Hi Jamie:

CONGRATULATIONS! You are as courageous as I guessed and as intelligent. I truly, with all my heart, do hope the best for you.

In the event you do not get the response you hoped, do not despair. It may not feel the greatest at first, but you will always know that you made the effort.

May be difficult for your Mom at first. (shame, guilt) She may be wondering how to answer you. I am certain you’ve contemplated this as well.

I am glad to hear you and your family are doing well. Children of your daughter’s age are always so much fun. We feel so responsible for teaching them, but I’m always so amazed at what they teach us!!.

My youngest daughter came to visit me last week and that was a lot of fun. I have been kept busy by work and am involved in a lawsuit taking place 3,000 miles away. Things have been a bit stressful for the moment. But my family (children, brother, and nieces) have all rallied round and they are a great inspiration and wonderful support. We are close even though many miles separate us.

Please always know that I am available to share with you and discuss whatever you wish. I feel a “kindred” spirit with you and you are in my thoughts.

With all kindness,
MCN

i still haven't heard anything, but she will either respond or she won't. it's out of my hands now, and i feel ok with that. a little sad, yes, but basically ok.

i agree, i have learned more from my little girl than from anyone. she just amazes me. i had no idea that children of such a young age could be so kind and compassionate, but she really. she is the first to try to comfort another child that is hurt, and when my (very old) dog yelped the other day she patted him and wanted him to go right to the doctor. he has some arthritis, so we settled for giving him his medicine instead.

a lawsuit 3,000 miles away sounds like a royal pain. it's bad enough when it is in the same town you live in! i hope it all turns our however you want it too. it is good that you have your family to support you.

sorry it took me awhile to respond. the last week or so have been really busy with the 4th of july and some family things.

i hope things are good and you and your family are all well.

jamie

Hi Jamie,

Glad to hear all is well with you and that you are comfortable with your decision.

My legal hassles and work are taking up most of my time these days. I will be happy when the legal issues get settled. Thank you for your good wishes in that area. I need them.

As you, my family is important to me. I always think of "family" as the people you consider closest to you and those persons do not necessarily have to be "blood" relatives. Some of my family is "blood" and some are not. The ones who are not are more "spiritual" family to my thinking.

Once all the "dust" settles, I am hoping to go and visit my family. As I said, just trying to keep up with work and other issues for the moment.

I did want to go back to someting you mentioned that was of lesser importance, but you mentioned it "bothered" you somewhat. It was that you look like your father. I, too, look EXACTLY like my father and it bothered me for the longest time. I disliked looking a pictures of myself too. My brother who died looked exactly like him as well. People thought my brother and I were twins. There was 5 years between us. We both dispised the fact that we looked like our father, but we "latched" onto looking like each other. Eventually, we got over it.

Don't allow this thing to prevent you from having pictures of yourself around. Your family loves you and they, like most human beings, want pictures of you for that reason. Don't allow your father to take that from you. He's already taken enough.

I hope all is going well for you and your family. Have you and your wife come to any conclusions about adding another?

With all kindness,
MCN

hi mcn,

sorry to hear you are still having legal troubles. that's such a pain, just draining and stressful. i hope it's over for you soon and you can just get on with your life and spend some time with your family.

i understand what you mean about "spiritual" family. i have a few people in my life who are like that. they mean as much to me as anyone i am related too.

i am trying to get over the "dislike" of pictures of myself but i don't know if i ever will. the last time i saw a picture of myself i ended up using a razor blade and cutting my face up. fortunately, it wasn't very deep and didn't scar very badly but it was enough to make me decide that it is just best not to have pictures of myself around. maybe some day i will be able to deal with it.

my wife and i have decided to wait about a year to try for another baby. if we do that then our little girl would be nearly 5 by the time it's born so she wouldn't be so dependant. we don't want her to feel as if she is being pushed out of the nest too soon. i don't know if we are doing the right thing or not, but it seems to be the right thing to us.

i still haven't heard from my mother, so i guess she isn't interested in contacting me. it hurts, but that's ok. it's not like it's really a huge issue, either.

it seems like lately my sister has turned the snob factor on full force. she never really liked my wife all that well but has been actually rude lately. it makes me really angry and understandably hurts my wife's feelings. i finally told her not to bother us until she is ready to treat my wife decently. i know this just stems from jealousy/fear on her part but i don't know why she can't see that i am perfectly capable of loving them both.

jamie

Hi Jamie,

I understand your hurt. However, for these type matters it is still "early. I must say I think you are handling it well.

Sorry to hear about the situation with your sister. Your sister sounds as though she still has some issues "with the past" and has not yet worked them through. I think that you have moved far past that and it appears that you are doing the "right thing" in consideration of your own immediate family. Women, as a group, are not very good at allowing others to live their lives without "interference". A little age and maturity sometimes helps.

You and your wife seemed to have struck a balance with regard to "expanding" your family. If it "feels" right for you both, then it probably is. Your reasoning and concerns are well thought out. You both sound like loving and caring parents. Very positive and desirable traits especially in this day and age.

You are so very right about the legal stuff. It is so very draining and stressful. It is all over money!! It is a "sort of" inheritance, (not thru immediate family) and I was content with it, however immediate family thought otherwise. So, I have been sucked into this and things have just barely gotten started and it's already a nightmare. Again, thank you for your well wishes.

I am very happy in my heart for you that you are getting along so well. You've come through such a emotional holocaust and all the echos I hear are strength, love, courage, quality character, and intelligence. Your family and friends are very fortunate to have you in their lives.

With kind regards,
MCN

MCN,

yeah, i understand about legal issues over money. i'd give it all up just to not have to deal with it sometimes. not really an option in my case, i suppose. i hope it's taken care of for you soon.

my sister has issues with issues, i think. not in the same way i do, and i have plenty of my own. she's such a control freak that she drives everyone nuts. i understand WHY and i can be that way to some degree myself, but she takes it to extremes. she also comes across as very conceited and stuck up, i am not sure how much of that is true and how much is just because she is very deeply scared of people and that tends to keep them away. *sigh* i wish i could help her more, but it's impossible to help someone who can't see that anything is wrong.

if it was up to just me we'd have 10 kids all at once! lol! not practical, or even possible, but i really love little ones. i'm never happier than when spending time with my daughter. we will probably stop at 2 children, but that has more to do with my age and knowing what we can really deal with than a lack of desire for a large family. i wonder if i am doing anything right for my kid sometimes. i know what NOT to do, but that is very different from knowing what TO do. it all seems to come so naturally to my wife. i just find myself following her lead a lot. i tend to be more permissive and give in more. i just find it hard to resist those big brown eyes. she's just such a good little kid. almost always happy, sweet, funny, unbearable cute....lol....i could go on about her all day. so if she wants extra ice cream or a trip to the park i can't seem to say no.

i guess that's all for now. try not to let all the legal stuff get to you. easier said than done, i know, but in the end it's not worth stressing over.

jamie