I'd like to know if anyone has any stories of what happened to their P after the relationship is over. Mine has moved on with a 21 year old which he rubbs in my face and is now playing fake family with my son and this woman. It's funny I've noticed he's once agian calm. Kind of ironic he's back to his old charming methods because he has a new victim to lure in. Does anyone have an ex P that treats his new girlfriend good? Or can someone tell me if the P will treat her the same as he did me? I'd like to know how also is this girl just another form of manipulation and torture towards me?
Thanks guys!

Hi chellie, great question. Without trying to sound nosy, how big is the gap in age with your X P and this new younger one?

I often wonder how many Psychopaths have in the wings during what they probably describe as an "exclusive" relationship. I would guess a young victim would be perfect, easy to mold and lie to.

I would venture to guess that in the initial stages all Psychopaths would appear more together. After all how can they drag in a new victim if they start out acting like the evil jerks they really are.

It must be difficult to see your child being drawn into this sick web. I guess part of the pattern is a "good" operating Psychopath would have this new victim convinced that all the problems with the relationship were due to you and your problems, nothing that he could ever have done wrong.

Do you feel any pangs of being left behind? It doesn't sound like it which is good. I have read stories for years and it appears that kind, nice, women, usually with more money than him make great targets. I wonder what this young girl brings to the relationship except maybe someone he can have more power over?

I am truly sorry for your situation, it must be difficult to have to let your child go on visitations. I guess the good news is for now his mask is on and making a good impression must be key on the list.

As far as your question about is he doing this to get back at you, probably but when we are dealing with a person who only thinks of themselves first it is hard to guess. I would guess an evil person like a Psychopath would do this kind of thing to get a sick satisfaction. Plus in his twisted mind putting on a show as a great father is part of the hook.

It is only a matter of time before he drops the mask but with a young victim, hard telling how she will handle it. I was 20 a million years ago and know that my views of the world have certainly changed. It would be easier I would guess to trick a young woman for longer, just a hunch.

I bet it would be great to see this guy in your rear view mirror and it must be difficult when a child is involved. Kids are smarter these days and there may come a time when your child figures out what an evil person his dad is. I don't know what state you are in but at a certain stage the child can decide for themselves. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by not taking the bait.

Psychopaths can only keep up the charm for so long depending on how socialized they are. Is yours fairly socialized? Were you as young as the new victim when you met? Do you recall how long it took for the mask to drop?

Di

Chellie,

Hey, welcome to "Fake Family Theatre"! I have had a front row seat here for the past 5 years and have come to several conclusions.

Will your ex treat his girlfriend the same as he did you? Yes. Meaning that he will treat her in whatever way neccessary to make himself appear the way he wants to. I don't know what effect he is going for with her, so it may APPEAR as thought he is acting differently towards her than he did with you, but it is all for the same reason. He is after the feed, and will USE her to get it. Part of that feed is knowing/hoping that this relationship with HER is bothering YOU. So YES, I definitely believe that his relationship with her is just another form of manipulation towards you.

My ex became involved with someone half his age almost IMMEDIATELY after our divorce was final. I truly think that they do this to entice us to fight for them, plus devalue us by making us feel so easily replaceable. At the time, it was supposed to hook into my insecurities and draw me back into a relationship with him. I was old. She was young. I was told through my kids that he enjoyed how 'feisty' she was. If I were to prove my value, I would re-engage with him and fight to PROVE that I was just as good as she was, wouldn't I?

If not a fight for him, then shouldn't I try to warn this young innocent about what she was getting involved with? THAT was a stronger hook for me, and I DID have to fight the urge to try to contact her and warn her. Either way, I would be re-engaging with him. Plus, if I contacted HER, I would look like some crazy ex with a vendetta. Neat.

He took her around the town and 'showed her off' to everyone we knew ~~ that was funny to me even at the time since I did not live in that town or see those people anymore. P's are NOT bright.

Oh yes, and she was pregnant too. She moved in with him for awhile and he proclaimed to the world (I got this through the grapevine) that he was going to do things right this time. Trying to portray himself as Mr. Responsible. LOL. He was going to be financially responsible for this child and even after he and the mother broke up and she moved out, he took custody of the little boy. Poor kid.

There was another girlfriend sometime after that, and I was told that she was A LOT like me, even in appearance. I have never been able to figure out what that was supposed to do to me because I was healing up too fast for his tactics to bother me. HOWEVER, I was told that she made AWESOME homemade pizza. This is sooo hilarious, because I tried for YEARS to make homemade pizza that I was happy with ~~ whereas this woman (who had the same first name as me as well) was apparently the queen of homemade pizza.

