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#641 - 01/01/06 09:02 AM Re: The Mask of a Psycho [Re: Dianne E.]
Diane1969 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 147
Oh, yes, Dianne! I even used to complain to my ex-P about the illusions he cast and that there was never any substance to him. But it is a very strong glamour they cast over our eyes.

And yet, I remember one time sitting across from him at dinner in a restaurant and the glamour all of a sudden slipped, and I sat there wondering what on earth I was doing with this person who had nothing at all to offer me, and wasn't even attractive. I really felt nauseated, resentful, angry at myself and at him, and wanting to be anywhere in the world but where I was. All I can think is that at that moment he was relaxed and not vesting anything in any masks and I "saw" him for what he was - and it wasn't much.

Unbelievable!

Diane1969

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#642 - 01/01/06 10:40 AM Re: The Mask of a Psycho [Re: Diane1969]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Could it be that the eyes don't match the rest of the facial expression so it would be quite easy to focus in on the smile and miss the unmasking which seems to become obvious in the eyes?

Doesn't it seem as though the eyes are the key to know that a Psychopath is unmasking?

Di

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#643 - 01/01/06 04:32 PM Re: The Mask of a Psycho [Re: Dianne E.]
Diane1969 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 147
No. There was a period of time where his eyes seemed almost clear. This was more of an all over behavior thing. Usually every bit of his mannerisms were totally controlled, like he had gone to finishing school or something. It tended to make him a little fakey, but socially skilled, not unrefined.

A little snapshot. The way he usually was around food was always very careful, almost prissy. Even when grabbing a late night snack of cookies and milk in front of the tv, he always seemed so very upper class, I guess is the only way to put it, like a little lady with her tea.

That day he was hunched over his food, almost wrapped around it, eating fast, stuffing food in his mouth, chewing with his mouth open, making sort of grunting noises, and smacking his lips loudly. He was like a totally different person. In this instance all his self control slipped, like he forgot I was there. We were in a back booth that day, so none of the other patrons could see him either.

I don't know if this is true in all cases or not, but to me it seemed almost like nothing was ever internalized for him, not even his learned mannerisms. Everything was an illusion with him, every single thing.

Diane1969

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#644 - 01/06/06 12:05 AM That Look!!! [Re: Dianne E.]
Diane1969 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 147
Does anybody else see the similarity of a P's cold rage face to the photos in the following link? Seeing these pictures really freaked me out because I have never been able to adequately describe this look.... but here it is captured for anyone to see.... at least this is what my ex-P looked like during those times.

Diane1969

http://samugliestdog.com/

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#645 - 01/06/06 04:56 PM Re: That Look!!! [Re: Diane1969]
sylvie25 Offline
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Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325
Some time back I had mentioned a TV movie that featured a psychopathic boyfriend - at the time I couldn't remember what is was called. Apparently it's "Mother may I sleep with Danger" starring Tori Spelling and Ivan Sergei. It's a dumb name and while not the greatest movie, I think it's worth watching for anyone who thinks their partner may be a P. His behaviour and tactics were so similiar to my ex I found it pretty amazing. Think they should show it in every high school. I believe it shows on cable quite often.

Another one is "Fear" starring ummm...Marky Mark (what's his full name?? hmmmmm.....don't remember). Haven't seen this one but may be worth it. Heard he did a good job of acting.

Also, Cape Fear (De Niro) and the Talented Mr. Ripley (Matt Damon, Jude Law) are other examples that posters have mentioned.

Sylvie

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#646 - 01/06/06 05:02 PM Re: That Look!!! [Re: Diane1969]
sylvie25 Offline
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Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325
The first time my former boss smiled at me I was startled because he had the most machiavellian look I had ever seen so I can relate to what you mean. It was unbelievable - don't think his teeth helped either. But the dog's even worse.....surely even a mother couldn't love a dog like that.

Can't say my ex ever looked like that though, just sort of a stony cold (and antisocial) glare in some pictures.

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#647 - 01/21/06 04:33 AM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
geteven Offline
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Registered: 01/20/06
Posts: 12
do p's get diagnosed and do they use drugs to deal with the mask. i once experienced a p in the workplace that would play tennis with our "former" CEO and loss every week. after the CEO was asked to step down, partly because of p, p beat him very badly in tennis in every game afterward. when he wants something from this guy now and they play tennis, he losses... when he succeeds he wins the game.

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#648 - 12/06/06 06:01 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath
kludgette Offline
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Registered: 12/05/06
Posts: 6
My Psychopath's mask was off at least 4 times a week...from the time I was 3 months pregnant. The eyes...they look right through you. They looked right through our daughter. He wasn't there. It was really unnerving, really cold, really creepy. Then looking at him...he was gone. Expressionleess, glassy eyed. Even our dog saw it.

