Again, thanks! I am planning on doing a few proactive things this week. First, is to follow up with the DA about bringing charges against the P for false police reports. Second, is to meet with the chief judge who is the boss of the idiot judge that issued the bogus warrant for my arrest for alleged assault (which, of course, never occurred). I hope that through that meeting I can either get the chief judge to overrule the other judge, and if that doesn't work, am hoping to report the judge for judicial misconduct. I did find out that the P has "friends" in the judge's office, in a town I do not live in but which is still in the county in which I reside. These judges have county-wide jurisdiction, so he does have the authority to issue such a warrant. Third, I am meeting with my lawyers and my brother's divorce attorney just to go over my plan. Fourth, I am going to request that my lawyers or my brother's lawyer contact the P's divorce attorney to further discuss the situation and alert him to the serious trouble she is getting herself into. Her divorce attorney had to learn of this latest event from opposing counsel so he is none too happy with the P. It would seem that people are starting to catch on, but it's a little late because as of this date I have been arrested for an alleged crime I did not commit and now have this hanging over my head. I'm a lawyer myself so you can only imagine the ramifications this is having on my professional life. I have handled numerous divorce cases and have dealt with some "crazies" (i.e. death threats from defendants, etc.) but never to this extent. And when you don't grow up in a family that abuses the system and uses the system to its own nefarious ends, this behavior just baffles you! I have a plan, it's just not fool-proof. I am hoping to accomplish all of this this week, but do have other obligations! This is just consuming me and I need a break, but there is no "break."

I am so happy I found this forum. As I said before it is oddly comforting to know that others out there have had or are having the same experience, even though I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Well, except maybe the P. ;-)

Hi Chris and emb910,

You're welcome. Hope you'll are making some progress in your respective situations.


emb910:

Glad to hear that you've got attorneys to vet things with. I know it's difficult when it involves kids that young even though in a way hopefully that cuts both ways. On the one hand it's difficult to explain these adult situations to them but on the other hand the less they know, given their young age hopefully less will stay with them. Pls. don't feel obligated to respond quickly - we're pretty laid back about that kind of thing here.


Chris:

As they say, don't get me started.

I hear ya! Ps are a cult of personalities or maybe a personality of cults is more fitting - bad news either way.


Sylvie

Hello,

I'm also a victim of lies, so I think I could give some advice. Of course, my case might be different than yours...

I am over 25 and he's over 70 (my father, the Psychopath).
My father makes friends with young people of my age and their families. It's not a normal thing, you understand.
He makes friends with my mother's family members, whom he hates and tells stupid stories about to me and my mom.
He manipulates them all and cuts my relationships...

So far similar to your case...

But when can't psychos tell lies and destroy ties?
When they have no idea about them!

So, I'd advise you to keep good friends, relatives, loved ones away from the psycho.
My very few good buddies I keep for normal people and exclude the psycho.

How?

-> they must never meet: if the predator cannot find them, he cannot lie to them, plain and simple...
-> but: make sure you keep all your phone numbers, address lists and your mobile phone, etc. away, perhaps out of the house (my Psychopath father found some phone numbers and visited periodically several tens of families, friends and torpedoed my ties with them!)
-> Psychopath must not even know that you have friends: my father knows only the mane of a few, whom he cannot meet and he is already inventing stupid stories about my friends (calls them satanists, homosexuals, drug addicts, etc.)

One of the worst things for a Psychopath is when he/she is excluded. You can have your clean life and he cannot have any "key" to the "locker". Go out into the free wide World and live your life!
This doens't mean you have to lock yourself up, isolate!
Don't get me wrong, isolate the Psychopath only. Eventually a few people that he is controlling.

Shortly: keep your life away from the Psychopath.
Also keep your job, career, health-related issues away. It's like keeping hygiene, but not in the physical, but in the emotional/mental sense.

Good luck, be strong & think positive

If you are certain that you are not the psychopath, that you have empathy, that you do not lie, that you care about other's feelings, I'd recommend the following:

If you are certain that your abuser is lying to you, tell him that he is lying, when he lies to you. He may pretend to get upset. He may get upset. He may feel hurt, but you just did him a favor. It's not doing him any good to let him think that he is getting one over on you, when you know the truth and are just pretending that he's a decent person out of your extreme over-kindness.

I believe in being kind to everyone and turning the other cheek, and returning love for hate, but to the liar, the thief, the tyrant, and the deceiver, I will be truthful with them, as much as wisdom and temperance allows. I refuse to pretend like cruel, deceptive, irrational Bull-dooks is anything but that. I'm not my daddy's little victim any more. I tell him like it is, as it is, and if he don't like that, he can go terrorize some other target.

Furthermore, one tactic of the psychos is to be oh-so-subtle. Yeah, he constantly lies, but none of the lies are blatant. None of them are so obvious. How often it is that he makes it appear that he just happened to make a mistake, or, maybe I just forgot some minor detail that he remembered, but after going through this routine time after time from only one and the same person, it's obvious. I do not have to prove his BS to anyone, and I do not care how crazy I look in front of others when I tell him to quit his lying cause I'm not putting up with it anymore.

That's how to deal with the lies. Some people just cut the person out of their life entirely. That might work for some, I do not know. I tried it, but it seemed to leave a hole in me, and people like my dad just kept filling it. Now, I'm using him as defense training practice, like a martial arts sparing partner, so the next time some psycho bully tries to lie, steal, and bully me, I'll be more prepared and have practice on speaking up and I will not walk out of it bearing all the pain, while he walks out of it feeling that sick sense of one-up power, scotch-free.

Hi all I used to post some time last year but no access to computer and so did not post a while. Reading the posts still some useful info here and have been wondering lately about lying and how to respond. I too do not think it is good idea to let the psychopath get away with lies but once they have for a period of time - is it worth the energy and effort to try and disprove them? I realised that the lies were theirs and theirs alone. Once you off load the pressure you realise that it is not your problem. If you have disconnected yourself and moved on the lies do not hurt. If you can get in at the beginning before they have emotional control over your life and friends often this is when the psychopath is younger and inexperienced then you have a chance but I think timing is key. As you say it is no fun for them playing alone.

I'm just finding that out...knowing others are going thru what my husband and I are going through with my son...manipulation, habitual liar, hasn't kept a close friend around in a long time, spends money without any concern of whether he can actually afford what he's buying, or not. Seems to care less about the welfare of his parents, or anyone else in his family...except his children. He cares for them, but recently has encountered a backlash from a couple of his children, and an investigation has pursued by the courts. Its clear he has mental problems of some sort, but I never thought it could be this serious. I'm thinking I'm considered a "rookie" at this point, but I hope to learn a lot from this site.