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#16392 - 07/04/14 11:28 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
LisaBlue88 Offline
member

Registered: 07/04/14
Posts: 1
I'm new here, just axed my psychopath days ago. I wasn't with him very long (although I had dated him briefly seven years ago), only two months, and when he dropped me cold and started giving me crumbs to keep me hooked while he screwed everyone he could, I left him a voicemail telling him off (I know he couldn't of cared less) and blocked him. Anyway, the sexual aspect of it is what hurts the most and I thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I was wondering about the child abuse factor. I don't know his past, but I believe he would have sex with anything with a heartbeat. I think he is bisexual and I question whether he was/is abusing a teenage boy. I have no evidence whatsoever that that has occurred other than a strange feeling. When he reconnected with me he was on vacation out of the country and was "childminding" a friends teenage son to teach him about international travel. I thought that was odd but ignored it because I was in the lovebomb phase. Every time it crossed my mind it made me cringe, but once again, I ignored and justified it. He is such a hyper-sexual predator that I don't know how he would be able to hide that from a child he was vacationing with. Now that the spell is broken I'm seeing more of the light. I don't know the child or the mother but it's concerning. I'm also confused and questioning my own sexual morality because 1.) I put up with a lot of disrespectful behavior (ex. he would just send random texts during the day that said "kneel" or he would want to dress me and show me off) and went past my sexual boundaries to please him (I seemed to have wanted to do anything for his "love" that I would never had done before we were together). 2.) After all of that, I'm still hurt that he hasn't gone leaps and bounds to contact me. He's been silent. I should be appalled and outraged and not checking my phone constantly to see if he found away around my blocking him. This is just another way I feel mindf&^ked. I feel like the scum of the earth for still caring about the actions of a possible child predator. What is wrong with me?

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#16393 - 07/05/14 09:15 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: LisaBlue88]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi LisaBlue, welcome to our community.

It is hard to say without being there as far as him and the younger person, but that said I would say to follow your instincts. On many occasions that is what is telling us the truth in most all situations. It is frequently easier it seems to paint those red flag's white.

There is a reason why you feel all these doubts. It is all about control for them, and many times they will get you to break up with them as an easier route for them. Given that opportunity I would say to grab at the chance to work on your own situation.

I have been working on a writing project interviewing Psychopaths, and they say some very interesting things.

There is nothing wrong with you from what I can see. They prey on kind and caring people and there is nothing wrong with being nice and caring, perhaps working on boundary issues would be a good thing to consider.

If you would like I would be glad to move this conversation to your own thread if you would like to explore some of these issues.

Di

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#16626 - 08/26/15 10:58 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
Charlie Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/15
Posts: 3
Hi survivor, Really interesting about putting the lights out, my female Spath wife did exactly the same and I could never figure it out. Fed me a line about being self conscious, yet then demanded the most incredible sexual acts. Almost a light coming on moment for me if you pardon the pun. Charlie

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#16859 - 12/30/16 01:07 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
Pinetrail Offline
member

Registered: 12/30/16
Posts: 10
Loc: Massachusetts
I was married to a psychopath for near 25 years until he finally ran away because he "could not take it anymore" Nothing I did or said or tried made anything any better- however five years into the horrible situation I did form a plan to get myself and our sons to a safer place legally and financially. It worked out somehow.

Now we are living apart from him ( I divorced him after he asked for the divorce over the phone) but then backtracked and so on )

The problem is contact which is funneled down to email only and he is provocative to say the least but not replying is the best. When I do reply there is little real info given to him- without this he can't figure out how to answer. I generally keep it vague and if I do say anything he retorts in a way that out does the conversation: hard to describe but the effect is he is less angry, more hurt, sicker, sadder, lonely, heart is broken and above happier with no regret. All the insincere manipulative reactions I have come to realize is psychopathic.

Of course I have been morphed into a mentally violent and dangerous person by him. I have been blamed -all familiar to anyone on this forum.

I have however now have two sons that are grown ;both mentally the oldest is ill with Bipolar1- schizoaffective since birth and my youngest son who was of 2 years ago diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia - I live with them and I am struck by the difference that even with these serious diagnosis that they are both very good people, aware and not manipulative at all. Both are med compliant.

