Sayit

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