Hi,

I have a brother-in-law who I think is playing mind games with me that involve cruel messages. Yet I always wondered if the things I've suspected him doing are just my imagination or me just going crazy, but I do not feel like I am getting these messages or impressions from any other people. This may be a little hard to explain but hopefully you will see the point I am trying to make. Before I describe these mind games, let me give a brief background on the circumstances he brought on my family.

First, my parents helped buy my brother-in-law and his wife (my sister) a house in a pretty bad area. My parents were nice enough to put the house in their own name, and payed alot of the rennovation costs to help my sister and brother-in-law. That was big a mistake because my brother-in-law lost his job and was put on the sex offender list for allegedly sexually molesting his daugher-in-law. To this day, however, he blames the daugher-in-law for making up lies and getting the social services involved with him. He has managed to convince just about everyone it was the daughter-in-law's fault for lying about him. The daughter-in-law now lives in another state and still writes letters on how dangerous my brother-in-law is. I'm not sure if she's making it up or not, or if it's just my brother-in-law making it up. I just know everyone believes my brother-in-law.

Because of what he did, my parents had to make his house payments since the house was in their name, and they couldn't afford their own house too, so my parents and I had were basically forced to move into what was my brother in-laws house in this poor area because they could not pay for theirs and what was his, too. My brother-in-law managed to get out of the house,the area, and avoid prison, but he still comes by and laughs at me, telling me how it's so hilarious how I'm in such a pathetic area now, and how I used to be in a really nice location and in a really nice house.

A year or so later my brother-in-law managed to buy another house with my sister in a suburban area. This surburban area was near the college I would be attending after I graduated high school from that crappy area I was living in maybe thanks to him. So I would stay at his house and pay them money every month to attend college.

While staying there, the mind games started. I brought my own computer to use at my brother-in-law's house, but the internet would mysteriously shut-off. Then, I would hear my brother-in-law stomp his feet and snikcer from downstairs. I suspect he was monitoring my internet access and cutting the internet off. I asked him about it and asked my sister, but they looked at me like I was crazy. This would happen everyday. Nasty websites were mysteriously put on my computer, and there's no way they could of just got there. Yet I would be afraid to tell anyone about them because I would be suspected of visiting them myself. Many times I would walk by my brother-in-law and he would just grin at me and laugh at me, but he would convince everyone else it was me just being crazy, not him. Also, when I would ask him for directions to locations, he would tell me the wrong ones, and cause me to go to wrong locations. When I asked him about why he kept telling me the wrong directions, he would just laugh and tell me someone else gave him the wrong directions, so it's not his fault. He also makes up information when I am having a conversation with someone else to make me look wrong in front of others. I could just go on and on about the strange behaviors he engages in.

Staying at his house was also like being in a prison, as my brother-in-law was very petty and tyrannical. He go nuts over moving a bed a few inches over or moving a lamp a foot. It was almost as if he was looking for a reason to scream and fuss at me. No matter how nice I was and how I respected his wishes while staying in his house, he would nitpick reasons to scream and yell at me. I was also never offered any food or drink there despite paying money. My parents bought my brother-in-law and sister food all the time, but he never gave us anything. I've since moved out of their house and into an apartment at my college, and I feel so much better off.

He's since had another child with my sister. And I think he is using this child as a pawn to make me feel bad or something. The child (a boy) comes over to my parent's house (which was once my brother-in-law's house) when I am there and laughs and makes fun of me in a manner that is very similiar to my brother-in-law. There is no way a child could say such stuff without being instructed or told to say those kinds of things by an adult. Everytime this child comes over he has managed to destroy a belonging of mine, too. Yet when I tell others about it, they let that 6 year old boy off because he's young and doesn't know any better. The child also comes over wearing T-shirts or toys that have to of been selected carefully because they make disparaging remarks about my political affiliations, my beliefs about religion, and my sexuality. It's like someone is playing sick games with this child to bring messages to me that are really cruel and demeaning about my opinions and thoughts.

I know this story is long and bizarre, but I've never run into anyone like this. I don't know how to explain it any other way. Could someone explain what is going on here with this guy? Am I right that he is a Psychopath? Has anyone ever run into someone like this?

Thankfully, he is not succeeding so much in hurting me if that is his goal since I know the problem is not with me but him.

Hello PlatinumX0987

The last sentence in your post was good to hear and makes me think you will be able to get through the situation you are in. Your family has certainly been very badly treated by your brother in law. To lose your home is bad enough but to lose it in these circumstances is so cruel. Your parents must be saints to go through all this.

