India meri,

I really feel for you and understand your fear. You are doing so well (even if you don't feel you are), that your legal system has let you down is a terrible thing, but very normal unfortunately. In many cases, judges wont go against abusers for fear of they themselves being drawn into the abuse. This is not right, but it is a sad fact.

As Jan says, the law here is very similar in the respect that they put parents (usually father) before children. Finding the evidence to protect your child will be hard. It might seem small, but keeping a diary of the things your ex says to you, your family and your child will go some way to recording what happens. Emotional abuse is very hard to prove and this is one way of making sure YOU don't feel like you are going mad!

Keep strong, be strong.

Haze.

Jan, Haze, Di, and everyone:
I didn’t answer before because I was a little depress and disappointed of everything. My language is Spanish, and I really appreciate your help.
I finally change my lawyer, because apparently the first who represent me was arrange with my ex husband’s lawyer.
Anyway, I do my best to protect my baby. But the money and the power usually win. The judge is acting very slowly.
In this country we use a protectionist system “he is innocent, until the opposite demonstrates itself”. And in that time the victim must demonstrates her innocent to, and they don’t give any protection or help during the process. Added to this, we have a written system based on
Roman laws.
I live with my parents now.
My baby is crying every time HE takes her. And when my baby comes home again, she was serious, crying, she does not want to eat, and sometimes she come with scent to cigarette and other times she comes with the clothes wet in rust. And she comes with afraid off.
HE does not give money to the food of the baby.
I’m going to star to keeping a diary of the things HE says or makes to me, to the baby.
But you know, I’m going to fight, but I don’t have any hopes.
May be you can help me, just for be strong, I don’t know what more to do.
The justice here is very very slowly. And you know HE it belongs to the Opus Dei, and they have a lot of power.

I’m watting yours words, Thanks

India

Hello India

I'm sorry to hear how badly things are going for you. I'm not surprised you are so low, you must be very concerned about your baby. That is good that you have changed your lawyer, please keep a record of everything that happens and all the things you are unhappy about even thing you suspect but have no proof of. As you said he has to prove his innocence so if you keep telling the lawyer about your suspicions it will all be recorded for him to disprove.

You are very lucky to live with your parents and have their support, they must see the problems the baby has so that needs to be recorded too. In my country if a child is at risk when visiting a parent then you can apply to the court to have supervised access so the child is not left alone with the parent suspected of not treating the child properly. I would go as far as applying for the father not to see the child at all if she suffers so much because of these visits. This litte one is going to have problems long term if something isn't done soon. Would your parents be prepared to stand up against him and insist he either sees the baby in their home or they come with him when he takes her away?

If he is not providing money for her does he lose any rights to see her? Can you use this a s a reason for not letting him see her?

Opus Dei is something I know little about because it is so closed but I don't get the feeling they are always good people and they look after each other.

I do hope we can help you to be strong and fight for your daughter's happiness even we can't help in other more practical ways. I live so far away from your country so have no knowledge of how the legal system works where you live. I will do some research to see if I can find any legal information that might help you. You best chance is having a good lawyer who specialises in family welfare and social services or whoever looks after children's welfare in the community to listen to what you have to say.
You need to make a fuss and shout loudly so someone listens.

I do wish I could help you more. Please ask if there is anything you think I could do that may help you.

Best regards
JAn

Hello India

Have you found this web site with information,

http://www.psicologiacientifica.com/bv/i...siquiatras.html

The introduction is in Spanish so I don't know whether there is any useful information for you.

Regards
Jan

Hello India,
So happy to see you are back on the forum...
I know happy is the wrong word for we aren't here because of fun reasons are we!!!!
I am thinking of you and your situation a lot....
Thinking about things to do to help you but you are so very far away.
I wonder...Do you get real support from your parents and if so, in what way do you get the support?
it has to be terrible to give your baby to this man..even when it is for 1 minute....

Children, even very small, do react on people and know things aren't right when their not...so no wonder you notice your baby is different for being away from you....
What can you do..... I think an am sure you doing ti already..take good care of her, love her a lot and hug her a lot.... Give real attention and make sure she feels safe being with you..And that is hard to do in these kind of circumstances..I know...

I hope that you don't settle for a laywer who is not working for you..Keep looking and keep getting information about an other one... I think other women wil know and can give you more advise...I mean women in your own surroundings....
I am wondering if there is anything we can do to help you find an (maybe underground) organasation of women who can help you........

Of course we will support you whenever possible..... thank heavens for internet!!!!
Is there anything you know about what we can do practically to help you?
keep up the good spirit we are with you!!!!
Segaya

Hello India

I found this piece of information and I know it won't be much help but it may be a starting point for you to look for more help. It does mention psychological violence. I really wished I could offer you more help.

Best regards
Jan

"Domestic violence in Argentina is a serious problem. In Buenos Aires Province, the special Women's Police Stations and Family's police stations received a daily average of 53 complaints of violence.

