Ok my cousin is older than me by 1 year.
He is obsessed with getting 'revenge' on those who did stuff to him that he does not like. For example, take the piss out off him and he would get revenge by bullying you pretty badly. There is a good chance he will make you cry and humiliated in front a group of friends and make you feel very un-welcomed.

He is highly racist to Asians, , homosexuals, Muslims, Jews and black people. He is half Asian himself so he is a hypocrite, his mum was from Thailand and his dad from Britain. When he sees people from a different ethnic background he will start muttering he wants them all kicked out and murdered. He will express his hatred to his friends alot and me.

He frequently makes murder jokes about others to me, for example he will see someone he hates and he will tell me he wants to kill him, burn his house down and make his family as slaves. He started laughing on the bus one day, i asked why is he laughing and hre replied saying it would be funny is the bus ran over the dude on his bike in front of the bus.

He is fascinated with violence and has been in a fair few fights himself. He rarely shows emotions like love, sympathy and regret, he can be pretty angry and violent. How he is this i dont know but his parents are kind and cheerfull.

He lies alot to me to see my reactions, to annoy me and just does it for fun. He has told me he can make people do stuff just by convincing them. This was shown last week by making his 2 friends fall out with each other and nearly had them fight each other. He has convinced many others in past and i have been a witness to most of these.

He is a bully, he has made his friends cry in the past, picks on others and managed to get a class to pick on a specific person. He has made plenty of people cry by getting to know a certain person and learn all his/her's family life, physical health and mental health. He told a friend of mine that his parents do not love him and they are not coming home. This friend of mine recently lost his dad and his mum is in hospital from drugs overdose and he now lives with his uncle. Like i said he enjoys picking on others as i have watched he laugh and enjoy tormenting others but he does not like being picked on himself and will get very violent and will threaten to beat others up if they bully him.

I think i am one out of a few people who know this little 'evil' side to his personality as my parents, his parents, uncles and grandads, neighboors and teachers think he is a well-mannered, polite young man who will have a very good career ahead.

He is 16. When i said he will make comments about murdering and burning people's house down. Could he actually potentially dangerous? Like i said people who meet him just once will think he is well-mannered, polite young man.

If your close friends with him, he will take the piss out of you, and be very racist. But if you come really close friends like me (we are cousins) He will start making frequent jokes about killing others and torturing them.

He is narcisstic i guess. He will say he is very intelligent and better than most people. He says to his friends that they are retards which he says is pretty common.

He also keeps talking about sex positions, girls and the female anatomy but i know he is a virgin.

I dont think he has been bullied in the past, his parents are very loving and caring, has plenty of friends. People who just meet him think he is funny and a pretty swell guy.

He has a strange view of life i must say here is what he thinks.

1.He is highly disgusted and thinks people who are really cheerfull or happy is strange.

2. Being kind will get you somewhere in life but it will take a long time, having no sympathy or regret will help you up the social and academic ladder.

3.Using others and only look out for yourself will help you up the social and academic ladder. Helping others will slow you down.

4. Regret and sympathy for others will hold you back.

Thats about it really. You can either be very good friends with him. If not and he can make your life a misery.
I know he has upset me in the past like like lieing to me, breaking promises or just pretty much keep trying to hurt me mentally but mainly physically by punching me.

Ok i have pretty much described his whole personality, i know him very well as cousins we are very close.

Sorry about the wall of text but i have put as much detail as i could about his personality! Does he need help?

Anyone help please? Can he be dangerous?

My Dad is also half asian and hates himself because of it.He also is racist,due to wishing he was all caucasian.He also like your cousin is narcisitic and says how smart he is compared to others.He is vendictive too and wants to fight people and throw paint balls at thier houses.He is paranoid schzophrenic with a chief delusion in gradure.And basically harmless.

Maybe you should talk to another adult family member or school councelor about your concerns with your cousin potentially hurting others.

Take care,
Allie

Hi Bevan

I’m pleased you have found our forum and able to share the problems you have with your cousin. Yes, he does need help.
You are so young to have such a burden on your own and Allie’s advice to speak to someone like a school counsellor is excellent.
This is not something you could or should handle on your own, there are people who you will take that responsibility for him. He is very lucky to have a cousin like you who has taken so much care of him despite often being hurt by him.

As you have probably read here, none of us can make any sort of diagnoses but we can suggest information and resources for you to read but your cousin’s behaviour doesn’t seem to clearly indicate a particular disorder to research. He obviously needs help or more importantly you need to relieve yourself of a duty to care for him. He may just be an ‘angry young man’ with raging hormones. I wondered whether you made connections with the young Asian student in America who killed a lot of fellow students with your cousin’s behaviour?
The only person who would be able to gather any knowledge about his mental state is a very qualified psychologist but he needs to be referred to one by his doctor.

It is very sad that even his racism is turned against members of his own community and that should be where he gets his identity and culture. I would question why he has turned against those who he needs to be with.

Please do speak to an adult who can advise you. I understand that you would find it difficult to speak to anyone within the family especially if they don’t see the side of him you do. Do you share the same doctor? Even if you don’t it may help you to speak to your doctor as he will advise you who you can share your concerns with.

I hope we hear from you again soon and let us know how you get on. Your cousin may be just saying these things for attention but obviously young people like him often give warning signs that they could do something unexpected and you are wise beyond your years for spotting his potential for dangerous behaviour.

Regards
Jan

Hi Allie

It's good to see that you are already offering support to others, your experience with your father has now been used to advise someone else. Now you have opened up about your past it may help you understand the way you deal with the present situation you are in.

