Hi Stephanie, please make your legal issues with your grandparents a TOP priority. I know a lot about depression myself and one day can blend into the next and on and on. You need that security knowing you will always have a place to live. Not trying to get pushy but please don't put it off. Talk to your grandparents and see how soon you can get all this done. Also if the house isn't in a trust in your name alone or a quick deed to you, I am not sure about all the legal issues, but lets say your grandparents would get ill, the State will take every dime including the house if it is in their name. These are all questions an attorney would need to answer. I would suggest speaking with them, then making a list and go to the attorney and get the answers and talk about the the options with your grandparents and move quickly whatever the decision is. This isn't about being greedy but keeping your feet on the ground so you won't be relying on the Psychopath in any way, I would guess he would love knowing you didn't have a roof over your head so he could be more in control.

Di

Find an attorney, get references and one who specializes in estates and let them know of the urgency, sometimes well, lots of times people can drag their feet and in the end you are the one who suffers. You will have to manage the attorney like a hawk to get this worked out very quickly.

I am watching my mother and her husband go through this now, I am guessing in the end the State will own their property and they will be left without any assets. My mothers husband is too paranoid and many things could have happened to protect their property but he left it exposed to the system.

If you are getting any assistance there is a way for the house to go into a trust, I am foggy on the details but heard it on a Suze Orman show that it can protect your benefits and also keep the house. If not and your grandparents could do a quick deed to get the property into your name as soon as possible would be the best way. Keep in mind I am not an attorney just a sponge for information;) It would be great if they could set aside what the taxes will be for the first couple of years to get your feet on the ground.

I am sure your grandparents love you very much and want you safe and secure. I know we care about you so I sure bet your grandparents do too;)

Di

Like Melissa said you can do this. Please take care of your own place to have to live in.

Recall that psychopaths will vilify you when they are done with you. Now the psychopath admits to others that he is hiding and will not pay but has invented a story about something that I allegedly tried to do to him unsuccessfully such that in his distorted reality he is justified in nonpayment. Fortunately, I have an excellent reputation and nobody believes it nor does it make any logical sense anyway. Sadly, no service obtained but hope springs eternal and I have other ideas of how to obtain it. So I trudge onward.

Hi Kiki,

Not being a lawyer myself when you serve a person do you just have to get them to put a finger on it.

If he is a bar type of guy, maybe some hot babe could trick him;)

Di

You sound very determined I am glad you aren't after me, lol.

That is the irony of Psychopaths, no better victim than themselves while all the time they are creating victims themselves. I guess that is where the word projection came from;)

Hi Stephanie, it was late last night when I was writing my reply to you. I do have a reason for the need to get that house in your name or locked up in a trust, maybe Kiki can describe the difference.

It happened to a friend of mine, when the grandparents got ill and had to go into nursing care the vultures came out in full force. The legal wrangling was hard to grasp, they tried to prove the grandparents weren't in their right minds when signing the paperwork, the list goes on and I am sure you get where I am going. When we pass if we don't have all of our legal work in order it can become a huge curve ball. In the end my friend basically lost because she couldn't fight the legal bills and the state.

I am certainly not trying to be a morbid person but one day something can happen to all of us, I never expected my mom would have a stroke and leave her affairs in horrible shape. My mom made a tactical mistake in her will besides the property, she listed to not be resucitated, she didn't include being put on feeding tubes. The law is the law we just need to be prepared and ready by having things in legal order.

I hope I haven't been too forceful on the issue but this is about you and your daughters future.

Di

How did the job interview go?

You don't need to convince others that he is the supreme rat in this deal, you will lose friends, that is the reality (but ask yourself were they really friends or just acquaintances, a true friend throws out a life line when you are drowning, others just walk on by. In the end you will be living in the truth. Please don't try to explain yourself to these people, just keep a short answer in mind and not spend the energy you so desperately need by not trying to convince people that he is the problem. Every time we bring ourselves back through the trash we feel worse about ourselves and you are not a bad person but an excellent and kind person trying to work through a horrible nightmare. One foot in front of the other.

I started the no contact again today. I'm sticking to it this time. I told my grandma about trying to get away from him. She is a fiesty lady. She asked me what was the matter. She said I was not me any more. I told her it was him. She went and talked to my mother and her husband. They kind of seemed upset with me. Maybe because my grandma can be a little mean. I told her my concern about him talking to my family. My mom's husband seemed upset and said he they have not talked to him. They did in the past when I tried to get away from him and he turned everything around on me. I just told him not to have any contact with him if he calls. I swear it all just makes me seem crazy.