I am now 63 and retired with a diagnosis of PTSD ;this is the place I never thought of being in when a young woman. This is a hard place sometimes. Horribly enough a bad day now is ten times better than a "good day" when the psychopath was in our lives. so if you are young you don't have to be me - get out now if you can and I understand that with small kids they become more objects to win then doing the best for them. That's why I stayed and gave continuous support for him to travel for work. It was the only tactic I had and would understand if he didn't come home for a couple of weeks at a time (other women)

All money is gone - he owes me thousands of dollars but won't show in court and then threatens me with court, cops, sheriffs and the FBI- He tries to intimidate me with what he is paranoid of instead of threatening me with what really scares me - (moving back into my immediate area.) so since he "does not regret anything but his heart is broken" he circles our place of residence or where he thinks we live (paranoid I'm not telling the truth) - How creepy. Thankfully he lives several states away but comes into the area while on business ( yup snake in a suit) and takes a side trip.

He is now remarried as he stated, "that if he ever married again it would be for money" and he did exactly that.so he circles us driving one of her cars.

Thanks for listening.

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#16860 - 12/30/16 01:37 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Anonymous]
Pinetrail Offline
member

Registered: 12/30/16
Posts: 10
Loc: Massachusetts
Sex with my psychopath was all about him and he had to be high as it made it better for him - it was robotic and could go on for hours at first, exhausting and painful to say the least and then i refused to comply he became angry that he had to "retrain himself" so i became the frigid controlling partner that made him wait too long - I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I then accidentally discovered that he liked me better when I was incapacitated and he got really experimental then- I was being rewarded for being a mannequin i suppose.

He was very involved with inter racial porn which centered around large back men with blonde women ( I was blonde) it changed when his niece married a black man; then porn became about young blondes with mature black men I know this as I became more aware of what he actually was doing instead of what he said he was doing . Locked in his office "working" He was a Caucasian but claimed he was really a Native American, NOT.

All in all he told me that our life would be good if i just let it be. Again my fault

There was of course other women, adult dating sites and a swingers cub because he was curious. I took care of the kids, worked except for 4 years while they were very young and just an all around good girl.

He is and was a complete waste of time.

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#16973 - 09/09/17 01:20 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Anonymous]
jewls Offline
member

Registered: 09/01/17
Posts: 6
Yes, exactly how my Psychopath acts in bed. I have tried time and time again to feel something from him and work with him on
how it should feel. But it was Greek to him and he just continued to act like some kind of performer or great actor.
It has always felt like he was rehearsing for a movie or something? Any time I would address him on the sub.
it almost always ended up in a fight because he couldn't for the life of him figure out what my problems were.
Didn't he do what he was suppose to just like on the movies? OMG, I have discovered that this man cant feel
but he can pretend really well.
I tolerated this for years pretending that he really was feeling something for me because he said he did. That stopped when I finally realized that he might be a Psychopath. I only came to terms with this possibility around Christmas time last year when I caught him liying to
me and manipulating my family? That's when I started to wonder am I loosing my mind or is there something else going on here?

That's when we started to see a therapist we only went a few times but he had convinced me that I should address my issues with the
therapist and of course I did openly admit that maybe something was wrong with me and that is why we were having problems.(his persuasion)
As soon as I did that, he said we didn't need to go to the therapist anymore and how expensive that is anyway and how he felt that we had figured things out.
I thought we had only got started but because of the expense I agreed.
The minute he was upset with me what came out of his mouth was how crazy I was, how I had to seek help from a therapist who diagnosed me as having schizophrenia and paranoia. What? she didn't tell me that?
Since then I've come to terms he must be a Psychopath. And since then I have started to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Unbelievable I think Ill write a book.


Edited by jewls (09/09/17 10:04 AM)

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#16974 - 09/09/17 10:34 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: LisaBlue88]
jewls Offline
member

Registered: 09/01/17
Posts: 6
Hi, I am new also and thank you for your story. I can relate as to how you must feel.
Our sexual experiences were somewhat the same. Not with a child included however, there is always a
? in the back of my mind as to how low is low? Anyhow, I can relate to your sexual boundaries being crossed. In my case
He took that to the next level and before I knew it he was making fun of me in front of other ppl. with regards to our sex life in front of me.
Nothing is safe with a Psychopath. it is a twisted bag of toys for them to see ppl uncomfortable.
You are lucky to be away from him and they do not change! Their only focus is how they can stimulate their needs nothing else matters. Don't want him to call! it gets better once you realize how really bad, bad can get. I've been working on this for 15 years. And I am embarrassed to admit it. I just kept denying it over and over until now I have to face it. What your going through is what I went through in our first stages and you are being tested to see if you will start the acceptance roll. That's what happened to me. They are always counting on a kind and loving sole. They remind me of Vampire movies without the teath.

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#16975 - 09/09/17 10:40 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
jewls Offline
member

Registered: 09/01/17
Posts: 6
I agree totally, I am so thankful for having this forum to at least express my feelings Its like a breath of fresh air. I finally feel like I'm not alone.
Thank you!!

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