Firstly I'd like to say thanks to you Jan for the welcome and for your kind and thoughtful words. You and Dianne are both angels for having this website. It will be an honour to contribute with my story, because if even one person can relate or if it helps to raise awareness on even the smallest level, then something good has come from what I experienced. I also want to add in some of my "hindsight". I made many mistakes that made the bad situation worse and prolonged the misery for both myself and my son.

Please forgive the length of my story

A year after leaving high school, I decided that I wanted independence from my parents and went to live in a small resort town that I had always wanted to visit. It is the surfing mecca of my country and I was a bit of a surf groupie. I found a low paying job there and partied hard every night while living in a small shack in a backpackers. I met a much older man. He was like the "godfather" of the young surfers. Extremely popular, almost like a cult figure. We soon became an item.
After a few months I moved in with him. At first he treated me really well and I liked my new status as his girlfriend. Then, on occasion he would get really mean and more than once I left him. I would always go and stay with a different friend, because he would always "look" for me. I remember hiding in shops, watching him cruise up and down the main road. I always went back to him, even though a few people warned me that he is really bad. Some people remembered the time that he was in jail for a while for raping his ex girlfriend. But, he had already told me about that and since he was released on appeal and had his conviction overturned, I believed him that she "made it all up".
Aside from those few, everybody else thought he was great, even well respected people. I then fell pregnant and he suggested we get married. I agreed. Soon after marrying him, a guy came to town who has known him for many years. Prior to him living there, he lived in another small town. He was arrested on suspicion of murder, but no one was ever convicted. I started to realise that something was very wrong with my husband.

My mistakes: Not finding it strange that a 45 year old man was never married. Not realising that he was stalking me every time I tried to leave him. Rushing into marriage. Not believing those few who really knew what the man was like. Ignoring that fact that he had an ex girlfriend who put him jail, whether he was guilty or not.

He became physically, financially and verbally abusive. No one wanted to get involved because they seemed to fear him. I decided to leave and arranged a job in another city. It was in the same line of work as before, just with a much better position and better pay. Because of my son, I kept in contact with him and it wasn't long before he was in my city practically every weekend. I allowed him to buy furniture for my flat and went out with him a few times. Then after a few months I met a guy who I really liked and we started seeing each other. My ex husband then started to do strange things like disconnect the battery of my car, steal my underwear off the line and follow us around with a video camera. I started to get really scared and so I asked my boyfriend to move into the flat with me. One day when I was at work, my boyfriend heard a key being rattled in my front door (my key was still on the inside). He opened the door and there were three men in suits standing there. They told him that they had a car for me that was a present from the ex, but said that they couldn't give him the keys. That was the last I heard of that and the ex denies knowing anything. I then bumped into two different people on two seperate occasions that I knew from when I was living with the ex. One was a guy who invited himself for coffee with myself an my boyfriend. That was really strange because when he left, he left behind a bag with a whole lot of wires in it. I never heard from him again, he never even came back for the bag. The other one was a woman who I had been friendly with (though she was more the ex's friend). She invited us to dinner one night, but when we arrived the ex was leaning out of her flat window with the video camera, and so we didn't go in. He did many other strange things.
Then he started to get more vindictive and phoned my work to tell them that I steal (rubbish), he told my boss's wife that I'm having an affair with him (rubbish). Someone spraypainted "Christine is a whore" on the outside wall at my work. He sent a digitally doctored photo of me naked to my boyfriend. Many things other things too.
During this time I tried to get a divorce from him, but he would not agree on the slightest thing and it didn't go further than "negotiation". We couldn't handle it anymore and we decided to leave and look for work in a place where he couldn't find us.

My mistakes: not getting a restraining order then already. Not forcing hard enough for the divorce. Leaving a great job with great pay for an unknown situation.


Sorry, I need to take a break for a while, I'm developing a headache remembering all this stuff, lol. I'll post the rest later.

