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#6009 - 04/03/07 10:57 AM My Psychopath Mother and her Endless Legacy
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi You All!

Sorry itís been such a long time since Iíve been able to post here. Iíve been so busy, getting myself out of the hell I was living in and into a new, wonderful place! Thanks to you people, Iíve come a long way this past year and a half. I couldnít have done it without your help and encouraging words! Thanks for being here for me!

Even though, ďMy MotherĒ canít hurt me now. Yet she intrudes upon me in my dreams and I had to get up, get a cup of coffee and reach out to you all here for some words of wisdom and support!

I got my new apartment for the Mentally Ill, who can function on the outside but are not able to hold a steady job. {In our case though, I reffer to it as the Emotionally Wounded} Anyway, the place is beautiful, more than I deserve. It wasnít easy getting in here and I had to have an Advocate to help me. My Medicaid plan provides this service and itís wonderful! Sheís been great!! Iíve finally gotten the old place sold! I raised my kids there, so itís bitter/sweet. Though the deal isnít final till the papers are signed and I have what little bit of money I could get for it. They put down a deposit and have already turned on the gas.

Back to My Mother;

I donít know why I woke up tonight crying about my Mother. Iím sure she would be happy if she knew, huh? But sheíll never know and sheíll never see the new place and the way Iím fixing it up. Iím putting my own touch on it, without her approval! Though on a tight budget, my place is becoming my own little retreat without her criticism! That was always my driving force in life, ďWould Mama like it?ĒÖ Of course not! She NEVER, EVER did approve of anything I did.

But this time I donít care what she would like and itís my choice what I want to do with my bed, the way I place my sofa, and the kitchen dťcor. I think itís looking just the way ďIĒ want it to! I never think of what she would think of it!

But the dream was about my sister and the way the way my Mother dumped her out with me a few years ago, knowing that I was living in a dumpy old trailer with no AC in the Texas heat. But with mine and my daughterís help, my sister soon had her camper moved off of our Motherís property. And, not long after that, she had AC, but I still had to live in that dump after helping my seemingly ďHelplessĒ sister. Well, now the time has come for me to need a little help making decisions on what to keep and what to throw out or give to Charity and my sister, all of sudden got her some used furniture, [just in case she finds ĎHERí another place] and she stored it in my old trailer while Iím moving and sheís sitting back waiting for me to find a place not only for my extra stuff, but for the two sofaís she found, an overstuffed chair and a dinette set!

Anyway, I woke up at about 4:30 AM, after having a nightmare, which left me thinking about My Mother. And the way she threw my sister away and she knew I was washing dishes in tubs in the bathroom and that I had no AC and a son and was trapped in a horrible place full of violence and drugs and poverty! But she sent my sister with me that day and I took care of her. I helped her more than I helped myself. Now that I need a little help, she wonít even answer her phone, but she expects me to find someone to take her stuff and store it for her. The deadline to move everything out is April sixth and I have to depend on my son and some wonderful people from a local church who will pick up what I donít want and give it to Charity and throw away the rest, so the place will be ready for the man and his wife who are gonna be able to fix it up and afford to pay for AC. I almost Ďgaveí it to them, but itís worth getting out of there.

Anyway, hopefully all will be fine in the end and my sister will get her stuff! I have come too far, with the support of this support group first, and then from the people whoíve helped me get my life in order and into the nice, safe place! I refuse to bring the past with me to ďMyĒ new place! I have In-Home Therapy twice a week for now, and sheís coming today! Hope I canít think coherently after a two hour nap last night!

Oh, my sister is using my car and I have to get it back because I need it. She let people work on hers and they left it not running at all. Of course sheís happy to drive my gas saver. But, Iím left having to use my sonís gas guzzler.

What Iím afraid of is this, if I donít find a place for her stuff and she loses it, that she might do something to my car. I hate to leave her without a car, but she knows a lot of people who can help her. Plus, sheís on Medicare [sheís Mentally Disabled too] and she can get all kinds of help, but she wonít ask for it!

Anyway, I woke up having a panic attack thinking about My Mother forcing me to take on the responsibility of my childlike sister, [who is older than me] knowing my deplorable situation. My Mother knows, because my sister has contact with her.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers!

Thank You All!