He and THAT woman are no longer seeing each other and there have been occasional reports of women who are interested in him. The grapevine has made sure that I got word of them ~~ the grapevine is small now, consisting of just a few people, plus my children. I personally believe that the BIGGEST reason my ex keeps up his relationship with our kids is so I get the info he wants me to hear.

And the little boy from the first relationship has been used most of all. My ex is working so hard to portray himself as the loving father. Fake family, as you said. As though myself and my kids don't remember what it was like to live with him (awful). He is trying hard to cover his tracks and give himself a makeover. Meanwhile, this poor little boy gets passed around and farmed out to anyone who will babysit him ~~ and I would not leave a child with ANYONE my ex hangs around with. A truly innocent victim who is just a prop in the illusion my ex is building to make him look like a good, desirable guy.

He has made mention to my daughter and to a friend of mine who is his neighbor that he just wants to be friends with me. I know that he is telling the truth. If I were to EVER speak to him again, I would be in effect EXCUSING him for everything he did. I would be betraying MYSELF as well as my kids and relieving him of ANY accountability for his behavior. (P's HATE accountablility.) I would be validating the illusion he has worked so hard to construct.

But everything he is pretending is just lies. And your ex is building a fake family lie, too. That is really all a P is capable of ... constructing lies. I am so happy that you seem to be able to see it for what it is.

Fortunately for your son, he also has truth in his life with his relationship with you. Don't spend TOO much time fretting over what your son sees when he is with his father. Just be the mother you naturally are and let the truth speak for itself. Kids are very intuitive and in touch with things that adults are not. Give your son room to come to his own conclusions ~~ he is going to anyway. Trying to influence him will only exhaust you and bring you frustration and drive the two of you apart. (Trust me here, I learned this the hard way.)

Be yourself and let your son be himself. That genuineness will naturally show up the lies for what they are.

OK, enough said, I went on WAY longer than I intended. Plus, you got advice you did not ask for or probably even want ~~ what a bonus! But I got my underwear SO in a knot over my kids and their relationship with my ex and it was SOOOOO not worth it. Knotted undies are hideously uncomfortable and if I can prevent you from wearing them I am gonna try....

Best wishes...

Hi,
The girl is 21. I'm 27. P's 29 Probably pretty innocent. Once I got pregnant and would not let him live off of me anymore the evil mask didn't just come off it was ripped off. You know when I see him now he looks really ugle to me. Also another funny point is now that he has become honest about having this girlfriend around my child he calls me more about anything he can think about calling me for. Also, this girl is under tight raps she is never around. But I can defintely tell when she is because I'll call him pertaining to our son and he gets a totally different tone of voice. "why are you calling me. stop calling me ect...." He's so fake. She has some college education and sounds like a nice girl, responsible like me. I hope she doesn't get in to deep. They work togther also. If I where to guess I belive this girlfriend is the reason he took me to court to get visitation with his son. It would look good to this girl the whole doting father bit. I'm two steps ahead. I've inquired w/ my attorney to petition the court to move. Hard look like father of he year 1000 miles away.
Thanks for listening and the advice

Hi, Deb
My P also wants to be friends. Ha I told him friends like him I don't need. Thanks for the advice about my son. I hold to the hope that one day without my pushing he'll grow up to the man "the CHAMPION" I want him to be and cast a shadow on his father. And look down on him as the pathetic, lying abuser he is.
Thanks again

Chellie,

It's just Sooooo Eerily Strange, but at the same time, Soooo Confirming that he Really is a P!!! AND even more so, after reading your thread!!!

I heard about the upcoming wedding several weeks ago, through my daughter, [well, she's really "our daughter," the one he never had anything to do with, which is why I call her "my daughter"]...

Anyway, now that she's grown and he doesn't have to pay child support, she has now met two of her brothers, one of her sisters and is about to [maybe] meet her youngest sister! Who was supposed to be driving down a few days after the wedding with her youngest brother for a weekend visit, which didn't happen by the way.

First, I heard it [through "my daughter" his new Grapevine, I'm sad to say] that he was just about to marry his young "Punching Bag" girlfriend, [as I call her] on Sept. 7th, the day before his b-day. He's 56, she's in her 20's... They say...

The only 'Grapevine' has been my Grandmother and my sister...

I'm pretty sure that he got his daughter to call "my daughter" so that she would tell me about the marriage! Since there has been no word from him, or any of his kids in a few years, until now. That is sooooo like him to do! To use his kids to get to [what in his mind anyway is] his women!

Anyway after reading this thread, I especially know what the phone call was for, because my daughter still hasn't gotten a visit, or even another call from her sister.

It is no coincidence that I found out about him marrying her! I KNOW he thinks that I'm hurting and yearning the loss of what he thought 'I missed out' on! But, he'd never believe how happy I am to hear the news, LOL!

