He is so fortunate that my friend understands SSDI. She was able to secure his SSDI on the first try and within 5 months and without having to fork over a third to a lawyer. My other sister and I paid her for her work because we knew he would be so trying every step of the way. And he was. He didn't do the things that she asked him to do. Once she asked him to bring his Social Security Card to her and he explained that it was pretty tattered. She informed him that she needed the original and not a copy because SSDI had to make the copy not him and not her. So he brings back a COPY of the card. She asked him if he remembered that she said that he needed the original. To which he responded, "I know. I've got it at home, but I want to see if they will make an exception." She told him, "Go home. Get the original. I turn it in when you bring me that and not before." He huffed out of her door and then lied to our mother saying that she refused to help him. But I have to remind myself that we ultimately did this to take the heat off of my mom. It's been successful in that sense given that she isn't always worried about him being able to make his bills. But as you know, it is so empty too. He's shown no gratitude to me or my sister. He was an ass to our friend and continues to pull stunts like this episode.
I think that the thing is that all of us need boundaries. That just keeps people healthy. With psychopaths, we need walls. Rock solid walls. I'm back to that again. What is difficult is that so few people understand this kind of person. I don't feel comfortable sharing the circumstances with even my most close friends (with the exception of the friend who helped him get SSDI) because unless you've interacted with someone like this it is so difficult to get a grasp on the head jobs and mind games they play. People understand drug addicts. People understand criminals. People understand domestic abusers. They may not like them, but most people understand them. But so few people really understand psychopaths with their chronic exploitation, their perpetual manipulations, their lies, etc. So in that sense it is very isolating. I'm thankful that I've found this discussion board. It helps with the isolation.
I'm also thankful that I've got my sister. I guess that we're both realizing how much stress this has put on us and how this persistent process of ALWAYS not just sometimes but ALWAYS CONSTANTLY subjugating your own needs for another person has impacted us.
My therapist is good. I feel like she understands this and she is supportive. It has been helpful. Painful but helpful.
So we went to Thanksgiving dinner and I completely avoided him. If he was in one room, I was in another. It wasn't tense. It was actually safe feeling. I have no intentions of doing anything differently for Christmas either. So I'm doing better.