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#9141 - 02/02/10 01:33 PM The psychopath to human "translation" manual
Jenna Lynn Offline
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Registered: 02/01/10
Posts: 10
I still find it amazing that the words that come out of the mouth of a psychopath, are so full of lies and hidden meanings. It almost requires a translation into "human language". As I look back at the words that I have heard (and continue to hear, occasionally), I now understand what those words mean, at least in my Psychopath's case.

Here are few examples,

When my Psychopath says, "I love you!"....this really means....."Do you have any money on you?"

When she says, "I REALLY miss you".....that means....."Do you have any money on you?"

When she calls and says, "I'm so happy with my new life now"....that means....."I'm not sorry I ruined your life. I'm in the process of ruining some more lives as we speak, and am really enjoying it. By the way, can I "borrow" some money?"

"I'd really like for us to keep in touch"...this means..."You sure did show me how foolishly generous you are...and my birthday is right around the corner again".

When calling relatives who have been more than generous in the past, the phone calls will go something like this:

"Well hello Aunt So-and So...How have you been??"...which means..."I'm a size 2 now and I'm running low on sexy designer jeans..Only High End Designer stores will do, of course".

Or perhaps,

"Thought I'd give you a call...I hardly get a chance to call you these day"...which translates to, "My parents are evil..they caught me sexting and sneaking out again, and took away my cellphone..I was hoping to gain your sympathy to score a new one, do you need my Christmas list? I've been great this year! Oh, and I love you!"

This one's my favorite: As she has been staying with a relative after breaking laws and having to move out of here: She calls once a week (by force, of course..she could actually care less if I drop dead, according to her MySpace updates):

"Hi Mom," she says. "Hello dear, you don't have to just call on Sundays, you can call anytime if you want to talk, okay?" (I stupidly and gullibly told her. And her reply?
"Um, that's okay..once a week is sufficient."

Translation:

"What I'm really saying is that I don't care about you or the family, but am really glad you are still willing to talk to me after all the horrible things I did throughout the years to try and destroy your lives. These weekly talks help me to reinforce the phoney persona I am working so hard to maintain, so that I can con and manipulate the extended family as well. Buh-bye now."

Just one more, from a male Psychopath:

If he says,

"My wife left me, I'm devastated, and she won't even let me see the kids"...what he is really saying, is this: "I left my wife, while pregnant, and she was devasted. I will never pay a penny in child support. Oh, and when I did leave her, I stole her car."

That about sums it up.

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#9142 - 02/02/10 02:21 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Jenna Lynn]
stunned again Offline
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Registered: 01/27/10
Posts: 10
Thanks for posting this! Although serious I couldn't help but chuckle at a few of these. I have a question for you and other regarding the messaging...I received about 100 messages a day on average. is that what other people experienced? It was anything from I love you to I'm eating salad now.

Stunned again

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#9150 - 02/03/10 09:45 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: ]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Jenna Lynn

He is the man of your dreams, he listens to you, and is full of compliments
Translation: If he showed what an evil snake he was in the beginning you would never find him attractive.

When the dinner check comes after searching for his wallet
Translation: I never intended to pay and am seeing how willing you are to support me

He wants to know all about you and seems so concerned
Translation: He needs ammunition to use against you in the future.

You are my soulmate
Translation: I saw how many credit cards you have

My family are all a bunch of jerks and don't understand me
Translation: the family has tossed him out because they are wise to his actions.

X girlfriends or wives call you to tell you what a horrible guy he is
Translation: you are in the honeymoon stage and agree with him they must be real jerks

My X won't let me see our child, she is so terrible
Translation: I have never paid a dime in child support and am running to not to pay

I had a terrific job and am only unemployed because I worked for a real jerk
Translation: I either never had a job since robbing "soulmates" is easier.

I lost my house in the divorce
Translation: that is why I am renting a room and want to move in with you.

I don't have a car since my evil X took it away from me
Translation: How could I ever get a car with my credit and history, besides he now has yours to borrow and trash

No one will ever understand me more than you
Translation the isolation begins

You notice some porn on the computer
Translation: I don't know how it got there a friend was visitng the other day, must have been him.

