Hi, I'm new here. And I thought I was alone!! I will try to keep this to the basics. I have two siblings and I need to know what I am dealing with here.

1st; older brother, 55. Recluse, lives with mom, friendless, arrogant, "frugal", doesn't pay anything for upkeep/food, doesn't clean, cook, or help out. Believes he is superior to everyone else and we should cater to and defer to him. Spoiled and lazy, raised to think he was a genius and above common things. Wanted to be in charge of the younger children at age 14. Tyrant. Never married, wants women to mother him. No social skills whatsoever. Rarely violent but has temper tantrums.

2nd: older sister, and this one is the real problem.
older sister, 51. Has hated me since the day I was born. Beat me in the middle of the night. Resented my very presence. A bully who badgers people to get what she wants. Followed myself and my parents from room to room for days until she wore them down. Could never take a no. Stole checks and forged sigs to cash them. Threw out my bed so she could have her own room. Wouldn't allow me to look in the mirror in "our" room. Prevented me from buying pretty clothes or makeup. Prevented me from joining groups and activities at school. Lied abut everything you ever asked her. Was called "the Voice of Authority" because she utters completely untrue statements as if they were the gospel truth. Acts normal and civil for a couple of hours, then is suddenly sullen and hostile, as if I did something wrong, and I'm supposed to ask what. Goes somewhere with me and walks three feet ahead of me. If I am ill or injured, she acts like I am making it up. Mind games like that constantly. Works herself into floods of tears when she wants something, then they are suddenly switched off. Claims to be full of pain and has to "wear the mask". Incapable of answering a questions about herself, uses red herrings to change the subject. Completely defensive. Was physically violent only to me, threw metal objects at me when I was by a glass window, etc. Grabbed me by the throat, collar, whatever.
When we were little, she wanted nothing to do with the family except for what she could get and her friends were everything. Now she is older and what she wants is this DIckens fantasy around holidays, and is abusing everyone until she wears them down and they come over. But it's still the same pattern. No love for any of us, just what she wants.

My questions are, is the brother just a narcicisstic mama's boy with dictator tendencies, and is my sister truly a psychopath like I think?

Thank you, anyone, who can offer any thoughts or clarity on this. I truly need to know what I am dealing with with these two. I appreciate any help so much.

Hi Lady Crown

It is really difficult to 'diagnose' with so little info and no specialist training, but as you are not trying to build a court case, maybe a few questions you could ask yourself:

Do your siblings have a long history of many but short-lived friendships/romantic relationships? (ability to form emotional attachments)

Are they able to make realistic long-term plans?//Do they seem to live in the here and now/live for the moment?//Have they been able to hold down a job for a long time? (ability to delay gratification/impulse control)

Do they disappear for days/weeks at the time without telling anybody/turning up again without explanation?

How does punishment affect them? (learning to avoid negative stimuli)

When they talk, do they speak rapidly, and contradict themselves subtly within a short period of time? (speech seems to have little emotional associations)

Do they repeatedly act irresponsibly? (inability to weigh consequences)

Do they get bored easily? (indicative of impoverished internal life)

How are they around animals or children? (levels of cruelty)

Do they get paranoid? (more a trade mark of narcissism, narcissists are really small, insecure and hurt people underneath it all, though nonetheless challenging to be around)

These are just some guiding questions and it may well be that your siblings have some psychopathic traits, but would not be formally diagnosed as psychopaths. The way I understand psychopathy is: imagine that you are unable to feel for other people, that means you're going to be unable to form emotional attachments to others, because the only 'thing' you can feel is yourself, i.e. others do not show up on your internal radar. If you cannot love and attach to others, you will not develop a conscience, because that would be unnecessary, given that the world is full of only objects that may be used for your gain or are obstacles in the way of your satisfaction. Given all that, manipulation is the logical consequence, because you learned that these objects can be used to get what you want. There is no conscience to stop you from lying, which means manipulation/deception is no different from having learned that if you push this button in that situation, you will get this or that in return. Because the only thing you feel is you, your focus is on you only, which means the here and now, there is only the present, future and past are too abstract, it's like this dimension is missing. which means you won't be able to have a concept of future satisfaction of your needs. In many ways this is like a small child understands the world for a while, i.e. they cry when mommy leaves, because they have not yet learned that she comes back at a future point.

