Hi all, I have been reading this board for quite a while now and thank you all for the great insights that helped me enormously to work through the inner pain because of an involvement with a P. This realtionship didn't last very long as I started to see him for what he was and he did not like this at all lol. He then verbally abused, lied, belittled, controlled, played mindgames in a saditic way and shamed me. I was going crazy. I felt I was under his spell. I had the fortune that he met another woman and he dumped me very sudden in a cruel way in which he also mentioned that I was too nervous and referred back to an incident the second time we met. This was when we agreed that I would pick him up from town to go to his home. When he got in my car he was very quiet. I started to feel really nervous around him for no reason at all and I could not drive my car properly. I had a panic attack coming from nowhere and I could not stop it. Well I did drive the car and when we arrived at his doorstep he said what's wrong with you? I said, I don't know, sorry about this, please allow me five minutes and I will be fine. I guess because I just need to feel a little at ease. I received no kindness, understanding or empathy (never) at all. So I sat there on the sofa and I felt nauseous and I could not move and stop it and I had no idea where it was coming from, I hated myself for it then. I was not scared of him so it couldn't be that. Anyway, I was fine later and my sickness vanished and started to feel okay and spent the rest of the evening with him. (I wish I'd known about NP's then..)This nervousness around a P, is this very common? I never had this before and it was so intense, a kind of strange fear I have not known before. I would love to hear your feedback on this, I appreciate it. love, Franceska.

hi Franceska,

welcome to the board.

if you're not chronically fearful, I think your
subconcious is giving you VERY good information.

you might like:

In reply to:

---

The Gift of Fear : Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

by Gavin De Becker

---

which makes the argument that your intuition about
impending danger is usually spot on.

hope this helps,

-WK

Hi Franceska ~

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing some of your story with us. May I ask if you have severed all ties with your P? You really must be very perceptive for the P to have envolked your fight or flight response (panic) so very early on. And though it is sad for the new victim, count him moving on as a blessing from God, because sometimes these P's can be like a piece of dog do, you get it caught on your shoe, and the stink never really goes away.

As you have read countless times, the "No Contact" rule, can be extremely difficult to do, but it is the very first step in the process to reclaiming the sense of self which may have been blemished by your relationship with a P. Sometimes it can take hours and other times it may take years... but that is the ONLY way to heal, take it from someone who walked in your shoes very recently.

It is terrific that you posted, and I hope you will share what you learn with some close friends or family to help support you. Chances are they may not understand the intensity of the experience with a P... and could take an attitude of "just get over it." Especially since you shared your relationship was short. While that advice may be well intended, a relationship with a P is like no other. Ending any relationship leaves sad feelings, but with a P, it was like you were possessed, ravaged, then left for dead. The feelings of inadequacy overwhelm any natural healing process in that our minds have difficulty perceiving that the relationship meant something to us, and it did not to the P. We are not like them, we have a conscious, our interactions and intentions are genuine, and it is mind blowing when you come to the realization it was just another game for the P. I am sorry you have experienced this... and will pray for your continued healing.

Be gentle with yourself, surround yourself with caring friends and family, grieve the loss you feel, and be firm in telling yourself this was not your fault. I wasted many months in useless self blame, that damaged my mind, body and soul, because of the complete loss of control I felt upon discovering nothing I had lived was for real.

I too had quite a few panic attacks like you mentioned, some with reason, others no reason was apparent. I think now they were a result of actions not matching words, and while I could not process consciously that was the case, subconsciously my psyche was screaming "something is not right here." Since the P, I know I am far more open to these suttle clues from my body when dealing with people, and I have actually come to realize my awareness of both N & P traits is a gift which will improve the overall quality of my life for many years to come.

I hope this finds you well, and that life is improving every day for you. The book White Knight suggested looks very interesting, he is a good source to us all here for reading materials on various subjects! I think I will have to add that one to my list too!

Thank you for reaching out, in doing so you are helping many who just read or perhaps just aren't ready to post. I hope you continue to share and find the solace I have with these warm, caring and supportive friends. God bless!!!

Love & hugs,

SFH23

WOW! Hello there my dear friend (((((((SFH23)))))) and Franceska and Sylvie, Jan, and all the other awesome souls who post and read here! I just read this about the "panic attack" and thank Franceska for writing because I could sooo relate! It's something I forgot about but it was sooo strange! Also, SFH23 - you have a BEAUTIFUL way with words and are sooooo comforting and soothing - you should be a therapist or healer of some sort! You are just amazing. Anyway, I remember that same feeling... suddenly VERY uncomfortable (for no apparent reason) .. we were just driving around talking (we never really went "out" due to lack of "funds")... I remember stopping and talking and suddenly I saw him sooo differently and it scared me. I was very uncomfortable and he picked up on it right away. He kept asking "What's the matter?" but I couldn't explain or understand it - it was just like a feeling a "DOOM" and I wanted to take him home right then. I couldn't wait to drop him off (down the street from where he lived with his "room mate" girl "FRIEND" - how naive I was believing his bull stories about THAT, too!!!

