Intelligence without wisdom is useless. A psychopath is living proof of that. How else can someone seem so slick, so cunning, so manipulative...also make such stupid choices?

I believe the reason is that a psychopath is lacking in the full spectrum of intelligence required to act purposefully, think rationally, and to deal effectively with his environment. Despite adequate intelligence, psychopaths are known to be profound failures at social adjustment, despite their cognitive abilities.

And that is what an IQ test measures: Cognitive functioning, focusing mostly on logical and linguistic intelligence. IQ tests fail when it comes to measuring those abilities crucial to making good judgements in real-life situations, because they are unable to assess things such as a person's ability to critically consider outcomes, which then lead the person astray (which is why they often do not consider consequences and are very impulsive, which can lead to their own demise.)

This is the difference between Cognitive Intelligence and Wisdom. Wisdom is defined as "the trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight; the quality of being prudent and sensible."

Psychopaths lack a fundamental intelligence that involves empathy, and it is known as Emotional Intelligence, (EQ), which is defined as, " an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them."

They also seem to lack true spiritual intelligence, which is described as "having deep values, acting from principles and beliefs, having a sense of compassion and deep empathy for the well being of others, having one's own convictions, having a sense of belonging and connection to others, and learning from mistakes, and having a sense of vocation: the desire to serve mankind and to give back, to make the world a better place.

In my experiences, I have never seen this type of intelligence in a psychopath. No wonder they wind up sabotaging the very things they are so strongly driven towards in the first place.

Hi Jenna Lynn

What an accurate description!

'We' react with emotion, we make choices and decisions because of out emotions but a psychopath is not restricted by emotion so can make the choices that suits them. 'We' consider others, psychopaths don't consider anyone but themselves.

I can't see any way a psychopath could have a spiritual experience unless is was due to psychosis. They are devoid of spirituality.

I can see what you mean about them sabotaging themselves, they haven't got a full dimension or range of emotional intelligence to make a wise, well thought out decision.

Regards
Jan

I just stumbled onto this website. Wow. I'm a mother of a son who may be Psychopath. He's going thru some evaluations now, with regard to whether he will be allowed future visitation with his children...he has more than 1. Everything I've read so far describes him to a "t"...and of course, here I am his mother, just figuring it out, I think...knowing there were some serious mental problems here that needed addressing, but couldn't face it...until now. I had other disorders in mind, but so far in my research on his behavior over the last few years, the Psychopath describes him perfectly. I need to read up a lot more, and education myself and my husband. There's a part of me that's devastated; but there's another part of me that is feeling some relief knowing that 1) its not something I said or did, and 2) I can focus on learning more about the subject so I'll know how to deal with it. I guess I miss the close relationship we once had...

There aren’t many places like this on the internet (like two others besides this forum)where you can share your feeling about these people. Here is how my STB ex sabotaged himself and some of my story:

My STB ex-husband sabotaged himself during our first session of marriage counseling. I had already had several domestic violence restraining orders and I have been married 5 years now to him (I include the time after I filed because technically I'm still married).Deep down inside I knew my marriage was over, but I made an appointment with a marriage counselor anyway. I all honesty if I just slammed him with divorce papers without making an effort to work it out I would have looked bad. Always go to counseling because you can always say that you tried to make an effort to make your marriage work. All he did the entire time was say that I was the problem. Everything was my fault. I didn’t say much throughout the counseling session and I’m quite the talker. I just let him show his true colors. I personally want to thank his family for that because it was they who babied his bad behavior and allowed him to think he was in the right all the time. Anyway the therapist corrected him. He never came back with me to counseling again. She has been my therapist ever since.

They can con therapists. The last restraining order I filed against my husband-- he was court order to anger management and then was told he also had to see a therapist who worked for the state or he could find one of his choosing. Well he of course found one of his choosing. All the therapist did was teach him psychological terms, how to abuse and mind manipulate me more. I can attest to the fact that therapy does just make them worse. After going to anger management the first time for 6 months the violence came upon me quicker and there was much less honey moon time. He obviously learned from his mistake in marriage counseling. He told me the therapist said, “You’re the problem. She said I should get rid of you. She said you’re ruining my life.” I said, “Go ahead and divorce me. I want a divorce.” –and I filed that next month. After therapy it was like psychopath (obviously the victimizer) was playing the victim to everyone...poor psychopath.

I am thankful that we didn’t have any children together. Otherwise I would be stuck dealing with him until he passes over to the other side. I can’t say exactly which direction he’ll end up on the other side, but I have some sort of idea.

