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#663 - 08/17/02 11:21 AM General Discussion - Part One
Anonymous
Unregistered


If you don't find a thread already open and have a general question, please post here.

Thanks,
Di


Edited by Dianne E. (04/22/03 11:35 AM)

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#666 - 09/03/02 02:06 PM Re: General Discussion
neverthesame Offline
member

Registered: 09/13/05
Posts: 53
Here is an article I found on Psychopathy and Cult Leaders. It is based on the Hare's criteria for Psychopathy. It is a succinct and understandable article and is very descriptive of the type of Psychopath I was involved with.

Psychopathy and Cult Leaders

**edited to make link clickable, Di


Edited by Dianne_E (09/03/02 04:29 PM)

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#667 - 09/05/02 08:39 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


I was married to a psychopath. He poisoned me, he tried to shoot me. I stayed because I was a "good Christian wife". He was physically and sexually abisive. But, I thought it was only directed at me, and that the children would be spared. One day, my daughter told me what he had been doing to her and her brother, and I had to make that decision to leave. As you know, that portion of a story like this is nearly impossible. We separated almost four years ago, and I know he will not stop until I am dead. We live in a small community, he has escaped criminal prosecution due to his political and social ties. He is cold, calculating, emotionless, controlling, etc. I have no where to turn, no where to go. I have no friends, he drove them away. I cannot leave the county, there is a court order making me stay (he did that!) The children are not safe. I am not safe. I have let go, he never will! I have a file that will be given to the proper authorites if I disappear, at least they will know who did it to me. He will not stop until I am dead.

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#668 - 09/05/02 08:45 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Teresa, welcome to the forum. I don't know what to say, it sounds like you have a horrible dilemna. I will start a thread titled "My Story" if you are willing to post more about your situation, hopefully we can offer some assistance.

Di

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#669 - 09/05/02 08:54 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


Sure, I would like to share more. I feel like I found my voice again, I'm not just talking inside a bubble anymore. I'm safe here, he won't know anything. He won't know I'm talking, he would try to stop me if he could. He had me arrested once for using his credit card during our marriage, and while I was being detained, I felt safe finally. I knew he could not hurt me in jail! How funny is that? When I was released, a few hours later, I was terrified again. I'm used to it now.

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#670 - 09/06/02 09:04 AM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi teresa, I'm so sorry you're in the situation you are in. You are safe here. Maybe when we hear more of your story, we will have some helpful suggestions. But I understand, also, there is not always something you can do to fix it. Sometimes, you just have to hold God's hand.

kris

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#671 - 09/06/02 11:09 AM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you for your kind words. I pray, I listen. I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but this has to stop soon! How do I QUIT this game my ex is playing? I don't interact with him, but he finds ways to intimidate me. Mostly it is the fear of a repeat of the violence. Why won't he leave me alone? He told me I was his trophy wife, but he has since remarried. Why won't he just go away?

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#672 - 09/06/02 09:11 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


teresa, I have been thinking about your situation, and the only thought that has come is...is it really legal to deny a divorced spouse the right to leave the COUNTY? I mean, I know the psychopath managed to get the court order, but is it really up and up, or is it some quasi-legal string somebody pulled? Now, maybe it is perfectly legal, but it doesn't seem like it would be. State, yes. County? On the other hand, maybe it is not safe to fight him in court. Have you connected with your local battered women's group?

Some psychopaths, even though they do not love or want you, and may have a harem at home, can never take the ego strike that somebody they owned just walked away. And psychopaths do own people. They do not have relationships. They have slaves. Maybe he is somewhat pacified to be able to control your life, where you live, what you do, but cannot deal with the idea that you can actually get away, that anyone can get away from him.

He sounds so dangerous, teresa. If you haven't contacted the women's shelter people, I think it would be a good idea. They may be able to guide you.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

kris

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#673 - 09/06/02 09:59 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


I cannot leave my children behind, if I were to leave. He owns them, they are extensions of his ego, miniature trophies. And, if we left, where would we go? How long until he found us? My worst fear, and it is not totally unfounded, is that he will harm the children. This would be the ultimate way of hurting me. I am in a court battle now, one that involves the children. He is trying to take them away from me, more mental abuse by way of the court system. He uses whatever he can to harass me. Why doesn't the Judge see this? He takes me to court almost every other month for really stupid things. He usually loses, but this time, he has really taken a big swing at me. He chose not to see the children for almost ten months. Our lives were wonderful, but I always knew the other shoe would drop. And it did! He told the Judge I was keeping the children from him, but I would never do that, he would kill me. So, instead, he uses it to torture me. Slow death vs. quick death! My son was ill during that time, and has allergies. I took him to the doctor, as any good mother would do. He alleged that I have Munchausen Syndrome! The medical records of my son show the truth, but this will be tough to get under control. No matter what I do, no matter where I turn, he is there. I go to church, and I pray. I am so close to just giving up, I cannot take it any longer. The Judge has to see what is going on, please!

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#674 - 09/07/02 05:55 PM Re: General Discussion
Anonymous
Unregistered


teresa,

I just want you to know how much I feel your desperation and pain. (((teresa)))

I do not know what you can do. Your situation is one of the most difficult and dangerous to have come across here. You're right, if you go away, go into hiding with the children, he could find you. Not good. There is an underground for women and children in your situation. I have read about it. I do not have the information at hand right now. But I am not sure this is even a good option. It would require you constantly moving to safe houses, and this is not much of a childhood for the children.

Why doesn't the judge see what is going on? God, if only... If you have read very much here, you may have read how rare it is when this actually happens. None of the systems set in place, to supposedly protect people like us, do actually protect us. One of the things I hope and pray will happen through greater public awareness of the scourge of psychopaths is that systems will change, systems will be put in place to protect psychopath's victims. But for now, there is not any ultimate protection.

teresa, I wish so much so much there was one right answer for you, but I have thought about you all day, and I come up empty.

If it is any consolation, my own situation was bleak to the point of hopelessness a little over a year ago. My psychopath husband was surely going to kill me. The violence was escalating, daily. I had no means to leave. And no ability to earn the means because I am ill from years of abuse. I prayed, day and night, and felt ready to throw in the towel, just wanted to die, and have it over with. Then I did find a way out.

It was a small loophole in my circumstances that I couldn't see until I was absolutely between a rock and a hard place. An answer to a prayer? I am not yet safe, but safer. Things are ever so much better for me, now.

All I still have is faith: God's hand holding mine. Sometimes, that is all there is. And sometimes, maybe all the time, it is all that is necessary, to get through the "impossible" strait.

So hang on to God's hand for dear life. Surely, there will be a solution for you and your children. Because, I know that in God's heart, you are truly loved.

We are here to support you, even when we don't have answers. I am holding you in my heart.

kris

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