These are just some thoughts and I would recommend you read R.Hare - Without conscience (ISBN-13 978-1-57230-451-2). It is very accessible with a lot of situation descriptions, though it does not focus on the subcriminal psychopath (the one able to stay out of prison). Snakes in Suits (ISBN-13 978-0-06-114789-0), though about psychopathy and the work place, illuminates psychopathic behaviour patterns which are 'less extreme' and easier to understand in the context of every-day life. If you have access to an academic library, there are a lot of case studies around. Hope this helps a bit and good luck!

Cx

Hello Lady Crown

I’m pleased you have come to this forum to find some answers to you questions. There is a very good research section where you will find links to a huge amount of information.

The only way to get a diagnosis is for your siblings to see a medical practitioner and that will never happen if they are truly psychopathic. No-one on the forum is qualified to give a diagnosis bur you may be able to come to a firm conclusion after reading other posters experiences and going through the checklists, especially Dr Hare’s.

Do you have a lot of interaction with your siblings on a regular basis and if so, does that have a big impact on your current way of life or are you able to stay away from them?

I hope you find the information you are looking for and please feel free to ask any questions even if you think some of those questions sound bizarre. If you need any help locating information I and many other posters would be happy to help.

Claudia X gave a lot of excellent info and is right that if you could give a fuller picture we may be able to point you to the relevant information for your particular search.

Regards
Jan

Sorry to hijack this post for a minute, but I can't pm the admin, and e-mail will go unanswered, so nowhere to ask this. I wanted to post on the resource area, and the software won't let me create a new post. I found a reference on the etiology and treatment of psychopaths from a psychoanalytic perspective, which I wanted to share. How can I post it? Can you help? And, if you can, please delete this post, as it shouldn't be in this section.Cx

Hi Cx


Thanks for finding some information.
If you just post the link wherever you can and either Di or I can move it to the right section.
As you will see I'm helping Di to administer the forum as she has not been well.

Regards
Jan

Hi Jan,

here is the reference, not that I actually got my hands on it so far. But contacted the researcher, and as it's a dissertation, he may be able to grant access.

Title:
Understanding the criminal mind: Psychoanalytic perspectives regarding the etiology and treatment of male violent psychopaths.
Author(s):
Monaco, Louis D., Alliant International U, San Francisco Bay, US
Source:
Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, Vol 64(11-B), 2004. pp. 5794.

Abstract:
This study provides an historical review of the psychological literature regarding the clinical definition, causative etiology, and therapeutic treatment of psychopathy or sociopathy. A review of the literature indicates that this disorder is treatable, though the most successful treatments have been intensive and long term. Recommendations are made for the psychoanalytically informed, long-term treatment for persons suffering from this disorder. The social implications of the alternative definitions for this pathology and of various treatment options are considered. Since workable treatments for psychopathy have been demonstrated, it is argued that there is a social responsibility to treat those afflicted with disorder in order to relieve their suffering and to prevent these persons from doing harm to civil society. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2007 APA, all rights reserved)

On a more general note: in my day job, I am an information professional (substance abuse) with access to all sorts of databases (and awareness of copyright), so I could offer reference searching: meaning that I'd be happy, with enough time (am a busy beaver), to help with specific bibliographic searches if anyone on this forum would like some help (this excludes researchers, who should badger their subject librarian!). I would also be happy to assist with extending/organising the resource area.

Cx

Claudiax, here are your answers.

Do your siblings have a long history of many but short-lived friendships/romantic relationships?
Brother; no friends, no relationships. Sister - teenage friends, few as adults.

Are they able to make realistic long-term plans?//Do they seem to live in the here and now/live for the moment?//Have they been able to hold down a job for a long time?
Brother - works part-time, doesn't like to.
Sister - has long-term jobs until they fire her at the request of the rest of the staff.

Do they disappear for days/weeks at the time without telling anybody/turning up again without explanation?
No, never.

How does punishment affect them?
They don't get punished. They get away with anything they do. They are never even criticized, unlike me.

When they talk, do they speak rapidly, and contradict themselves subtly within a short period of time? Brother no, sister yes.

Do they repeatedly act irresponsibly? Yes.

Do they get bored easily? Yes,

How are they around animals or children?
Cruel to me and teasing to animals if I let them get near them, which I don't. Resented me having a pet.

