Hi Diane,
Evanescence is a good one I will add to my personal list. I also liked:

* the latest Dixie Chicks (they were in a very destructive situation themselves and had to redefine themselves and their career) - "I´m not ready to make nice" or if you´ve been excluded from your acceptance or environment "Easy Silence that you make for me" - and of course the fact that after their many years of struggle they received the grammy

* Pink (always a great power source, to me she seems to have faced narcissistic struggles with her environment at some point) - e.g. "18 wheeler" (you can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck, and it won´t bring me down)

* Al Gore - for being a role model with his courage to completely redefine his career after all the vote counting trouble (and getting the nobel prize )

And some more awesome soul support lyrics:

* Maya Angelou (what a wise woman!)

STILL I RISE
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I R-I-S-E.

And another one (I hope you don´t mind me putting long notes out here, find it helpful to share those power sources that always boost my happiness and strength)

Christina Aguilera

FIGHTER

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end
I wanna thank you 'cause you made me that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mhm

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Chorus:
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're goin' round playin', the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more, no no
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it


Chorus:
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended to not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

Chorus:
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter


Thought I would forget, but I
I remember
Cause I remember
I remember
I R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R !!!!!!!


Love to all our torn but healing souls,
Pat

DESIDERATA (something desired as essential)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
--Max Ehrmann, 1927. © Robert L. Bell

And sometimes we wonder whether we should go on, whether we have the strength to make even one more step in front of the other... But remember you can always try to heal by sharing your pain and your story and your insight with others. We are here.


Madonna

LIVE TO TELL (the tale)

I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall

Chorus:

A man can tell a thousand lies
Ive learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, till then
It will burn inside of me

I know where beauty lives
Ive seen it once, I know the warmth she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you cant take that from me

(chorus)

2nd chorus:

The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again

If I ran away, Id never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know


Big Hug,
Pat

And the final one (this one also in Spanish)

Luz Casal (she sang some of the songs on Pedro Almodovar movies and is a gorgeous musician lady, too)


NO ME IMPORTA NADA (~ I don´t care at all... about your stupid remarks etc.)

Tú juegas a quererme,
yo juego a que te creas que te quiero...
buscando una coartada
me das una pasión que yo no espero...
y no me importa nada...

Tú juegas a engañarme...
yo juego a que te creas que te creo,
escucho tus bobadas
acerca del amor y del deseo...
y no me importa nada...

Y no me importa nada....
Que rías o que sueñes,
que digas o que hagas...
Y no me importa nada...
por mucho que me empeñe estoy jugando y no me importa nada...

Tú juegas a tenerme,
yo juega a que te creas que me tienes...
serena y confiada invento
las palabras que te hieren
y no me importa nada...

Tú juegas a olvidarme...
yo juega a que creas que me importa,
conozco la jugada,
sé manejarme en las distancias cortas...
y no me importa nada...

y no me importa nada...
que rías o que sueñes
que digas o que hagas...
Y no me importa nada...
que tomes o que dejes,
que vengas o que vayas...
Y no me importa nada...
que subas o que bajes
que entres o que salgas...
Y no me importa nada...

In all those moments of doubt, please do not forget to praise yourself and treat yourself right. You´re the greatest possession you have. You´re worth it.


A WOMAN´S LOOK IN THE MIRROR

Age 3: Looks at herself and sees a Queen

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself
as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty

Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself
as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader, or if
she is PMS-ing: sees Fat/Pimples/UGLY (Mom I can't
go to school looking like this!)

Age 20: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too
thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" -
but decides she's going anyway.

Age 30: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too
thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but
decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going
anyway.

Age 40: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too
thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but
says, "At least I'm clean" and goes anyway.

Age 50: Looks at herself and sees "I am" and
goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of
all the people who can't even see themselves in the
mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom,
laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on her
favorite purple hat and her favorite orange shirt and
her favorite green skirt and goes out to have fun with
the world.

Please do share this with all the women you are grateful
to have as friends. We should all grab that purple hat
a little earlier!!

You're a beautiful and very lovable woman. And you are
worth all the respect and dignity in the world.

xxx Love xxx,
Pat

Some very valuable and simple advice I learned from a training was the

HOUSE OF STRENGTH (THREE-LEGS PERSPECTIVE):

Imagine yourself as having 3 legs:
* social/personal life
* hobbies/interests/endeavours
* work

If we have all three, we can stand firmly.

If one of these breaks, e.g. due to family problems or bullying/jobloss/burnout at work we still have two. It´s a bit shaky, but we still can stand our ground.

But if two break or we have neglected even more, than we are shattered on the ground. But there is hope, because we can always try to rebuild ourselves, our house of strength by not only focusing on the core problem but the surrounding aspects in our lives.

It helped me with some of the problems. Hope it can help you, too.

Best,
Pat

Further Reading
Dr. Hare & Paul Babiak´s book "Snakes in Suits" were the humongous eyeopener for me. They´ve changed my understanding of the world in the most positive way although it is on such a difficult topic.