Argentine law prohibits domestic violence, including spousal abuse, and provides for removal of the abusive spouse from the home, but it does not provide penalties unless the violence involves crimes against "sexual integrity." In this case penalties can be as much as 20 years' imprisonment.

Any person suffering physical or psychological domestic violence may file a formal complaint with a judge or police station. The law gives family court judges the right to prevent the perpetrator of a violent act from entering the victim's home or workplace. Charges also may be brought in criminal court, which may apply corresponding penalties. However, lack of vigilance on the part of the police and the judicial system often led to a lack of protection for victims.

In March 2006 the Interior Ministry launched a federal program that included creating a mobile unit for providing assistance to victims of sexual and domestic violence. Although the program was planned to have a national reach, its initial implementation started in late October 2006 in the City of Buenos Aires. There were two mobile units working 24 hours a day. Each unit was composed of a psychologist and a social worker, and two police officials also took part when they received complaints of domestic violence.

In March 2006 the provincial Cordoba legislature passed its first domestic violence law, leading to a significant increase in the number of complaints filed. The legislation is quite inclusive. The term "family" includes fiancees and former or current common-law husbands or wives. The law also defines domestic violence as physical, psychological, and economic violence.

In early December 2006 the Buenos Aires Supreme Court ordered the criminal, family and minors' courts, as well as provincial courts in civil and family matters, to have duty officers to receive complaints of domestic violence and assist victims after normal court hours. Victims could call a cell phone number to get assistance.

Public and private institutions offered prevention programs and provided support and treatment for abused women, but there was little transitional housing. The Buenos Aires municipal government operated a small shelter for battered women and a 24 hour hotline offering support and guidance to victims of violence; however, few other shelters existed.

NGOs stressed that women often did not have a full understanding of their rights or of what actions could be considered punishable offenses. In addition there was a great disparity between urban centers and rural areas with respect to women's awareness of, and access to, equal rights. Indigenous women particularly were vulnerable, due to higher rates of illiteracy and insufficient bilingual educational resources".

Hi India and Jan,

Jan, i am so glad you found something at least.....
India....is this something you can start of with?....Maybe going to places like this gets you in contact with other women...and as you know...people know people, know people..one thing leads to another doesn't it....
I realy feel other women who know of situations like this can help you the best. Every country, no matter how strickt the rules are for women, do have organisations like this..The only problem is how to find them....
It is a way to become more strong, get more information, get contacts in real life who can support you psycologically and emotionaly. It is so very importend to have these things to not only survive but also come out well of the situation...
I want you to remember always.....; Men surpress women because they know in their heart of hearts, women are strong... much stronger than men are..... So....take courage and keep close to who you are and what it is you want....
I hope for the best!
Segaya

Hi,
Maybe this can help too?

http://www.distel.ca/womlist/countries/argentina.html

And what about this....

http://www.fsdinternational.org/devsubject/womensempowerment/argentina

India, I don't know a thing about your country..And I am a bit ashamed for it...
I hope these adresses can give you at least an idea of how to move on and decide whatis the next step to make....
If you want we can look up more adresses from the internet,and see if any of them can help you go foreward
be strong
Segaya

Hello India and Segaya

They are very good links Segaya and I hope you can use them India.

Always remember that we are there for you even though you can't see us and we will do our best to help you.

How is your little girl? Those things Segaya said about making her secure are so important. Segaya is very wise and she will understand what your daughter needs so I hope you take comfort from her words.

My best regards
Jan

Hi India,

I agree that keeping an accurate log of what is going on will be critical. Do you have any kind of camera so you can document your child before and after she goes on visits with him? Also a small recording device to put where it can pick up a recording of what he is saying. In some places it is against the law to record someone without their permission but I think that is only for phone conversations. In that case I would still record him on the phone and then take careful notes of the conversation and get rid of the phone recorder tape.

Does you child speak of what went on when she is on visits with him? If that is the case, do not push the conversation, but if she does, record what she says or if not record her actions, add everything to a daily log.

Here we have what is called "baby cams" (video recorder), they are very affordable and if you could position one in the area where he comes into the house or if he drops your child off outside you could put up the camera there. That way you could fully capture your daughter before and after the visit by film? If you can't afford a video camera then take a photo before and after for documentation.

Document everything one way or another, it will also help your lawyer to understand your case. You could also document your parents reaction to seeing first hand how your daughter returns so distressed. I know this is a serious situation, and you might consider taking your daughter to a Dr. to make sure he is not harming her in a way that could be documented by your Dr. Maybe even setting up the appointment with a good Psychiatrist for the day your daughter returns from a visit. The Dr. could tell physical signs and the Psychiatrist could figure out her emotional state while it is still fresh.

How often does he have visitation? A few days or a few hours? I hope you will start a journal even on your computer and print it out and keep a daily log for everyday. That will show how your daughter is on a daily basis. Any vidoes and photos would add to your words from your journal.

All my best,

Di

Also if you can find out from your daughter and record it to see how she is eating while with him and what kind of environment she is being in while with him. You could do this in casual conversations with her and make sure you have the recording of her words to add to your journal.