Anyway, I call it intuition - just "knowing" he was pure evil in an angels disguise!!! He was in very pretty packaging, but the contents were VERY ugly and empty.

Love to you and keep strong! NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!

I'll write again very soon. Love, Tiasa XOXOXOXOXOX

Hi franceska, welcome to the forum.

It looks like everyone is giving you some great input. I think Psychopaths are evil beings and my best guess is his evil energy is what put you in that state. I am sorry for the other woman but very glad as painful as it must be that he hit the highway.

Has he tried to contact you since he left for this unfortunate woman? It is typical that they (Psychopaths) sometimes will try to get back together, let's hope he is gone for good.

It must have been a horrible experience. I think like White Knight said if things don't feel right, they probably aren't right, good for your instincts.

Di

Dear Whiteknight, Stunnedhun, Tiasa and Dianne, thank you very much for your loving and soothing words. And thank you for the book recommendation.I have ordered it today and am quite keen to read it. It was very comforting to read your replies and the more I read the more I know I did not imagine it. Only when I was out of the relationship did I realise what I had been dealing with and this caused me so much shame. I hope to work through that now by being a bit forgiving towards myself, it ain't easy lol. The fact why my 'friendship' with this man did not last long is because I did not mirror him enough whilst he had put me on a pedestral with all his charms. I had a healthy set of boundaries and was wishing for an equal mature and kind friendship to grow. He also tried to evoke pity in me but I did not want to buy into that. But as I want to see the good in people (I still do), I wanted to prove my inner warning bell wrong and went on seeing him just in the hope things would work out and relax. Most of the things he said were just 'off' and his words never matched his actions. A normal conversation was very tiring and he was out to frustrate and twist things around. I also noticed that when you listen well enough in absent moments they reveal about themselves, at least I was lucky so I could do some psychological research as it was so bizarre. What actually was strange or a coincidence is that I saw him together with his new woman in a restaurant where I was dining with a friend one week later after the breakup. We never went there together. I really felt for her (like a sister, though did not know her) as I had been exactly in her shoes, all into him and having the same reactions on her face towards him falling in love. What I do know for myself is that I believe that even the strong and healthy women get affected and destroyed against the will. How many times did he say to me that I had everything under control whilst they were merely my boundaries. I was a challenge and only did I realise too late that he had a hidden agenda and for him to pull me over and to confuse me was his thrill. It is only in the afthermath that I felt bewildered and as if I had to do some kind of excorsism to get rid of this experience and retrieve some soul parts that were lost. I have never seen him again, neither has he contacted me and I found it relatively easy to do no contact as I knew it would invite for further abuse and control. But up to today it still haunts me and I really hope time will heal. Thank you for listening to me here. When I read your stories I feel your extraordinary strength and courage and above all,your wisdom and compassion. Blessings, Franceska

Hi franceska, I felt nervous around my P 24/7 during our marriage. My ex was always yelling at me, criticizing me, lying to me, belittling or making fun of me in front of others. She was always letting me know how I was always failing her or how I was never good enough for her. She also reminded me every chance she could get about how "great" she was and is. She was always fishing for compliments from me and others. She claims to be the "best" at everything. She could never admit of any wrong doing or being second best. I was always nervous because I never knew what she was going to do or say next. I always visioned the concept of my marriage of being a part of a team, not about competing with one another of who is better while you put the other person down. I found myself always asking my ex "are you fine?" or "are you okay?" "is everything okay with us?" all the time. I'm sure it drove her crazy, it drove me crazy. My ex was so unpredictable, I could never read her feelings, never knew what she was going to criticize over next. Before our relationship ended, I stopped giving her compliments and started to demand respect. I started criticizing her bad behavior and told her this type of behavior is unexceptable (I was never nasty, just straight forward/honest). She ditched me after a few months for another guy. I find myself once again, nervous as we fight for child custody. We have a child and I worry each day as our little child's mind developes, what my ex the P is trying to teach him or how she will try to manipulate our child. I also worry because I know my ex will eventually abuse our child mentally and verbally. It's only a matter of time.

It took me several psychopaths to get it. I can now feel them coming! I wish I had a well-developed sense of intuition before, but I guess it's better late than never. I wonder if there's a gender deal with this intuition stuff, because I felt really dumb socially before it clicked and I got it. Women seem to enjoy more intuition in social situations than do men.

Hello yall...I jusy wanted to add, that I too would appear stressed out, I lost weight, I couldnt sleep,I would get shaky and stammer my words.
At church after having a huge confrontation with first my ex...then the Psychopath...then the Ps crazy sister...I fainted threw up and couldnt stop screaming. It was my spirit tryin to tell me to get away from this person.