Though I do feel sorry the poor, unlucky new bride, the one I call, "Punching Bag!"

These P's are Really Soooo Predictable, aren't they???

hi everyone

well i did not hear from him in a long time many months then right after Katrina he called and the first thing he says if i got money from FEMA (that is all he care about)
and i let him talk a bit to see where is head is at
he is doing the same thing nothing much, he ask people to do yard work or wash car or play his guitar rarely
he wanted me to go visit him and i said that it is not God's will for us to be together and that makes him very mad and hung up
so it has been one year and now he has started to call me again the last few weeks the first time a few weeks ago i was surprise to hear him on the phone (he always call from other people's phone) so i went ahead and let him talk to see where is head is at (again)and it was the same old thing saying that we met about 7 years ago and he miss me and saying things how mad he was that i go out with other people so i hung up
i could see that he did not change a bit
and he called a few more time not knowing it was him because it is a different number but as soon as i hear his voice i hang up
last night i went out (it is rare now) and during the break of the music band we were talking about the past how stupid i was to be with p and they were telling me how i would not believe the things that he would say about me
and my first reaction was what he said and the band look at me surprise and said no way we are not going there
this thing is over with
and the strangest thing is that he called again last night late after i came home
yes the strangest thing is that everytime he has been calling lately is after i am with friends and we are talking about the past (being with p)

it is spooky
i am praying to God that he will protect me
i don't want to be with him or talk to him
i feel so dumb to have put up with a person who only wants to destroy people's life

may God bless you all with strenght to keep the no contact

freedom

My P is in rare form. Now he's got the girlfriend in so deep she is now lying for him. It makes me sick. This is all at the expense of my son. This woman could careless about my child. She's just putting up a front to look like the good woman to him. She has the nerve to say to me I'm not trying to hurt the relationship between you and your child. Oh come on, what on earth would give her the idea she could in the first place. She also lied about what went on at the P's last visitation with his son and then said "oh it doesn't matter what I say you won't beleive me anyway. This woman honestly beleives she can lie about what my son does and how he behaves. I'm his mother I think I have a pretty good idea about how my son acts I don't need her to tell me. I'm sorry but I'm so mad. I not sure how to deal with the other woman around. I cannot tolerate her lying as well. This is my son were talking about. I don't understand how she feels it's okay to play house with my child. Oh and by the way I heard she was 18 not 21 which is even better.
Thanks for listneing

Hey Chellie,

Keep in mind also that P's often work in pairs. Your ex may have found a kindred spirit in this girl he is with now ~ someone who enjoys stirring up trouble as much as he does.

I notice that she is able to engage you via your son very easily. Your reaction is what I would think would be typical of most good moms ~~ the question here is "Why is she working at engaging you this way?" Anybody knows that when you attack a baby cub, momma bear is gonna have something to say about it. She knows this and that is precisely why she is choosing to target your son.

I also was thinking like you when my ex moved on to a young girl. I thought she HAD to be an innocent victim like I had been (that is why it was sooo hard not to engage and try to warn her). As time went on I learned a little about her and concluded that she was NOT a victim at all, but possibly a P or narcissist herself ~ at the very least someone who enjoyed playing P games.

I think it would be helpful for you to think of this girl as an extension of your P. Reacting to her is the same as reacting to him ~ either way it is feed for the P machine. P's NEED our reactions to feed on, and she sure seems to be working on you to get them. I don't think this girl is any kind of innocent victim here. You would probably be wise to create as much distance from her as possible, emotional distance being the most important. When she bugs you, DON'T LET HER KNOW. Don't defend your son to her or your ex, he does NOT need to be defended against lies. Disengage as completely as possible. Do not give them a reaction to feed on.

This is NOT really about your son, Chellie. It is still about you. DO NOT forget that. Don't let these two feed from you. You seem to have broken his direct hold on you, do not let him hold on via his sidekick, either. She really is nothing more than a tentacle anyway ~~ don't let her pull you back in.

Keep venting here, tho! Release your frustration FAR AWAY from where they might know that they are annoying you. I think if you don't vent at all there is a danger of internalizing the poison they are throwing at you (just my opinion).

Here for ya,
Deb

Hi Chellie!

Deb is right. P's want nothing more than to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to them. They feed off of your reaction and will do whatever it takes to get what they need from you. Just ignore it. They are sad, pathetic, jealous and obsessive people who live a more pathetic existance. They are isolated and alone. Don't ever feel sorry for them or think that you can talk sense into them, it just won't happen. They are not capable of normal relationships.

The relationship I had with a couple of P's lasted a few months, Where are my P's now after two years? Still trying to stir up trouble....

Keep posting, the people on this forum are wonderful, they will help you get thru this situation that seems absolutely bizarre and unreal.