Do they get paranoid? (more a trade mark of narcissism, narcissists are really small, insecure and hurt people underneath it all, though nonetheless challenging to be around)
Brother no because he is too egotistical and I'm "stupid", sister, immensely so. Everyone has to love her and think she's wonderful.

The reason I think she is a psychopath is because she is completely detached from any normal feelings about anyone, only thinks of and for herself, is cruel, manipulative and potentially violent to me. She is unable to bear any introspection or self-awareness, and will say or do anything to avoid that. I hope this helps you with a clearer picture. Please let me know if any other questions can help. I'm so tired of trying to figure this out on my own and looking over my shoulder.

Right now I am forced to be around them because of my aged mother, who cannot acknowledge what is going on.

Hi Lady Crown,

Sounds like a difficult and tricky situation. But as I implied before, it is impossible to diagnose from afar, even for those trained in diagnosing psychopathy, sorry, not helpful, but needs to be kept in mind. Also, what would be required is a detailed description, i.e., you answered yes on the easily bored question: describe a situation that makes you answer 'yes' (if you would like to share that), likewise with the other questions.

However, it sounds to me like, whatever the formal diagnosis for your siblings may be, that you are living in an abusive familial situation. And psychopathic or not, it looks like you need to take action to protect yourself from this abuse.

I think in general the label 'psychopath' means that there is little chance to help/reform the person in question, whereas with other 'disturbance labels', some form of therapy is quite likely the answer.

I think I can emphatise with your need to know what exactly is going on, but in the absence of diagnosis, I would suggest you look at the specific hurt caused to you and try and work out which bit of you is getting trashed and why this is so. It's not about excusing your siblings behaviour, but about protecting yourself. I found that knowing my own vulnerability helps a lot in shielding myself, because once you understand where they 'can get at you', you'll be able to emotionally understand that their need to hurt others is their issue, not yours for being, well, just there.

So, I think, for the time being, is there anything you can do that helps shield you from your siblings's abuse whilst staying close to your mom?

I know this is the hell of a lot easier said than done, but it is important you get yourself in a position, irrespective of any possible diagnosis, where you can 'read' your siblings behaviour as an attack on you that happens, because you are available, you are there, not because you deserve it.

Again, I can only recommend reading up on psychopathy, because it is the specific and detailed situation you experienced that are necessary to come to some sort of understanding. As Jan said, more detail will help us to point you towards more help available.

Also, is there some, say, telephone counseling, like in the UK the Sameritans, you could make use of? They might be able to direct you towards finding help, with your specific situation, available in your area.

CX

Hi, Jan, and thanks. Can you please tell me what you need by a fuller picture? I will provide whatever you ask for. Sorry I'm being so thick, this is all new to me. I tried to get the Hare book but I'm on a waiting list.

Hi Cx

I have put your post into the resources section and thanks so much for your kind offer to help with this section it would be much appreciated. Di is going to contact you directly.

Regards
Jan

Hi Lady Crown

It would be interesting to find out about your parents methods of parenting three very different children and whether they had any behavioural issues themselves. If you keep posting with things that have happened with your siblings over the years it gives a fuller picture and helps you see objectively what you are dealing with. You can also compare your experiences with other people on the forum.

Have you looked at the checklist which can help you understand the various aspects of the psychopathy spectrum? It’s quite a daunting task but when you go through the lists of characteristics and you can relate to obvious ones it’s almost comforting to know that it’s a recognised condition.

I think one of the worst things is not knowing or understanding what you are dealing with when people around you present you with such huge problems, it feels out of your control.

I know you said your mother needs your support but is there any way you can avoid your siblings? We all try to solve the problems that are hindering our lives but with true psychopaths it’s not possible and the best course of action is total avoidance and no contact whatsoever. Do you have contact with your siblings because you think they might change or for your mother’s sake to keep the peace?
It’s bizarre when you are in the physical presence of someone you are having no contact with and it goes against all our instincts but it is possible-believe me I’ve done it. It was the only way I kept sane and when the Psychopath realises they have no hold over you they move on to another source of supply.

You mentioned your sister had friends as a child but were these true friends or just people she used? A true Psychopath doesn’t have real friends because they put themselves first and are emotional parasites so only use people for what they can get out of them.

