Well I am happy that I have found this site. I am in hell right now and need to talk to people that know what I am going through!

I am a 36 year old Canadian woman and I have a wonderful 7 month old little boy. His dad is a classic pyschopath and I have been lied to for 2 years now. I have come to find out that he has 7 other children in the US, owes about 100K in child support, does not work, was cheating on me the whole time. He has made my life a living hell the past few months. He is claiming to the courts that I am an unfit mother, an alchoholic, a prostitute, a drug addict and the list goes on....he has gone as far as to contact my work to try and get me fire, contact my mothers work to try and get her fired, continued to harasss me and my family, called social services, called the police etc....I am in a real life Dr. Phil show and I fear that it will only get worse! We are in a huge custody battle and I have hired a PI down in the states and have come to find out all sorts of interesting facts about this man. He uses someone else ss#, he has a history of domestic violence, he has numerous traffic violations, he has been married 4 times, has 8 kids, one of the mothers is in hiding from him, one of the other mothers can't even leave her house because she has panick attacks so bad she ends up in the hospital. I feel sick to my stomach he is so good at what he does that he is even starting to fool the court system (which apprently he has many times in the US). I am scared for my baby, my family and myself. The thought of this man touching my boy makes me sick to my stomach!

HELP I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS!

Living a Dr. Phil episode!

I need someone to talk to about what I am going through. My husband is a psychopath. He brutally assaulted our 4 month old twins and is incarcerated. I have since found out he was cheating on me throughout our entire marriage. He was having threesomes, etc.... I found out dirty and disgusting details. Everything he ever told me was a lie and I believed him. Yes I am seeking a divorce from him. He is still awaiting trial and is being held on a $350,000.00 bail. My world is a living hell right now and my poor babies suffered the most. One baby suffered intercranial bleeding and retinal hemmoraging and may have permanent brain damage. Not to mention the twins were three months premature. I really need someone to talk to. How do I get through all this? Where do I go from here? Can you live through something like this and ever return to a normal life? This is a high profile case and has hit local media and I have cried so much, I can't even begin to tell you. To find out I was married to a monster who hurt our babies and then learn your whole life was a lie. I am still in shock and grief.

Hello akawwanda

Welcome to the forum, I hope we can support you as you try to get back on your feet. There are many members who have gone through the same trauma you are going through now and will understand everything you say as well as the things you don’t. It may seem impossible at the moment and it will be difficult but things will get better and now you have somewhere to get support it will help to keep you going
You are in a good position as you are getting so much information to use against your ex. Are you married to this man and has he been diagnosed a psychopath?

The advice we always give to our members is to gather as much information as you can in a diary and with the information you get from the PI you can build a strong case to help with your custody battle. Also to let everyone around you know what is going on so you get their support too.
I don’t know whether it is possible in the US to ask the court to demand a person has psychological testing before being granted access to their children as can happen in the UK.

Can you tell us where you are with the custody battle and a little more about your situation and maybe we can offer some practical help.

Regards
Jan

Hello Jennifer

I’m pleased you have found the forum. These things are still happening now and I don’t think anyone knows if it’s possible to fully get over something like what has happened to you and your children but it does help to share your problems with others who have also been through situations. Things will change and it depends on how strong you can be but now you have started looking for support, it will help you move forward.
Often our members are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and need counselling to help them deal with it, are you able to get any help for your emotional problems? You will need a very good counsellor so it’s a good idea to get recommendations rather than taking a chance. It all takes time and you will need a lot of help to get you through this, your life has been turned upside down but still has to carry on although it must seem impossible at the moment.

It is terrible to hear what your little ones have suffered, I can imagine the anger and loathing you must feel towards this man. Have you got any family or friends you can turn to for help? You will need as many people as possible to be around to provide comfort and help you with the children.

Who posted bail and are you concerned that he will try to approach you? Are you able to tell us a bit more about your situation?

Sometimes it just helps to be able to ‘talk’ to someone else even if there is no immediate solution to this problem and there is always someone here to listen.

Regards
Jan

Jan,
Thank you for replying to me. Nobody has posted bail for him. He is incarcerated awaiting trial. I am in therapy and have a wonderful LCSW as well as a great psychiatrist. I am now on three antidepressants as well as Xanax for anxiety. In addition to the babies I have two older children ages 15 and 19. He was their step-father and they have now told me how much he tortured them verbally. We are living with my parents and all three of us have a strong support of family and close friends. He has confessed to the crimes he commited. There are numerous injuries to both babies. However, they are in DCF custody. I have visitation with the babies and have complete say over their medical care. DCF is working with me towards reunification, but are taking the stance that I should have known what was going on in my home. This stance is being taken even though he has confessed to abusing the babies while I was asleep, not home or ill. I had bronchitis and the first antibiotic was not working and I was getting worse, not better. I was on that for five days as well as a cough medication with codine in it. My husband was waking me up every four hours to give me the cough medicine. I thought he was being kind and caring, but he was keeping me sedated and isolated from my children. This is when the majority of the abuse took place. I also have an excellent attorney. He is being charged with two counts of assault first degree and two counts of risk of injury to a child. He is facing 60 years in prison. This was cold and calculated. He knew exactly what he was doing and chose opportunities where he had no witnesses. When he confessed, he had no affect and was speaking in a monotone voice. No remourse! I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am! I hope he rots in jail and then rots in hell! Oh, speaking of, the correction facility is a level 4/level 5 which is high and maximum security. The other prisoners were threatening to attack him so he is being held in solitary confinement to protect him! What is that? He should feel pain inflicted on him like he inflicted on those poor defenseless babies!
Jennifer