Hello Christine

Please don't apologise for the length of your story, we really appreciate you sharing your experience and hoping that it may help others in the future. The same things are said by so many victims of psychopaths that we need to raise awareness through web sites like ours. Bad experiences would be a total waste if not used to do something positive for the benefit other members.

Most victims do not understand what or who they are dealing with and hope that their situation will change if not improve but it's true to say that an encounter with a psychopath will leave a trail if damaged people.

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself saying you made mistakes, hindsight is a wonderful thing and the way we learn is by finding out for ourselves. You did what you felt was right at the time and it would have been so in dealing with a 'normal' person but how does anyone know they are dealing with a psychopath until the mask slips?

I will wait to hear more of your story as there are a few questions I would like to ask if you don't mind but you may well answer them in your next post.

Thanks again and I'm sure everything you have to say will help someone accept that there is only one thing to do when you know you are dealing with a psychopath-run as far and as fast as you can! I presume your ex has been diagnosed a psychopath?

Regards
Jan

Thanks Jan

I see now that I should have posted this under the link "my story". Sorry for the mistake, please feel free to transfer my posts if you choose. To answer your question, he hasn't been diagnosed as far as I know. From what I understand about him, he doesn't see that there is anything wrong with him. And though he fits every criterion that I have read about psychopaths, who could have forced him to be evaluated? Even his mother doesn't realise that he is a psychopath (I've chosen not to tell her what he is), though she says that he is just like his father was (he never really knew his father), and said that she wishes that he had died (my ex), rather than her other son, who passed away a few years ago. Over the years he has crippled his parents financially and his mother has admitted that she is terrified of him. Sorry, I say every criterion, but there is one thing that confuses me, he has never "let go" of me or of our son. Even now I wonder if I am safe from him.

Ask any questions that you like, I'll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate your interest in my story, explaining the experience to someone who understands, is very good for me.

Okay, so on I go.

We went to the next town and stayed with my boyfriends parents. I went to the social welfare offices to tell them of my situation because I didn't want him to be able to say that I had kidnapped our son and they made arrangements with him to see my son without him actually knowing where I lived. Of course, he smeared my name totally with them, saying I was an alcoholic, drug addict, bad mother etc. I had warned them that he might do that and so they took my side. In the mean time, I was receiving many letters from him telling me how he "knew that I was abusing alcohol and drugs" and trying to keep my son away from him. All of these letter were sent cc with a copy to the social welfare in his town. Then after pressure from my boyfriends parents, I allowed him to have my son visit him in his town. When the agreed date came to return him, he refused. I contacted the family advocates offices and they told him that he should though and my son came back to me a few weeks later. The next time he wanted my son to visit him I insisted that he got a signed affadivit at the police station stating when he would return him. He did this and returned my son on time. The time after that, I insisted again, and he did bring the affidavit. But he didn't return my son. When I tried to call his cell phone, he had left a voicemail saying that he was out of the country and didn't know when he would be returning. I went to the police station, they got the same voicemail when they phoned, but said that they could do nothing for me because there was no divorce and therefore no custody order. The family advocate took the same stance.
I went to see a lawyer but had the same problems. I then found out from someone in his town that he never did go overseas, he had just changed addresses and was working at sea for 3 weeks at a time with a few days break inbetween. My son, in the mean time, was being cared for by another family and attenting a creche.
I went to my mother who lives a few towns away and we drove to his town, first stopped at the police station and then called the welfare and told them we were taking my son. I fetched him from the creche. The creche owner was freaking out because she was warned that I might try to "kidnap" him. But we just got into the car with him and drove. We stayed with friends of my mothers for a few days. During this time, the police made a visit to my mother's house (she was away with us) and told the neighbours that they were looking for her on suspicion of tax evasion. Rubbish, because she wasn't liable for tax. My boyfriend, my son and I went back to the boyfriends mother's house and applied for work in another town, which we got. A cycle began then, we would move, he would find us, make our life hell to the point where we had to move again. In the mean time my mother had to get a restraining order against him because he had people watching her house, was sending threatening smses, poisoned her dog, among other things.