Even without children our divorce has been messy. I filed for divorce under irreconcilable differences because my attorney said it would only cost like $4500 and that I would be divorced in a year. Well it’s coming up on two years now and I’ve already almost paid him $7000. I was financially dependent on him and was going to school to be a teacher. I must state that he insisted that I stay home and not work. Because I’m much happier away from my husband I feel it is worth the cost. I have so much to be thankful for in life. Since leaving him I have felt weak at times, but I have to remind myself or a friend usually does that I am in a strong position. I did get a full time job and pay for my attorney fees myself. If I had known I could get a free divorce I would have. Always contact your local Legal Aid office. I would have qualified for that back then, but no one told me about it at the time. There is help. I would have used it if I had known about it.

Believe me if I knew he was a psychopath and my life with him was going to be like the woman in the movie Sleeping With The Enemy (more verbal/psychological abuse than physical violence in my particular situation). I would have never married him. My advice to anyone is always be able to support yourself and if your husband says you don’t have to work…WORK…even if it is like ten hours a week. If I ever remarry and have a daughter with a man who ISN'T a psychopath she needs to know how important it is for her to get her education and that she will have as much support as she needs to attain all of her educational desires and dreams. Psychopathic parents are not supportive of their children unless they are in the public eye (positions of power, great social or political power). Just because they have money doesn’t mean they will do right by their children. If they do something good for you they always try to undo that good. It’s one way they exhibit power and control over you.


Dumb Dumb Psychopath
And Thankful For It
Lyzak

American Psycho is on right now on IFC. I just love at the end when someone says, "Not Patrick Bateman." Ha!

Hi Lyzak thanks and welcome for joining the forum. Very wise words, can you fill us in a bit how you met him (online dating, via friends etc) Did he sweep you off your feet for a quick marriage and claim you were his soul mate.

Why on earth is the marriage taking so long? Is it because of problems he is creating? Does he have the money to drag things out just to get even? Any past wives or kids.

That is why I always think to myself that if I got married no matter how nice and trustworthy the person was and even if they had more money than me, I would only come into the marriage with what is mine clearly set up. I would hate to see some creep go after my grandmothers ring, etc. Once we comingle they have us in a corner.

You have a very wise friend and that makes me very glad. Hold your head up high, the people that believe him aren't your friends and never justify your own actions. People tend to gossip so most anything you might say will be repeated to him. Do you live in the same town as him and share acquaintances?

I started the forum and was the first forum dedicated to victims over 10 years ago, we strickly stay on the topic of Psychopaths because that is where I see the greatest need.

Look foward to hearing back from you. I can hear the brave tone of your post and know that what you went through can help many others.

Di There is no better person reprenting themseves as the ultimate victim as a Psychopath. The more socialized they are the most dangerous.

Hi Di~

I've always been a girl who likes the city, but somehow I have always ended up in small towns. I met STB ex via an older female friend who grew up with him. I'm not into sports, but she asked me to go too a superbowl party at one of her friends houses (she grew up with everyone at the party). I went and there he was. He talked to me a lot, but that was all. I just went home after that. Important info: STB ex was and still is friends with my landlord at the time.My landlord was at the party. My apartment was in a large house that was in the towns historical society. My landlord new I had a leak in my apartment that had to be fixed. Anyhow the next week I had locked my keys in my car out front of my apartment building. The only spare car key I had was at my parents house. They only lived like 5 mins away. I went down to the reality and ask if I could use the phone. I did and no one was home at my parents house. A nice guy named XYZ (a realitor) who I had talked to before asked me if he could give me a ride. I told him where I lived and he said it wouldn't be a problem because he was going out to a house that way. I was going to say, "Yes" to him, but guess who came out of my landlords office saying he could give me a ride instead. STB ex was friends with XYZ and my landlord. XYZ said to go with STB ex instead of him. Moreover on the drive to my parents house he told me hat he fixed the hole in my apartment. HE was in my apartment. Now that I think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach to know he was in there. My landlord said he was going to have someone fix it but he never said who. After this I just kept seeing him at social functions. I got suckered into this relationship.

My final divorce hearing is at the end of April. First of all he didn't even want a divorce and begged me to come back for over a year and a half after I filed. Yes has created problems. He won't answer letters. But, psychopath always answers letters right before my attorney can file a motion against him for not answering them. A person can go quite a while without having to respond to a letter. A lot of letter sending goes on in divorces. It's really a waste of paper if you ask me. The county I live in is packed with people who want a divorce. It got pushed back three months. Divorces can go on forever. Oh, my STB ex's father died. His father was well to do as far as finances were concerned. His estate got divided up among the children and even with this STB ex made out financially.