The more you can learn about the aspects of psychopathy the more confident you will feel to be able to make decisions of how to deal with your siblings.

Please ask any questions, however odd they may sound, there must be so many things you want to know. It will help you sort out in your own mind how to deal with your situation.

I find Amazon a great way to get books quickly and cheaply as they sell used copies of most books and the ones I've had don't look used.

Regards
Jan

Hi Lady Crown!

From your description, it sounds like your sister really is a psycho, not sure about your brother, though. He certainly seems dysfunctional, because it is first of all not normal that he cannot marry and that he takes women for "mothers".

This is my opinion, but, of course, I could be wrong.
I was and still am the victim of a Psychopath, I know how it feels.

Yes, getting a good book from a specialist can sure help you. But if those people are really that bad and proove to be Psychopath's, maintaining any relationship with them will drain your soul.

Be Strong, you'll make it!

James

Hi James and Lady Crown

I think I would be investigating Narcissistic Personality Disorder from the description of the brother. I can see the similarity with the person I know with NPD. It's exactly the same scenario. Never married, still lives with mother, in his fifties, controlling, loathes his sibling, etc.

NPD is part of the spectrum of psychopathy.

Jan

Hi, everyone, esp. Jan, and thanks for all your input. I'm have no reason to believe they will change; why should they, when it works for them? but my mother is elderly and could not bear to face what I see, and at her age, there is no point in forcing her. So I am around them as little as possible and always when she is there. Yes, this does keep it going, as they are less overt in her presence, so it does add to me looking like the crazy one, but if I have to choose between being believed and shortening my mother's life, I have to pick my mother's life. It hurts like hell, and I know I am incurring damage to myself, but I can't bring myself to be necessarily cruel to her at her age. No, she never disciplined or stopped them, she let them get away with every scrap of it, but she was a good mother to me and did what she could to make it up to me. Granted, I lost a great deal of sanity over it, because I always came out as the bad one (like I threw the metal things at myself in front of a window, hah!), and I was the one driven from the house, while they got to remain, but I'm trying to get that sanity back and I lack the necessary cruelty to force her to face what she obviously never could.

Mom had a mother who was one step short of a criminal and abandoned the family when Mom was four, and I always wondered if my sister reminds her of her, and that's why she won't call her on anything. Ever seen "the Bad Seed"? It's like Bessie Denker and Rhoda all over again!

The pain of always being blamed and punished and critized for every problem is agonizing. I don't think it will ever leave. It is so hard to relearn that I have the right to look into a mirror more than once, etc., and that being emotionally honest was not the real crime; it was the issues of cruelty that were. Unfortunately I was the one who objected to it, and therefore I was blamed and treated as the troublemaker.

Dad had a family who neglected him and he once told me that my sister was just like his monstrous brother. What is the deal here with these two adults who can't discipline a child who reminds them of their worst family members?

I was the one who came in for all the dislike and abuse and blame. Now I am refusing to be around them as often as possible and when I have to, I make sure I am protected and always have an out.

I hope this makes some sense to you...please write me back, it is such a relief to be able to discuss this...thanks again for all the input and opinions, they are really valuable to me.

Well, I managed to make it thru T'giving but now another brother is coming into town and the red carpet is already out. I'll guess I'll just be a servant for a few weeks. I'm trying to minimize the time around them, but the enforced "Family dinners" are planned, unless I come down with plague or something. I still can't get the Hare book, it's on hold, so I'm winging it for now. I am so unhappy and anxious about everyone being in town and together, it makes me sick. Plus the bubbling resentment doesn't help.

Is there anyway to minimize the comments and abuses so they don't hurt so much and cause me so much damage?

Here's an example which I admit is petty... I've always been made to have short hair and I finally grew it out. Now it is long and blonde and ripply/wavy. I think it's pretty, or at least I hope so. Everytime my Psychopathic sister sees me, she waits a while and then says, "when are you going to cut that?" Never a compliment or anything but an implied slur, and it hurts so much. I try so hard to get ready and feel like I look nice and in one second, it's all destroyed. No matter what I wear or how I felt at home, now I feel ugly and stupid and horrible. If I ask why she cares or something, she just blows it off, but the pain remains. I know this is minor compared to the physical abuse she's dealt me, but it hurts so much. Everything conspires to make me more and more invisible to avoid the abuse, and I can't bear that anymore.

