rickB1,

>>But sometimes I feel like there is a ghost out there that keeps coming to visit... shaking up my dreams and memories.<<

I experienced the ghost last week. I had to visit (work related) with a couple of people that have the same mentality as the P had. They even know the P and respect the P. I felt an eery feeling after being around them. I just really don't want any contact with anybody that knew that P. I am getting stronger and time does help.

Sly & cunning - yes they are!

betterway

Hi hopefull,
Nice to see you! I've been so busy with work. Did you find any good books to read?
betterway

Hopeful,
Thank you for your response. Just knowing that someone else feels the same way and has had the same experience is affirming and comforting.
Rick

BEtterway, I haven't. do you know any? I have been sick, bad cold, bad cough. just barely feeling better.

Hey Betterway. . .Hopeful. . .gang. . .are you all doing okay?

I have not seen you posting lately. I've been concerned about you and many of my other friends that have been such an such an encouragement to me.

If any of you are checking the forum please just say hi and let me know how you all are doing.

This experience with the P stuff about did me in. I couldn't have made it without of you. I learn something from almost every post and appreciate what I learn from each of you. There aren't to words can express my gratitude. Without a doubt,it saved my life!

I miss you all. . .say "hi" when you can. . .with much love,
finished

What help can I find to go about leaving my husband who I believe is very sociopathic. He is non violent. And has all of the characteristics. Last year he left the house and keeps wanting to see me on his own schedule adducing that it is my fault that he is unable to come back because of a list of never expressed faults of mine.

I am having trouble believing that there is any substance behind his complaints because a person who truly is upset will communicate what's wrong and attempt to change it.

What I see is that a major issue is that he has begun to make money and although he is contributing to my support I think he wants his freedom.

He exhibits callousenss to my suffering. I am having a great deal of trouble detaching from him because I am very emotionally dependent on him.

To make matters worse both of us are diagnosed bipolars and our mood swings get in the way.

Please tell me what I can read to start working on getting out of this mess. BTW, he doesn't want to end the relationship. I am very confused as to what he is doing. He is so smooth that couples therapy has been a waste. He just gets therapist to side with him. Since I am not hiding my emotions and attempting to communicate and also have some trouble with emotional control because of my disorder.

I have reached the poit of desperation because his repeated threats to leave whenever anything goes wrong are driving me up a wall. I have lost all emotional control.

Pandora,

Welcome to the forum. I am sure that you will be receiving posts from many of the other members with advice, comments
and suggestions. First of all, whether you are dealing with
a psychopath, a narcissist or a sociopath the reality is grim and disheartening. It is wonderful that you have a therapist and I would encourage you to continue going. However, if you feel that your therapist has a skewed viewpoint you may want to entertain the thought of finding a new one. Or, if you had only previously gone to therapy with your partner you should, perhaps, go by yourself to be able to discuss the situation from a different perspective.

None of us, in reality, can make the decision for you whether or not you should stay in the relationship or leave.
Nor can we tell you exactly how to leave someone. That is something that we must all arrive at on our own time. For many of us our lives only got better and more clear once we left our P's (psychopaths)....no contact, that is. I have read articles and posts from people that have stayed in long-term relationships with their P's.....but not many, mind you.

One thing that occurred to me is that many of us find ourselves acting differently when we are in contact with our P's. You may want to explore this angle with your therapist as to how it relates and contributes to your own bipolar disorder, mood swings, etc.... There may very well be a connection.

Rick

Hi Pandora. . .

I am so glad you are here.

Rick is right. . .no one can tell you what to do but one peice of advice that I took when I got here was this. Learn as much as you can as fast as you can!

I found the forum in October 2002. It was really "by accident" I found it. I has just gone through a traumatic experience which I about lost my life. As I read through the posts I began to see striking similarities between my story and the story of others. As I began to post, there were many who "held my hand" and validated my experience. I was encouraged to seek help which I did. In my case I went to the Rape Center, DVIS (Domestic Violence Intervention Services), I used the counseling services of the YWCA, I was already attending Al-Anon (which REALLY helps with co-dependancy issues), and open AA meetings. I did the open AA meetings when I discovered I was addicted to the P. I've used the twelve steps to work towards recovery. I also believe in a Higher Power which I call God and that is my constant support.

Recently, I ran across some books by Patrick Carnes on sexual addiction. I am not the addict but I found myself as the co-addict. I try to work my program every day. NO CONTACT with P is like an alcholic not taking their first drink. The times I have ran into or talked to him. . .I relaspe into obsessing about him again.

I read the forum and post when I can. I am certainly no expert but I have learned so much about myself since that has happened. I have read somewhere that if we can find meaning in our pain and suffering that it makes it worth it. For me. . .the experience has been my best teacher. For years I was like a robot just doing what I was programmed to do. I had no mind or thoughts of my own. I was whatever people wanted or needed me to be. Through this I am discovering myself. I actually have an opinion now and know what I'm feeling. I was so shut down for years. I knew only one emotion......FEAR. Which brings me to my next point.

In AA they have a saying "if you can spot it you got it". . .I say that to say I have experienced what you are feeling in your life.

>>I have reached the point of desperation because his repeated threats to leave whenever anything goes wrong are driving me up a wall. I have lost all emotional control.<<

I have also received those kind of threats. NOW I know it is emotional blackmail. He knows your greatest fear is that he will leave so he ruthlessly uses it to control you.

A very good book that was recommended to me by Betrayed was "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. When I read that "light bulbs" went off. For the FIRST time in my life I realized I had been abused.

Yes, for years I had been a victim. But I am working hard now to learn WHY I could not break that vicious cycle. And the good news is this, I am making progress. Go back an read my threads. I was a BASKET CASE when I got here.

Stay with us. Keep reading. Keep posting. There is life after P's. :-)

Love,
finished

Oh . . .a P.S.
I still have some "basket case" days, but they are fewer and fewer. :-)

Hey finished -
Im still around. Haven't done much posting lately. Been reading posts occasionally. Really busy with work. This is busy time of year for me. I am headed out of town on a business trip and will check in when I get back. You and all the other gang have been and always will be very important to my recovery. Have a great week! Will post again soon.

Take Care,
betterway

Oh Betterway!!!!!!

I'm am so glad to hear from you!

I really was concerned when you hadn't posted for awhile. I am so happy to hear that is because you've been busy and getting on with life. When you get back from your trip check in okay???

You are in my thoughts and prayers. . .

Hugs,
Finished