If you would only give me one more chance
Translation: I haven't lined up a new victim

I have a big deal I am working on and only need a few hundred (which turns into thousands) and only need a chance to prove myself to you, I will pay you back by ___ date.
Translation: Boy what a sucker I have on my hands, food shelter and now a pocket full of her cash.

When you ask for the money back when told it would be paid back
Translation: a vile response from him since he never intended to pay it back which makes you afraid to ask any more.

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#9153 - 02/03/10 07:19 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: ]
stunned again Offline
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Registered: 01/27/10
Posts: 10
Yes - it was all about manipluation and control. I would respond because I would tyhink, wow she really loves me. Wrong - just words and her actions did not back up those words and I learned to look to behaviours. I could think of very little else but her and that was her goal - fill my every thought with her. She also made CD after CD of music (love songs) that she said expressed how she felt about me and probably because she could not express it herself (she would say, I am not good with words)or rather, did not want that evidence in someone else's hands. I'm not sure if someone had that experience and she would ask if I was listening to it, was it on my iPod, was it in the car? Of course I was listening to it.

She would pepper me with messages all day long from the moment she woke up until she went to sleep, or she would tell me she went to sleep. She was probably hooking another on the internet. Yes, I will be having that part by the water and throwing everything away and I would love to take a picture of it and send it to her! Now that I am out of it I can see things much more clearly and know that I am so much better off without her.

Freedom is truly great!

Stunned again

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#10747 - 02/23/11 07:44 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Dianne E.]
justinruch1180 Offline
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Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 1
This really helped me decode a psychopath. Thanks for sharing.

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#10748 - 02/23/11 08:19 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: justinruch1180]
christie Offline
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Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 10
I have read that the two halves of a psychopath's brain struggle for dominance and that this phenomenon affects their speech mannerisms.

Has anyone noticed a P's misuse and/or arbitrary use of words and vocabulary? I have noticed that it escalates when they are under stressed or pressured to explain themselves when they don't want to.

I read on this site that P's tend to show their weird, scary, most negative side right after the first time one is sexually intimate with them.

In such an instance, the first time we had sex it was very mechanical and I didn't feel a connection with him at all the entire time. He is also nonorgasmic. Then he wanted to leave right away. I told him I thought that was lame, and he goes, "This is why I didn't want do this with you. I have sex with girls and they fall in love with me."

I got so mad! I said, "That is the most narcissistic think I have ever heard anyone say in all my life!" He actually smiled widely and said, "Yes it is isn't it?" That's when I knew something was seriously wrong with this guy.

I kept asking the P how he felt, but he kept rambling on and on merely describing what had happened between us. I kept saying, "I'm not asking you to describe what happen, I'm asking how you FEEL."

He said, "Look, we're friends and we had sex, but I'm not having a relationship with you."

I reminded him, "I'm not asking you for a relationship, I'm asking you how you FEEL."

He seemed irritated that I didn't want a relationship with him and decided to be in denial when I said so. He kept acting like he wanted me to want him to be my boyfriend, even though he didn't want me in the first place! It's nuts!
I didn't even bother to explain how having boyfriends and girlfriends is illogical anyway. We are not a monogamous species!!! DUH!

He's not very smart.

Before any of this happened, the first time he tried to get intimate with me and I refused, I told him I liked him a week later. His reaction was so bizarre, like he was having a near-psychotic episode in a purely verbal fashion.

This was before I realized he was a P.

The following is a paragraph of the sentences he used that night right after I told him I "liked" him. Does any of it seem familiar at all?

"I am f***ing crazy. You donít understand. Itís too dark and deep and Iím not delving into that because of my own mental issues. Because I am insane. You donít understand that level of insanity. I havenít investigated the particular designation of mental capacity in situation of the particular mentality of the f***iní ideological f***iníÖeven the genre that defines the character of their personality. And it comes to down to like, really heavy, heavy f***iní implications. And why canít I tell all the implications from my f***iní life? I must have taken some psychedelics at some time or another. And that is way too extensive of an imagination for most people to deal with if they take it to the oxymoron capacity where they just divide themselves into divisions of weirdness and designation of particular f***iní definitions."