We got to a point where we were unable to financially provide for my son and I voluntarily let his father take him. I didn't know what else to do. If I sent him to my mom, I would have put her in even more danger. We moved again, thinking that if we didn't have my son with us, he wouldn't harass us any more. I got a reasonable job and finally got the ex to agree to divorce. I, was then in a position to care for my son financially and both me and the ex asked for custody. I showed the family advocate's evaluator all the letters, the filthy smses and told her everything that had happened, including my mother's having to get a restraining order. I was unfortunate to have hired a useless lawyer. I got a call from him to say that the family advocate had in their recommendation stated that they believed the ex should get custody and that there is no judge that could be swayed to find differently in light of that recommendation. I was gobsmacked, but I was so weak at the time, I just cried and cried and had to let it go. I got this report from the family advocate a few weeks after the divorce and found out that she had interviewed one of his friends, and stated that she was one of mine. I had apparently been fired from my last job for alcohol abuse (rubbish). I was mentally unstable. Unable to care for my child. It was too late to contest it without spending heaps of money that I didn't have. My boyfriend and I parted amicably at this time.

After the divorce was finallised he made it impossible for me to see my son, and started harassing me again. More than once someone tried to run me over. My dog was going crazy every night at my house. I heard an sms sound outside my window one night. He would sms filthy messages up to 10 times a day. I went for a restraining order and I got it.
That must have really made him angry, or maybe he was planning this already, but a little girl who was my neighbours child came to me while I was hanging up the washing and told me that a big man with dark hair and a big scar across his cheek, had asked her if she knew where "Christine lives". I didn't know anyone who fits that description and I went onto high alert. I called my mother and she fetched me. The next day we went back to my place to collect some clothes and my sliding door was unlocked. On examining the lock it we could see that a very fine tool had been used to open it. There was a groove cut into the metal. The police came but because there was nothing stolen, they wouldn't open a case.

My mom and I both moved to another town. And we made ourselves untraceable. I didn't even have contact with my son, I was so terrified that it would lead to the ex finding us. For four years we lived like this. Fortunately my mother sold her house for a lot of money and we were able to live okay.

I got news from my father, who was keeping an eye on my son from his side, that the ex was arrested at the airport with 7kg of cocaine. My son was staying with the ex's mother while he was awaiting trial and my mom and I hired a really good lawyer and applied to the high court for a custody variation. I got custody back of my son at last. And I thought that the ex would definitely be incarcerated for a number of years.
Wrong, he was acquitted on all charges. He even got his passport back. How he managed that is a mystery to me. I can only suspect corruption.

That was two years ago and I've managed to hold onto custody of my son. Since the ex was never convicted I have been forced to allow him the normal visitation rights. My father was acting as go between for the visitation because of my restraining order, but go so sick of the ex's nonsense that he refused to get involved anymore. Now I have to deal with him myself. He is acting as though we are good old friends and like nothing ever happened. He smses me to tell me about his life, his holidays, happy christmas, happy birthday etc. He even calls to discuss my son, but is as charming as can be. Its so unreal, I'm even starting to doubt my own sanity. But I'm still scared. I asked Dr Vaknin on another site if he thinks that the ex could still be a threat to me after all this time. He said that I have every reason to be worried, because the best indication of future actions from someone like this is his past actions.

Anyway, I've gone on way to long, I'm really sorry. If you've read this to the end then you really are patient, lol.

Hello Christine

Don’t worry about where you post, it doesn’t really matter and Di and I can move them if we feel it will be more easily found under another section. It’s good that you are able to write such a full account of what happened to you so however long, it is not an issue. I’m sure there are so many things you talk about that will be relevant to many of the members so the more you can tell us the better especially as you are coming out of it and can share your experience.

We always advise members to keep a record and diary of all the events happening to them to support their case because it is usually a dirty fight with a psychopath. Being believed is a major problem just as you have found and it’s soul destroying when their version of events is accepted as the truth. I think we have all doubted our sanity! That is another of their weapons, don’t doubt yourself but it is healthy to questions yourself. That shows you are reasonable. Don’t just question yourself, ask others too but be aware some might be totally taken by your ex, find people who can see what he is doing and get them to support you.

