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#13924 - 10/08/12 01:08 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: lola]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Very smart post lola!

A psychopath will never understand love, thats why they are so sad all their lives. Their lives make no sense at all, they can see other people in joy and dont even understand it. Imagine you were watching the world from outside, through a glass wall, not able to participate. That's what life has got to be for psychopaths.

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#14188 - 01/14/13 07:20 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: Dianne E.]
Niobia Offline
member

Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 1
Mine was a former adjunct at my University. For my safety and that of my family, I dropped off the face of the earth, and moved away. I also have a wonderful Forensic Psychologist who has been helpful, and a lawyer (who is still struggling to serve mine, with a restraining order. Mine alters their name, and seems to never be where they are supposed to be, to get served legal papers.)

I would highly suggest finding a therapist experienced with Psychopathy. They are few and far between, also at times expensive. The problem isn't just healing from your encounter, but avoiding future re-victimization. Once we encounter one, it's like a neon "24 hour, all you can eat" sign, lights up on our foreheads.

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#14189 - 01/15/13 09:50 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: Niobia]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Niobia, welcome to our community. Your comments are spot on and if I may add, working on boundary issues will help shut off the neon on the forehead.

Di

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#14335 - 02/26/13 10:49 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: lola]
newbeginnings Offline
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Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 6
http://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths

As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Traits are listed on site in a picture - go and look

I think that we can all agree that these sound like outstanding women in all respects! These stellar qualities don't look like a problem at first glance, but some of these traits were measured in the range of 97% higher than average, proving that even too much of a good thing can be bad. What happens when you put all this together:

Too much empathy + high bonding + high sentimentality + and low harm avoidance?

You get inevitable harm. You get fabulous women who love deeply, who have a big heart, who get much out of their relationships and who tend to trust openly because they believe that everyone on the planet is as good and decent and loving as they are. What's more, their super-traits make them able to hold to that belief in the face of some of the most horrifying evidence to the contrary imaginable.
http://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths

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#14343 - 03/02/13 07:32 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: newbeginnings]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Newbeginnings,

this was an amazing source of information for me. Thank you for putting it on this forumn. I have been working on detatching and was looking at AlAnon but kept feeling like I wasn't really codependent. This other information regarding personality traits was spot on! That our core personality traits led us to be victims is scary as we are not likely to change our core beliefs about life and the way we view the world (even after all of this I have to keep reminding myself that my "Psychopath" tried to kill me,and that his nice behavior is because he is being watched due to divorce proceedings)
Again, thank you.

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#14370 - 03/06/13 04:54 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: sylvie25]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Dear Friends,

I have been married for 31 years to my "Psychopath". I fled 6 months ago because I realized he had begun poisoning me.
I am now getting ready to divorce him and need help in learning how to best approach this. I have tried to meet face to face and mediate an agreement, I was sucked back into wanting to go back to him. I am 2 weeks "Psychopath" free (the way to be)I have met with two attorneys, one is a female and she is willing to work out an agreement with him w/o going to court. Problem is I have no job and he is in the house. I am living with my son.
The second attorney is male and is his practice follows the traditional route; file for spousal support, settle if possible for 50% and alimony/ and his retirement plan.

Problem is my counselor says that my "Psychopath" is just as likely to kill me than pay alimony and any part of his retirement plan. I am 50 he is 56.

Has anyone divorced their "Psychopath"??? What worked for you? At this point I wish I could put the two together and find someone who was forceful, yet willing to be a little flexible in their thinking.

Would love to hear from others who have been there.

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#16083 - 10/14/13 12:56 AM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: 1962]
toomuchstuff Offline
member

Registered: 09/30/13
Posts: 38
Originally Posted By: 1962
Dear Friends,

I have been married for 31 years to my "Psychopath". I fled 6 months ago because I realized he had begun poisoning me.
I am now getting ready to divorce him and need help in learning how to best approach this. I have tried to meet face to face and mediate an agreement, I was sucked back into wanting to go back to him. I am 2 weeks "Psychopath" free (the way to be)I have met with two attorneys, one is a female and she is willing to work out an agreement with him w/o going to court. Problem is I have no job and he is in the house. I am living with my son.
The second attorney is male and is his practice follows the traditional route; file for spousal support, settle if possible for 50% and alimony/ and his retirement plan.

Problem is my counselor says that my "Psychopath" is just as likely to kill me than pay alimony and any part of his retirement plan. I am 50 he is 56.