At the time I thought he was really trying to say something. Today I laugh about it to no end - he's ridiculous!!!

The best weapon against a P is laughter.

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#10749 - 02/23/11 08:35 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: christie]
Jacq Offline
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Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 14
Oh my gosh, Christie. The first time I had sex with P I also thought it was very mechanical, very little kissing, no emotional connection and he also is non-orgasmic. I felt like I was being raped! I didn't say anything that night because I was kind of in shock. Here was this soft-spoken, kind, sweet personality and this un-feeling sex was not what I expected. It was all about posing. Later in our "relationship" (he also would say he didn't like relationships and liked to say we were just "friends" which was far from the truth). I would tell him he makes love like a person who watches alot of porno movies. Little did I know...he is heavily into the porn world. (I learned that after we broke up).

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#10750 - 02/23/11 08:40 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Jacq]
WhiteKnight Offline
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Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 80
hi Christie,

looking at your "paragraph" of P ramblings, I'm reminded of another aspect
of P mentation: they think in smaller units than regular folks, and are
able to generate large numbers of unconnected, and possibly contradictory
thoughts in a short time. normal folks find it laborious to deconstruct
the linkages in real-time. watching a video of your interaction with a P
can cause the reaction "how did I ever fall for this?".

one of Hare's examples of this is an inmate stating in quick succession: "I
didn't kill her, but she deserved it anyway". (mens rea = guilty mind). the P
can't compare the two thoughts and realize they are contradictory. forcing
the P to explain the incongruity will just cause anger or other diversions.

I frequently state things as two mutually exclusive choices, e.g. we could
do "a" and get benefits "x", or do "b" and get benefits "y", and I can just
see "my" P's brow furrow, because he can't put it together.

OTOH, he's always charging around, siezing the initiative, because he acts
immediatly on whatever small thought currently resides in his brain. I'm
always reflecting on a larger picture, and wind up being in reactive mode.

oh well.

hope this helps,

-WK
_________________________
-- All that is essential for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. -- Edmund Burke

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#10751 - 02/23/11 08:43 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: WhiteKnight]
christie Offline
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Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 10
Well, thanks for explaining that. The contradictory speech of the P I knew was at first confusing, then infuriating because I thought he was doing it on purpose. That's the thing, since they compartamentalize concepts and speech so well because it is involuntary, perhaps they "get off" on that. My P grinned widely when his ramblings confused me. Then it just got infuriating because I thought he was doing it in purpose, not knowing that he couldn't help communicating in such a convoluted way. But he still enjoyed my dismay.

Later on after I had "dumped" my P without telling him - I just started ignoring him

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#10874 - 03/18/11 01:01 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: christie]
rmorrison100 Offline
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Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 3
Now I understand psychopath's hidden meanings with what they are saying.

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#11306 - 06/28/11 01:23 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: christie]
Summer Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 10
Originally Posted By: christie

Has anyone noticed a Psychopaths misuse and/or arbitrary use of words and vocabulary? I have noticed that it escalates when they are under stressed or pressured to explain themselves when they don't want to.


Hi. I have noticed something odd in the language of two of the Psychopaths in my life, though they were a slight bit different. When we were kids, the female Psychopath once told me of "the trick about words" which was that they didn't mean what people thought they meant.They were just things unto themselves, unconnected to what they signified. She knew that for other people, the words and their meanings went together.

The male Psychopath also would use words in a similar way. Once, I heard him offer to pay a person some money he owed on Thursday. He came back and said, "okay, the bill is taken care of". I was puzzled because as far as I knew he wouldn't have the money then, either. I asked about it. He said no, he wouldn't have the money to pay the bill. Why did I think he would? I said, "because you promised to have it on thursday". He looked genuinely confused, and said, " But it's taken care of. I told him I'd pay it."
He seemed not to understand that the words he had spoken (I'll pay you") signified an action (actually giving the money he owed to someone). They were just disconnected from each other.

They both spoke in a barrage of words and fragmented stories. When they spoke, there seemed to be some sense in what they said, but if you tried to repeat the story to someone else, you realized it lacked much coherence at all.

