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#601 - 08/26/02 01:50 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath *DELETED*
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Post deleted by Dianne_E

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#602 - 08/26/02 02:50 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Cooper, Well, I'm glad it's not just me that doesn't get a response. I've called, written, e-mailed, numerous times. I guess when thousands of people are doing that, you just can't respond. But I have a very good reason for wanting to make contact, and I still hope it will happen.

I really like what you say about your ideas for developing the work you would like to do...character development...yes, fostering that would help in dealing with the psychopath problem.

I have read books by celebrities who were clearly married to psychopaths, at some point in their lives, but they did not ever know it, don't know it still.

But it shouldn't have to be a celebrity to bring awareness. It's what I want to do with my life. It's what you want to do with yours. We may not be famous, but we have so much to offer. And there are so many people who need what we have to offer.

I hope we both find our way. I believe we will. I really believe God smiles upon our aspirations.

kris

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#603 - 08/26/02 04:52 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
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Deleted, off topic


Edited by Dianne_E (08/29/02 10:31 AM)

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#604 - 08/26/02 06:21 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Cooper, I must say that I do not want to see the stigma removed from being a psychopath. Talking about it, yes, being one, no. I hope the horror that people feel when confronting that word and concept always remains. Because it is horror. It is horror in the profoundest sense.

I would like to see the subject become everyday in the sense that is discussed so much it is generally understood by the majority. But, from my point of view, there is always a danger when subjects that should be handled with care are discussed alot, too. They sometimes lose their power, in the hearts of minds of the public. Sex is a good example. I don't know your age. I am 50. When I was a child, you would not turn on the TV, and hear a mother saying to her 14-year-old son, "Uh, sweetie, your fly is down." Followed by a laugh track. Although this opennness replaced alot of fear and hypocrisy, it is not respectful. It doesn't give the proper weight to something weighty. It trivializes something profound.

I don't want to see psychopathy trivialized, and that sometimes happens when a subject becomes commonplace. Nevertheless, it is important that psychopathy become more widely understood.

I looked at Dr. Hare's lecture schedule, on his site, and got the impression that he only lectrues to groups of professionals. I do know from reading his interviews that he worries about spreading misconception, sensationalism, that sort of thing. I think he holds back from speaking to general audiences, feeling prudence is best. I have gotten the impression he would like to open up the subject more, but realizes the dangers of doing so. And then, he's basically to busy to do anymore, anyway.

My psychopath also prefers teenagers. I found the sites on his computer, too. He had affairs that I knew about with teenagers, early on, in his late 20's, but it didn't hit me then, what this was. Then I had some clues over the years that I ignored. It's just so unthinkable...my husband, the father of my children...no way. Then, a few years ago, I caught him with a teenager. He was 53. God. It's so horrible. And it's only one aspect of the nightmare.

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#605 - 08/26/02 08:22 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Kris,

You are absolutely right. Once something that is important does come to the attention of the general public, familiarity can build complacency and make it seem less dangerous. Public support isn't perfect by any means but if you look at drunk driving or AIDs awareness campaigns, nothing is fool proof. Yet there still may be some who are paying attention. I just think resources should be available for those who are looking. I don't believe an APB type bulletin intended to start a witch hunt. So I appreciate the opportunity to clarify what I meant.

Mental illnesses affect almost one if four American families and possibly more. Depression, schizophrenia and bi-polar disorders are more widely talked about today than ever before. However, the general public still is unaware of many of the distinctions and differences between them. Prevalence and removing the stigma associated with them will help That's a good thing.

As we know psychopaths get mixed up in that in the minds of many folks. They are mostly thought of as the Hannibal's, the Ted Bundy's, of the Charles Manson of the world. That of course we know is not a fact. The public is unaware which makes us vulnerable. I believe what would help is just education and awareness of even 'naming'what is what.

Children have health and safety education in school, adults that are concerned with health and safety find what they need through directed study or their own special interests. Other than just physical safety, I believe that there should be resources available for those that are impacted by individuals with mental illness and/or personality or pathological disorders to help educate and provide resources so people can look after their pschological well being, if at all possible. The numbers are increasing, not decreasing, and we love, live, work, shop, drive, walk, play, and do all kinds of things with these people. On any given day you'll be likely to interact with someone who may have a destructive impact on you if you aren't prepared or don't understand.

I know what a fine balance it is.We need to care about each other, and we need to look after ourselves too without being too cynical or hard hearted. But unless we practice balancing, how will we get better? If you think about the statistics in Hare's books, he is right. Anyone can be their target. Thousands of people are at risk each day. I'd just be interested to hear a first hand account. I'm sure it would be very powerful. I admire the work he has done to ensure the integrity of the assessment and testing tools he developed. And I agree with his understandated approach. It would be a privilege to attend a lecture, what a learnign experience. For now I'll keep buying books.

