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#5913 - 02/26/07 05:26 AM Saving a child from a Psychopath
jehosaphat Offline
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Registered: 02/26/07
Posts: 7
My soon-to-be-ex-wife is a psychopath. She has everyone snowed and it's a huge nightmare. I am going for a divorce and full custody of our daughter, but i'm terrified of what will happen in court. My lawyer urges me to settle out of court, but I want this evil parasite out of my daughter's life forever. I intend to get a psych eval in court and expose her for what she is.
Does anyone have experience with this? Will the courts take the diagnosis seriously? I'm completely desperate for any way to save my daughter. I have her now with me and I'm letting the Psychopath have supervised visits just to satisfy the courts when i get there, but every time we have to see her we are both upset for days to come.
What do I have to due in court to get this women erased from an innocent child's life?

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#5914 - 02/26/07 10:19 AM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: jehosaphat]
tkme Offline
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Registered: 01/30/07
Posts: 16
You have done well to get supervised visitation. I don't know California law, but your attorney does, and you need to listen to him/her. The court will not allow one parent out of a child's life forever, I doubt. If she's into drugs/alcohol, maybe you could get it written in that she not use 24 hours before and during visitation, possibly continued supervised visitation, and that she obtain psychological help for a specified number of years. That way you have something to work with in the future. It's an unfortunate reality. She will probably lose interest in seeing the child eventually anyway once the dust settles, especially if she is required to pay child support.

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#5915 - 02/26/07 12:26 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: jehosaphat]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
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Hi, welcome to the forum. Keep in mind that I am not an attorney but simply trying to offer some ideas.

Just because an attorney says something doesn't mean it is a fact. I would find out if you can have a private evaluation and she can have a court ordered evaluation. I would keep calling attorneys until I found one willing to pursue this if it is within the law where you are.

The situation is that sure your x might take a hike for awhile but the curve ball is you will never know when she wants to come back and "claim" your child. Usually it is for reasons to make the new people in her life think what a great mom she is.

So, first of all find out about court psych evaluations, any attorney should have that answer. If you need a referral I have a great Dr. in Calif. I don't suspect the evaluation will be cheap but may be well worth it if the courts allow it. Then it could become the battle of the shrinks and hopefully you have a better one than she will get via a court referral.

I am very sorry you and your daughter are in this horrible situation.

Di

You can email me for the contact Dr. in your area if you can pursue that avenue.
dianne77@msn.com

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#5916 - 02/26/07 11:29 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
jehosaphat Offline
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Registered: 02/26/07
Posts: 7
Thank you for your advice. I met with my attorney today. After she read my five page list of the psycho's lies and looked over my copy of Hare's checklist with notes on how she fits almost all the characteristics, the attorney is finally seeing how serious this is. So it looks like we're going to court. I am quite nervous as to whether she will be properly diagnosed since she is a woman and does not have violent or criminal traits. None the less, all I can do is pray that the system will work. In this state (county?) psych evaluators are appointed by the court. (I know two of the ones who do the evals in this county, and they seem really good.) So we will both be evaluated for the bargain price of at least $5000 (ouch), which I will somehow have to come up with.
Anyway, I will keep updating this thread whenever possible. I want my story to be out there for others in a similar situation to give them ideas. I haven't found anything on a man trying to get custody of a little girl with a psychopath mother.
If anyone has any other advice, I could use all I can get.
I wonder if I should try to play along with the psychop's garbage to get what I want. (i.e., records of our daughter's immunizations so she can start day care.) It sounds terrifying though.

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#5917 - 02/26/07 11:48 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: jehosaphat]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi, do you by any chance get to know which Dr. does the evaluation? I would think they would also do an evaluation of your daughter, I guess depending on her age. Sometimes even the best specialist can get tricked but if you have one who has taken Dr. Hare's courses I think you narrow down that possibility. Personally I would feel most confortable and particularly dishing out that much money to know what kind of credentials these evaluators have.

It is easy to be painted as the one with the "issues" so be very careful and thoughtful in your answers during the evaluation.

I am glad you attorney is seeing what you are seeing.

What is your X asking for in regards to shots etc? I would consult your attorney before turning over any information, it will never stop (the asking for more and more).

Women in general are a lower percentage of the Psychopaths out there and if she is well "socialized" she has gone undetected probably as long as she has. There is a false image, I call the "Bundy effect" that just because someone can present themselves to the general public well, dress well, act okay in front of strangers. There is an image of Psychopaths as being raging killers and that is not a fact. Most of them kill in other ways, the heart and the wallet and in your case using your child as their bargaining chip.

Please do keep us posted and will try our best to help in any way possible to get your child out of her clutches.

Di

Does she has her family tricked as well or are they in denial? Is this her first marriage? I would dig up as much dirt as I could get my hands on to prove her for the unfit mother she apparently is. I am sure your attorney can advise you on what kind of dirt might help your case if it can at all in order to present an entire picture along with the evaluations. I would also try my best to blind side her as much as possible to throw her off balance.

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#5918 - 02/27/07 09:50 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
jehosaphat Offline
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Registered: 02/26/07
Posts: 7
As of today we have signed an agreement stipulating 50/50 custody and a psych eval to be performed. One psychologist has been suggested, but I have not agreed yet. Is there any place I can obtain a list of who has taken Hare's course? I really don't want to waste the money.

The psychop in question is from another country, so her family is not here. She has managed to get a few of my friends turned against me. And coincidentally they are quite rich.

What do you mean by blindside her? It sounds similar to what I've been telling my lawyer, which is that we must constantly be offensive and on the attack.

According to our agreement I will only have to actually see the pyscho for two minutes every other week for child exchange, but still the child is at risk...

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#5919 - 02/27/07 10:47 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: jehosaphat]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi, I went through a civil case that dragged on for over 5 years. I made it my work to blind side the other side every chance I got. They got the message I wasn't going away. Never cross the line but keep in mind that even though there are many great lawyers, no one on earth knows the situation like you do. This is where your instincts are key. In the end my instincts were correct, getting the lawyers to do anything but pat me on the head like they knew everything since I don't have a law degree was a huge deal and wasted a ton of time and my money. Lawyers walk away and have a nice dinner at night, you on the other hand get to chew off your fingers every night with worry.

Di

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#5920 - 02/27/07 11:19 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
tkme Offline
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Registered: 01/30/07
Posts: 16
If you've already agreed to joint custody, why are you going through all the other stuff?

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#5921 - 02/28/07 02:31 AM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: tkme]
jehosaphat Offline
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Registered: 02/26/07
Posts: 7
Why am I going through all the other stuff?!
Because I don't want to spend 16 years repairing the emotional damage she does every week.
I know; I may be asking too much to get full custody, but why not try?
I've got a guaranteed pysch eval right now, and once she's exposed as a pp then I can protect the child much better.


Edited by jehosaphat (02/28/07 03:01 PM)

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#5922 - 02/28/07 03:42 PM Re: Saving a child from a psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
denfox Offline
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Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 82
Hi Di,
I have a question; psychopath's are such experts at deception, manipulation, fabrication (and can turn on the charm when it suits them) aren't the odds of discovery during a psychiatric evaluation pretty slim?

I could see that over many sessions they might be found out, but am a little skeptical about a single evaluation. It would seem to me that any evaluation would require lots of background information, interviews with others and investigation to be able to spot them. I'm troubled by the thought.

Sincerely,
denfox

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