How is your sister coping with the situation? She must have some terrible problems as well as coping with children.

I think you are a very wise person and will find ways of coping with your family situation and I do hope we can support you and offer some comfort while you learn to cope with someone who lives by their own rules.

Best regards
Jan

Hello PlatinumX0987

I apologise for not giving you a full reply yesterday but I wanted to read your post more thoroughly to get a clearer picture of what you have been enduring.

Unfortunately no-one can say for sure if someone is a psychopath unless they are professionally trained. We can only come to out own conclusions by considering all the information available. The first place to start is with Dr Robert Hare’s checklist to see how many items you can identify with and can state an example of.

The best way of dealing with people like your B in L is to have no contact whatsoever but this can be difficult within a family.

Your nephew is very much a pawn in the family dynamics and I would be very concerned for his welfare, he could very well be primed to do and say the things he does. I don’t wish to give you any further reasons for concern but I think there are a few red flags with the child. It’s unusual for a child of that age to do be primed to do certain things and the laughing and making fun of people rings alarm bells. The destruction of property too…another bad sign. You say yourself that he behaves in a similar manner to your B in L.

I know what it’s like when a child gets excused for it’s bad behaviour and you hear “all children do that” but you know the difference between normal behaviour and the many underhand things. There is also a checklist for children. The child may well be OK but if there is any doubt about him it would be better too get him assessed if only to rule out any problems.
The T shirts are obviously not of the child’s doing so who is buying them? I know it’s difficult not to rise to provocation but the only way you can deal with things like that is not to ‘notice’. All that is intended is to get a reaction from you, without feedback it will not be satisfying.

You say nothing about your sister, do you have a good relationship with her? How does she feel about your parents losing their home because of her husband and how is her relationship with them now? You said nothing about your sister’s marriage and how she brings up the children.

You must be feeling very frustrated by the situation your family is in and it’s understandable that you are looking for answers especially as you are the one who is suffering most. There are many bizarre situations members of the forum are experiencing and no two stories are the same although most of the characteristics are the same.

The only thing you can do is protect yourself and cut all contact if at all possible. I hope we can offer you support while you find a way of dealing with this man.

Regards
Jan

What's more baffling and evil is the way my brother-in-law and his son tear up property, specifically my property. What I mean it's all done covertly, so they can get away with their vandalism.

For example, my Xbox 360 console system stopped working correctly when my nephew last used it. I could not figure out why it would no longer work right, as I'm just not too savvy when it comes to electronic goods. A few months later my nephew comes over again and plays it and the Xbox 360 starts working correctly again. Then my nephew starts laughing at me as if I've been suckered when he shows me it now works. I walked out of the room while he was playing, so I did not see him fix it and he did not say he did, but I know he was the one who caused it to run incorrectly and then fixed it by his laughter and the small rubber toy he had in his hand. He brought with him a small Xbox 360 key chain/memorabilia that is broken I guess to represent what he did to my console. Do you see the type of symbolism or message being conveyed through this child's toys? I sense my brother-in-law is using this little kid to cause my belongings to stop functioning correctly, and then making them work properly when he comes again. So that way he can get away with what he is doing. No one in my family other than my mother believes that my nephew is sabotaging my belongings since my Xbox 360 now works. It's so crazy!! It makes me actually want to physically confront this kid, but I cannot hit a child because then I will be in deep, deep trouble.

Another example is the stove at my parent's house. When my brother-in-law came over the stove handle strangely was broken and lying on the floor. My brother-in-law then said his child "accidently" pulled it off. The stove handle is known to be frail, and my B & L knows this. My parent's believed it was just an accident but I know better. My B & L had this smirk on his face as he walked past me when he said it was an accident to my parents. It's absolutely insane because no one really believes the things my B & L and nephew are doing except me and my mother. He does things in such a way to not get caught by other people, but to let me know covertly that he did them!!!! He lets me know by laughing at me and smirking, but no one else really understands or sees through this and that's the way he wants it!! I'm trying to describe this the best way I can. I hope you understand.

My brother-in-law also likes to use my nephew to condemn my achievements and abilities. When he hears that I take pride in something, I believe he makes sure to manipulate his nephew into saying something terrible about my hobbies, interests, and accomplishments when he comes over. I tell my relatives about the nasty things my nephew says and they just say it's just a 6 year old child and to ignore him. They look at me like I'm the crazy one for talking about my nephew.

