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#564 - 10/16/02 10:27 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


finished,

This account of how this man operated with you gives me a thump in the stomach. I recognize the psychopath's sexual modus operendi. What grabs me is the speed with which this one moved in for the kill. The whole aim is to hook in the victim, deeply, powerfully, and then take forty steps back, and stand aloof and unreachable. They get a charge out of this. At the end, with mine, I could watch him doing it. He would dangle a carrot, then run away and hide, playing keep-away with the carrot. He wasn't very subtle, at the end, and I was able to see, in the coarser version, what he had been doing to me, for 30 years.

Yours pulled this abrupt and confusing withdrawal after his very first sexual victory over you. I guess he thought it would work given that he had spent 3 years building the house he built to tear down.

No doubt, he started showing interest in you, again, when he was no longer collecting dividends on his investment. He wasn't seeing you suffer. This helps explain to me, also, why your last time with him was so horrible. It contained his rage that you had slipped out of his control, however briefly.

A psychopath has amazing "patience" when he is in the process of torturing a victim. Mine used to sit for entire weekends, with a blanket over his head, ignoring me, never moving a muscle. I eventually realized it's not patience. The passive exercise of withholding from an emotionally starved and suffering victim is enormously satsifying to a psychopath.

He didn't call for 2 weeks, after this last episode, and then his voice was detached and cold. He called to collect some more payoff. He's a cold, dead fish, finished. He can only experience a spark of emotion by setting a fire underneath his victims.

You will get over it. Keep reading and working to understand.

kris

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#565 - 10/16/02 11:23 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


Kris-

There are simply no words that can convey the deep appreciation for your feedback. What a totally accurate piture of what happened. I feel I owe a debt I can never repay for the answers I have found here. Tears are stinging my eyes even now as I write this.

Who would ever know. I had a friend I shared with about the first tramua. Now, I see, she could have never known. She basiclly put it all on me and my insecurities.

I am so grateful that you are here to share your experience and insight. There are so many on here that seem to have such a wealth of knowledge on this. I appreciate that you are bring it down to where we live.

God Bless you. .
Gratefully again. . .
Finished

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#566 - 10/16/02 10:26 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


He said to me once, " I saw a guy on the street and he was beating a woman, and ( said very slowly ) SHE... LOOKED... JUST... LIKE... YOU. I replied, " I don't understand women who let men beat them, I don't understand why they stay with them. I'd never let a guy beat me." He continued on with this story, eventually saying he had been at the womans home with her, all the while stating, SHE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.

I never in a million years, figured I would be seeking help at a battered womens center. Its amazing what can be done without calling a woman names or hitting her.


I understand now.

Betrayed.

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#567 - 10/17/02 04:36 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


Persistent, The more I talk to people about this, the more I realize how few have any comprehension of what it means to have your mind/soul mainlined and controlled. There's more of a thrill when a P can warp an intelligent target's reality. I prefer saying "target" rather than "victim." A target can move out of the way, you have to give yourself that option.

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#568 - 10/17/02 04:42 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


>And now I have a new way of thinking. I must remember, it was an inconvience for him for me to have had a problem with any of it. I'll learn.
finished, don't let yourself learn to be against yourself. You have to move! And keep on moving. A moving target can't be easily pinned. I'm trying to look at this as an addiction, where you crave something that's no good for you. Even if it's gradual withdrawal, you have to do it.

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#569 - 10/17/02 04:47 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


>We sometimes carry on the work left undone by our parents.
kris, thanks again for putting a positive perspective on this. understanding what my mom went through is a revelation. we could never understand why she couldn't fight back against such obvious cruelty. now i know.

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#570 - 10/17/02 06:16 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betrayed-

I realized yesterday, that by staying with this, writing it down, has FORCED me to look at my own story. When I said I found it hard to believe I was going to a battered womans center for help, I realized later if I had not been posting here, I would be back in that denial, minimizing, rationaling stage. It FORCED me to look at MY REALITY, and. . .everything that has brought me to this place. I feel real shakey as I write this.

Thank you again for being willing to share you experience with me. . .I just can't say that enough.
Finished

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#571 - 10/17/02 02:16 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


okay. . .just an update. I had an appointment this afternoon at the Battered Womens center. I filled out the paperwork, sat down and waited to be called. i was alone in the waiting room. The staff kept coming and going from the back office and then peering at me through the glass. I felt that sob rising in my chest. I thought if they don't call me soon, i'm bolting. Which I did. I know it's me. I felt like I was in a fishbowl being evaluated for whatever. I'm sure that wasn't the case but I ran anyway. I rescheduled. Next Wednesday at 10:00am. Then about fifteen minutes later P#2 is pulling out on the same street as me at the same time about one block away. I'm know he saw me, he was right behind me. I just kept my eyes straight ahead. Then he pulled up right beside me to make a right hand turn, I was going straight. I just kept my eyes straight ahead. I could see him out of my prehiphal vision but did not acknowledge him. My heart was pounding. Not a very good afternoon. . .
Sadly,
Finished


Edited by finished (10/17/02 02:19 PM)

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#572 - 10/17/02 03:56 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
neverthesame Offline
member

Registered: 09/13/05
Posts: 53
Finished, I went to a woman's shelter when I left my psychopath. I bolted too. Go back and attend the meeting Finished. I did. I did not fit in. I did not look like the others. But I was the same inside. I went, listened, cried, and shared. And I learned. And I never went back to him.

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#573 - 10/17/02 08:02 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am remembering how I felt the first time I went. Thank god there was no one else in the waiting room. I felt in shock, embarrassed. But once I got in to see the lady, she was so kind and gentle with me.

Keep your eye out for P#2, maybe accidently seeing him wasn't an accident. It is a stalking technique, one of many. I had too many of those, day after day after day, different times, different places. It was too much of a coincidence. Sorry, your description triggered me.

Anyways, its better to be prepared with these guys, then for me to pretend you hadn't mentioned it. Its part of their profile.

Read "Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Great stalking tips for people being stalked. And even if you are not being stalked, great tips in there for anyone, to keep safe.

You handled seeing him, exactly right. Just pretend you don't even see him. He'll do anything to get a reaction from you, good or bad. He doesn't care, as long as he gets attention.

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