Thanks for always taking the time for such insightful remarks. I do mean it, your on the money every time.

Amazing is all I can say.

Hope it's been a good day.

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#606 - 08/26/02 10:09 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Kris,

Sometimes your posts hit me so close to where I lived I have to come back and read them again, it's so hard to keep my focus the first time.

My p. was 53 when I last talked to him and 52 when I saw him. He was with teenagers, 20 year olds, 30 year olds, 40 year olds, 50 year olds and even older than that, (he liked the security).

Why would a teenage girl want to do that? Why can't kids be kids? I don't have any, but why? Why, I know why? For the same reason his old lawyer girlfriend and I stayed with him. We didn't think we deserved better at the time. We thought it was us. My p. liked me better when I left him and 'she' moved into my old house. I was 'taboo' then. We had a great times when things were good, I really don't know anyone who had as much fun as when we had those few minutes of fun we shared. Overall if the p ever was cured and looked back, his life with me, was beyond what most people ever dream of. Me included. Sometimes when it's late I still get melancholy. I can't wait for the day that I don't.

Night all.

PS I'm actually very good at spelling, I've just been typing to fast (at least for me).

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#607 - 08/26/02 10:10 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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ok what are we going to do about talking more about your b. plans? Got any ideas?

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#608 - 08/26/02 10:17 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Diane,

My P. wore a mask with moving lips. Earlier today in another post I mentioned he spoke in code. Reflecting back I know now when he said certain words, or phrases or reacted in a certain way, or maybe checked in for 'her' opinion (I used to deliberately test this-my own private lab work) I knew he was 'revealing' his p stuff to me. He almost wanted to talk to me about it, because I was so capable about keeping things moving, his deception was the only thing that he could better than I could. He hated me. And he was toying with me, thinking that I didn't know, but I did, and actually I think he knew it too, which is why he hated me all the more. It wasn't because of the way I looked, what I did or didnt' do. It was because I 'was'. He hated that. He needed me for money at first, when that ended he hated the fact he needed me so he hated me more for it, if that makes sense. His mask was pretending to need me, when it wasn't me at all.

Danger Boys don't ever miss you all they miss is your stuff.

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#609 - 08/27/02 09:13 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Cooper, I was baffled, too, why teenage girls would be attracted to a balding, gray-haired old guy with a soft stomach. But I saw it happen. My last 2 years with Psychopath, we lived where he worked, and there were teenage girl interns all the time there.

I am 5 years younger than Psychopath and everyone ALWAYS thought I was daughter, and still do, if we go anywhere together. He does not look good for his age.

But Psychopath, on his good, days, was very intriguing-looking and ruggedly handsome. Big green eyes half hidden in the shadows of his hat. He had a way of squinting that made him look deep and intense and aloof. An oh my god, could he rain diamonds on a girl with his charm. I always loved the way he walked, sort of like a cowboy. It used to make me weak in the knees just walking him walk.

And then, ya know, he was the big cheese. I think sometimes insecure little girls are carried away by power.

Too bad there are bad men anxious to exploit them.

kris

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#610 - 08/28/02 11:51 AM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
Anonymous
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Hi Kris,

As always I very much appreciate your response with your insightful opinions and experience. Thank you.

I would like to clarify further what I wrote. When I remarked, "seemed to bite her head off for it" He did not overtly raise his voice in anger. I detected irritation in his tone of voice, not letting the mask slip completely and I felt from that tone, he probably did get upset with her.
Whether he stewed silently in anger with her or ranted at her, I do not know. However, I could not logically understand why he was irked because I think she was trying to budget and put his wants in front of hers.

As you wrote, I don't think they can interpret sacrifice and just mainly believe they are entitled and understand about that place reinterpreted by a psychopath, as it happened it me. When your ex remarked about your "Lifestyle," I got the same treatment when I bought something for him and saved up for 3 weeks. He gladly took it and then almost in the same breathe, "Don't you have some extra bucks. I am broke and remember you said you would get this." He didn't have a clue! Oh sure, he was broke and I later discovered that his extra few bucks went to a membership to a porn site.

Irrational! You got that right, Kris. I beaten my brain (as you termed confusion) trying to figure out his motives and it all boils down to:
HIS WANTS. I do believe they will do whatever it takes to get what they want with the appearance of being the good guy.

I do believe you are right, Kris, about calling his wife.
I am not tied to him in the way she is through marriage, house and assets and I do believe she is trying all she can to make her marriage work, as I tried to believe all his lies, through rationalization. Even though when confronted, I do believe they just become silent, deny or project at the accuser. Nevertheless, her health is in danger due to him being a sneaky sex-craved sleaze.

No, I don't want the job of being oblivious. I was there for a short time and I was beginning to think I was too critical or nuts--if that makes sense.

If he meets his consequences, I hope in this lifetime, he does not harm any more unsuspecting women who truly do not deserve his abuse. Beenthere




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