Does anyone else have these people trying to make you feel ugly? TIA.

Hi Lady Crown

I’m pleased to see you are back. Everyone on this forum has something to offer to support others going through the trauma of dealing with a Psychopath but as we all have different experiences so we find others we can relate to who have similar circumstances.

I related to the hurt you feel when someone is critical of you especially when you feel good about yourself or when you have done something for someone only to be told you did it for your own ends. If you feel good about your hair do then it’s great, only someone evil would want to bring you down. Even your best friend wouldn’t tell you if it wasn’t good because they would hate to hurt your feeling. Not so with the Psychopath-that’s exactly what they want to do. Trust me there will be nothing wrong with your hair it’s just a jealous person who wants to make you feel bad so don’t let them. Or at least don’t let them see you are hurt as that feeds their problem.

What I feel when I’m hurt is that awful sensation of being thumped in the stomach and it’s difficult to take a deep breath. Try not to let someone worthless make you feel like that.

Keep talking with the people on this forum and it will give you some comfort to know how many others like yourself are tolerating situations so similar and how they have found ways of dealing with it.

I’ll write more tomorrow-I explained on another post that I’ve just got back from a long boring meeting and it’s getting late. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time talking to you but I think I need to get some sleep so I make sense.

Regards
Jan

Hee girly girl...

( I love that expression!!!!And will keep using it,if thats oke by you....)

I read your story....Took my time because I could mirror your story and it brought me back a long,long time ago....
More and more I realize my parents both probably where ps....
In my twenties I got a friend..My first one...She was pregnant while my son was just a new born. This is indeed the same friend who laughed at me when I said I didn't want to be a woman and showed me my clothes...

The same thing that happens to you now, happend to me then...
I too started to observe people and was shocked...Luckely I had this friend...She had a normal childhood but could emphesize with me. I felt save with her and could asked anything .Even feeling stupid wouldn't stop me from asking.I knew I had to know the normal way to interact with people and I had to find a way to do that...
You say..I didn't know...And you don't !!...You don't know how to behave in a normal way anymore...Don't know how to intruduce yourself when meeting new people..What do you say..what don't you say... Ashamed of being so very ugly... not knowing how to interact and behave in a normal way makes very insecure.
Please find a way to heal... I promise you there is a way.I did it.....And help other people to do the same thing....
Keep going, don't give up!!!

I found I could do it all... it took me a long time.I also found I wasn't ugly at all.And I dicovered that I was a very creative person..Both with my hands and with my mind...

Believe in your own abillities and find everything is possible...Go girl!!!!

Am I very impolite to ask you your age?

Hi Segaya

You are lucky to have such a good friend who will give the best advice for you. I would urge you very strongly to ask her opinion on your son getting guardianship of the children, she will know both you and him intimately. She will also see the consequences and what could happen to those children. If he is a Psychopath he has no capacity for love so why would he want to have the children? It's about control, the insatiable greed Ps have-they want anything they can get. They pick on weak and vulnearble victims, please don't let your grandchildren be his victims.

Your son has made his choices but those poor kids cannot and how would you live with the guilt if he harmed them in any way either physically or mentally? He has hurt animals in the past and who knows what next. I may seem very harsh but evil people practice their skills, they gain experience by committing acts that go undetected and perfect those skills over time. How many times have you read about criminals who evetually get caught then their history of crimes is exposed and they started out doing minor things that can build up to murder.

Why would the children's mother give them up and do you think he may just be threatening to go for guardianship to frighten you? Would it be bad for anyone if he DIDN'T get them? Maybe you should make a list of pros and cons. Can you think of anything good if he has them? He may even take them far away from you and then you wouldn't have any contact with them.

You are such a strong person I wonder why this situation is causing you such a problem, I don't know what other people on this forum think but I definitely think he has to be stopped from getting the children. The courts in the UK might even only allow a parent to have supervised access if their is any doubt as to the chilrens' well-being. The children come first.

I think in your heart you know what you need to do and I'm sure everyone here would give you their full support to do the right thing. You have lost a son - you don't want to loose your grandchildren too.

I wish you all the strength you can muster to do what's right. Please keep your friend close to help you.

