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relly59 says:

Finding this site was a blessing. I am frightened for my female friend as I believe her mother is a psychopath and may actually carry out her threat to kill her. The mother has assaulted her and had the police arrest my friend for the assault, hopefully we will be able to expose what she really is in Court next month!! My friend is the product of her mothers’ first marriage and mum detests her with a passion as she reminds mum of her first husband and cannot stand the sight of her or any successes she has, she wants to destroy her any way she can. MUm is also extremely manipulative and convincing, conning the authorities to permit her to take care of her grandmothers financial affairs. (there are 4 generations in this family) I also believe mum is after her own parents estate as she was taking all the right steps to get control. I have stepped in and removed some of those to protect the grandparents of my friend at this stage, and I hope it’s enough. Mum has also got two other daughters who are just like her - frightening - and they all know how to ‘play the system’ to their advantage. I’ve never seen anything like this before, how unbelievably good they are at acting - they deserve an Academy Award for their performances, yet people fall for their lies even despite ‘Evidence’ to the contrary. To say this is scary as well as frustrating is an understatement. My friend is terrified her mother will kill her, and /or her grandparents for their assests and / or set her up for their deaths, and I have seen enough to be totally convinced and extremely concerned, but don’t know enough about what to do to help protect them from mum at this stage, but I’m learning, I just hope fast enough. The lawyer we have spoken to said mum fits the classic definition of a female psychopath, so we’re hoping he will have enough skill to expose her lies and manipulations in Court.
Fingers crossed. Any advice from others who relate to this?

Monday, 9 June 2008 @ 5:32am

Hello relly 59

Your friend is lucky to have your support, whatever her mother is has to be dealt with. Psycopathy is something that needs a proper diagnosis although we all have out own thoughts and opinions.

Do you mind if I ask how old your friend is? The only reason it is relevant is because of parental obligations or responsibilities so she may have the upper hand. I'm presuming your friend has left her mother's home.

Are you able to give any more information about the background to your friends situation?

Hopefully if with the right information we can give you and your friend some support.

Regards
Jan

My friend is 30 years old and the product of her mothers first marriage.
The mother appears to be obsessed with disrediting and destroying her daughter in any way she can, it's sickening. The lies, the projections, the jealousy is unbelievable.
This woman obviously hates her daughter as she reminds her of her initial mistake and tarnishes her fantasy of what she perceives her life should or could be. My friend did not choose mum's first husband, did not sleep with him, but a product of her mothers choices, and is being punished for that. My friend also stands in the way of her mother's greed, to get her hands on her parents and grandmothers assets before she is entitled to inherit their estates. There are 4 generations in this family. Mum has contol of grandmothers (my friends' greatgrandmother)financial affairs, tried to get her hands on her own parents estate, (my friends grandparents who actually raised her most of her life)and we are both concerned for them all, fearing mum may not wish to wait until they pass on from natural causes, if you understand what I mean. I honestly believe this woman is dangerous, but I can't prove it.
I am also concerned mum may try to either kill or seriously injure my friend or try to set her up for the fall for her devious plans to eliminate her parents to obtain their money.
I don't know what else we can do. I have explained this to my lawyer.

Hello relly59

Your friend would do well to stay a long way from her mother, at 30 years old I sould guess she now has a life of her own. As for waiting for an inheritance....is her safety worth the price.

I think your friend needs to think seriously about what she wants from the future and accept the consequences of her decisions.

It is very difficult to know what your friend hopes to gain by making herself avaialable apart from the financial benefit which MAY come her way and there is no guarantee that she will be a beneficiary in the end.

Regards
Jan

She does stay away and avoids her mother as much as possible - but she loves her grandparents, they are also frail and love their granddaughter and enjoy their time with her. The mother will drive by their house, if she sees their vehicle there, she calls the police, making up false allegations, in an attempt to have her daughter arrested etc. It's like my friend is being stalked by a predator, who is mostly unseen and hides in the shadows, never knowing when it will pounce. The mother is a brilliant actress and I have seen her in action, the way she can manipulate men is astounding, they fall for her meek, mild, coy, eyelash batting, victim act every time. Mother has just divorced her second husband - but get this - she is back living in the same house with him, which is about 2 mins down the road from her parents house - I have an awful feeling this was not a real divorce = it was more of a plan to enable her to move into the grandparents home to initiate her plans for control of their property. Thank God they got her to move out - but only after she had attacked them physically and called the police on them and tried to have them arrested and charged as well and they are 80+ years old!! She just doesn't stop - there is no way to stop her either as she still resides close by. They have decided to sell up & move, hopefully, without her finding out about it or where they move to in the near future.

Hello relly59

This problem your friend has seems to be concerning you more than her, how is she coping with the situaton?
If the grandparents are moving away because they are aware of their daughter's intentions and will not let her know where they are going then then things should improve.

There is nothing to stop them making a will in their granddaughter's favour so the mother will get nothing. Has this been discussed between your friend and her grandparents, it may aready have been done? If the mother knew this she may become more abusive to her parents to get them to change their will, this will have to be considered. If on the other hand they are leaving their estate to their daughter they need to get protection but at least she will know she will be getting an inheritance fairly soon.

Maybe your friend should let her mother know she wants nothing from her grandparents estate and does not want to be mentioned in the will? I'm sure all she cares about is their welfare and would gladly forego an inheritance if their happiness was assured.