Your ex certainly sounds like a psychopath, you have obviously studied the checklist in depth to come to the conclusion he is. It is very true that most are not evaluated unless they come to the attention of the judicial system or, as I have found recently, that a parent requests the partner to be evaluated in a custody battle in the UK but don’t know whether it’s the same in other countries.

It must have been a terrible sacrifice to let your son go to live with your ex and I’m pleased that he is now back with you. It does sound like he was playing games with you using your son as the pawn and knowing how much he means to you. I presume that’s why he wanted to take him from you, what a great way of getting someone’s full attention! Psychopaths seem to have a driving need to take ‘things’ from others but nothing satisfies their needs, they want everything others have but it seems more to deprive the person than they really want that ‘thing’.
Maybe they see that when we have something it makes is very happy and fulfilled and if they had that ‘thing’ then they might feel happy themselves. As we know a psychopath is never happy and their needs are never satisfied, whatever they get seems to be discarded and they move on the next thing to try to fill that black hole inside them. Maybe your ex stalks you because he hasn’t been able to take you and own you or your son?
It sounds like he is going on the charm offensive again as everything else has failed. Is this how he behaved when you first met-I presume so? It’s insulting your intelligence to think he can play that game second time round and you will fall for it. It shows how stupid he is…a chink in his armour. These people are only as strong as we allow them to be and while I agree they can cause a great deal of fear sometimes it is because we fear the unknown, we imagine all the things that they are capable of…that is scary.

Is you son now able to speak out for himself and let you know what he wants? How has he coped with all of this?
The system has let you down and I hear that from so many victims and it’s so frustrating when psychopaths get away with outrageous lies. Perhaps these lies are so extreme they are more believable than the truth.

There is only one thing to do and that is to have zero communication with them but as long as your ex has access to your son this must be so difficult.

You may find some evidence in time that will allow you to apply for an injunction to keep him away from you and your son. In the meantime I would suggest you put things in place to protect yourself. Try to have someone with you when he collects and returns your son, put cctv cameras outside the house even if they are dummy ones so he thinks you have some security. Let him see you have people around you as psychopaths can only deal one to one with people.

I guess he will try various tactics to get to and hopefully he will find nothing works.

Best of luck and regards, I shall look forward to hearing more from you when you are ready.

Jan

Thanks again Jan,

To keep a record and journal of all events linked to the psychopath is without a doubt in my mind the best advice you could give members. The psychopath is very calm and collective in his/her thinking and when we come along with a jumbled up recollection of events, they can discredit us very easily. I also think that choosing the right lawyer is vital. In my opinion the victim of a psychopath is better off even without a lawyer, than with a lawyer who is not willing to take the time to prepare the case properly. I gave the first lawyer that I had (when I didn't win custody) a huge pile of paperwork - documents, letters, affidavits etc - which I realised in hindsight, he never even bothered to go through. The ex, on the other hand, had no supporting documentation of his own, yet through his "story" managed to succeed in turning the courts in his favour.

The second lawyer that I had, told me, that (for obvious reasons), we had a "huge mountain to climb". I hadn't seen my file of paperwork for four years, since I had left it with the first lawyer and had it transferred directly to the second. He called me up at 10pm in the evening, obviously working on my file at home. He told me to immediately get onto the computer and type all of the events, leaving nothing out, including all dates, from the day that I met the psychopath until the (then) present. I told him it would be impossible to remember all of that and the dates, but he insisted. So I sat down, with a glass of wine, and started typing. I actually had to put mind back into time and relive the past in my head (10 years in total), with none of my documentation to remind me. I had been through 4 lawyers in total, a different social worker in every town that I had lived in, numerous visits to maintenance court and to the police, too many incidents to mention here. I typed what must have been at least 20 pages. The lawyer then rewrote it all, condensing it into 8 typed pages, and tied all the documentation into "my story". I still can't believe how accurate my recollection actually was, even down to the months the events had happened in. Of course, he pointed out to me how much easier it would have been if I had kept a ongoing record or journal of the events as they happened.