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#6010 - 04/07/07 01:21 AM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: sarah]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi Sarah, you are for sure on everyones list of good things to come. Think of how far you have come so far.

I would make sure and get your car back and whatever else is yours. Can you just give her a deadline and let her know it will go in the dump if she doesn't do her end of things.

What kind of mental problem does your sister have? In a perfect world it would be best to only worry about yourself for a change, you deserve to have a nice place to live and let them work out their own situaiton. If your sister really can't help herself that is one thing but keep in mind if she were to do something horrible while driving your car it could drag you into the entire mess.

I think as long as we allow others to dictate what we do we lose our own power and sense of self. Try to think of helping yourself first, it isn't selfish it is a matter of setting some boundaries and sticking with them. They will always be a cord around your neck if you aren't careful. Sometimes in life we reach a point that we need to create a new family for ourselves and forget the others, just because we are born into their wicked lives doesn't mean we can't forge ahead and create a family of our choice.

I was very happy to read about your new place. Maybe try to just take a breathe when the thought of your mother comes into your mind and find some place of peace to go to.

Di

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#6011 - 04/18/07 12:22 AM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: Dianne E.]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi Dianne!

Thank you so much for helping me get through some of my darkest hours! You even got me through the "System" with your helpful advice! I want to thank you and all the people here for your support. You all brought me through and literally saved my life!

Dianne, you are an Angel!

Since I last posted, my sister still has my car, but our "father" came with a u-haul and got her furniture at the last minute. So, now she is speaking to me again, not a big surprise, huh? My therapist is helping me with setting boundaries and deadlines. I have let my sister know that she only has a certain amount of time to use my car and that she has to have her car fixed before that deadline. It's hard to assert myself, but I tell people that therapy is helping me and they understand what I'm saying and that I'm not a doormat. I'll help people, but I won't let them take advantage of me anymore. I have a really good therapist now, and not a minute too soon!

I'll always need help, I realize this. And all because of being raised by a Psychopath Mother and from being used and discarded by Psychopath men throughout my life! What life I have left will be different. I'm ready for the solitude I've found in my new place. Finally I'm safe! I pray that everyone who is effected by these monsters will get the help they need, and that we expose the silent, horrible way they operate in this world!

I Thank God for this website, and for you Dianne, and for all of the support you've given. I love you all!
_________________________
Sarah

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#6012 - 04/18/07 09:24 PM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: sarah]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hearing this gives me hope, Sarah. It's wonderful that things are working out for you. And yes, I agree Dianne is an angel.

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#6013 - 04/27/07 10:24 AM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: ]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Friend

I am so glad to have helped give you hope, freetobeme! This place really is the only place I can turn to, to get the full support that I need just to get through life. So, hearing that I have helped someone else, puts a great big smile on my face!

This wonderful website lets me know that we are not alone, because when all else fails, we have each other. Even therapy doesn't help me in the same way that this group does! No one, who hasn't walked in our shoes, really understands. Even though therapists help us very much, I don't think they are well educated about the full impact that the Psychopath has on us! And they sometimes "Blame the Victim". Though things are improving, therapists still have a hard time dealing with us and including the real outside force {The Pschopath/Psychopaths}} which is the major cause of our PTSD/Depression, and other Mental Health issues. I am praying for a big change!!

Anyway... Right now, between therapy twice a week, finding a good PCP, getting my son through college and fixing up my apartment...Whew!!! I'm gonna look for a comfortable computer chair, so I can catch up on reading your posts! And also on giving feedback, and getting your feedback too, when more situations arise in my life, which they are sure to, with a family like mine...


And... God Bless Diane, she IS Truely an Angel! Without her, I'd be homeless. And that is the honest truth!

God Bless You freetobeme
{I like the name},

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#6014 - 04/29/07 12:29 PM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: sarah]
Anonymous
Unregistered


That's what's so wonderful about this group. I've been reading posts and everyone is so supportive of each other.

I'd really like to hear yours and others opinions on the novel in progress. I know it's long but .... it really sounds like something out a movie.

Best,

freetobeme

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#6015 - 04/30/07 07:13 AM Re: My Mother and her Endless Legacy [Re: ]
sarah Offline
member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 82
Loc: U.S.A.
freetobeme,

I'm bookmarking the novel in progress. Thanks for sharing it. I already like the title! I'll read it and get back to you about it
_________________________
Sarah

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