Teresa,
As I read your post, the thought also came to me about the women's shelter. Is there one in your community? It can be alot of help. Is there any professional documentation that he abused your children? It would be a good idea to get that started now, even if it wasn't done before.
I used to live in a small town and at one point had to bring my kid to a hospital in another county.
I don't know how far the drive might be for you, but it might be worth it. Also might be good to get an out of town lawyer, if it isn't too far away to drive.

Kris' comment about the harem is also so true. Mine had 2-3 relationships going at a time and still couldn't stand it when I left. It's all about their egos and they just can't take it that a woman they once controlled can actually walk away.

It says alot about your inner strength that you did leave. You and your kids will be in my prayers. Eventually they do let go, or at least decrease the harassment. Hang in there!
Take Care,
-Leti

Hi Leti, we have a chat room all set up but don't have the link working. You can connect to chat either with a link or by having the software to connect to chat and it can be downloaded for free at: www.mirc.com

I would encourage anyone wanting to come to chat have the software, you will find that it gives you more features than using the link.

I was planning on scheduling chat after the first of the year, I will see what we can do to have it begin prior to that.

I will think of some solutions in the meantime.

Hi Leti, great you can load the software. Our room is on newnet and is #psychopaths. We have a "friend of the forum" who is helping set up the channel. I will get in touch with her this next week and get things set up.

Di

cosmic?
(member)
10/12/02 01:56 AM

how much is drug related? cocaine? if at all

I would like scientifc facts known..if any . can you send me to a sight for research? has there ever been a rumor of hope for these people? you here about miricles all of the time for cancer and other diseses. has ther ever been a claim of moral healing? grabbing at straws

Hi cosmic?,

I understand there is often substance abuse in the psychopathic personality. I don't have a link for that, but the DSM-IV @1994 page 646 says about the antisocial personality (which is like the psychopath):

"They may engage in sexual behavior or substance abuse that has a high risk for harmful consequences."

and on page 647 "They may have associated ... Substance-Related Disorders".

As far as "moral healing" I'm afraid the outlook is rather bleak in that regard. It comes down to the old joke, "How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?". Answer: "Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change". The psychopath doesn't want to change. This is a remarkably consistent and enduring feature of the disorder. The psychopath doesn't want to change. I think this is difficult for many people to understand and accept. The psychopath doesn't want to change!

The DSM-IV offers a little hope in a section marked "Course" on page 648:

"Antisocial Personality Disorder has a chronic course but may become less evident or remit as the individual grows older, particularly by the fourth decade of life. Although this remission tends to be particularly evident with respect to engaging in criminal behavior, there is likely to be a decrease in the full spectrum of antisocial behaviors and substance use".

I can't find if this has been made into a movie yet.

"The Psychopathic Style"

A Documentary by Marion Trent and John McCormick

Collectively, the victims of psychopathy seem to agree that it is a severe lack of education that drove them into the arms of a psychopath or the psychopathic relationship/personality style.

In our documentary we will explore not only the psychopathic style, but the true socialized psychopath who cannot change or be cured.

Unless one is educated on the traits, a psychopath can be hard to detect and one can easily become their next victim. Psychopaths are master manipulators, extremely good liars, and their most prominent trait is their severe lack of conscience.

"The Psychopathic Style" explains the misconceptions, traits and possible causes of psychopathy. It contains a variety of interviews with victims (men and women) of psychopathic relationships. They share their personal experiences, warn us of the dangers of getting involved with a psychopath and offer advice to the unsuspecting person. Most importantly, they share their journeys to recovery and healing.

The Psychopathic Style Continues...

Hi Diane. . .

Thank you for this post and article. I found the answer. The person I am dealing with is a NPD. I only got to read three chapters but all the behavior was there. How incredibly sad. I'll be back later to finish the rest.

I gratefully thank you. . .it will be so much easier to move forward, knowing what I'm dealing with.

I could put his picture on those pages it was so clear.

Thank you , thank you, thank you.
finished

finished, just read your post.

You wrote:
"I found the answer. The person I am dealing with is a NPD."

I'm curious so I'll ask. Do you think that NPD is different from Psychopathy? I'm interested because I really think they are the same; that psychopathy has narcissism as its core. I'm interested in your thoughts.

Cherie

Cherie-

I'm really new to this sort of thing. I have read the posts and found similarities. I have read alot of the articles, but if you are not familiar with this, it is like learning another language. You have no idea how many times I've had to get my dictionary out just to know what some of these words mean. I've stayed with it because I just resonated with the experiences just praying to find the answer to this lunacy.

The post I was reading this morning had a link to a book describing Narcissist Personality Disorder. I only got through three chapters but I found the answers to every behavior I've dealt with including that weird night where he got himself off. They discussed their sexual behavior and they prefer that. . .imagine. I only saw one reference (up to that point) how it related to psycopathy. Like I said, I'm just learning. There is so much information to sort through looking for answers,but this information was like I was reading his rap sheet. I actually could see how this guy is wired TOTALLY different. I didn't know NPD and Psyopath were the same although although the result on the target is the same. I would appreciate any claification that you can offer. Just reading that account removed all doubt as to what I've dealt with. I'm really glad I know. Now I feel I'm better prepared to really work on laying it to rest.

A great deal of my anguish and pain was I thought there was something inherently wrong with me. I'm not discounting that I have my own stuff to work on but now I can REALLY see it was nothing I did. I know others have told me but today reading that article, I knew it was true. It is him. It is the way he is wired. Somehow, that gives me peace. I feel like I have solved the mystery. The WHY did he do this,and WHY did he do that, and WHY after pursuing me so long and intensely to drop me into nothingness. WHY, WHY. WHY. Now I know. . .he is a psycopath/narcissist! That's what they do.

I would really appreciate any insight or feedback you can offer here. Just getting that peice of the puzzle in place will help me sleep better tonight.

Gratefully. . .
finished

Hi finished,

You wrote:

"You have no idea how many times I've had to get my dictionary out just to know what some of these words mean. I've stayed with it because I just resonated with the experiences just praying to find the answer to this lunacy."

LOL! I do the same thing!!! Also to get the spelling right.

As far as the differences and similarities between narcissism and psychopathy go, there is a wealth of information out there and sounds like you've been researching a lot already. We have a thread on our forum titled "difference between NPD and psychopathy" by persistent. Its excellent. Plus there are so many articles and references just on the search engines.

Good luck fellow researcher-explorer! I'd love to hear what you come up with.

Cherie