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#11552 - 08/10/11 04:17 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Summer]
anonymousone Offline
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Registered: 08/03/11
Posts: 30
From the guy I know:

"people can't be expected to be perfect"

It's YOUR fault i'm abusing you. The only problme is You and that your standards of me are too high i.e. you shouldn't hold me accountable for my actions.

"I had a dream where you were seeing another man..."

I'm accusing you of something slyly now, because later on I will revisit it when you challenge me, setting you up for my attacks later on. Or, I don't like you talking to other men. I want to know about your love life and any interactions with men you have in your life, because I control you.

"SOME people just can't see through other peoples actions and realise they are actually a good guy"

I wish you would stop confronting me about my behaviour. You should feel guilty about the fact that you questioned me, and should come back to me so I can control you again. I'm annoyed your strong on your own without me, and can see me, and YOU should feel bad about it. And everyone else should see that you are a bad person and I'm the good guy, so no one is on your side.

"The women I dated manipulated me, they hurt me and tried to control me. My heart is my biggest gift and weakness, and I would only give it to you because you're not like them"

I was the one who hurt these women, and I left them in emotional ruin and i'm going to do exactly the same thing to you. I'm going to use your guilt over not causing me pain to control you. If you ever dare to leave me, YOU are to blame. There is no good reason to ever leave me.

"I didn't know your boundaries... when i'm in a relationship, I have no boundaries. I put everything on the line"

You're the bad guy because you have boundaries. How dare you have boundaries with me? if I have no boundaries, I expect you to have none, and to let me do what I want to you, without questioning me.I always knew your boundaries, but I don't care at all. I used my knowledge of your boundaries to know how to exploit you to get what I want. Also, I want to make you feel guilty for the fact that I ALWAYS give more than you by having no boundaries. Your boundaries are just selfish.

"I'm sorry whether there was manipulation or not"

I want to make you realise that your reality is wrong so I can control you again. I'm not sorry at all, I don't care I manipulated you, I feel pity for myself that I got found out! I hope you take this fake apology though. I expect you to forgive me, like a nice, loving woman. If you don't forgive me, that makes you unforgiving, unrealistic and mean. I want to make you question yourself so I can limber you up for even more abuse and trickery! I want you to apologise to me because you were wrong.

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#13510 - 06/25/12 08:56 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: anonymousone]
Kiddo77 Offline
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Registered: 06/23/12
Posts: 9
This is amazing,because so many things here apply to "my" Psychopath...

He "borrowed" money for "a week" and when I asked him for payment a year later, he said I "make him uncomfortable" and flew into a rage. Needless to say, I was too afraid to ask again.

He describes himself as "crazy" and says his eyes "turn grey when he gets really mad."

And of course he will "always" love me.

The list goes on and on. frown

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#15069 - 05/08/13 12:07 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: anonymousone]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
"You are paranoid" - "You actually caught me red handed on lying and don't want to accept the ad hoc explanation that doesn't make any sense."
"You are trying to control me. I'll not accept that, I need my freedom." - "You are not letting yourself be controlled and in the same time letting me do what I want with whoever I want and lie to you about it."
"I can't do it for you because I feel sick and tired and just want to go to bed" - "I want to go to a party and pick up some girl and sleep with her and not bother with you and things I promised you to do"
"I've changed my mind" - "I forgot what lie I told you last time"
"I never plan things, I just want to do them spontaneously, it's not fun when you plan ahead. Stop pressuring me." - "If I plan something with you then you'll pester me to do it and I don't want to do anything for you. You have to be there and do what I want, when I want but I'll not be doing anything for you and with you if I don't feel like it."
"You're such a selfish person, everything has to be the way you want" - "Everything has to always be the way I want and you dare to ask me to sometimes make a compromise?!"

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#15099 - 05/11/13 08:11 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: crocodile]
James23 Offline
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Registered: 01/06/13
Posts: 10
I think that you are right on the money here.