Would your friend like to write a little on the forum to let us know how she feels? Is she asking for you to take control of the situation?

Regards
Jan

hi Relly,
I read your story before and didn't replay untill now..I get a strainge feeling about it.
Is your friend really 30 years of age??? it seems to me that she is younger and you need to take care of her?
I think when people are at that age they have to be able to look after themselves properly and when they speak about their problems with forinstance a friend, this friend has to keep in mind that this is told in convidence... So I wonder if your relationship with her is different from how I see a friendship?
Does she know at all that you are writing about her, and what you are writing???

Sorry but I just don't feel at ease when I read it and I can't put my finger on the reason other then the above.

Taking what you are telling very seriously I wonder why you keep in her company for on what you are writing there is danger for everybody involved. Aren't you afraid the mother will harm you when she would know how much the daughter is sharing with you?
As we always say on this forum; Keep away from psychopaths as far as you possibly can and turn away from all situations that are happening because of those psychopaths.
When, in my work I would speak to somebody like you I would ask them what concern of them this is? The people who are really involved because the psychopath is there child parent or sibbling, can't run from the situation, but why shouldn't you?
This is hard, and not something you want to vulenteer to?

Just some questions that are in my mind when reading you posting.
regards Segaya

I am not only her friend, but more of a parental figure in her life. My own daughter is 27 y.o. My friend only has her elderly (80 y.o.)grandparents as family and why should she have to walk away from them when they need each other? Yes she knows I have been talking on the net about her situation asking for information that would help her situation. Yes, the grandparents have changed their will, their daughter gets nothing and they leave just about everything to their son and a little bit to their grandaughter. No the mother does not know this at this stage. Yes, I am concerned she may try to have a go at me, but this is why I am searching for information on how best to deal with her should further situations arise.
I think you are misunderstanding where I'm coming from - I am just being very protective of a friend who needs support, loyalty and as much advice as she can get. The grandparents have said they will look around to buy a place near their grandaughter so she can still look after them and support them as they are too old to go too far away. Hopefully the mother will not find out where they move to. I am also very close to them as well and concerned for their welfare. Does this clear matters up for you?

Yes, all this has been discussed. My friend actually told her grandparents to sell everything and spend it on a round the world trip so there was nothing left - haha.
We are not talking about just a house or something here either, which is why the mother wants it all. Grandparents didn't want to do that, they like being homebodies and going to play bingo with their friends etc. They are very set in their ways as you would understand of those who are 80 years old, knowing they have little time left with us.
I feel misunderstood in this forum - maybe it's because of cultural differences - I'm an Aussie & we have a very strong mateship culture over here - one where you stand by your mates through thick & thin - loyalty through good times & bad - Why should I run away, when if I get as much information as I can to share with all concerned, we can stand united against her to protect everyone??? Or would you rather I walked away and left them just because they have a problem? Geez, I hope there is never a war or something with you guys on my team if that's the attitude you have. Walk away if there's a problem or if things get tough. What you should be telling people is to network with others, get the evidence against them, stand together & fight back!!!! How can you let these bastards walk all over you and get away with it? I understand they are cunning, manipulative & good at it too - but they can't possibly be undefeatable, surely?....

Hello Relly59

I'm sorry you feel misunderstood on the forum, it's quite unusual that someone should take on another person's problems with such intensity. It's laudible that you are looking after your friend but I think what some of the members were thinking was why your friend is not the one looking for support and is relying so heavily on you as she is not a child. I hope you don't mind me being honest with you but I personally was wondering if this situation is more of a problem to you than your friend, You have taken on a very protective role and that is probably because you are naturally a protective person and looking after your friend as though she was your child and we all put our children's welfare before our own I hope your worries about what this woman could do are not as real as you think they may be.

I don't think this has anything to do with cultural differences as the people on this forum are from many parts of the world, Australia included. The advice when dealing with a psychopath is always get well away from them as there is nothing you can do for them or with them. You are in the position to keep away from this woman you suspect is a psychopath and your friend needs to do that too. Does she have a partner or any other close family members who she can also rely on for support or are you the only person she relies on?

It's good to hear the will is in the son's favour and a small amount for your friend as she will not be the target for her mother. Also good the the grandparents are moving closer to her and the woman will not know where they are-if that is possible. There is a light at the end of this tunnel.

You didn't mention how the son fits into the situation, is he aware of his sister's aggression and does he suffer similar problems? If so I would think he is the one who should watch his back! What exactly does your friend have to put up with from her mother, is it just threats or has she done anything that can be reported to the police? If so, has she reported the events. She needs to keep a record of anything she suspects her mother of doing but proof is the only thing the police are intrerested in unfortunately.

What information are you hoping to find that will help your friend? I think the advantage you have is that the mother is 'on her own' whereas the grandparents, yourself, your friend and maybe her uncle are all working together. Are there any outside agencies who look after older people's welfare that can get involved if you are worried about their well being?

It would give us a better idea of how your friend is coping with the situation if she could write about her experiences here on the forum and we could speak to her directly. Would she be willing to do that? I presume she has already been reading what has been posted here so wouldn't have to cover the same background information -just her feelings on what she hopes we can do to help.

Regards
Jan