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#8707 - 10/19/09 04:57 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Anonymous]
On My Own Again Offline
member

Registered: 03/04/09
Posts: 64
 Originally Posted By: Anonymous
Persistent,
The more I talk to people about this, the more I realize how few have any comprehension of what it means to have your mind/soul mainlined and controlled. There's more of a thrill when a Psychopath can warp an intelligent target's reality. I prefer saying "target" rather than "victim." A target can move out of the way, you have to give yourself that option.


I agree - TARGET is a better word.
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#8708 - 10/19/09 06:41 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: On My Own Again]
Murray Offline
member

Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 62
On My Own Again~

I agree too. We are targets. It is a better word.


Edited by Murray (10/19/09 06:49 PM)

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#8762 - 10/29/09 03:27 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Murray]
Murray Offline
member

Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 62
Sex w/a psychopath hasn't always been bad at all. They are selfish. My favorite painting is the Harlequin by Cezanne. Sometimes the people in my family had eyes that were completely black.

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#8939 - 12/24/09 01:20 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: ]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2769
Loc: United States
From Sparkle, sorry the post went into the air. Di

Murray what do you mean by unmasked during sex?

As I think back over the years with my about to be former husband, he was having sex, I was making love; his eyes were often shining and he had this stupid smile on his face, he would wake me at 5 am and demand sex, and whine when I said I need to go to back to sleep; it was pretty spectacular at the begining and then mechanical and routine.

I think the man said I love you about 4-5 times over the course of 20 years (after the initial manipulations.)

He also got ridiculously infantile while I was pregnant with our second son, had a long affair, was jealous of the care I gave to our boys when they were infants, just whined and grouchy. He was very, very mean during my second pregnancy, saying I got pregnant using him as sperm donor, ie , he didn't count, it wasn't about HIM.

Towards the end, I experimented with not playing along with the nicey nice, oh everything is wonderful, after sex. If there was a problem, duh, I would address it, and he would go from oh, how wonderful you are into a raging fit. No wonder he abandoned me for a new target, no more fun, game over. Not quite as I didn't fully get it then, 5 months ago but I sure do now.

The information about oxytocin, sex and premature bonding has been very helpful. I hope that younger women coming up will have the advantage of this kind of knowledge.

I am so grateful to be out of this "relationship" and to have the resources to make sense of my experience.

Sparkle


Edited by Dianne E. (12/24/09 01:21 PM)
Edit Reason: Post got lost

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#9597 - 04/04/10 03:19 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Anonymous]
TakenIn Offline
member

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 1
Kris,

I am new to this site. Everything you have written strikes a chord of familiarity with me. I have yet to share my story because I am still stuck in it.

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#9610 - 04/04/10 03:33 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: TakenIn]
Stephanie Offline
member

Registered: 04/04/10
Posts: 47
Welcome Takenin. I'm new also. I've known I needed to stop all contact for a long time now. It's so hard to do. Their persistence makes it seem like they love you. My Psychopath says I love you non stop. I have told him it is crossing my boundaries if he says it. His actions prove that he hates me. He's a pathological liar. I told him I will not believe a word he say's ever again. He will have to prove who he is through his actions alone. I don't know who I'm trying to kid. I just need to get away. It seems like no matter how I try to hold my own ground He somehow twists me right back into where he wants me somehow. Between the sex and and the constant I love you's. It's almost impossible to remember how he is covertly trying to destroy me and control me in any way that he can.

