Hi, Jan and Segaya, thanks both for writing back.

Segaya, we need to find a pink girly icon! I hope you are doing well, and are hanging onto your friend. That is a rare and wonderful thing to have.

Unfortunately I just took another two beatings over the last 48 hours; another brother came into town and insulted, criticized, and blamed me for my being concerned about my elderly mother's welfare. Then I watched the psychopath sister and the narcissistic brother exchange a childhood album that I have begged for access to for ten years, without a word to me about it. So I have spent since Friday in tears, so bad that my husband took me to therapy tonight and sat in with me to help me.

Jan, I kept thinking about "your best friend wouldn't tell you if your hair looked bad, because she wouldn't want to hurt your feelings", and how stunning a thought that is for me. My doctor asked me tonight about the out-of-town brother who criticized me, and I told him how we were young and he struck me on the side of the head quite violently, and the other brother struck me as well. Apparently, this is not normal sibling behavior, and I seem to be unable to understand the boundaries that siblings normally don't do these things to each other. Of course, it went unpunished. I don't remember one single person ever being punished for beating or abusing me. Ever. It was always me that was wrong.

I spent the whole two weeks of his visit avoiding getting together, and the last two times were mandatory, and see what happened. He managed to devastate me in one hour. So I kept the contact at the barest minimum and almost got away with it. I hope he never comes back. I just have to get through Christmas and then if I have my way, I won't have anything to do with any of them. My only concern now is still my mother, but that is wavering because this is too much for me to take. "one little bit of kindness...it costs so little and would have meant so much!"

In the meantime, I'm going to work on that mental wall. I'm not really sure how to...is it like visualizing bricks or something? Thanks again for writing back and I hope things get better. Take care.

Dear Lady GROWN. yes all in capital letters.....If I could I would write them in pink indeed.....

Never ever forget from now on that nobody ever has the right to hurt you....Not fysical, not mentaly, not psycologaly and not emotionaly...NO ONE, EVER!!!!!!!

You are a human being..You are a woman... You have your life and YOU are the only one who can make choices in your life...
YOU are the most important person in your life, and that will last forever.

If I say that to people they always say...No I'm not the most important person in my life..My husband is...my children are...my parents are and so on...
It's not true!!
YOU ARE...
Simply because without you there wouldn't be your life....

I think this is the moment that you will be able to realize this and the truth in it.

What I am going to say now can be somthing that will hurt a little bit..Please think about it...Try to understand it and then please remember it for the rest of your life....And please keep in mind that I mean wll.......

Anybody can hurt you as long as you let them hurt you...

This seem to make te victem quilty...But that isn't true...It says that there is a point in your life that you can stop the abuse, stop the violence against you...There is a choice...always!!!

It's not simply say 'I want it to stop'.... It needs action...
Maybe there is another way of helping your needing mother. Maybe you can go to your MD and ask him about the possibillities, Maybe the therapist where you went a copple of days ago can help ....Speak to people...Think of what you should do if you would be fysical unable to help your mom...How would you solve that problem ? And can you use this in the situation you are in now.
This way you give yourself a little bit of freedom...Maybe there is a nurse who can look after her on the regular times..The times your sister will be there..This gives you room to spent time with your mother on hours that the sister can't and won't be there.
Then your mother gets the help she needs and you keep yourself save.
Better so...You take away the change for her to hurt you...She won't learn anything from it, But every time you can avoid seeing her makes you a little bit stronger I think.....

Maybe there is a way that your husband can be with you if you go there and she and your brother will be there.This way your not alone as they so much like...Because everybody who is on there own is weaker than when there are more people 'defending'you..
I hope , really hope these 'happy days'wil soon be over and that you will find a way to move on.... Be strong Girly Girl....... Love Segaya

I hope you can answer soon lady.... Are you oke? Is everything good with you.... I'm a bit worried.....
If you don't want to answer the reactions because you just dont feel'like it...that's alright, mayby you can just tell how you are?

