Hi Jan,Ace and Alice,

What I was meaning exactly was that this situation is very complex and constantly shifting. What may be appropriate at one time may not be so further on down the track. I am happy to comment, as you asked, with an overall point of view, based on the information you give. But that is all. Your daughter's behavour obviously distresses you greatly.Understandably. In my country when an adult's life is so upset by the behaviour of another adult's, these people are also encouraged to seek professional help, as their dilemma can be as complex as the person with the 'problem' behaviour, in a different way. And these people are often counselled not to even try to discuss the anorexia except in the presence of an independant professional. To intervene, not to intervene. These are extremely important and complicated questions! I feel you may do well to seek the help and support for yourself in addition to that which you ask for your daughter. Particularly if things do progress to a state you feel is critical. If she doesn't go then at least you can. It is totally your call what you do.And only your call, because only you have to live with the consequences. Based on the conclusions of your own mind and heart. This is what I meant. For my part I have said all I intend to about your situation, apart from the fact that I sincerely wish you ALL very, very best through this.

Sapphira

Dear forum -

It's been 5 months or so since I've last written. I havent forgotten you all, and I remain very grateful for your assistance in the past in helping us with our daughter's problems of being involved with a Psychopath. I'm happy to report that things are now much better for her on several fronts. Our relationship with our daughter has improved dramatically, and she is no longer involved with the Psychopath. This forum's predictions of how things would transpire were quite accurate! As most of you said, it would take some time, we would have to be patient as difficult as that might be, but eventually doubts would arise in her mind regarding the Psychopath, and she would have to come to conclusions by herself. This in fact happened. We thank God that whatever damage has occurred to her has apparently not been permanent (no pregnancy, violence, major debts, etc). The whole thing lasted several months and thankfully not several years.
Our daughter moved back home, after being on her own for several months. For the last few months, we didnt have too deep a discussion with her on looking back, because we knew all this would be sensitive for her. However, we had a dinner table discussion that lasted a few hours a couple nights ago. Now that things settled down, we told her objectively that she was involved with a Psychopath, and we explained to her what a Psychopath is clinically, the tell-tale signs etc. She seemed to internalize and comprehend this now. She was amazed at this relevation - how most of the points of what a Psychopath mapped directly into her real-world situation . She said what we have told her has made her feel immediately much better. She was and still is bewildered by the whole thing, but she understands that she was involved with someone who is clinically disturbed and not a 'normal' individual which explains why everything seemed weird. A couple of highlights from the talk included (1) Letting her know that if she feels the need to talk to a professional to further air out her feelings she can do that, we'd help her, and its perfectly understandable (2) If the Psychopath tries to get back in touch with her she should have no contact with him whatsover, even though he hasnt approached her so far (3) We totally accept her in a loving non-judgemental way, and although things are not back to 100% normality, they are not far away from it either. She recently enrolled in a fashion design program and recently found work in this field.
Another big issue at the time, as big as that of the Psychopath in fact, was her anorexia. On this subject, I'm happy to say, she's doing much better as well. In short, she's not eating optimally, but she's very much above the 'red-line' of anorexia.
I just wanted to write to thank you all for providing so much support, education, and guidance to us as parents whose daughter was involved with a Psychopath. This site plays a very vital role in this and in our case seems to be one that you can all chalk up as a success. I can only wish you all similar improvements in your respective situations. I will continue to monitor discussion on this site, and perhaps offer some feedback to other people's problems based on our experience.

Best regards

ace and alice

Hello Ace and Alice,
So happy to hear from you again...And knowing now how much things have improved makes me so relieved. I was thinking of you and the situation throughout the months that have past, wondering how you are.
It is good to know you took the advice we all gave and left her alone ...not really, i get that, with her own developement in this ordeal.
Even the anorexia is better now...How relieved you and your wife will be...
To be honest, and I think I remember we said it before; your daughter seems intelligent enough to figure out this man isn't what she wants for the rest of her life...And she did!!!! great news!!!.
Isn't it wonderful she is back home and has a nice place to work?? All seems to have worked out for the best!

I am also glad you will keep reading here and when necessary will give your support in return to others who might need it..And we all know, sooner or later there will be people in need of information and support how to deal in a situation that their son or daughter is involved with a psychopath.

So, we will see more of eachother in the futher....That's for sure...

Regards Segaya

Hello Ace and Alice, it is so wonderful that you came back to tell us of your great success. Your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman and is lucky to have parents like the both of you to help her understand what she was being involved with. Maybe someday when she is better she can come by and use the forum as an "electronic journal" because I think your story of help and healing can help others greatly. We have so many parents who read but have too much pain to post so your reaching out is being heard.

I think I have mentioned this movie before but try to rent What about Bob with Bill Murray, it has a sweet charming message about taking those baby steps toward life.

It is so kind of you to come back and share your great progress! Like they say in recovery, relapse can be part of the process and your daughter is a very lucky young woman indeed to have such supportive and loving parents. Your lovely daughter is very blessed for your giving her the space to figure out something was seriously wrong, now she can have the space to work on her anorexia. Body image is so rampant among young people and even older ones, they really turn out quite unattractive but their image in the mirror is different than what others see.

Both of you and your daughter have taken a huge step forward, it is hard to express how much I admire your strength.

Di

Hello Alice and Ace

It was a lovely surprise to see you on the forum. It’s great to get feedback on success stories. I’m so pleased your relationship with your daughter has survived and it’s amazing she is so open to understanding what she has been part of so soon after the event.
I know t’s early days but you are all going down the same road now and I’m sure things will get better still.
I take it your daughter didn’t accept the university place?

I hope you will keep visiting the forum and share your experiences with new members.

Regards
Jan

Hi Ace,

I was really happy to read your last posting in this thread, and I am so pleased that your daughter has got the psychopath out of her life within months, rather than years.

I read your earlier postings in another thread "concern for daughter", and added my own story there because there seemed to be some similarities. In my case, it took several years, not months, and the situation is still not finalised, since our daughter remains in prison on account of being associated with her Psychopath husband con man. My wife and I remain optimistic that our daughter has seen the light, and won't return to the Psychopath. We're looking after our granddaughter, who never wants contact with her stepfather ever again, and we're really proud of her progress. We were so concerned at her welfare over the years, so I actually feel God has answered my prayers. I now pray that our daughter's life can be turned around once she's released, which I hope won't be long.

Your daughter has demonstrated considerable maturity at a young age, now that she has recognised the Psychopath for what he is and admitted it to herself and to you. In our daughter's case, it took being arrested and put into prison to to shake her into a sense of reality. No doubt she'll have some serious issues to sort out once she's out, and we'll be there to help. Strangely enough, her greatest source of help may turn out to be her own daughter! We'll see.