I've read all the post and what a revelation. Our son is 40 and has lived as a parasite on his sisters and his parents - US, since the age of 18. People only exist for him to use. He has never been arrested but has totally worn us all out with his using girls, bankrupting out and stealing our identy when it suits him. His grandparents thought we were being mean to him when we began to slowly "get wise" and they thought that HE was the victim. He got control of them when they were very elderly and their estate. He embezzeled the estate and bragged that they couldn't die fast enough for him. We are now deathly afraid of him because he is so outstandingly presentable and turns the tables to make himself seem as if he is wronged. He is very interested in our estate and is terribly angry that we have attempted to salvage what is left of our lives and get away from him. We know that if frustrated in what he wants, which is control, he might do anything? Is there anyone else who is frightened of their own son? Jen

Hi Jen, welcome to the forum. Your situation sounds horrible. Did anyone ever press charges against your son for his theft of your identity and his grandparents? I don't have a son but if I were you I would make sure I had an iron clad will. I would even go so far as to have a second attorney consult on what the first attorney did.

You mentioned that your son went "wrong" at 18. What was he like as a child prior to that?

I think you have every good reason to be frightened of him, he sounds like he will stop at nothing. Do you see him very often and/or live in the same town as him? I assume your parents have passed? Did he inherit what was left?

It sounds like you are in a very painful situation, there can't be pain worse than for a parent to realize there is something wrong with a child. If your son is a Psychopath there isn't any way he can or will change. Psychopaths are experts at playing the victim while at the same time victimizing others.

When he was a child did he tend to lie, cheat, steal or bully any "friends". How was he around pets?

I am sure this must have been a long process for you to come to the point that you are in such fear. I am truly sorry for your situation.


Di

From: Jen

Thanks for your email. His crimes are all confidence crimes. He preys on family members that will give place him in a position of trust. He embezzeled part of the his grandparents estate from a cousin. The cousin is a lonely old man and our son has worked on him and the cousin is his biggest champion and is very angry at us for cutting the son off. The cousin knows that he has been stolen from but he is old and tired and says, "What can one do". This son is "very good" and knows his victims well. Before he was 18 he was proud of his aggressive "telling people off", couldn't keep a teenage job and dropped out of high school because the "teachers and kids don't like me". They didn't like him because he was a predator toward girls. Of course he got a girl pregnant and he married at 19. They didn't stay married and he has been a poor father. Actually encouraging his son to do the same things he has done. The son is not as bright as the father so can't get in as much trouble. He has always lied. We didn't notice stealing. The lies, cheating, stealing and having to be in control are all sneaky and on a rather high and clever level. They love him on the job "for a while" then he is usually forced to leave or leaves because he is unpopular with the other workers or has tried to steal the bosses wife. But he covers his tracks and to tell the truth we are the outsiders in our own family after a lifetime of helping him settle down. So much time and money spent on him it would be hard to count.
Jen

Note: When a user requests to receive notification of a reply to a post the email that is sent isn't clear to let people know to not answer but go to the forum. And, I am not computer savvy enough to correct;) I always respond to the author to make sure it is something they meant to post or wanted private.

Hi Jen,

It must be very sad to have to be alienated from the rest of your family. Does your daughter still have contact with your son? I hope you have had some time to read in the "Resource Section". If your son is a Psychopath there is nothing you could have done differently as a parent that would have changed the situation. Personally I believe in the nature side of this issue and I think that is one of the more accepted theories about P's.

Cutting yourself off from him must be very difficult as a parent but frankly it is really your only choice. Does he live in the same town?

I have a couple of questions if you are comfortable answering. There is some very interesting research becoming available about "fledgling psychopaths". What was your son like as a baby? I have read that in reflection parents have determined that the child did the rejecting as far as bonding and the parent then responded with rejecting the child. There are some theories which I personally don't agree with that children who didn't have proper bonding don't develop a conscience. My personal opinion is that many children grow up in horrible situations and survive and become productive members of society. Likewise, children brought up with love and kindness can also grow up to be Psychopaths. I don't believe in the "blame the parents" theory.

As a young baby did you notice lack of attachment and/or bonding issues?