I think that its great that the UK has now woken up to the relevance of the psychological evaluation of parents in custody battles. Here, in South Africa, one can only have oneself evaluated, at ones own cost. I was fortunate (again, the second time around), to have had my lawyer hire, on my behalf, a highly reputed psychologist to evaluate both my son and me. Although, at that time, I was still not aware that my ex was a psychopath, having never had knowledge of personality disorders at all, it is clear in hindsight, that she was aware. Her report was full of inuendos, that, should a judge have had any knowledge of psychopaths, he would have realised that is what the ex is.
My only concern about forcing the psychopath to be evaluated can in some circumstances backfire. As you know, psychopaths have been known to fool even psychologists. So I would be very careful when hiring one, and I'd make sure he/she is aware, in advance, that the person being evaluated will try to con the psychologist.
I believe that someone at LoveFraud is in the process of gathering lists of lawyers and psychologist that "understand" psychopaths, and that that list can be found on the internet. I think its only relevant to the UK, USA and a few other countries.

My son has survived all of this surprisingly well. Since the ex was working on and off at sea, his mother took care of my child a great deal of the time. She too was led to believe that I was this terrible, irresponsible, drug addict alcoholic for many years. But, because my son was with her when I went for custody second time around, she was served with all the court papers, my story and supporting documents. She did a complete 360 when she realised she had been conned by her own son. She prepared my son well before his return to me, explaining why I hadn't seen him for so long, what his father had been doing etc. While its not always a good idea to tell a child about such things, I think in this case it was necessary.
The ex didn't treat my son well at all. He belittled him constantly and as a result he suffered emotionally and it manifested in his school work. He failed his second year at school and scraped through the other years.
Now he is slowly but surely improving at school, his confidence in himself has dramatically improved and he is good at sports and has a lot of nice little friends.
He doesn't seem to hold any of this against me, which was a great fear of mine.

I'm vigilant about our security now, which is good for anybody living in my crime riddled country. Thanks for the excellent advice regarding that. Can you believe that there was a time that I didn't sleep at night? I slept in the day only and even then with my pitbull at the foot of my bed, lol. Now, I don't feel like a sitting duck anymore. I live a relatively normal life. I don't let the ex decide anything when it comes to my son (though he tries). I have the final say, and he knows it. Almost seems like he is resigned to the fact that he has now been beaten, good and solid. And should anything happen to me now, the first place the cops will look will be at him. I believe that deep down in the core of a psychopath is a coward. They don't like to lose, and I think that there are times when they will back down, when faced by a formidable opponent.

Best wishes,
Christine

Hello Christine

It sounds as though I have been advising what you already know but I hope other members will benefit from that advice so maybe it can’t be said too often.

I do so agree about choosing the right lawyer, I have had a very similar experience in that I prepared all the paperwork for the lawyer to take to court only for him to re-type everything up wrongly, he even changed the name of a country I had referred and I lost all credibility on that accusation. It came across that I was making things up and so the judge just skipped over it. I was later told a document I had found wasn’t admissible in court only to find later after spending a shed load more money on another lawyer that it certainly was admissible and won my case when it was re-opened.
I thought I was saving on costs by typing up all the events and information myself and that would have been the case if the lawyer had used it. This first lawyer came on recommendation so I didn’t know where to look when I needed to change but luckily an acquaintance told me his father was an ex judge and could recommend exactly the right firm of women lawyers, they didn’t come cheap but they knew their stuff and I wouldn’t have liked to be on the receiving end of their aggression.

I don’t know when it became possible in the UK to get a psychological evaluation done but it has just happened to someone I know when she requested her ex be tested before he has access to the children. This friend was so lucky she had an excellent doctor to do the evaluation, she has a wonderful reputation and I doubt she would be easily fooled by a psychopath as often happens, you only have to read Dr Hare’s book for evidence of that.

