I understand how you must be feeling-I have been there. I think itís too soon yet to tell your gf of your fears, I think you need to do it very slowly and from the perspective of trying to everything you can to support her and the boys. If you alienate her in any way you will close the door to any discussion. She will be in denial a long time but hopefully your relationship will be strong enough to hold up. It will be tested to the limit but if you come out the other side together it will prove it.
Maybe you could start with information like this to sew the seeds, let her come to her own conclusion and then you wonít take any of the blame for bringing it to light.
Have a look at the list below and see how you get on, you need to be certain you are dealing with an FP before stating it. I have posted a checklist on the resources section, it is a 3 part set, to be answered by the parents, the teachers and the child-strange as that may seem but there is a very good reason.
If you canít find them in that section then let me know and Iíll dig out my copies, otherwise you could get in touch with Dr Essi Viding via e-mail (just google her name and she comes up) she is the person who gave me all my info and confirmed (unofficially) that my partnerís son was an FP. As he wasnít sent to her as a patient she could not give an official diagnosis.
I wish you the best of luck. It may help you to look at all my posts to see how I got to where I am today.
These questions require an answer of Not True-Somewhat True-Certainly True
Considerate of other peopleís feelings
Restless, overactive, cannot sit still for long
Often complains of headaches, stomach aches or sickness
Shares readily with other children (treats, toys, pencils etc.)
Often has temper tantrums or hot tempers
Rather solitary, tends to play alone
Generally obedient, usually does what adults request
Many worries, often seems worried
Helpful if someone is hurt, upset or feeling ill
Constantly fidgeting or squirming
Has at least one good friend
Often fights with other children or bullies them
Often unhappy, downhearted or tearful
Generally liked by other children
Easily distracted, concentration wanders
Nervous or clingy in new situations, easily loses confidence
Kind to younger children
Often lies or cheats
Picked on or bullied by other children
Often volunteers to help others (parents, teachers, other children)
Thinks things out before acting
Steals from home, school or elsewhere
Gets on better with adults than with other children
Many fears, easily scared
Sees tasks through to the end, good attention span
These questions require an answer of No Difficulties-Yes, Minor Difficulties, Yes, More serious Difficulties, Yes, Severe Difficulties.
Overall, do you think that your child has difficulties in one or more of the following areas: Emotions, concentration, behaviour, or being able to get along with people?
If you have answered ĎYesí please answer the following questions about these difficulties.
How long have these difficulties been present?
Less than a month-, 1-5 months, 5-12 months, Over 1 year
Do the difficulties upset or distress your child?
Not at all, Only a little, Quite a lot, A great deal
Do the difficulties interfere with your childís everyday life in the following areas?
Not at all, Only a little, Quite a lot, A great deal
Do the difficulties put a burden on you or your family as a whole?
Not at all, Only a little, Quite a lot, A great deal.
A further sheet asks:
Who lives in the family home (Names, ages and relationship to your child)
Who else is important to your child
Schools attended from playgroup to present and reasons for any changes
Any involvement with the following agencies:
∑ Social Services
∑ Educational/School Psychologist
∑ Educational Welfare Officer
∑ CART Team
∑ Youth Offending Team
What is your child like to live with and bring up?
∑ How does your child get on with other children?
∑ Very popular, plenty of friends
∑ Has a few good friends
∑ Some difficulty with others but no more than most other children
∑ Definite difficulties in getting on with other children.
How does your child get on with adults?
∑ Affectionate and rewarding child
∑ Some difficulties but no more than most children
∑ Definite difficulties in getting on with adults
Please give a brief description of your childís strengths and qualities
What are your childís interests and hobbies
Please describe the difficulties your child faces and the additional difficulties for you and other members of the family.
When did the difficulties start
Does your child seem aware of the difficulties-Yes/No
If aware, is he concerned about the difficulties- Yes/No
What changes has your child made to overcome the difficulties
What changes have you and others made to try to overcome the difficulties
How successful or otherwise were these attempts
Are there any comments you could make which you think might be helpful in planning to help your child.
Can you say what prompted you to seek help at this time.
Were there any difficulties during the pregnancy, delivery or first 3 months of life.
Were you concerned about your childís development before he went to school.
Has your child had any significant health problems in the past or present.
Please describe in a few sentences what you see as your childís personality (e.g. shy, fussy, happy, bad tempered, a worrier, outgoing etc)
Has there been any changes in his personality recently-If so please give details.
Has your child deliberately hurt himself or others.
Has your child been in trouble with the police
What are your hopes and expectations from our service.