Please post any questions and/or comments for general discussion. If you have resource material about Fledgling Psychopaths, please share with us here.

Thanks,
Di

I just want to share something in relation to a psychopath with advanced age (age 82).He was my father....
He was diagnosed as such even before the Hare Psychopathy Checklist was developed, by Swiss psychiatrists.
He is the 'non-criminal' psychopath however his behaviors are as damaging....(a retired professor of architecture)
So far he 'got away'...
On April 5th there will be a hearing (28 people in his apartment have provided affidavits)where the judge will decide what action to take. I hope he will be sent to a geriatric unit in a mental hospital.for the remainder of his time ... That day I will embrace life as I have never done before.
The reason for this very late justice day?
A retired police officer who heard about him took it upon himself to investigate and interviewed tenants in his building. He made the complaints official, had them notarized.
We need a social mechanism that facilitates this kind of collateral input from society about a certain member of the society. We need to expose them. The mental cruelties these people can inflict on innocent people are as dangerous as physical injuries.

Thank you.

Hi Billur, welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you have such a situation in your family. It must be truly devastating.

If you are comfortable explaining some of the things or actions taken by your father?

Best regards,

Di

Hello again

I have been quite busy of late since I decided to put myself through higher education at last after wasting my time on two lousy marriages (36 years in total) I start as an undergraduate in October and am doing a short pre degree course at the moment and start a counselling course next week.It turned out that I still have PTSD so I have seen a counsellor and have made a good start in the therapy which is simply to talk talk talk it out. I am meeting some lovely people and getting on good really (14 months since leaving)

But things with my two sons is not good at all. I have tried so hard with them to be patient despite gross disrespect. And now with the counselling, things are coming out that I have buried regarding their behaviour towards me in the months before I left when the psychological abuse escalated and they joined forces with their father in making me the scapegoat. I see now that I could have got him out of the house. He had ended the marriage. I could have got help, but I left instead and made myself homeless because I knew fine well that I would have had a bad time with the sons as they wanted to live with their father, and one of them had even said when all the rowing was going on that I should be the one to leave. Now p is attempting to stop me going over to the house to see the boys (they will not come to me) He starts to act as though I have started an arguement if I am there (I asked him to go out and let me have some time with my sons but he said I was being controlling) and the boys defend him.

I am starting to feel angry with my sons. It is good I think to feel angry when one is disrespected. I know that p is the cause of it but I have been tolerating it from them and still giving them love and support but i feel all washed up now and it will stop me achieving in my studies if I struggle on with them like this. Some of my friends said I should have walked away from the whole situation. They may be right. Maybe I have stopped them seeing p for what he is by continuing to try to improve the relationship with them by putting myself through hoops. Maybe I normalised things by staying in touch and going back to the house. I am so confused now.

You just cannot win with a p can you.

Mati, it is great to hear your update. A big congratulations for going back to school

I am sorry to hear about your sons being still in the clutches of your X. I sure hope with time they will see things more clearly. It is really good that you are seeing a good therapist. I feel very sorry for your entire situation, it can't be easy. It is easy for people to tell you to walk away but that is only something that you can resolve for your own best interests, imo. I think you should be very proud of yourself for all the progress you have made, it doesn't sound like it has been easy.

I hope you can find the energy to focus on yourself and your studies. It must be very exhausting to have this on your mind and have to worry so much.

You have made some huge steps and I really admire your courage and strength.

All my best,

Di

Here's a saying I like: "It is much riskier to explain yesterday than it is to make tomorrow." I have been in recovery for years now and I have found that time passing helps a lot if you are able to just let go of the particulars that have happened. Try not to blame yourself for the behaviors of others and stay the course you set for yourself. Hope that helps atleast a little. Keep moving forward.

Ken ... syntheory.com

Hi Mati,

Well done - keep up the good work and enjoy the socialising of the undergraduate. I was classed as a "mature" student when I did my degree - but it did not stop me having a lot of fun and meeting so many great people.

AS the others have said, don't beat yourself up about your sons - you are doing all youcan, and you will have to leave it to them to see the light. If they don't then I would still ask the question - do they have any P tendencies which makes them unwilling to see the reality of your family?

I have just come back from a week with my family which was great, but in certain places I feel so uncomfortable in case I bump into my ex - its a horrible feeling, so I don't know how you cope with still having to see your P.

Good luck and let us know how the studies go.

Recovery

Hi Di Ken and recovery

Thank you all for the support. It really helps. Yes I have come a long way in 14 months, and entering higher education is proving to be the best thing I ever did for myself, in fact one of the few things I have ever done just for me. I am actually studying with a home course but I will meet up with others doing the same locally and for tutorials. It is just great for me as I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and the level of support from the university is good. I will be doing it part time so it will take me 6 plus years and I will be over 60 when I graduate but who cares, better late than never, and I have plans on moving to somewhere warm when I finish so that my health will be better.

That really struck home in not worrying about the particulars and not feeling responisible for others behaviour. Thanks for your words Ken. I can see that it can only get loads better as after a year it is so much better now. The course I am doing has made me face the psychological damage done to me in the six months before I left, and which I have not been addressing, having to concentrate so much on the praticalities of setting up home on my own, with no job and little money and has helped me see that I have no need to feel guilty about leaving my sons with their father (they are adult) because they made the choice and I have thought about the posibility whether one or both are actually p or have some other personality disorder if they will not see the reality of the situation and keep on denying the terrible psychological abuse I was subject to from them all. It has been a long hard struggle to get back into reality and stop what I have been programmed for by p, that is to blame myself. The most important thing I have learnt to do is to take care of myself and not beat myself up like I did in the past.

I know that I am past a critical stage, where there was a danger that p could have got me back and I knew that his treatment of me would be much more controlling and vindictive but I have survived this and said no and have no/little contact now. There is just the divorce to go through and the house to sell if I ever get it sold due to the emotional blackmail for me to forego my share.

I am also in a small group which was set up for the divorced and separated but the three women who turned up all were very interested in what I had to say about psycopathy, and they have recognised at least traits of this in their ex's and are educating themselves by borrowing my copy of Hare's book. It is amazing as I searched for some support further than the usual domestic violence sources and thought there was nothing but it is happening now. We are all helping and supporting each other. Added to the counselling I am getting now, which is for the PTSD, I really feel supported.

The main decision I have to make now is regarding how much time and energy I can spare on my sons as I still have to be very careful what I say, but I have stepped back and am letting things take their course more now that I have stopped feeling so guilty and am holding them more responsible and expecting more respect from them. I wonder whether being used to their fathers manipulation to avoid all responsibility prevented me from making the boys accept theirs especially when their father did not do it. It is a double whammy that time exposes more and more the damage p has done. Catching up with the past seems never ending when it keeps unfolding. It has been my studies that have helped me to distance my self somewhat. Not working probably gave me too much time to think of the past. Well thanks again everyone. I will keep you posted of my progress.

mati

What exactly makes a psychopath?

Hi, welcome to the forum. I think it is a nature vs. nurture issue. Personally I weigh in on the nature side of the issue.

You will find lots of information here:

Resources

I hope this helps answer your question. Let me know if this gives you the answer you are seeking.

Di