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#15100 - 05/11/13 09:10 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: James23]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
you are not the same person I married....I can no longer manipulate and mirror you

It was not my directive to hurt you.....damn, you survived the poisoning

You are like Jeckel and Hyde..... I am Jeckel and Hyde

If we go to court we will lose everything we worked for ... I will have to share equally rather than be


the suffering widower

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#15120 - 05/14/13 02:55 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: christie]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Quote:
Then he wanted to leave right away. I told him I thought that was lame, and he goes, "This is why I didn't want do this with you. I have sex with girls and they fall in love with me."
I got so mad! I said, "That is the most narcissistic think I have ever heard anyone say in all my life!" He actually smiled widely and said, "Yes it is isn't it?" That's when I knew something was seriously wrong with this guy.
I kept asking the Psychopath how he felt, but he kept rambling on and on merely describing what had happened between us. I kept saying, "I'm not asking you to describe what happen, I'm asking how you FEEL."
He said, "Look, we're friends and we had sex, but I'm not having a relationship with you."
I reminded him, "I'm not asking you for a relationship, I'm asking you how you FEEL."
He seemed irritated that I didn't want a relationship with him and decided to be in denial when I said so. He kept acting like he wanted me to want him to be my boyfriend, even though he didn't want me in the first place! It's nuts!
I didn't even bother to explain how having boyfriends and girlfriends is illogical anyway. We are not a monogamous species!!! DUH!


Wow, now when I think about it it's exactly what my Psychopath did. He kept telling me how I'm special to him but when I pressured him to explain WTF he means by that if he's not in love and what he feels to me he just said he likes me very much. Then I asked what should be all so special about it and we were going in circles. It was driving me mad.

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#15338 - 06/17/13 12:54 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: crocodile]
Phillip Offline
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Registered: 03/22/13
Posts: 2
You're getting too emotional = You'e upset over being betrayed, but I have to bend reality so I can continue.

I am surrounded by two neighbors. One is very narcissistic, a forty year old man who can't bear to be alone. And the guy below me is an alcholic Psychopath. They both go door to door to gossip about me, and during the times when I've mentioned catching them in the act, I have discovered that they have gaslighting blackbelts in the art of lying.

A person with a conscience speaks human speak, but they speak bending of reality, and reality bends to fit whatever momentary need arises.


This is how I would make a translator for their reality. I would take a warped prism, and shine everything good and true through it. I would call the end result---"twisted". You go to sleep and find yourself in a twisted matrix where the normal rules of reality don't operate.

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#15339 - 06/17/13 01:15 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Phillip]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Well, the "too emotional" theme - if you can feel hardly any emotions than calling everyone too emotional is kind of understandable. With their incurable narcissism only what and how they feel and think is the right, "normal" way.

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#15359 - 06/20/13 03:01 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: crocodile]
Phillip Offline
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Registered: 03/22/13
Posts: 2
That's a great insight. I also wonder how the translator is used to rewrite history. This week's theme in my life has been how people change the past. I have a severe alcoholic (psychologically he behaves like a psychopath) downstairs. He rewrites history. It would be interesting to do a study. Take an event and record it on video, and keep it. A year later, ask this guy what really transpired. I can tell you that his version wouldn't coincide at all with the video.
And I have witnessed this week (which was a draining week of lies for me..uugh!) that some people's translators are just printing presses of lies. I mean they are spinning out lies from their brain like they have a black belt in it at a speed which is way beyond my comprehension.

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#15361 - 06/20/13 08:41 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Phillip]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Quote:
I mean they are spinning out lies from their brain like they have a black belt in it at a speed which is way beyond my comprehension.


Very true and accurate. Great way to put it; )

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#15364 - 06/20/13 10:39 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Phillip]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Yeah, but that's what everybody does to a degree. If you think memories are pretty accurate records of real events you're badly wrong. There is a reason that in court the eye witness testimony is one of the weakest evidence unless there is a lot of data backing it up (or at least should do). Perfectly normal people often not only remember but even see in real time things that never happened and you don't need to hallucinate. What the Psychopaths do, they consciously lie about the past and when you catch them they pretend they don't remember.

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#15370 - 06/21/13 04:26 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: Phillip]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
A psychopath does not know or comprehend reality (I would say psychopathy can be labelled as psychosis). Basically psychosis is the loss of touch with reality, hence psychopathy can be well put under this axis.