Hi Jennifer, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It is crazy the claims they are making against you, child abusers are sneaky rats who do things in secret, after all if they did their evil deeds in the open we would all know who was what.

There is a "code" in prison, even inmates have their rules. At least here in the US if a person is convicted for a crime against a child/ren they are targets from the rest of the prison inmates who do not like/hate child molestors. It took me awhile to absorb that one but it does make sense because no matter what the offense outside of child molesting most convicts have children themselves. This is the good part because in solitary he will only be allowed out about an hour a day or every other day under tight security.

I am glad to hear you have the full support of your family. I hope your babies will be returned to you. Having a great attorney should help with this process.

I hope I am not repeating myself but how did you meet this person? Did you notice any red flags early on? It is common that red flags show up but are pushed aside due to the charm.

Di

Jennifer,

Where are you? I'm in Canada. I can't even imagine the hell you are living right now. if you need an ear to chat just let me know. My situation is no where near yours but I am living in hell as well. Are we allowed to exchange personal emails on this thing? My heart aches for you...please let me know how I can help, it would make me feel better knowing I am helping someone else............let me know....make sure you love those babies.......he will pay for what he has done and he deserves everything that he gets!

Shelley

Hi akawwanda, glad you found us. California is pretty tough on dead beat dads. Is he employed here in the states or in another part of the country (for security you don't have to respond if you feel uncomfortable.) I would suspect if he owes that much in child support he also owes quite a deal to the IRS also. Normaly it takes the IRS about a year to catch up with someone who is on a payroll for that year. Otherwise the rule is they don't want to hear about it unless it is in the millions.

Is he now residing in the US? Canada seems to be more progressive as far as testing for Psychopathy.

How did you meet this guy? It is always an interesting question because it can sometimes steer other potential victims away from certain activities where these guys/gals tend to hunt for victims.

If finances are an issue, I am sure you could save some $ on PI fees by helping him by doing some of the leg work on your own. Has he contacted you or is he still living in the same area? I don't know about the divorce laws in Canada but would suspect the fact that he doesn't work and all the bad past behavior that would be taken into account. I would think by what you said it sounds like he is stalking you, keep notes and record any personal encounter? If he is a US citizen he must be on some sort of visa to be in Canada? I know here I can get a list of any sex offenders in my area and for a fee get more detailed information. I was quite shocked in this small town the amount of them around.

The more you can tell us, the more we can "brain storm" to sort out your situation, sometimes just writing it down can help to see things more clearly.

Every victim should take a ton of notes to journal the activity for recall later and record whatever possible for evidence.

Di

Well in Canada they really support co-parenting its actually kind of sick how much. So I need ALOT for court to prove he is an unfit father. I have tonnes but my problem is these mothers that wrote letters and affidavits are not willing to testify in court. One mother is in hiding from him and one of the others has severe panick attacks and this was 20 years ago for her!

So the situation is I will get full custody, I was not married to this man thank god because I guess thats what he was thinking...I was his meal ticket out if the US. I will get full custody my lawyer advises but the issue now is supervised visits. I CAN'T GIVE HIM THAT LITTLE BOY without someone there with him...I fear he will take him over the border and I will never see that child again! He has talked about that many times.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm physically sick when I have to bring this baby to him. I'm losing my hair, its a horrible hell that I am in...no where near poor Jennifer but I can relate to how sick she must be.

Shelley

I met him over the internet so woman be aware! This was his premeditated plan the whole time. He wanted out of the US and he thought marrying someone in Canada would help him, we were never married thank god but he was talking about it infact my mother was so fooled by him we gave him my grandmother's ring and of course we will never get that back. I have done online searches...I am positive there is more out there but he uses so many different alias its hard to track it all down.

In fact he did live in california at one time..do you know how i can do a free criminal record search in california? Do you know how I can search for his drivers record in california? What about marriage?

I am a single mom and my finances are pretty tight right now everything is going to PI fees and lawyer fees! I know there is stuff in california but it seems like you have to do so much searching in the US to find criminal activity.

My only hope is that he won't be able to travel back and forth over the border come june when he needs an enhanced driver's license or passport because I know that he can't get a passport but i am not too sure about the driver's license thing. He has a bad driving record because his license is always suspended due to unpaid child support.