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#574 - 10/17/02 08:42 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you Betrayed and Neverthesame-
It is just as you said,I felt shocked and embarrassed to be there. Then, I started thinking. . .what am I doing here. Maybe they'll think my experience was'nt that bad. And I didn't get beat up, (what I mean is my bruises don't show). They were kind. I had filled out my paperwork so they had my phone number and called. I am scheduled for next Wednesday am. Right now I feel like a frightened animal. I'm so sensitive to any sign of rejection.

I WILL get a copy of "Gift of Fear". I did think what a coinscidence he was RIGHT THERE within 1/2 block from me. He has been way to cool so aloof that's the last thing I expect. But I didn't expect the other either EVER.

Thank you both so much for you encouraging words and sharing how you felt. I am so very grateful for your kindness. I'll keep after it. I very much want to heal and learn and recover. I just can't quit thanking you all.

God Bless
Finished

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#575 - 10/17/02 08:50 PM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


>I'm trying to look at it as an addiction, where you crave something that's not good for you. Even if it's gradual withdrawal, you have to do it< I like that, that is a good way to look at it! P#1 was alcholic. I was in alanon. I never thought about doing a twelve step with this. . .that might work.

And thank you for showing me that remark. It isn't like me at all. And really, I don't even want to think like that. It's better to have the awareness and as you say, keep moving, they can't hit a moving target easily.

I appreciated that!
Gratefull to be here!
Finished

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#576 - 10/18/02 06:00 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


>It isn't like me at all. And really, I don't even want to think like that.


It isn't you, it isn't any of us. We can't blame ourselves, it's pointless to go there. I look at it as a particularly harsh lesson in awareness from the Universe. All we can do is create a new pattern for ourselves, which will include this type of awareness so we will recognize it instantly for what it is and remove ourselves as a target. Someone else said on another post (it was probably kris :-) that only God's love could help this type of person. She was so right. It is beyond our human help. That's the lesson we have to learn, that some people are beyond human intervention. Not what you're taught in Sunday school, eh?


Edited by I fell for it (10/18/02 06:01 AM)

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#577 - 10/18/02 08:21 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


>I realized yesterday, that by staying with this, writing it down, has FORCED me to look at my own story.
finished,
I think you hit on something that greatly helps to offload all that is running rampant in our minds: to write it down. That act alone creates distance, gets it OUT of our heads, and puts us in a more objective position of observing, rather than just reacting to pain. All of us reaching out and writing, to me, furthers this healing process. Thank you so much!!

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#578 - 10/18/02 10:15 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


I fell and finished,

That is so absolutely true. If ever there is a book about recovery from psychopathic
abuse, surely it will include this step...write it down! It's even different than talking,
though talking is important, too. But when you are not talking, when you are just writing,
you are hearing only your own voice speak. There is no distraction. As you write and
read (observe), your story reveals its kernels of truth, just as if you were reading a book.
There is a deep wise part within every one of us that knows more than we consciously do.
Writing accesses that part. I am often surprised by the things I write which I didn't know I
knew.

It is no mystery to me that I finally extricated my soul from the psychopath once I began
to write the book. Part of the psychopathic experience is that the victim is not permitted
to weave a whole cloth of her life with the psychopath. The psychopath forces a condition
of fragmentation of experience on the victim. If she attempts to talk about patterns in
order to tackle chronic problems, she is "bringing up the past", beating him up with it,
abusing him. The problem in the relationship, he never stops telling her, is her inability to
forgive, leave the past in the past.

It is mind-boggling the horror and abuse I managed to shove down in 30 years with a
psychopath. But shoving it down was a condition he continually forced on me. I was not
uniformly successful. For years and years, it would all rise up, forming a horrifying
picture, in its entirety. When I felt desperate about it, I would often think, "I should write
this. This is a book. Someday, I should write this book. If I ever worte all of this down,
it would be pure horror." And I would realize that I ever DID write it all down, in its
entirety, it would mean the end of my life with my husband. Because then I would have
the whole picture, too.

(Computer shut down, at this point, hence the formatting above.)

It took an earthquake to my foundation to finally put my hands to computer keys. I started, then stopped, reconciled with Psychopath. I desperately did not want the truth to be the truth. I wanted a different truth. But my powers of denial could not stand up to the consciousness that had come. The fragmentation of my experience had begun to made whole. I had begun to really the know the truth. Writing it is an essential step, in combatting denial and rationalization.

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#579 - 05/17/03 10:28 AM Re: Sex and the psychopath
Anonymous
Unregistered


My p told me initially that he felt I had been "sent to him from God." One of the first things he did was bring me a small South American nativity from his mother's native country to place upon my mantle. All the while, he was being unmasked and ejected on every front. He lost his job for getting aggressive verbally with a superior. His roomate almost beat his ass, he said for borrowing a video (these guys are notorious for having no respect for other's property!), his landlord evicted him (Something I should have done a dozen times for the incense burns, ink stains, etc. that he created). Yet those words about God softened me, I thought he was a lost lamb, poor thing. In time he brought into my home morning, noon and night pot-smoking, pornography, and admiration for the life of the swingers. Still, I looked at that nativity. How ironic.

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#580 - 02/06/06 02:12 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
Jacq Offline
member

Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 14
The sex with P was very mechanical, cold, unfeeling, gymnastic. He was all into "point your toes, arch your back", do this, do that. Very little, if any kissing. He was only into genitals touching. I can't remember having sex with him and our chests touching. I'd ask him to kiss me more, more foreplay and he did try once, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. He also always wanted to give me a massage. When we broke up I found out that he had put a hidden camera in the bedroom the first time we had sex and put the pictures on a porn website he had. I am still trying to get over that by going to a therapist. My mind couldn't understand how he could do something so vile like that until I found a website on psychopaths.

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#8355 - 08/31/09 07:54 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Jacq]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Jacq, welcome to the forum. What you are desribing is very familiar indeed. Without offering a diagnosis I have heard this type of story many, many times, they don't really know how to be intimate. Psychopath's learn as they grow up and my guess is sex is one thing they don't learn how to mimic. The best example is Scott Peterson who was highly socialized, they just don't know how to act at a funeral or vigil since they have never been trained how to react. Was he this way sexually from the beginning?

Did he have a certain look in his face during this time? I believe it is against the law to record someone without their knowledge, there is a website that details which States can do what. However, it probably isn't wise to put a target on your back by challenging him. The old saying, best to leave the rubbish by the curbside.

Di

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#8657 - 10/11/09 05:37 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
Murray Offline
member

Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 62
As crude as this may sound.

I feel that psychopaths simply masturbate with your body.

They have bedroom eyes as well.

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#8663 - 10/12/09 11:20 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Murray]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Murray, that is an excellent description. Do you think they make eye contact or not if using your theory? Many members have said there was little to no eye contact.

Di

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