He has no children. He had an on and off girl friend for 23 years. She is without a doubt a 'CoP'. She had issues with being unfaithful just like he did, but he never actually left her until she cheated on him with an African American man. My STB ex is quite the racist. When she found out we got married she said, "He'll get an annulment." They owned three properties together. This was a mess that played out through most of our marriage.She was constantly calling the house. She was supposed to mail money from the properties to the house, but she would drive it over. She lived less than a mile from us. It was just a mess. Anyhow, she ended up getting pregnant by the African American guy whose wife called me. I know...lol! Book me on Jerry Springer now! To make a long story short she was nice and I felt bad for her.

You're right it isn't important what others think. I will say that people who used to go to bat for STB right away have been slow to do it recently. Not everyone will see, but some people have seen what he is really like.

Yes, the more socialized psychopath is the more dangerous he is. In the town that I met him in the majority of the people in the town call him, "Mr. (the name of the town)."

Thankful For This Forum
Lyzak

If psychopath cheated on me I never found out. There were several immodest woman who threw themselves at him right in front of me. He was alway out at the local bar. I'm sure he cheated. He has always had a reputation for being a womanizer.

Hi, did he ever co mingle his inheritance with you? Why on earth did the X get included.

I know in a lot of places the landlord has to give you notice before entering. Let me get this straight while he was with you he was carrying on a 20 year affair, what reason did he give you? Did he stay the night with her also?

Di

Di~

STB ex didn't have to share his inheritance with me because his father died after I filed for divorce. I firmly believe his father was the only 'nonP' in his immediate family. I liked his father and was very upset when he died. Many people would go back to someone to just have the kind of money my ex husband got. People expected me to go back. Some actually said I should. I just smiled and nodded at them. No amount of money in the world could get me to go back.

No he dated a woman for over 20 years before he left her and we got married. My STB is 20 years older than me. (sorry if it sounded like that). I'm almost positive that he did cheat on me. I have no idea if it was with her though.

It was a very nice apartment in a very nice town. Yes, my landlord should have notified me. I seem loud and overly assertive over the computer. I am assertive but can become passive in certain (in person)situations. I was afraid to speak up. My landlord was a slumlord.

Lyzak

Di-

Another way my psychopath sabotaged himself was at one time very hard for me to talk about, but I'm now strong enough to write about it. While we were married there was one time in in which I was forced against my will to have sex with him. I never reported that. I regret not reporting it to this day. It was before I filed for divorce.

I found out from a mutual female acquaintance that he said something awful in front of other people that had to do with me. He and some of the people he hangs around with at a local bar near his hometown were out after a concert. He brought up the fact that he raped me in front of them over drinks at the bar. This is what she told me he said," She said 'No' and didn't want it and I got off anyway." And she said he was laughing. Normal people know there is something wrong with a person if they say things like that. No one said anything (all were men), but she told me she said, "That is rape." She said the topic of conversation change REAL fast.

Keep Sabotaging Yourself Psychopath
Lyzak

Hi Lyzak,

After going through the hell you describe, I can surely understand your lack of trust for any man in a relationship. But the truth is, you can find a wonderful man and be in a healthy relationship. I know this because it happened to me.

I met the Psychopath that I was with for several years, and had a daughter with him. He left me and our child when she was one years old, and even robbed me when he left.

The next year, in 1997, when I was 29 and my daughter was 15 months old, I was sitting in my car one day and I prayed to God to lead me to the right man, and that I would be a good and moral person, and not let Him down, if he did this for me.

Two weeks later, I met a wonderful man, who has been my husband now for the past 12 years. We married in 1998, and I quit work and we started our family together, along with my daughter whom my new husband loved as his own. Over the course of our marriage, my husband and I had 5 children together, including a set of twins.

I have not worked outside the home since 1997, and my husband and I have a wonderful life together.

Unfortunately, the daughter that I had with the Psychopath, has each and every psychopathic trait, and is a carbon copy of her biological psychopathic father, despite being given the best possible family life anyone could ask for.

And through it all, my husband, my very best friend, is here by my side.

And my psychopathic relationship of my 20's is just a bitter and distant memory, except for the daughter who inherited this terrible disorder.