Regards
Jan

Hi Lady Crown

I apologise for not writing to you, I have just read your post again and I hope you are seeing things a bit more clearly. There are plenty of good people who deserve your attention, you just don't need any rotten ones in your life.

It's so hard but you need to put up a mental wall around yourself to keep your sister out of your mind. Hopefully you will get to the point when everything she does or says will hit the wall and bounce off. When you get to that stage you just won't care. It's the no contact rule! If you can't physically avoid having contact with her then this is the only way. The more you respond to a Psychopath the more they will try to manipulate you.

I managed to live under the same roof as the FP in my life but he could have been on another planet as I put such a huge mental distance between us. The longer you do it the easier it becomes until it becomes a way of life. They cease to exist as a real person in your life. Now he has gone back to his mother I rarely think about him.

Regards
Jan

Hi, Jan and Segaya, thanks both for writing back.

Segaya, we need to find a pink girly icon! I hope you are doing well, and are hanging onto your friend. That is a rare and wonderful thing to have.

Unfortunately I just took another two beatings over the last 48 hours; another brother came into town and insulted, criticized, and blamed me for my being concerned about my elderly mother's welfare. Then I watched the psychopath sister and the narcissistic brother exchange a childhood album that I have begged for access to for ten years, without a word to me about it. So I have spent since Friday in tears, so bad that my husband took me to therapy tonight and sat in with me to help me.

Jan, I kept thinking about "your best friend wouldn't tell you if your hair looked bad, because she wouldn't want to hurt your feelings", and how stunning a thought that is for me. My doctor asked me tonight about the out-of-town brother who criticized me, and I told him how we were young and he struck me on the side of the head quite violently, and the other brother struck me as well. Apparently, this is not normal sibling behavior, and I seem to be unable to understand the boundaries that siblings normally don't do these things to each other. Of course, it went unpunished. I don't remember one single person ever being punished for beating or abusing me. Ever. It was always me that was wrong.

I spent the whole two weeks of his visit avoiding getting together, and the last two times were mandatory, and see what happened. He managed to devastate me in one hour. So I kept the contact at the barest minimum and almost got away with it. I hope he never comes back. I just have to get through Christmas and then if I have my way, I won't have anything to do with any of them. My only concern now is still my mother, but that is wavering because this is too much for me to take. "one little bit of kindness...it costs so little and would have meant so much!"

In the meantime, I'm going to work on that mental wall. I'm not really sure how to...is it like visualizing bricks or something? Thanks again for writing back and I hope things get better. Take care.

Dear Lady GROWN. yes all in capital letters.....If I could I would write them in pink indeed.....

Never ever forget from now on that nobody ever has the right to hurt you....Not fysical, not mentaly, not psycologaly and not emotionaly...NO ONE, EVER!!!!!!!

You are a human being..You are a woman... You have your life and YOU are the only one who can make choices in your life...
YOU are the most important person in your life, and that will last forever.

If I say that to people they always say...No I'm not the most important person in my life..My husband is...my children are...my parents are and so on...
It's not true!!
YOU ARE...
Simply because without you there wouldn't be your life....

I think this is the moment that you will be able to realize this and the truth in it.

What I am going to say now can be somthing that will hurt a little bit..Please think about it...Try to understand it and then please remember it for the rest of your life....And please keep in mind that I mean wll.......

Anybody can hurt you as long as you let them hurt you...

This seem to make te victem quilty...But that isn't true...It says that there is a point in your life that you can stop the abuse, stop the violence against you...There is a choice...always!!!

It's not simply say 'I want it to stop'.... It needs action...
Maybe there is another way of helping your needing mother. Maybe you can go to your MD and ask him about the possibillities, Maybe the therapist where you went a copple of days ago can help ....Speak to people...Think of what you should do if you would be fysical unable to help your mom...How would you solve that problem ? And can you use this in the situation you are in now.
This way you give yourself a little bit of freedom...Maybe there is a nurse who can look after her on the regular times..The times your sister will be there..This gives you room to spent time with your mother on hours that the sister can't and won't be there.
Then your mother gets the help she needs and you keep yourself save.
Better so...You take away the change for her to hurt you...She won't learn anything from it, But every time you can avoid seeing her makes you a little bit stronger I think.....

