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#687 - 10/30/02 01:17 PM Re: General Discussion


You know what helped me in the information about the NPD, was what happened to bring them to that place. What happens in their background that brings them to where they are today. That helped me so much.

Here is what I saw and how it related to me.

NPD actually has the same type of childhood experices I had. His personality type responded one way, mine another.

In the Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans she talks about the abuser having Realty I and the victim Realty II. Realty 1 is power over. Realty 2 is personal power. This is really a basic explanation but "Power Over kills the spirit". "Personal Power" nourishes the spirit.

I was thinking this morning about Senihele's anology to the computer and the scan disk. And an event of how it applies to me and P#2.

When I was hired for the job I had when I first met P#2. If you can believe this, they actually told me their were two qualities I possessed over the other candidate. One was they felt I was very perceptive and the other was they thought I had a better temperment (meaning I could take more abuse) for the job.

I didn't "get it". I just said thank you, (I guess that was a complement) but I really didn't know what that meant for sure.

Okay, as I get to know P#2, my "scan disk" goes into operation. I start realizing he needs A LOT OF STROKING, LOT'S OF VALIDATION. I don't know how I knew, I just did. Well, it was part of the job. To be an encourager, supporter, cheerleader. And I did that. Not in an exploitive way, but an edifying way. You know, to build up and support. I wasn't dishonest about it either. I gave credit where credit was due.

Okay, lets go to P#2 now. His "scan disk" is also perceiving. BUT. . .his motive is to exploit.

And so goes the story inside stories. I can see clearly where it started and why. Now I know he WAS pulling on me. For validation, praise, admiration, adulation etc. all the things he needed mirrored back to him to reflect back to him how he saw himself.

Oh darn, I have to go get my son. . .be back later!
I appreciated your questions. . .they really did make me think.

#688 - 10/30/02 02:32 PM Re: General Discussion


Its so uncanny, the similar discoveries we make here on this forum. If you go to a thread called "Loving a Psychopath" on this forum and go to 4 posts from the end you will read my testimony regarding Patricia Evan's book: "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". Dianne posted a link (the last post on the thread) to the book and they describe the "ah-ha" awakening that readers experience when they first read the book. It was a monumental discovery for me as well.

As far as the NPD goes, there is a book called the Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller that addresses children raised by NPD parents. There's a website as well, although I haven't gone there in a while. Anyway, this book was also helpful to me. Very much so.

So yes, the different realities of the abused and the abuser. Reality 1 and 2. I at one time believed that because the psychopath and I had similarities in our backgrounds that we were in the same reality. *sigh* So sadly and dangerously mistaken. But the