The main reason they lie IS to create their own reality, a reality that they can stand, they can not tolerate the reality, hence they create their own. The psychopath I know would lie all day long, about anything, anywhere at any given time. It's a mind game they play to put you in their sick reality. They don't like rules in general and creating their own reality is just like creating a new set of rules, that you need to follow if you are under their spell.

I was trying to make the psychopath understand that he has to be in touch with reality (I didn't know he is a psychopath back then), I was wasting my time and nothing else. They cannot comprehend or accept that their behavior and acts are completely insane and immoral. (NO CONSCIENCE)

When dealing with a psychopath a good rule is to follow this quote - (And no it does not make you a psychopath, a psychopath is born that way, you will not become one)

Discuss, Smile, Agree, and do whatever the heck you wanted to do anyways. - A psychopath will try to make you do things, manipulate you, control you as much as possible, then a good way to escape this is to do the above, or just cut out any contact (this one's safer). I am working on cutting out contact, even though it's hard because he is a family member.

A psychopath does not like contradiction, his ideas are unique and you have to follow them, if you don't agree with him you'll see him throwing more [censored] at you than you can ever take. Total control is what his looking after, even if you say the most obvious of things, the psychopath might come with the reverse (his own ideas/thoughts) just to distort yours, leaving you in the dark wondering if he/she was right (disgusting behavior). I have lived for years asking myself if I was the one saying the wrong things, or doing the wrong things and only to find out I was dealing with a completely cold hearted psychopath that would not give you a piece of bread if you were hungry. A psychopath that thinks he's different from everyone else, that he could change the world (this happened in his childhood), a former bully and abuser, a drop out. It took me years to understand this, and only saw the light, well just partially because I am in trauma for sure, only saw the light when things got insane and out of proportions.

Xe





Edited by xela007 (06/21/13 04:33 AM)
_________________________
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#15381 - 06/22/13 08:26 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: xela007]
galetre Offline
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Registered: 02/11/13
Posts: 34
"Discuss, smile, agree and do whatever the heck you wanted to anyway."

That is such excellent advice. I mostly live by this rule and generally it works, but sometimes I get sucked in, anyway. I just hate myself when that happens. Luckily, he is not home much of the time. He usually lies about his whereabouts and it used to bother me, but now, I'm just grateful when he's gone. smile

I love all the insight in this thread about the way the psychopath communicates. Mine constantly contradicts himself and will argue about it forever. If his lips are moving, he's lying. He often says things that make no sense. He even types out status updates on FB that don't make any sense. The best way to deal with it is the quote at the beginning of my post. I so agree. I just have a hard time not letting what he says affect my plans. Sometimes I inadvertently plan around something he has told me. Almost always to my disappointment. "Discuss, smile, and agree" is easy. "Do whatever the heck you wanted to anyway" is tough for me.

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#15382 - 06/23/13 02:34 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: galetre]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
You need to cut out contact completely, as long as you're under his/her spell you might end up doing whatever the heck he/she brags about anyways, especially if it's your spouse. It's a hard thing to do, you can't be coldhearted with a family member (that would make us psychopaths) - you just cannot, whenever things go way too over the line I guess walking away is the only option. It's hard, it's painful, but it's the only option to save yourself, I had taken in enough trauma to even bother anymore - I am sick of it and will do my best to go my own way and never look back at this [censored].

A psychopath can behave (even if he/she) has to pretend, they know good from bad then they can at least behave at stop throwing [censored] at others, stop causing pain to their friends or family. (at least the behaviors can be adjusted, the coldheartness can't be changed)


I still have a question though - that I am still working on - Why would you want to live with someone that does not love you, can't love you, why would you take in the pain he/she is causing anyways? Giving someone else a chance would be a better option? I think so.

I am a member in another forum "It's more about abuse" and so many people are staying in abusive relationships. I just cannot get it, why would you stay with someone that verbally and physically abuse you? You are the victim, you need to move on, get the F*CK out as soon as possible. Even in a marriage this is not acceptable, get your kids and move on, there's no other way - or contrary, live a life of misery and control.


Xe


Edited by xela007 (06/23/13 02:40 AM)
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#15390 - 06/24/13 05:10 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: xela007]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Quote:
Basically psychosis is the loss of touch with reality, hence psychopathy can be well put under this axis.