I also found 2 other books very helpful as they add the HEALING aspect to the picture:

* Marie-France Hirigoyen´s "Stalking the Soul" (emotional abuse in personal & work relationships and family). I found it very soothing as she focuses on the confusion / gaslighting of the victim by its aggressor. She perfectly counters the misconception that victims are often at least partly blamed for what happened although their perpetrators were abusing their love and good faith. She explains the spiral of self-doubts and dependence that their aggressors are creating, strengthening and then exploiting over and over again as they feed on their victims as parasites. She is using the overlapping concept of a "pervert abuser" which I understood to be probably a bit more on the malignant narcissist side but many explanations also fit the psychopathic game in general (who often has narcissistic traits).

* Martha Stout´s "The Psychopath Next Door": she puts the issue of psychopathy in perspective to many other concepts of psychology and society (ego/survival-of-the-fittest vs. humans as a social species with need for dependence). It helped me a lot dealing with the pain that there are so many of them out there, because although they cause a lot of devastation they are only one piece of the puzzle of mankind and she perfectly weaves that carpet of understanding with many, many helpful examples and studies. Hence, very good complementary reading to Dr. Hare´s & Paul Babiak´s book. It has many parts that make it a very soothing and healing book, especially the chapters towards the end. I hope it´s ok to quote a brief excerpt of it (page 217/218) and highly recommend reading the whole book:

"As for the question of who is more fortunate, the person ruthlessly engaged only in exactly what he wants to do, or you, who are obligated by your conscience - once again, I ask you to imagine what you would be like if you had no seventh sense. But this time as you envision your huge influence and wealth, or your permanent leisure without guilt, imagine it while bearing in mind what conscience and only conscience can bring to a life, what it has brought to yours. Picture clearly the face of someone you love more than all of your earthly possessions, someone for whom you would run headlong into a burning building if this were required of you - a parent, a brother, a sister, a dear friend, your life partner, your child. Try to picture that same face - a parent´s, or a daughter´s, or a son´s - weeping in grief, or smiling in peace and joy.

And now imagine for a moment that you could look forever and feel absolutely nothing, no love, no desire to help or even smile back.

But do not imagine this careening emptiness too long, though it would stretch throughout a lifetime if you were a person without conscience, someone who could guiltlessly do anything at all. Rather, return to your feelings. In your mind, see the face you love, touch a cheek, hear the laughter.

Conscience blesses our individual lives with just this kind of meaning every day. Without it, we would be emotionally hollow and bored, and would spend our days pursuing repetitive games of our own misguided creation.

For most of us, most of the time, conscience is so ordinary, so daily, and so spontaneous that we do not even notice it. But conscience is also much larger than we are. It is one side of a confrontation between an ancient faction of amoral self-interest that has always been doomed, both psychologically and spiritually, and a circle of moral minds just as ageless. As a psychologist and as a citizen of the species, I vote for the people with conscience, for the ones who are loving and committed, for the generous and gentle souls. I am most impressed by those individuals who feel, quite simply, that hurting others is wrong and that kindness is right, and whose actions are quietly directed by this moral sense every day of their lives. They are an elite of their own. They are old and young. They are people who have been gone for hundreds of years and the baby who will be born tomorrow. They come from every nation, culture, and religion. They are the most aware and focused members of our species. And they are, and always have been, our hope."
---- end of excerpt ----

xxx Love xxx
Pat

Pat thanks for your inspirational postings so powerful to have the info and to be able to pass to others sometimes it is hard to put into words what has happened to us i feel sea for the ones who have been totally destroyed but glad i still have some emotional legs to stand on my Psychopath is so angry that i keep on going and improving

Hello - I'm new here, and this is also my first blog experience ... thanks for the suggestions already posted. What I'm looking for today is specific advice on how to tell my Psychopath husband of not quite three years that I am, in fact, leaving. My son and daughter are coming to town next week and will help me pack up my stuff and get it out of the house. But I keep perserverating on how/when to tell J.

Briefly, I found out about his other women a year ago and told him then, "this is your first warning - stop seeing other women, or I'm leaving." We did 6 months of counseeling and he told me he had stopped. Over this past Christmas, i found out that he had not stopped ... and I gave him a 2nd warning, same as the first. In February, I downloaded his cell phone bills since Dec 2006, and found out that he had more women (looks like at least 5) than I had known, he called them more often than I had guessed, and it had been going on since at least Dec 2006 (that's when he switched cell phone carriers - we married in Apri l2006).

We're both 58 - he's my second husband. I thought he was charming, funny, a great dancer and sexy, the opposite (of course) of husband #1. Now I find out he's a cheater - with women, and with taxes. The dolt owes $120,000 to the IRS! AND he has lied constantly to me about both women and money since I met him 5 years ago. SOOOOO, I'm leaving. I've rented a house, and am ready to go .... my attorney suggested I look up the definition of "Psychopath" and yes, J fits it perfectly. I'm outta here.

But am afraid of his reaction. Any ideas on how best to structure my good-bye speech???

Thanks - I'll take a look tomorrow...