I cannot even begin to describe all of these sorts of things that have happened involving my B & L and nephew. I've tried ignoring it for years, but it's gotten worse. My B & L keeps on and on. Now I am being more confrontational about it.

As for my sister, the relationship with my sister is now much more distanced. Firstly, due to the fact my sister is a fundamentalist Christian and I am an agnostic. She has no respect for me because I do not see the Bible as the inerrant word of God. My B & L is also a fundamentalist Christian or atleast acts like one. He is an extremely authoritarian Christian Republican. That's why my sister likes him so much. Both of them share the same belief system, etc. That's really why they married each other. My sister does not allow anyone to criticize my brother-in-law or my nephew. Obviously, she thinks very highly of my B & L and her son (my nephew) suprisingly. My sister now talks rudely and sarcastic to my parents and me. My brother-in-law just laughs when he sees my sister yelling at my parents. I believe he has turned my sister against my parents and myself.

Strangely enough, my sister and B & L wants more money out of my parents and is bitter about not receiving anymore. My sister acts like she was the victim when my B & L plead guilty as a sex offender. She lost her daughter to the Social Services and had to move out of the house which we now live in. She doesn't believe my brother-in-law was actually guilty. My sister believes her daughter tried to seduce my B & L to get back at him. She believes her daughter was the crazy one and my B & L confirms this.


I know this is a really complicated story, so I apologize if reading all of this is difficult. I do not have anymore time to sort through this and make it easier to comprehend.

Thanks for the help.

Hello
PlatinumX0987

I know what you mean about seeing things that others don't-you question yourself and think it's ridiculous to think such things about a child. I have been there! When you tell someone else what has happened they do not take it seriously and often think you are blowing things out of all proportion. Yes-you feel like the crazy one.

It's not difficult to read your story but I know how difficult it is too put the madness into words and expect someone else to understand. You will doubt yourself over and over. There will be times when you spend ages just going over what happened and try to rationalise it and you still wonder what has really gone on.

The destruction, the lies and how do you prove any of it...you can't but you KNOW.

I hope you can let these people go from your life, you can't help them or change them but you can do some damage limitation for yourself and your parents.

Your nephew is another matter and he doesn't stand much chance of a normal childhood and the only thing you can do is to report the problem to Social Services(that's what we have in the UK)but I think they would need to let things get considerably worse for the child before they could intervene.

Tour frustration is obvious and I do hope you can remove youirself from all this.

Regards
Jan

I am sorry for everything you are going through and it takes a very strong person to not let it dishearten them. Kudos to you for staying true to yourself and your beliefs since all his odd, mean-spirited behavior is so crazy-making.

The one thing I found to be effective is distance. Unfortunately, it can distance you from other family members as well, but sometimes that is what you need to do to preserve your own sanity. Distance also helps keep things in perspective. Aside from that, journaling will help you with feelings and doubts.

This forum is also very supportive and a great place to bounce ideas off of.

Stay strong and, above all, stay safe.

Recently, my now 7-year old nephew came over to my house again. In my other posts, I discussed how strange his behavior has been. Well this time he was actually physically aggressive with me. My sister brought him over, and while I was playing on my Xbox 360, which I suspect he sabotaged earlier, he would try to snatch the controller out of my hands. My nephew subsequently yelled demeaning remarks and threatening messages to my face. So here I am first acting generous and offering him the choice to use my belongings, and he has the audacity to act nasty in my room with my own property.

What's also amazing to me is that a 7-year old has the nerve to be aggressive and act in a bullying manner toward a fully grown adult. The entire time he was over at my house, he would act defiant and arrogant. Everything I said was met with a sarcastic comeback or put down. And I have never met a child so full of themselves and possessing such an inflateview of themselves. My nephew actually says that no one can defeat him. Finally, he acts oblivious to the existence of other people, as everything is all about what he wants. No one else matters. Such a mentality manifests itself when he acts rude in my room and tries to snatch and steal things.

Maybe I am just overreacting. Do you think this type of behavior is normal for a 7-year old boy? I am aware children can be very bratty and rude these days, but this seems like a bit too extreme. I am still not entirely sure if my brother-in-law told him to come and act like this. Like I said, when he has come over before, he was wearing clothing and playing with toys that belittle me.

I also do not feel I can actually hit or hurt my nephew because I could get in serious trouble. He could make up some lie or come up with some story about how I am an abuser and turn others on me, etc. Thankfully, my sister said she may not bring my nephew over to my house anymore since she was told about his behavior.