Has anyone divorced their "Psychopath"??? What worked for you? At this point I wish I could put the two together and find someone who was forceful, yet willing to be a little flexible in their thinking.

Would love to hear from others who have been there.


When I divorced my husband the word Psychopath was not in my vocabulary, only in my life... He began to openly plan my murder when I became pregnant with our 1st child. He become possessed with murder, he watched it on TV and made jokes about body disposal-my body disposal all the time. After I left him and stayed a week in domestic violence shelter I was 22 he had been beating me for 7 years. The battering and murder plotting became public. He covered his ass and went with me to marriage counseling. The Dx MAJOR DEPESSION---mine. He was insistent he didn't want a zombie wife. The beating stopped for a while but the mind games got worse. I become one of his children and spent much of that time in my room planning my suicide. I was hospitalized at 32 and places on antidepressants. My daughter said that daddy cried that 1st night that I was in the hospital as I tight this I realize what My daughter saw a love was really disappointment at losing the game. I have now been divorced for 15 years 3 were spent in a bottle fighting the flashbacks of abuse. There was a time in my marriage that my husband displayed his trophies bits of jewelry hanging of his rearview mirror of his truck. He said they were items that belong to the girlfriend of a co worker. It was easier to believe the souvenirs of a traveling serial killer than sexual trophies. Ironically I read a few years back of unsolved murders in the area he traveled for his work lol so who knows. My fear also was death over alimony. What I have learned is CAST LIGHT ON EVERY SHADOW-KEEP NO SECRETS-I receive SSI for PTSD caused by his abuse and life long Alimony because I am disabled as the result of my marriage. The TRUTH is my protection....GOOD LUCK


Edited by toomuchstuff (10/14/13 12:58 AM)

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#16084 - 10/14/13 10:21 AM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: toomuchstuff]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi toomuchstuff, so very glad you are at least at a safe distance, thanks for sharing more of your story. I have often wondered over the years how many of these Psychopath's that our community has talked about have killed people. Don't want to sound dark but it has crossed my mind on many occasion. I don't think one day someone just wakes up and plots to kill the person next to them or if it is the first time they will do it again.

I am amazed you get lifetime alimony usually this is something they worm out of. Do you have any thing you can share how you were able to get it? Hope your kids are doing well.

Di

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#16085 - 10/14/13 03:08 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: Dianne E.]
toomuchstuff Offline
member

Registered: 09/30/13
Posts: 38
I was not able to even bring the issue of domestic violence to the courts I had no police reports. I applied for disability after I divorced and with the help of social security we were to piece together a strong case to support PTSD. My ex-husband would beat me then rape me sometime holding me at gun point for up to 8 hours. My SSI worker told me that domestic violence was a primary source of women over 40 being unable to work. If I am fully disabled for what ever reason in my state my ex spouse has to pay for life long alimony. The other way is if your spouse tries to kill you. My disability supports both arguments.

The amount I receive is quite small but I earned it. Yes it has effected my kids who are bonded to their dad . In the beginning I divorced all of then. I have not spoken to my ex or his family for 15 years and I do not intend to. I had never heard of no contact it was just that he was such a liar that cut off all ability to manipulate me.....I had to do the same with my children I love them but they are not allowed to be hurtful to me PERIOD. I have had to grow a lot. I still find myself with men who are user. I have in the last year studied about Psychopaths and narcissists. I believe it's not personal. they take what they take and the do what they do. I just ended my 3rd psychopathic relationship. I am getting out quicker. My first was 21 years My 2nd was 5 years this last one, less than 6 months. When I miss this last one, I remind myself he is basically a hologram that lives in a soap bubble . I picture myself balancing the bubble over my hand and I talk to it. I say What you did was wrong T. You are not wired to love anyone and you create harm. You can't see the problem and I can't fix you. Then I blow my breath against the bubble and it goes away.....

I keep reading all your stories and I see bits and pieces of my life and I am grateful to be alive.

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#16086 - 10/14/13 03:30 PM Re: Coping Suggestions [Re: Dianne E.]
toomuchstuff Offline
member

Registered: 09/30/13
Posts: 38
In response to the issue of murder I think for Psychopath's it is the peak game of power and control. The 1st time he held me at gun point I remember flashing on those animal kill animal TV shows and I thought don't let him see you week. So I didn't fight or cry and beg I just focused on keeping my eyes open, not flinching or showing fear. I wasn't going to let him enjoy my death....I think murder is addicting aswell as the adrenaline around it.

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