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#9942 - 08/16/10 09:03 AM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Dianne E.]
swansonflora Offline
member

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 3
HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOROM BUT I FEEL SO LOST .I CONFRONTED MY HUSBAND OF 21 YEARS ABOUT WHAT I KNEW .HE TRIED HARD TO CHANGE MY MIND AN THEN WHEN HE SEEN I WAS SERIOUS HE WALKED OUT THT DOOR WITH THE REPLY IT WAS FUN.MY HEALTH A LIFE ARE IN SHAMBLES AN HE DOES NOT CARE .I AM TO OLD TO START OVER.I AM A WREAK IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
_________________________
flora swanson

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#9944 - 08/16/10 09:35 AM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: swansonflora]
Violet Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 105
Flora,

You are not a wreck. You are a survivor. Twenty-one years with a Psychopath is an amazing accomplishment! To endure his toxic presence in your life for so long is remarkable. That speaks volumes to what a strong person you are. I am sorry to hear that you are having health problems. Consider this the first day of THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Consider this the beginning of some major healing- physically and emotionally.

Sorry, but, I disagree with you. You absolutely are not too old to start over. You are at an advantage over other younger survivors here. Your age gives you so much extra wisdom. What you have endured gives you so much extra strength.

Welcome to the forum, we are all healing together from the hell of the Psychopath. Please tell us more when you are ready. Your life is not in shambles, today is really a great day for you. Today, you have found a place like no other, where we really do know exactly what you are going through.

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#9960 - 08/23/10 08:59 AM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: swansonflora]
HealingSoul2010 Offline
member

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 1
I know how you feel. I am also an older woman and I just lost it when my psychopath glibly walked out on me. I am getting better and better every day through going to therapy and friends and family -- and mostly educating myself about what a psychopath is and accepting it. It is alot like your spouse died -- because the "fantasy" or "image" of who you THOUGHT he was died - but worse because the real person is still alive and he does not care - he has NO feelings. I went through devastating pain and loss, and OFTEN anger/rage wanting vengence. I am learning to let all of that go and focus on MYSELF and I am starting to have almost complete days where I don't think about him and am developing such a sense of FREEDOM. I no longer have to worry about pleasing him -- trying to get him to love me - etc. It will get better. Accept that you have to go through "the grieving process" -- educate yourself about psychopaths -- and try to go to therapy if you can (it helps alot) - and if not, tell yourself it will get better and better each day, try your best to not think of him (and when you do, try your best to think about the cruel, evil, mean things), and you WILL reach that day when you wake up and you feel FREE and it is a really good feeling !!!!!


Edited by HealingSoul2010 (08/23/10 09:01 AM)

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#9961 - 08/23/10 09:24 AM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: HealingSoul2010]
Dianne E. Online

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2621
Loc: United States
Hi HealingSoul2010,

Welcome to the forum. It is indeed a sad state of affairs to look at the reality of how you tried so hard to believe a Psychopath is a normal person and doing more would make him love more. When you have a chance or are ready to maybe you could tell us more of your story. If you can't find a thread, please start one. A specific title helps for more members who only read and those that post to respond to you. Many times sharing your story can help see things with a new look once it is down in writing.

Typically only kind and caring people have/had relationships with Psychopath's so you are not alone here.

At what point did you start thinking and looking into if he was a Psychopath?

Di

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#10054 - 10/04/10 09:17 PM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Naive]
clearblue Offline
member

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
No absolutely not.
You may get close enough to really know them well or about them.
They may enjoy the thrill of the game.
Get a safety plan.
Life is more dangerous for everyone when they are vulnerable or under attack.
When you have the edge they know it.
They have a complex about endings,slights.
There is no happy ending,getting even scenario for you.
only personal abandonment,revenge for them.
They feel cheated.
They feel deprived, not deserving of "getting even tactics".
They will destroy anyone close enough to their truth,core self.
They live for their last word,action.
They have an ingrained "destroy the enemy" response to perceived threats.
They are capable of extreme acts of self preservation.
Avoid "the game". They are not able to loose.
In their mental world there is no such a thing,it does not exist.
There is only their self preservation. They win.
At any cost they win.

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#10308 - 11/16/10 06:01 PM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: clearblue]
cwh1 Offline
member

Registered: 09/07/10
Posts: 1
You will not be able to beat them at their own game. It is not a defeatist attitude, it is a fact. This is because they are not playing the same game as you are.