It is good to hear your son came through this experience without scars and that your mother in law looked after him well. Isn’t it so typical that some mothers go through life in denial and don’t see any wrong in their children….usually the sons.

I think that is true that psychopaths give up the battle when someone sees right through them. Maybe at first they try harder to get control but can usually get the message when nothing work for them and that the opponent is stronger than they are. They are bullies and cowards and often get others to do their dirty work.

Victims of any other person whether a bully, a psychopath or both has to play their part in this insidious game to make it happen. If the bully ‘throws a ball’ and the victim turns and walks away and makes no attempt to catch it then the game ends there. Don’t go back to the pitch where that game is played and the bully has no-one to throw the ball but will probably go looking for a new ‘playmate’.

I wish both you and your son well and please keep posting as you seem to be doing so well, it’s great for the other members to hear good news and get some inspiration to help them deal with their problems.

Regards
Jan

Hello again

Sorry, I haven't been able to access this site for a while, hence my silence. Thanks again Jan for the interesting and useful information. Believe me, I still have lots to learn and understand and your replies will help me to better deal with the psycho in the future.

Yes, I'm lucky that my son has survived this so well, but I will always worry about the influence that his father has over him. I hate it when he spends extended periods of time with him because he always comes back to me a "different" child. It takes days for him to lose the scornful attitude that obviously rubs off from his father. Interestingly though, I said that someone on a tv show was acting like a narcissist. He asked what it was and it gave me the opportunity to discuss personality disorders. When I described a Psychopath, he said that it sounds a bit like his father. I said to him that we can't "outright" call someone by any disorder, but we must be aware that there are people like that and protect ourselves from them. Perhaps one day he will do his own research, so at least the seed is planted. Unfortunately for him, unlike me, he will have to deal with his father on a personal level for many years to come.

Jan, you mentioned something on an earlier post, about psychopaths only being able to deal with one person at a time. This is a new bit of information for me, please could you expand a bit on that.

The more we can educate ourselves about these psychopaths, the better we can get over them, protect ourselves from them and prepare our kids should they ever have to encounter any. There is a way that these people think, its not like we think. Their brains are wired differently, we need to understand. Its not just about what they do, its about who they are.We must know how a psychopath THINKS. For example, they think they are better than the rest of us, we are like boring sheep to them. They play games with us purely for their own entertainment. According to them, we are on this planet purely for their amusement. (I've actually seen this kind of drivel written by psychopaths). I'd be very interested in anything else that you (Jan) or any other members can add to this topic, because I believe the key is to understand the beast.

Best wishes to all who read this and thanks again Jan

Hello Christine

It is so good to hear from you again. We have been doing some work on the forum but unfortunately didn't get the chance to warn members before we started. Many apologies to everyone that we didn't let you know but we didn't expect to be offline more than a few hours.

We really appreciate your help and advice and I would like to discuss some of the matters you raised as you really seem to be very tuned in. I will spend some time on it and come back to you tomorrow and will add to my comments on psychopaths dealing with one person at a time.

I'm pleased to hear about your ongoing progress and would like to thank you again for your valuable and very positive input for the forum. It would be wonderful to hear more outcomes like yours to give other members confidence that life can get better.

Regards
Jan

Hello Christine

I am sorry to hear your son comes back from visiting his father with an attitude. I have heard my friends say their kids do the same whenever their separated parents live different lifestyles but in your case I presume your ex is deliberately using your son to get back at you and not giving a thought to the damage he is doing to a child. You know yourself you would never do this because your son’s welfare is the most important thing but your ex is capable of using him for his own ends. Hopefully your son will learn from you and not his father.

I just wanted to talk about a psychopath dealing with one person at a time.

