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#1021 - 04/25/03 04:55 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Finished. You must have missed my previous post to you in this thread.

>>>Taking responsibilty for ALL the addict, abusers, alcholics etc in my life. You know I was actually thinking "if I would have done it ALL different" THEY would be okay. Now how crazy is that! >>>>

I think part of that is exactly how the P's want us to think.It becomes ingrained that we are responsible for things not working. Years ago I took so much responsibility for things not working and blaming myself, that I had put up wallpaper, then could not understand why it would not stay up. I worked hours and hours trying to figure what I was doing wrong. In total frustration I went to the place I bought it, to ask them what I was doing wrong. With much relief, they told me nothing, the wallpaper had defective glue. Guess what that next batch they replaced it with worked fine. I learned a valuable lesson that day. I call it the wallpaper lesson. LOL.


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#1022 - 04/26/03 11:55 AM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


hi (((hopefull))),
So glad to see you here! I took a couple days just for me and feel alot better than I did when I last posted. That last contact with P., really threw me for a loop. Wow! Haven't experienced PTSD that bad for awhile. At least this time it didn't last so long. I know I am getting better. All of us here deserve better healthy lifes after having known these evil P's.

I saw the P. this last week from a distance, by accident, I was at a stop light and he drove in front of me. I wish he would move away. I live in a pretty big city, but can't always avoid him.

Keep coming back, hopefull!!

betterway

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#1023 - 04/26/03 12:06 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you for your support, finished! I am doing better today. A small set back, but I will keep trudging forward. I have gotten my thinking back on track for the moment. I know that thinking about the P only keeps me going in circles.

betterway

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#1024 - 04/26/03 12:19 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


>>I have that sense that "together we can make it".<<

So true, finished. Now that we have all found each other, we never have to do any of this alone again. I can't make it through on my own. The P. isolated me for so long, and I refuse to stay that way anymore. betterway

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#1025 - 04/26/03 01:40 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am so glad you are feeling better today Betterway!

>>A small set back, but I will keep trudging forward.<<

A marathon. . .not a sprint for sure. In my case it has been baby steps, baby steps. Every so often I feel like I make a quantum leap but that's usually followed by more than a few steps back. :-)

>>I know that thinking about the P only keeps me going in circles.<<

For myself, I call it the codependent crazies. My mind goes spinning. I heard in a meeting the other day "Figure it out" is not a slogan. "Let go and let God" and "Easy does it" and "One day at a time" help overcome those spinning thoughts (for me). But I need someone to remind me pretty constantly.

I'm so glad you are here Betterway! We are learning together!

finished


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#1026 - 04/26/03 01:51 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betterway!

>>. . .we never have to do any of this alone again. I can't make it through on my own.<<

You know Betterway, this experience has helped me learn that I need other people. I need all my support groups and people (like here on the forum) who can encourage and support me.

I know when I start isolating now, I'm getting ready to be depressed or "get into my head". A dangerous place for me to be. I am learning to get on the forum and post or pick up the phone and call a friend. I also isolated. Sitting at home "thinking" does not help. I hope this does not sound Pollyanna but I have been volunteering help to some friends that needed some help. One with babysitting and the other with their housework. Don't laugh, but I make great cookies. I have been whipping up batches and sending them to family and friends. They love it and it makes me feel good. If I can forget me for awhile, I really feel better. And my little dog! She has been the greatest therapy for me. I just love her. She is SOOOO affectionate and just petting and playing with her is so healing.

How's your pup these days?

:-)
finished


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#1027 - 04/26/03 06:42 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Finished for some unknown reason, you keep missing my posts to you. If you hit on my name at side of post you can see all the postings I have done. There are at least 2 recent posts I have written to you that you didn't see..... if for some reason Finished misses this one too, can someone tell her about it please.

Betrayed

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#1028 - 04/26/03 08:25 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betrayed!

There you are! Yes I did miss this one and I will have to go look to see the other one I missed.

>>I have started posting again over at the forum, since our site here has been down.

http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATHLEARN/home.msnw forum.<<

I have not seen that one but am so HAPPY you are checking in here as well!

How are you doing Betrayed. . .I can't tell you how many times I have thought of you. . .

So good to see your posts.
finished

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#1029 - 04/26/03 08:49 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Betrayed!! My dear sister friend!

I did miss a few of your posts. Thank you so much for your response to me the other day when you told me you thought I was taking to much responsibility.

Maybe or maybe not you know that I got back into an open twelve step group and treated my experience with P#2 as an addiction. One of the things that they encourage us to focus on is "our part". But the other part of my "illness" is that I ALWAYS take to much responsibility for others. You know, "their stuff". Sometimes, it is VERY difficult for me to seperate mine from theirs.

All my life, it seems, that others were blaming me for the reason that THEY were like THEY were.

As I read these books I see that it really does go back to old childhood issues. It is WORK untangling it all.

Thank you so much Betrayed. Your input has always helped me. I will always be grateful to you for guiding and encouraging my steps to get help. I am still going to DVIS. What a revelation that has been!

I'll always be grateful for your encouragement to "go back" Betrayed. It has changed my life in so many ways. I have also been able to pass the information along to others. Family as well as friends. Knowledge IS power.

Forever grateful. . .
Thank you (((betrayed))))
Finished

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#1030 - 04/26/03 09:19 PM Re: "What 'No Contact' Means to Me"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Finished, I still post over at that forum. It has a chat line too.

Dianne. Are we ever going to get a chat line? I know you have been dealing with all the hacking and problems to the site, but its been months since you said it was to be set up.

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