Do you know who wins in a fight? It's not the biggest, or the strongest, or the fastest. It's who is willing to go the farthest. Let's say you have a little guy that gets beat up by a bigger one. Now, what if the little guy decides that he should get a gun. If that little guy is willing to kill, he will in fact "win", and that big guy's size won't save him. That is how a psychopath thinks. They just want the "kill", whatever that is to them. And they will use and abuse families, children, authorities, anyone or anything that gets in their way.

In order to beat that, you would have to become that. Now you have to ask yourself do you want to become like this monster with this disease? I have chosen not to. You can get over dealing with a psychopath and move on with your life.

Not to mention, because their logic is often flawed, you can't even argue on the same level as them. I'll use my mother as an example:

She is a psycopath, and she likes having children for money. One day, she was attempting to make me feel bad for not giving my daughter to her in my will. She proclaimed loudly in front of my younger siblings how she was not good enough apparently (one of her effective ways of getting what she wanted was guilt, luckily I'm immune to this nonsense by now). I promptly explained that "if my husband and I both happened to die, all of my daughter's family lives one province over. She would not just lose her parents, she would lose everyone. If I leave her to family over there, they will take her to visit you. If I was to leave her to you, you would never take her to see them" (When my mother's lying and stealing catch up with her, she runs. There are large rifts between her and family members, they have not met any of her children).

Her response was "Oh please, children have been through worse".

How, how, can you logic with that? You can't. No normal person would make such a response. One other example, I had a friend who's a parent talking about another parent's skills. A dad was fighting with his 13 year old and he eventually lost control. Her response was "He's the adult, he's not supposed to go down to the 13 year old's level". My response was "He has to, the 13 year old just can't make it to his level" Fighting with a psychopath is like trying to explain physics to a 4 year old. Their brains are not built to handle that yet. A psychopath's brain is not wired to handle the logic you and I use. It's nobody's fault and it's better to accept it than try to revenge it. I have stopped feeling angry at my mother, I now feel very sorry for my mother that she never got to feel the joy I feel at having a daughter. I try to tell myself that if she was born right in the head, she would probably have loved me normally. But she wasn't, I have to accept it as it is. Now, I just watch out for her tricks, but I've stopped hating her for them.

It's hard isn't it? It's easier to accept a mental disease where someone can't form words properly or hold their limbs correctly, or they slur, or drool. It is so hard though to accept a disease where the person with it has the power to hurt so many people so many times over. I hope they cure this one day.

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#10357 - 11/28/10 08:26 PM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Stephanie]
Clementine Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 15
Originally Posted By: Stephanie
THE BEST WAY TO BEAT A PSYCHOPATH AT THEIR WON GAME IS TO BE HAPPY. MINE LIKED TO DRIVE ME CRAZY. I USED TI TRY TO TALK THINGS THROUGH WITH HIM OR GET HIM TO BE HONEST. LATELY I CALL HIM ON HIS CRAP HE'S DOING, AND DON'T LET IT BOTHER ME AT ALL. HE'S A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. FINALLY I JUST REMIND HIM EVERY SO OFTEN THAT I CAN'T BELIEVE A WORD HE SAYS. AND SO I CAN'T PAY TO MUCH ATTENTION OR GIVE HIM MUCH FEED BACK. BUT I'M REALLY SWEET ABOUT IT. i SAY LYING IS HIS PERSONAL PROBLEM AND IF FEELS THE NEED TO DO IT. I JUST WON'T LET IT BOTHER ME. THIS DROVE HIM CRAZY. ANY WAY I COULD CATCH ON TO HIM TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME, I'D JUST GIVE HIM THE OPPOSITE REACTION HE WAS GOING FOR. YOU CAN'T DO THIS LONG TERM HOWEVER. AND I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM SO IT MAKES IT ALOT EASIER. TODAY IS DAY TWO OF MY NO CONTACT. THE LAST THING HE DID TO ME HAD ME DEAD BUT BREATHING. IT WAS PURE SADISM. HE'D BEEN RELISHING IN THE FACT OF HOW MUCH HE HAD AFFECTED ME. TO DAMAGE ME FOR LIFE I'M SURE WAS HIS GOAL. I WROTE HIM A GOODBYE LETTER AND INSTEAD OF TELLING HIM HOW HURT I WAS OR WHAT AN A.. HOLE HE IS. I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING THAT I HAD REALIZED HE HAD PLOTTED OUT AND DONE. HE HAD NO MASK IN THAT LETTER. AND THEN I SAY SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED. EVIL HAS NO POWER ONLY THE POWER WE ALLOW IT TO HAVE. SAID GOODBYE, AND TOLD HIM I HAD THE BEST DAY AND THAT I HADN'T BEEN HAPPIER SINCE THE DAY HE WALKED INTO MY LIFE. I REALIZED I WAS WISER AND STRONGER THAN I'D EVER BEEN BEFORE.AND MORE SELF CONFIDENT. SO I WAS GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I'D LEARNED WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE UP MORE THAN AN ILLUSION IN MY MIND. CAN'T HAVE A BROKEN HEART OVER SOMETHING THAT NEVER WAS. ...I WAS LYING OF COARSE I'D NEVER BEEN MORE SHATTERED IN MY LIFE. BUT I REALLY DID THINK AND FEEL THESE THINGS TODAY AND I'VE REALLY BEEN HAPPY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME. I'M SO GRATEFUL I FOUND THIS PLACE. I HAD BEEN READY TO LEAVE HIM FOR A LONG TIME. I JUST COULDN'T SEEM TO DO IT WITHOUT HAVING ANYONE TO TALK TO. SO THANK YOU EVERY ONE! !