Maybe there is a way that your husband can be with you if you go there and she and your brother will be there.This way your not alone as they so much like...Because everybody who is on there own is weaker than when there are more people 'defending'you..
I hope , really hope these 'happy days'wil soon be over and that you will find a way to move on.... Be strong Girly Girl....... Love Segaya

I hope you can answer soon lady.... Are you oke? Is everything good with you.... I'm a bit worried.....
If you don't want to answer the reactions because you just dont feel'like it...that's alright, mayby you can just tell how you are?

Dear Segaya,

I wasn't able to write back because I've been finishing up being ill. I really appreciated your post, it made me feel much better. I was able to admit to my husband that I was afraid of the second brother, and he promised me I would never have to be alone with him again. He was enraged when I told him about being struck; luckily it was after the brother had caught his flight out of town!!

I took some time for myself and designed a peaceful quiet Christmas; we're concentrating on ourselves and each other and I'm making sure the house is clean and food is cooked and things are wrapped. So far it's been great. We had a short visit tonight from Mom and the narcissist but everything was civil. A few hours on Christmas Day and then back to our peaceful home.

I'm going to post a new thread about some very interesting info I found about why bullies target certain people. I think there is scarcely any difference between the bullies and the psychotics, so it make sense to me. Please look for it.

I'm going to go over your suggestions, which I think are great, with my husband and see what we can put into effect. Thanks for all you wrote about the importance of me, which I do tend to denigrate, I know I will never be hurt again physically, but it was kind of a shock to realize I was still afraid of him. I'm trying to get the part about "anyone can hurt you if you let them", but it's still hard for me to not feel that emotional hurt. I'm working on it though! I think that's the hardest thing to get over, even when you know they are wrong. I think this next year I'm going to be concentrating on action.

Stay pink!!

Lady Crown



and.....


Vrolijke Kerstmis en Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! Ik hoop 2008 u allen brengt u in geluk en gezondheid wilt!

(Please excuse me if this is wrong and I'm wishing you 2000 cats or Happy Easter!)

Take care.

O my dear LADY CROWN ...... you make me cry!!!!
I can't put in words what that means to me!!!
My christmas isn't nice..I'm alone now and also on old years eve...But you made my day!!!!!!
This must have be a big effort. My language is not the easiest one I think!!!
It's great.... Don't know how you did it.....
Keep up the good spirit, in a few months we can have our conversations in dutch!!!!

I'm so pleased you told you husband....Now he can do his part of 'the job'....If he doesn't know it, or not all, than he can't protect you....
Will they stop what they do to you..No way!!!
But if they find your husband on there way they will think twice.
And if not, still you feel he's backing you up and that makes you feel more strong and more up against it! Afterwards you can speak about it together and deside what to do a next time...and talk about the emotions involved....Great!!!

Any one can hurt you if you let them.....
That doesn't mean there is no hurt. The pain you lived through in your childhood isn't gone...It's there untill you do something with it...
You can't change the past but you can analize it,you can see wat really happend now with grown up eyes and a grown up brain...You can go through all things that happpened and bit by bit put everything in de right place..Now often we blame ourselves.. Even when there's nothing to blame us for. So look with new eyes at everyhting that happende..and heal .

I was talking about NOW...It's time to take things in our own hands..To make decisions that will protect ourseves..that will make us buzy with our own lives, instead of being buzy surviving the ps.
If you know that you are more beautyfull then they ( the ps) says...then don't let it get to you as they say you aren't...you can't stop them trying to hurt you...But you can stop being hurt....
If you have a new hair do,people will respond to it..They will tell you that it is nice, that you look beautyfull, that it seems to make you younger, more álive and more energetic...believe them!!!
If the ps in you live says otherwise you KNOW it isn't true so don't let it hurt you!!!
This is what I mean... In dutch we say;
stand by yourself...Keep in mind what YOU know to be true, and as we all know..the ps are not truthfull They only want there sick power over somebody...Don't volunteer as a victem!!

You are strong...you are beautyfull. inside and out...you are a caring person, realize this and you will be stronger then the ps .....Both of them!!

Lady Crown,
My pink girly girlfriend...... Where are you??????
The last thing we heard of you was around christmas. You did a litlle better than just before....
Are you well? How's life?
Ofcouse you don't have to react on this posting...The only thing is that I can't stop thinking of you....

Love and with girlpowerrr.....Segaya