This can be so subtle and worked in so many ways.
The kid I have experience with started his behaviour at a very young age and would play the best behaved Mr Cutie and work a room to get everyone’s attention in a positive way. I suppose it is the junior version I am referring to but could also be applied to adult psychopaths. I believe this allowed him who to focus his attention on and identify a ‘victim’, someone who would spend time and effort trying to get to know him. The victim is then charmed and flattered while all the other onlookers have an image of a very nice child. When the ‘victim’ has doubts and mentions it to the others they reject the idea, find many excuses or think the ‘victim’ is being ridiculous, imagining things but worst of all being told “all kids do that”. That victim then keeps quiet, doubting their own perceptions so falls back in with the charm offensive. The psychopath then knows they have started on the road to manipulation and control as they see the victim falling for the charm, lies and looking to themselves as falling short and make more effort to improve things. The psychopath is now in control and the cycle then progresses. The victim has been isolated by being silent. Outsiders don’t notice what is happening.

With adults, victims can be isolated by being told their friends and family don’t appreciate them like he/she does so should reduce contact for their own good. If the victim is verbally or physically abused by the psychopath they can be too embarrassed to tell anyone. The psychopath has charmed the family and friends so they wouldn’t believe the victim anyway and the psychopath convinces the victim they were responsible for the abuse because of their behaviour by making him/her angry. The psychopath often promises never to do it again so the victim stays in the relationship with great hope and tries never to upset the psychopath again. Many times you hear victims have been ‘moved’ miles form their support network so have no-one to turn to for help. The support network sometimes sees right through the psychopath so he/she removes himself and the partner. Family and friends get fed up with hearing the victim complain as they are seen as perpetuating their own misery and a hopeless case, so are relieved they are no longer involved. They may have tried many times to get through to the victim about what they see and try and persuade them to get away only to be told that it’s not possible. There are reasons/excuses, maybe children and custody battles so staying put is the only option. The psychopath may have drained them (subtle sort of brainwashing) of any self confidence by being told constantly they are worthless, useless and incapable of surviving with him/.her. Their support structure is no longer available so where can they go? To strangers or strike out on their own? They may be frightened of being followed, stalked or even killed. They believe some of the lies they have been indoctrinated with over the years and when warned if they try to leave they will face punishment. The psychopath can convince them he is the only person who is magnanimous enough to put up with them.

If the victim does leave, many return because the psychopath turns on the charm offensive again and convinces them they have changed and life will be how it was in the beginning of the relationship. Life may be unpleasant for the lonely victim so they jump at another chance. Such convincing liars!

From my experience I was targeted as someone to work on because I wasn’t forthcoming with a supply of goods and affection. We went through the repertoire of behaviours very quickly as he couldn’t control me in the various stages, although at first he did have control of my reactions like anger. He would do appalling things then look at me to see how I would react so if I got angry he could sneer with satisfaction they HE was able to do that. I had to take back control of my visible emotions.

This did exacerbate the problem as he tried even harder but to get rid of me as he lost control. This induced intense anger and frustration and I was attacked in so many subtle ways that I even doubted the kid capable of doing some of these things. There was a brief period when he told the ‘onlooker’ I was the problem and he was the victim to try to gather an army to fight on his side.

So when I say psychopaths only deal with one person at a time I really mean work on one victim as they can ‘play’ a room very well. They may appear to be the most charismatic person at a party, going from person to person telling them what they want to hear but this is a prelude to single out the person who falls for it.

I would be very interested in how other members were singled out as a target. We could learn the different tactics to show how subtle they can be but we do have to bear in mind that although psychopaths can be clever, convincing liars we sometimes have a need that has to be fulfilled and maybe we advertise this in some way.

I do agree that we need to share experiences and make ourselves as knowledgeable as we can to help others in the future.
Experience of the legal system is very important too so if we can gather data from as many countries as possible we can point members in the right direction when they are looking for reference information.


Regards
Jan

Dear Jan~

I dont know if you remember me but I was with the Sinister Minister...well anyways, I just found out recently that he is being parolled on good behavior from a Nevada prison. I am not sure what to do, if I should be worried or if He is gonna leave me alone. He is the stalker type...yet he can be very dismissive. I am just worried that he has been there thinking and rehashing all the details of our disfuntional relationship while he was in prison. I dont know if he is going to want to see our son or if he even cares. With Him you can never really be too sure about whats going on in that head. I just need some advice. What is a Psychopath more likely to do???