I am lucky I guess. I figured out my Psychopath was a Psychopath before we were married. I caught him cheating and the way he had lied strait to my face for so long. I knew he was not right. I prayed for answers and I found all this information on psychopaths. I showed it to him and he admitted it. He actually pointed out that he was so charming to women. He was proud of most of the things about him. Then he acted like I was the one who made him realize the error of his ways. That I saved his life, as he put it. I also was able to bring to his knowledge that he was a sex addict. The last year of my life has been a living hell. I just realized that his plea for help and his act of wanting to change these things about him to have a happy life and marriage someday and to be a good father to his daughters. Was all that "An Act" He instead got to know the deepest parts of my heart and soal and was trying to decimate me the whole time for seeing through his mask. In alot of ways he has been more open with me about alot of the things about himself. At least more than with anyone else. It seems like a mask on a mask on another mask most of the time though. He has told me about he eyes glazing over. He says he gets high like from cocaine or something, when he looks at me sexually and he has some incredibly perverted thoughts that go through his mind. Psychopaths can't separate porn from real life so it is a very dangerous thing for them. He viewed his "world as a porno." I have watched him try to change some things. Even try to quit the porn. It is only because he saw it was controlling his life and that it was obvious that people could tell there was something wrong with him. He has no conscience. He does care what people think of him. That's all he cares about. He spends his days seeking attention from women and anyone for that matter just to feed of the energy and to feel good about himself. But it's all lies he uses to get this this attention so I don't see how it works for him. Well dah. He thinks it's cool to be a liar. the whole situation is the opposite to the way I think or feel and I need to get away from him. He has tried to destroy me before when I have wanted him out of my life. He just made me loose my job. I'm really afraid because I do know so much about him. Being close to him was the only way I knew that would keep him from destroying me when we broke up. He will not be the one to take any blame for the break up or relationship problems. He's already got my family brainwashed. I just don't car any more allowing him the chance to try to prove he can change was the biggest mistake of my life. He is pure evil. Evil has no power over us. only the power we allow it to. accepting the fact that these people cannot care about us in any way is the hardest part. It is the only way to truly break free though I feel. This is where i am at right now. My no contact has to start today!
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#9652 - 04/05/10 03:20 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Stephanie]
On My Own Again Offline
member

Registered: 03/04/09
Posts: 64
Dear Stephanie:

NO CONTACT is how you will save yourself and save your own life.

You can do it. I know you can. You can do more than you think you can.

You are correct. He doesn't love you, in fact, he CAN'T love you. He doesn't matter. Right now, your family doesn't matter, the opinions of others don't matter. What matters is you saving yourself from the Psychopath's manipulative ways. And NO CONTACT is the only effective way to do that, as you have learned.

Please understand that as soon as he sees that you are serious about NO CONTACT and that he's lost you as a target, he will move on quickly to the next target. Hard to believe right now, I know, but it's true. He has to have a target and if it is not going to be you because you won't put up with it anymore, then ZIP! he's off to the next target. I promise you.

You didn't marry the guy. You didn't have children with the guy. He cannot destroy you. He will try, but only for a while. He'll move on and forget you.

You can do it. I know you can. NO CONTACT!

Let us know what happens.
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On My Own Again

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#10015 - 09/22/10 12:59 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
buttercupncream Offline
member

Registered: 09/21/10
Posts: 3
Sex with my Psychopath was strange. He wanted me to be his mistress, he really wanted me to be strong and dominant. Be controlled. Be my "pet". He wanted me to put him in bondage and beat him. Which I did. I had never been with a man like that before, and it was fun at first. He kept pushing me to have other men. I had sex with an ex lover once under his pressure. Any time I thought a man was attractive, he would try to get me to hook up with him. He wanted to go to swinger bars, and fetish clubs, I never went.
He never wanted me to be the submissive one. He kept saying he has been with so many women who turn out submissive and it turns him off and makes him run.
He wanted to be chained to the bed while I took a lover. He wanted to humiliated, it turned him on to talk about his small "pee pee" and how much I needed a bigger one.
When we started moving away from the fun and games of sex and into the more serious relationship, we moved away from the bondage, cockolding etc. We settled in kind of.
He kept cumming inside of me. I would get mad and try to make him wear a condom, and he would promise he wouldn't do it again. But he kept doing it anyway, at least once a month. He would always say how we are getting married anyway, so it doesn't matter. This would just move up the wedding he said. He was always disappointed when I wasn't pregnant.
The strange part about that, was one of the lies he would tell other people, was that I was trying to get pregnant by him. I guess so his ass would be covered in case I did.
At first it was rather cold, and towards the end he was looking into my eyes and we were cumming together.
We always had to talk about fantasies to get him to cum, though, even when we did less bondage and cockolding.

Is this completely unusual for Psychopath's?

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#10339 - 11/24/10 06:25 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Anonymous]
BeenHad Offline
member

Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 17
Thaniks for your observation of your situation and sharing it...it helps me to remember because I had the same experience! But I keep letting Denial overtake me as I cannot comprehend how a real person can be SO disconnected and disloyal. As you said walk three steps and betray you then lie about it...same here. Its just still so unbelievable to me that another human being could be this way. I need to read more and pray it will sink in as the truth!

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#10340 - 11/24/10 06:30 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath [Re: Stephanie]
BeenHad Offline
member

Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 17
I would have written this the exact same way... EERIE

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