Congratulations about being able to say goodbye to him, and knowing hoe to confront him.

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#10375 - 11/30/10 08:52 PM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Clementine]
Kiki Offline
member

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 10
:)Hello. I am back but still do not have the psycho served. However, I think soon I will. Wasn't able to spend a lot of time tracking him over the summer because of other priorities.

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#10421 - 12/06/10 03:38 AM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Kiki]
mouton22 Offline
member

Registered: 12/03/10
Posts: 35
My therapist taught me that ALL psychopaths are narcissists. Not all narcissists are psychopaths. With that premise in mind, I know firsthand the reality of infuriating a psychopath who has exceptionally strong narcissistic characteristics. He is obsessed with style and image. If anyone insults his appearance, accomplishments, or associations, they better run fast and hide because he will seek revenge and it can be deadly!

He used me and then discarded me like I was yesterday's trash. He said and did demonically horrible things to me and others. I was in a position to tell the truth about him and I did. I exposed him and it cost him dearly and he was furious!! Luckily, I live too far from him to be easily accessible. Plus, too many people know the truth of what he is, what he did, and what he has the capability to do. So he is being closely monitored by the legal community and excluded by former friends and associates. He also knows I own guns and if he tried to take my life, I would defend myself. For all his bravado, he is very cowardly, so he has kept his distance for now.

Confrontation with a psychopath is dangerous, but sometimes necessary.

Always be aware of the potential payback from a psycho.

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#10634 - 02/05/11 08:44 PM Re: Is It Possible to Beat a Psychopath in Their Own Game? [Re: Dianne E.]
lisejade Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 14
Thank-you Dianne! My psychopath, M. owes me around 10,000. for 15 months (not counting in dog years, cause that's how it feels on this side) of havoc. Including marriage, the one year mark is coming up. Somehow he bilked me out of this huge amount of money, I am so mad at myself and disgusted with him.... The better news is, all the pieces seriously fell together quickly after just under three months of Holy Matrimony (insert dripping sarcasm here) and he was gone. I have 2 pretty healthy kids and a whole bunch of healthy friends and they, with one voice, said 'let it go. let him go.'

I think one of my take-aways is that, if I am being completely truthful, I think I married him thinking that was my best chance to recoup my loss. duh. SO no. Plus I just wanted marriage with this person I adored being with, and who thoroughly entertained and engaged me fully.

He has tried to re-engage me again very recently, after no contact whatsoever for about the last 6 months. The connection I felt with this man is unlike anything before. On every level for me, I just loved hanging out with him! Great personality, hilarious, charming, we had great mind and body chemistry... I didn't stick around long enough to see him come out fully. I have read pretty extensively re. psychopaths, and going down the typical list, M. is a poster-child. Parasitic lifestyle. Spends money like a drunken sailor, esp. yours. Charming. Lies coming, going, and staying. Cheater. Thief, in general. No conscience to speak of, no remorse detectable. Shallow, over-the-top emotion (other than anger, which he was just warming up when I pulled the plug)... history of incarceration and child-hood evil. His brother told me after the fact that he was actually diagnosed as a psychopath as a teenager - prepared to back it up with a name and place.

So, no matter what there is no future. He is like the perfect personality mate for me who is, at core, a moral vacuum, with no character development. There is simply not an iota of substance and nothing other than disaster for anyone who has the misfortune to be his romantic target (or otherwise, just being in his life in any important role is at the very least psychologically damaging.

Just wanted to write my first post....

Any thoughts on the 10,000? It's ALOT of money for me. But I am very vulnerable to him in every way and fully convinced I will always be. There are no children involved and a nice prenup (because of course I had the only assets between us, and I insisted on it) so it should (fingers crossed) be a straitforward divorce... I hope that is not delusional.

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