The Psychopath talks so rational. I'm very quiet. and reserved and have never been very close to my family. So they always liked his so concerned act. I'm going to start to do things to help my mom more and try to be more sociable with them so he can't slaughter me as bad. I got a tarot reading done and it said he was going to throw me to the wolves pretty muck. I don't know how he plans on making me pay this time. But I'll deal with it nothing can be worse than going through the destruction phase again. He has been full bore in the beauty phase for two months. But I could not even fall into it after what he did to me last time. He is pure evil. I need to stay strong and remember the mantra "detachment, aloofness, dignity, no contact, no engagement, no response. I'm just going to try to be very careful and aware. I don't know how to protect myself from his slander. He's such a convincing liar. The further I get away from him, the more normal I will start to become again. I hope

Hi Stephanie, I am so sorry for all of this. Do you think in your heart of hearts being closer to your mother and step dad will help the destruction the Psychopath does? I am not certainly telling you what to do but there is always your mother's husband as part of the issue.

You my friend are not the crazy one. I am thinking about some solutions and maybe if you can't get the support from both of your family members and the Psycho keeps conning them, will being more social with them help or will it get brushed under the carpet that you were just having one of those "spells"?

You are trying to reach out and are finding the strength to remain in no contact, does that mean you should just go about your merry way for awhile from all of them? Naturally being cordial if they call but not throw out any information that could get back to him and misunderstood by your family? I had to do that for many years for different reasons when I hit that brick wall of not being understood and I know from first hand experience it is a tough one. Like my best friend just told me when my mom had a major stroke and is unlikely to survive, I was a wreck on my birthday without her and he said the best thing anyone could have said, he said, the first is always the worst.

I am sure you can act, when there is a family event, show up, avoid any deep conversation and have plans to make sure you have a exit plan to not linger on for too long.

A therapist told me years ago that if people had good support systems there would be no reason for therapists to exist.

How about let us be your sounding board and not rely on information from family etc. which will only make you feel like the crazy one? It would appear the Psychopath in your life is doing a darn good job of that. You are not the crazy one but sound like the most sane one in the group.

If you have never been that close to your family there are probably some very solid reasons for feeling that way. This is only my question and opinion do you think your parents will snap out of it and try to be close to you when they were unable to in the past? Most of us have parents raised many, many years ago before real expressions could or would be expressed, maybe they fall into that category. Unless you think you can change things on how they were raised and behaved do what is in your own heart and congratulations on no contact. I have a few expressions I learned during those years to avoid conflict and more pain if you are interested, they involve not passing back harm and keeping yourself from harmful negative suggestions about how to run you life. I tried isolating myself from events and that made things worse so I figured out how to show up, not divulge any human emotions, appear pleasant and a solid exit plan to leave. If I appeared like everything was okay, that was what they wanted to believe so I let them believe that, the constact conflict was indeed driving me insane. We are the Captains of our own ships, now how to navigate the waters?

Di

Hi Di,

The defendant can be served anywhere they can be found in person. They can be served in person at their residence or anybody who lives there who is at least 13 years old can be served for them. The plaintiff cannot do the serving.

I did not realize that these posts could be pulled up when surfing the web. I had thought that you had to access the Aftermath site before you could read these posts. Is this correct? My concern is that these posts are less confidential than I had thought. In other words, I thought my musings were to those who had actually accessed the site. Please clarify.

Hi Stephanie, I was thinking about your situation and naturally as an attorney, doesn't someone have to prove slander like he is doing toward you?

Di

iWOULD LIKE TO REPLY TO YOUR POST.i have been with my husband for 21 yrs. an at no time have Ibeen able to count him as my friend but just knowing why he treats me the way he does has took a load off of my heart.I am hoping I can stay ahead of him an get on with the rest of my life.You have to let it go if you can or you will get ill an it does no good .Iam now 61 an was at one time pretty an an energetic .I worked an was raising 3 children on my own.I could not bear how he treated me an Iknew something was wrong .HE CHANGED ALL THAT .i could see how well he was liked an he seemed to say the right things at first but he has a dark side if you cross him .I have few friends an he has made everyone thinks I am just crazy .I could see him doing it ./I CALLED HIM ON IT AN FOUGHT HIM FOR MY RIGHT TO BE BE UNDERSTOOD AN LOVED .your wasting your time if you think you can win .I just found out some of the things I need to know to protect myself an stop playing into his hands.I do not hate him he does not know that he has no empathy or the rest of it etc.He is not a happy man .BUT I AM NOT TO BLAME AN I HAVE TO PULL IT TOGETHER SO THAT I CAN GET MY LIFE BACK AN REVENGE IS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.I hope this helps I am new here an there is so much that has happened .If you have left him do not look back....

Hi, thanks for adding your new information. I am very sorry for your situation. It must have been or is a long haul. It is good that you know what you are dealing with. I agree with you, perhaps thoughts when the going gets rough but to actually engage in revenge might be a very slippery path.

I assume your children are now out of the home? Was he able to convince them he was the strong one like he did your friends? I hope you can gain whatever you need here and we are all hear for you to discuss your situation as you are ready. It is interesting how observant you are and haven't given up on yourself. To be able to identify him after all these years of torture shows a great deal of strength on your part. And yes, it is indeed good to know what you are dealing with. No better victim than a Psychopath. In may ways it comes full circle, the Psychopath latches onto a victim, turns the victims life upside down and then appears to be the "good" person in the relationship by portraying themselves as the victim.

I am glad you found us here.

Di