When he came home from work on an "off" day, the dog would immediately hide behind me and shake. He usually hit the dog within minutes on these days unless she hid. Sometimes I had to swivel my chair to keep her out of reach. On a good day, the dog greated him. If I wasn't paying attention...the dog warned me. Our poor daughter never learned by the age of 3. She would always try to great him. She was yelled at each of these days. She took her chances on the one or 2 times a week she'd get a hug or a smile and tried everyday. It broke my heart.

One thing I learned...never show fear. Fear enraged him...one twitch or backwards step and he was on me. He'd threaten me and tower over with a red face, clenched fists and his veins popping out screaming "WHY ARE YOU F*ING SCARED OF ME!!! WHAT THE F* IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!" I could never look at him during those times. I finally puffed up my 5'3" frame stepped forward and told the 6 foot 200 pound man to hit me. Get it over with. I looked "through" him...not at him...and said HIT ME!!! I'M SICK OF WAITING ON IT! I can't really recommend it...but it worked. He didn't hit me and I never stood back and took that abuse again.

He had me cowaring for 2-3 month periods in 5 yrs. I think the only reason he didn't look for a better "punching bag" (verbally/emotionally) was because I made 2x's the amount of money he did. I also stopped reacting to him. If he told a plain flat out lie about anyone...even me, I would say "huh...that's interesting". When my daughter was 3...he had gotten worse...which is when I got out - long story.

Boy he loves money. Can't love a human...can't cry for the pain of a human...even his daughter, but tell him he can only take $40 to the bar or show him a movie in which an actor "died" in war...he'll bawl like a baby. It's the strangest thing.

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#649 - 12/06/06 06:44 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath [Re: kludgette]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi kludgette, thanks for sharing, I assume he is out of your life?

Interesting he would bawl like a baby over a movie, do you think it was because he was "socialized" and knew to have that reaction?

I have never been in a relationship with a Psychopath but I have seen two unmask, chilling and I am not a person that scares easily. The one was in my house (he was a friend of a friend and I had no idea what his deal was). I just knew something was wrong so when I asked him to leave that stare was chilling and frightened me, my instincts told me to just stay calm and get him out. I had three dogs and was across the room at my computer and my dogs who were normally the nicest dogs on earth gathered around me and started growling. My dogs never growled at anyone, but they sure did with this guy.

I ran into another one recently on a quiet street. I thought I saw him kick his dog but wasn't sure so I slowed down and came very close to him since there wasn't a sidewalk on the side he was on. I locked eyes and thought I was going to have a heart attack. I proceeded to go very slow not knowing what to do but knew for sure he was a Psychopath. Normally I would have hopped out of the car to help the dog but I was so afraid I couldn't and the houses on the street were really set back so it made me think it might be dangerous. I kept him in my sight via my rear view mirror, he looked both ways and must have forgotten I was behind him and began hitting the dog. When I called in to Animal Control to report him I didn't mention the eyes at first (I have this theory that if we aren't careful it is easy to be perceived as the one who is crazy), well the Officer asked for his description etc. etc. At the very end I mentioned his eyes, well the Officer then told me that he had given the guy a ticket the week before and he saw the same eyes. I am sure the Officer got "the look" because he probably was perceived by this Psychopath as being not as important as he thought he was (turns out he was a retired very successful business man here in town). Needless to say I take a different route, those eyes left an impression to this day I can still picture it.

It gives me some idea of what you are describing, my impression was I was looking into the eyes of the devil.

Di

Even though you made more money how can you be sure he wasn't cheating on the side, that seems to their practice.

Psychopath.S. I hope I am not repeating myself but when the mask subject comes up my creep meter goes on.

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#650 - 12/06/06 07:28 PM Re: The Mask of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
kludgette Offline
member

Registered: 12/05/06
Posts: 6
His friends were my friends (and relatives). They knew dang well not to lie to me...I did ask...and I know they were truthful. He did flirt a lot...he got a little touchy feely with other women (sometimes in front of me). Yes I am out, for 11 months now. I read somewhere with some phsycotic disorder or variation that they can "show" feelings to/for humans beyond reach - celebrities, politicians etc. He cried when Dale Jr. (race car driver) and the Pope died. I don't remember the exact description, or when this can apply - but I did find it noted somewhere(maybe under Narcisitic personality disorder - closely related to pshycotic) - bawling over money was more meant as an expression of the tempertantrum he would throw.

He wasn't very well socialized once the mask slipped the first time with me it was pretty well over. I had heard some odd comments along the lines of how different he was now that he was with me prior to the mask coming off...I didn't get it - now I do. I had to start limiting exposure to family and freinds so he wouldn't do/say something stupid (calling a rape scene "My (his) idea of foreplay!" in front of my mom and sister). He was worse in front of his family...it embarressed me horribly. He rarely showed the rage around friends/family...more of the immature, lying, world "owes" me side...then at home, it was mostly rage, lying, grandious, cold, world owes me, etc etc.

I'm just worried about our daughter now. What's going to happen. How well adjusted can/will she be. Can the courts help. Keep in mind...mine isn't that socialized and isn't that bright. I knew he wasn't smart when I met him, but he was sweet and attentive...it didn't matter to me.

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