Hi really understood what you said about putting a best friend in your own situation how would you advise them. I think that is the stuff I need right now.

Hi Maria can relate to that fully its a rollercoaster but the worst for me is I haven't even dealt with the situation. He is still around, but I have those feelings even with him being around. Hope you understand what Im saying.

James - I think that your staying connected to your dad goes deeper than just protecting your mom. I think we all wish that the P in our lives would change. Being the Ps they are they seem to give us just enough to keep that hope alive. Then they revert to the evil creatures they are until we are almost gone - repeat cycle. Sad but true. When the P is our parent, I think it is worse. We always want to have a parent - mine were not P's but my mother is a bit on the narrisisstic side, but I so want that story book mommy that I will continue the abuse until she is gone and the story has an end.

It's not true I think that it is your aul..however you are the one thinking your thoughts.
I aspect by saying so that there can be some control over the way some one thinks.
I do notmean it is or will be easy...But with training and excersising this must be possible..... don't you think so?

hi I have read the coping suggestions thread and found it useful I have tried to teach myself these things like thought stopping. The mind tries to cycle over and over doesn't it. Which drains you. I find the mornings worst when I first wake up instead of being tired my mind seems to go straight to the worries and fears etc.. Writing down helps and venting on here. But exercise seems the best way for me. I live near a pool and can cycle there in five mins. After forty lengths of pool my mind feels reinvigorated and body too.
I also buy myself a small gift or cup of coffee as a treat if I feel dreadfully low. After all loving yourself is the first step to breaking the mental hold I guess.
Also concentrating on your immediate family/life and not worrying what the wider world thinks. If you are living a good honest life and being true to yourself the rest of it does not matter. If you choose not to engage with it. The reason you got into major problems with the psychopath could be because you were unaware. It should get easier now you know what the problem is. I think as people we can fight what we can see easier than what we get hit with from behind.

I have a few suggestions of my own...I found that just praying my way through the devestation was the most helpful...though not everyone is into God, he seems to give the best comfort. I also allowed myself time to cry it out. I think I cried for like two months, and silly as it sounds, I finally ran out of tears and I started searching for answers. I only found this site a week ago, but you all have helped me realize that there wasnt one thing I could do to make it work with someone that has heart. Oh!!! The light bulb clicked on and I understand now that life happens and thats ok. Some people out there are just wierd and I dont have to be involved with them!
My name is Lee and I am a woman who has a huge heart, I enetered into a church and a relationship not knowing much about anything and I am walking away very informed and aware. Thank you for trying to destroy me because all you did was cause me to dig deeper and find a strength that had been hidden. You are what you are and you will never be much more than what you are...dellusions and dementions I cannot grasp and no longer wish to...as my life heights go higher yours will never leave the ground. As I soar you will always crawl on your belly like the serpent that you are. Goodbye headache, nightmare and heartbreak for you were only a chapter in the novel of my life and as all chapters come to an end, so has your time with me!

I saw someone on TV this morning who is offering free criminal checks:

http://www.criminalsearches.com/

Thanks for that poem vanessa poetry has helped me enormously i have moved emotionally and physically to get away from a Psychopath and have good days and bad. I see others around who may be Psychopath's but that is one great thing that now i can see and they are the ones with the illness

After experiences with my Psychopath i now see the Psychopath's around me. They come all shapes and sizes but i still find it hard knowing how to deal with them close up. I try not to engage socially but if they decide to target you it can be difficult. At present one girl is giving cause for concern she is very young 19 but seems to be regarded by others as sweet and yet she comes across as false to me i caught her out in a lie early on how should i deal with her as i must see her daily where i am volunteering?

Hi,

I find that a helpful advice. Drawing the boundaries and sending clear STOP signals can put the Psychopath into their place. Not all of them, of course. For some of them assertiveness is either a challenge or a button they seek to push because every upside has its downsides, too. That was an eyeopener for myself, as I hadn´t considered my strengths to be weaknesses at the same time, so when analyzing my weaknesses / needs / fears / self-doubt / shame / relations or network / blind spots to assess my vulnerability towards the Psychopath I included that upside-downside aspect. That way I find it easier to understand myself and draw a line that nobody should overstep undetectedly.

Sometimes it is difficult of course to draw that line especially if you´re in a situation or position when your main goal is to help others, be it volunteering or being a mom or friend or colleague / boss etc. In that case trusting your instincts and developing your ability to read between the lines and see patterns can go a long way. It won´t tell you the whole story but your mind can pick up from there to put it into perspective. Even when looking at a normal situation: how often have we fallen for someone and in the end realized that we knew it all along that that person wasn´t a good match. Our instincts had picked up on it but our education, traditions, intellect, needs and desires tried to convince us of the opposite. That´s why I made it a rule of thumb for myself to keep the order I find suitable for myself: first instinct, then thought, if I come in a tie situation between the two.

Best,
Pat