I don't think they suffer from psychosis. They know the reality they just don't understand the normal human emotions (which allows them to use these emotions against you since they have no compassion). But they see reality just fine.
When it comes to dealings with a Psychopath you're totally right. You have to selectively become one. As soon as you realise somebody is a Psychopath you either go to NC or when it's impossible you should get rid of all the feelings towards this person - they will only use them against you. It's sad and hard to do for a normal human being (especially when they start the crocodile tears act - we do feel empathy and it's hard to ignore somebody who looks like their unhappy) but the only thing that works.
I remember my Psychopath when I was crying and upset - he would just sit there and stare at me with his blank eyes and occasionally even a smirk and how it made me wonder how he could be this way. I used to think he was just overwhelmed and didn't know how to respond but now I know it was just fascinating for him. He loved watching me cry and act out and often provoked situations like this by saying something incredibly hurtful out of the blue and watching the reaction. Now if he would try the sympathy card with me I just have to remember this stare when I needed sympathy and that would be the end of his game.
Quote:
I just cannot get it, why would you stay with someone that verbally and physically abuse you?

It's difficult to understand but I believe it's a normal psychological phenomenon. Some people compare it to the Stockholm's syndrome and being through it myself I believe it's not far fetched. I mean the abuse is not something that starts immediately - first you have a seemingly normal relationship and then things start to go wrong. And it happens gradually so at first you explain them away, make excuses for this person since you know nobody's perfect. But the longer it lasts the worse it gets but it's usually when you've invested so much into a relationship, emotionally and sometimes also in terms of legal and financial commitment that you prefer to wait and hope it changes. And then there is all forms of psychological abuse: gaslighting, convincing you that it's you who's the problem, isolating you. In the end the victim does not know where to run, often does not have any outside support (like a woman with kids who has not worked in years and has not financial independence) and even worse: believes that she does not deserve any better. It's seems crazy and incomprehensible from the outside so I think no one who's ever went through it can fully comprehend. And also there is probably a psychological component on the side of the victim, like there is a "victim type", people who are more likely to suffer this kind of relationship although I think nobody's fully immune.

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#15429 - 06/30/13 01:01 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: crocodile]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Crocodile - you are completely right - a similar syndrome is developed in an abusive relation with a Psychopath. (similar to Stockholm syndrome) I believe that even this syndrome is developed out of fear to NOT get hurt even more than the victim is already i.e being hostge, being beaten up and so on. I know what I went through and why I was acting the way I was (part of my conscience was telling me to hit the bastard with a baseball bat over the head and stop the smirks and manipulation right there in that minute smile

Cheers
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#15557 - 07/13/13 07:11 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: xela007]
galetre Offline
member

Registered: 02/11/13
Posts: 34
That's where I am. I am afraid to leave, b/c I am afraid of what he would put the children through. He has in the past called the police and told them who knows what, but they showed up, ready to take me to jail, take him to jail after I told them he had threatened to kill me, and take my then 9 month old away. The only reason they did not was he agreed to go spend the rest of the day & night elsewhere.
He has many, many, times threatened me with this scenario, saying he will have me arrested, take our son away from me and then put him up for adoption. I am afraid because he is an excellent liar, (putting on that face & charm, etc.), plus I don't want my children to suffer. (I have 2 older boys from my previous marriage)
As I am typing this, it just sounds sickening...I can't believe it myself. How did this happen?
I am completely isolated from the help of family and friends, and am currently working from home, making about $100 per month. I sure hope that improves. Nearly every time he leaves the house I think, maybe he won't come back, but he always does. Nearly the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that he is gone so much of the time, my small business, and my internet friends. Otherwise, I'd probably go crazy myself!
He has just stopped taking his meds. It's been about 2 weeks, and I'm kind of relieved b/c he wasn't taking them regular anyway, so they were just constantly jerking him up and down. Today he is experiencing a severe episode of mania. He was literally running around the house for about 10 minutes this afternoon shouting "GOO GOO GA GA!" over and over and over again. Scary stuff. I'm sure he is bi-polar in addition to the psychopath stuff. I'm afraid of the severity of the depression that is sure to follow. Last night he said a few evil things to me when I came to bed. I didn't let it get to me. I just rolled over to the edge of the bed, reminded myself that he's a psychopath and I shouldn't get emotionally involved, and went to sleep. Wish I could do that every time!