Often people become victims of personality disordered people because of their past. Sometimes it's as simple as not realising that other people are not like the family they have been brought up with and become involved with the personality type they are familiar with. Occasionally in an attempt to correct the problems of the past people try to mend the present partner or relative. There are many reasons but it's always the caring people who try to help others change.

When you are involved with a person with a personality disorder it's beyond our help and we can't change others even if they are capable of change. All we can do is change what we do about them and the best way is to keep clear of them.

Did you have any luck finding a support group you can visit?


Regards
Jan

I have asked him if he was insecure, and he replied jokingly by saying '[censored] you followed by laughing) i don't care all i know is that i was born British and will be British'.

He has a good relation with his parents and a on off friendship with his sister (sibling rivalry i guess).

But his parents are always at work and rarely talks to them but they get along fine. He and his sister argue constantly, it is rare too see him be kind to her as once she walks into his room he will just shout 'get out!'.

Also when his mum comes in to give him his washed clothes he just wants her to go away saying 'leave mum' or 'you done yet?' and accasionaly tell her to shutup and go away when the argue.
He was hit a couple off times by his mum and dad when he was young. The last time i saw him get hit his dad pushed his face into the side of a metal bunk-bed while wearing glasses, he has a small scar on his eye lid and next to his right eye. I watched this with my eyes and it looked really painfull, his right eye was bleeding down his cheek from his glasses when they cut his skin deeply.

His mum used to hit him with coat-hangers and twist his ear. Sometimes smack the back of his legs. He used to cry from this but now he would start laughing crazily and never showed much pain when he gets hit and if he does get hit, he will threaten to hit his mum.

He has made threats agaisnt his sister aswell. He stepped on his sisters present from a friend that was a glass portrait of her and her mate. His sister started crying and hit him, he didnt show any remorse but simply said 'Hit me once more and i will break your mirror and many other thing's and then i will destroy your social life'. His dad of course came in and threatened to hit him if he hits his sister. Apart from that he gets along fine with his parents but it is rare that they speak, if they do it is for a few seconds. He speaks with manners and is very polite but when its me and him he will get insulting, abit aggresive and just generally trying to annoy me.

He has never shown a lust for attention. He prefers to be alone away from his parents and stay shut in his room and keeps to himself, pretty much isolated from the family.
If his parents want to take him out for a dinner he will complain and winge about not wanting to go and saying there is no point.

I am not sure what he is like with his friends.

I told him that he might be a psycho but he just laughed and said he isnt a psycho plus he still believes that he is perfect and fine in everyway.

He would occasionaly insult my parents despite they are his uncle and auntie (of course not to their faces but when it is me and him alone) like calling them selfish, stingy, fat and worthless. If i insult him he will get defensive and will resort to more violent insults. He has joked about setting my house on fire with my whole family asleep.

I remember in primary school we were watching a video about the great fire of London. There was a clip of a woman screaming and hitting a window desperate to escape while fire was behind her, i am not sure if anyone else did but he started laughing.

Sorry for double post but i have a Kitten at home and sometimes my cousin throws stuff at her like bits of sweets, a pillow, socks any small items for amusement. He would pick her up and swing her around. I tell him to leaver my cat alone (Izzy) and he would laugh and just say 'Its funny! You know it is!).

Jan I have posted a response to my original post link
Alicia

Hi Bevan

I hesitate to use the word monster in your name, to me it sounds like something too big too handle. Maybe it is the problem with your cousin that is too big to handle?
I’m very impressed that you are taking so much trouble to find out what is troubling him but it really isn’t your responsibility.
Can you speak to his parents as they are your aunt and uncle? They may be able to put your mind at rest that they know he has problems and they either are learning to deal with it or they may be like you, very unsure of what to do.

I can’t condone hitting children but I do understand parents who are pushed to the limits of their patience and smack a child. Sometimes a little smack (somewhere padded) brings a wayward child to attention and confirms who is the leader of the pack. When I say smack I do not mean hit! I’m not surprised that your cousin now laughs when he is chastised, what teenager would show that they could be hurt?

Some of what you describe sounds like typical teenage behaviour but his rudeness to his parents is something they have to deal with. Siblings do argue that is very usual in many families but maybe you don’t have siblings and if you do you don’t argue so it will be unfamiliar in your home. His threats to hurt people may be for many reasons such as frustration that he is not allowed to control his environment or he really has aggressive intentions. His parents sound as though they like to keep control of their children which can be very positive but rejected by him. He is at the age where he wants to ‘flex his muscles’ and is not yet a man but no longer a child.
His parents see him as their child and eventually when he comes through the metamorphosis into manhood then their relationship with him will mature like he does.

I really don’t think you need worry about him being a psychopath. That is a very specific diagnosis. I can’t stress enough that you need to speak to an adult about your concerns, this is too much for such a young person to deal with. I’m not being patronising because adults with many years of experience living with someone with a personality problem struggle to do it.

You sound like such a caring person and it’s sad you feel you have to take responsibility for someone else. Do you think you can speak to your parents about this, after all he is their nephew? If not parents, teachers would be able to take this stress from you. Whatever you tell teachers and doctors they have to keep the source of that information private so no-one would know it was you who approached them.

Look after your little kitten, your cousin may be insensitive to how delicate they can be, he may upset the kitten because of the effect it has on you that draws attention to himself.

Regards
Jan

So des that mean he is not a sociopath or psychopath? Thank god!