Di

Hi Jen

I have read your posts with great interest because I could be saying the same things in years to come.

I have to go out today but would like to reply to your post in more detail tomorrow. Sorry this is so short but we have to drive up North to collect my partners FP from school. We had to send him away to school for our sanity.

Regards
Jan

Hi Jen

I really feel for you because as I said before I could be saying the same thing in a few years. I don’t know whether you are familiar with my posts so know my situation but my partner has sole custody of his 13year old son who is a Fledgling Psychopath.

We had to send him away to school because he was intolerable to live with, he is getting worse but at least he is not with us for many weeks of the year. His mother got rid of him when he was 6 years old because she couldn’t cope with his bad behaviour. So this has been going on a long time. He can be very “charming” to some people if he thinks he can get something from them and is a parasite .As soon as he has sucked his host dry he moves on, often very rudely.


Does your son live with you? If not how much contact do you have?

Do you think you feel up to telling me the lead up to events today like how was he as a child and when did you first have misgivings about him. Is he adopted? Do you think there was a trigger factor for his behaviour or was he always different?

It was invaluable for me to be able to write down all we had been through, firstly because it was therapeutic to verbalise the problems but also because the people on this forum are very supportive and give some great advice. They even know when you just need to rant to get things off your chest and not feel in isolation with your problems.

I too have problems with the kid’s grandmother as she will not accept that there is anything wrong with him but then goes on to tell my partner that she is worried he is going to grow up to be a delinquent. She doesn’t say that to me as she doesn’t want to speak ill of any of her “family” and I’m not considered family she will not be honest. Anyway she blames me for all his problems even though his own mother got rid if him years before I met him.
She says all he needs is TLC but will not listen to what we have been through over the last 3 years since I moved in with my partner.

I am not at all frightened of him now because he is physically underdeveloped for his age so I could hold my own if he got physically aggressive. What does worry me is the covert anger and evil in his eyes when he is thwarted in what he wants and he could easily do something behind our backs such as setting the house on fire.

I was wondering how much in common your son and this kid have and the various stages in the development of the disorder.

If you would like to discuss your situation but not in public I would be very happy for you to e-mail me personally.

Best regards
Jan

My husband married a girl whose father was a petty criminal and was killed early in a drunken car crash. This girl didn't get along with classmates or teachers and dropped out of high school. The marriage was a nightmare.It was a sad day when the charming son started in with behavior that showed no conscious or regard for anyone. We had him tested when young, sent to a psychologist (he conned the therapist), sent to EST where he hijacked the entire event.(I think the leader wanted to hire him for a EST leader!!!) Also he was taken everywhere my husband went for athletic hobbies. It was all wasted as the son is much like maternal grandfather but perhaps smarter. Jen

Jen,

My husband and I are also afraid of our son, a 33 year old version of yours, who now is also addicted to Meth. Life is a nightmare, and has been for about 13 years now. I find myself praying he dies before he does mental or physical damage to his own young child.

We live in constant stress and fear. Many will say you can't give up on them, well, I strongly disagree.
In the end, it becomes a choice between their endless WANTS and your own SURVIVAL. I am voting for our survival, with a very clear conscince.

I applaud you for having thew courage to walk away. What relatives think doesn't matter, you know the reality of your situation, no one else does.

Had Enough

Hi hadenough, welcome to the forum. I have done quite a bit of research on meth and I if I were in your shoes I would also "divorce" myself from him even if meth was his only problem (which it isn't). Violence, stealing and meth go hand in hand. That combined with being a Psychopath sounds like a recipe for disaster. Does his x has custody or is he with her and the child?

Do you mind if I ask how he was as a young child?

Di

I feel for your situation from the bottom of my heart. We had to be kicked around for 29 years to do what we have done(stay away from the P). Only when he said he wanted to harm his grandparents did we come to the end of the road. I'm his step-mother so he used the "pitiful stepchild" for years. It worked but at this point I don't care. I hope you can get through this in time to save something for yourself. I wrote down every attitude he has and it filled a notebook. I've been ashamed of having my fill of him but I think this site has helped me come to terms with it. Jen