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#16077 - 10/10/13 08:22 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: justinruch1180]
toomuchstuff Offline
member

Registered: 09/30/13
Posts: 38
[spoiler][/spoiler]THIS THREAD MAKES ME LAUGH I don't mean I am laughing at anyone's pain and struggles it just some of the translations are right on the target! Mine Would tell me you don't really love me when I would say I loved him .... One day I said you don't really love me to him when he said he loved me. This was his reply --I KNOW BUT IT SOUNDS GOOD---


Edited by toomuchstuff (10/11/13 08:22 PM)

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#16528 - 01/29/15 07:46 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: crocodile]
loveofdaisies Offline
member

Registered: 01/20/15
Posts: 11
Quote:
It's difficult to understand but I believe it's a normal psychological phenomenon. Some people compare it to the Stockholm's syndrome and being through it myself I believe it's not far fetched. I mean the abuse is not something that starts immediately - first you have a seemingly normal relationship and then things start to go wrong. And it happens gradually so at first you explain them away, make excuses for this person since you know nobody's perfect. But the longer it lasts the worse it gets but it's usually when you've invested so much into a relationship, emotionally and sometimes also in terms of legal and financial commitment that you prefer to wait and hope it changes. And then there is all forms of psychological abuse: gaslighting, convincing you that it's you who's the problem, isolating you. In the end the victim does not know where to run, often does not have any outside support (like a woman with kids who has not worked in years and has not financial independence) and even worse: believes that she does not deserve any better. It's seems crazy and incomprehensible from the outside so I think no one who's ever went through it can fully comprehend. And also there is probably a psychological component on the side of the victim, like there is a "victim type", people who are more likely to suffer this kind of relationship although I think nobody's fully immune.


I know this was written two years ago but it is so incredibly on point I can't believe it. I feel like I'm reading a blog written about me.

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#16687 - 01/05/16 02:27 AM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: loveofdaisies]
WarmLogic Offline
member

Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 1
Loc: Arizona
I agree, this description totally lines up with how I've understood my experience with "her". I found another excellent description of (what I believe is) the same phenomenon, called "Covert Psychological Murder". While the name is dramatic, I also think it's accurate in labeling this behavior (it's downright deadly to people who remain unsuspecting while experiencing it).

http://hubpages.com/education/Psychological-Murder

My psychopathic mother has been targeting me in this manner since I've gone NC some years ago, and I've really felt like there's some kind of twisted political game she's now playing with the rest of my family in my absence. It's pretty sick. It's like my family members are now objects to be manipulated like weapons (beyond their understanding, since most haven't woken up and are in denial) to use against me. (In her mind, "winning" would be regaining control of me and my spouse, since she views me as property - and if she can't "win" like that, then she will do whatever it takes to ensure my long-term destruction even after she's been long dead). It's probably no coincidence that the new random hobby I've picked up (educating myself like crazy about Propaganda) has started to become helpful lately. The whole scenario really seems like Political Psychological Warfare ("Hearts and Minds"), but where the countries are individuals in my family. How can someone actually do this to their own child? Vile doesn't even describe it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_warfare

She's also playing this same game with my father and his side of the family (they've been long divorced, but her agenda for revenge has never really quelled since the divorce 30+ years ago and she's determined to completely isolate him in his old age), and her sister (my empathic aunt). We've talked about it at length, and they're aware of what's going on. I'm hoping that that'll be enough to deflect her destructive behavior, but I'm still afraid. I think I'm hoping to find some ideas in Propaganda literature. Going NC has been a God-send for each of our own sanity and peace of mind, but it's also slowly costing us the rest of the family.
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#16688 - 01/05/16 07:44 PM Re: The psychopath to human "translation" manual [Re: WarmLogic]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi WarmLogic, welcome to our community. Thanks for the links I will be sure to take a look tomorrow and comment.

Best Regards,
Di

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