Dear Segaya,

I wasn't able to write back because I've been finishing up being ill. I really appreciated your post, it made me feel much better. I was able to admit to my husband that I was afraid of the second brother, and he promised me I would never have to be alone with him again. He was enraged when I told him about being struck; luckily it was after the brother had caught his flight out of town!!

I took some time for myself and designed a peaceful quiet Christmas; we're concentrating on ourselves and each other and I'm making sure the house is clean and food is cooked and things are wrapped. So far it's been great. We had a short visit tonight from Mom and the narcissist but everything was civil. A few hours on Christmas Day and then back to our peaceful home.

I'm going to post a new thread about some very interesting info I found about why bullies target certain people. I think there is scarcely any difference between the bullies and the psychotics, so it make sense to me. Please look for it.

I'm going to go over your suggestions, which I think are great, with my husband and see what we can put into effect. Thanks for all you wrote about the importance of me, which I do tend to denigrate, I know I will never be hurt again physically, but it was kind of a shock to realize I was still afraid of him. I'm trying to get the part about "anyone can hurt you if you let them", but it's still hard for me to not feel that emotional hurt. I'm working on it though! I think that's the hardest thing to get over, even when you know they are wrong. I think this next year I'm going to be concentrating on action.

Stay pink!!

Lady Crown



and.....


Vrolijke Kerstmis en Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! Ik hoop 2008 u allen brengt u in geluk en gezondheid wilt!

(Please excuse me if this is wrong and I'm wishing you 2000 cats or Happy Easter!)

Take care.

O my dear LADY CROWN ...... you make me cry!!!!
I can't put in words what that means to me!!!
My christmas isn't nice..I'm alone now and also on old years eve...But you made my day!!!!!!
This must have be a big effort. My language is not the easiest one I think!!!
It's great.... Don't know how you did it.....
Keep up the good spirit, in a few months we can have our conversations in dutch!!!!

I'm so pleased you told you husband....Now he can do his part of 'the job'....If he doesn't know it, or not all, than he can't protect you....
Will they stop what they do to you..No way!!!
But if they find your husband on there way they will think twice.
And if not, still you feel he's backing you up and that makes you feel more strong and more up against it! Afterwards you can speak about it together and deside what to do a next time...and talk about the emotions involved....Great!!!

Any one can hurt you if you let them.....
That doesn't mean there is no hurt. The pain you lived through in your childhood isn't gone...It's there untill you do something with it...
You can't change the past but you can analize it,you can see wat really happend now with grown up eyes and a grown up brain...You can go through all things that happpened and bit by bit put everything in de right place..Now often we blame ourselves.. Even when there's nothing to blame us for. So look with new eyes at everyhting that happende..and heal .

I was talking about NOW...It's time to take things in our own hands..To make decisions that will protect ourseves..that will make us buzy with our own lives, instead of being buzy surviving the ps.
If you know that you are more beautyfull then they ( the ps) says...then don't let it get to you as they say you aren't...you can't stop them trying to hurt you...But you can stop being hurt....
If you have a new hair do,people will respond to it..They will tell you that it is nice, that you look beautyfull, that it seems to make you younger, more álive and more energetic...believe them!!!
If the ps in you live says otherwise you KNOW it isn't true so don't let it hurt you!!!
This is what I mean... In dutch we say;
stand by yourself...Keep in mind what YOU know to be true, and as we all know..the ps are not truthfull They only want there sick power over somebody...Don't volunteer as a victem!!

You are strong...you are beautyfull. inside and out...you are a caring person, realize this and you will be stronger then the ps .....Both of them!!

Lady Crown,
My pink girly girlfriend...... Where are you??????
The last thing we heard of you was around christmas. You did a litlle better than just before....
Are you well? How's life?
Ofcouse you don't have to react on this posting...The only thing is that I can't stop thinking of you....

Love and with girlpowerrr.....Segaya